After all the dust has settled I often ask myself why wasn't I enough for you to stay.
Why wasn't it enough for an explanation of you leaving without a week's notice, and now all i feel is used and discarded. Like it was somehow my fault for your silent resignation and how I wasn't even worth a goodbye.
guess i'll never know
Ive made many mistakes
But this is the one for which i harbor the most hate She was there right in front of me The one i was destined to meet by fate I let her go; no... i drove her away Wrapped up in my own shelfish self perpetuating ways Shes out there i know. and i pray shes okay But in the world shes in; its just a matter of counting days
You cant help others before you help yourself I accept that now
"your words cut deeper than a knife"
they truly do... lies slip out of your mouth easier than telling the truth months of telling you my personal business all for it to backfire on me I let my walls down I guess that is my fault
Does my skirt provoke you?
Are you scarred by my top? Does the length and depth define me, Could I do a better job? Am I made by what I wear? An outfit I compose The paint I layer on my face The cut of my clothes. You say I have no self control, No power of restraint, You place me in a little box A student with a male teacher or peer. It’s her fault he could not. Hold himself away from her Chain himself to the chair labelling her his object Instead of averting his stare I’m not defined by cloth it’s purpose is warmth Nor the body underneath It is me and my intelligence Does my existence provoke you Fill you with disgust Because my ability to choose Is simply not good enough For the standards you set me The body I must have, To be considered ‘pretty’ To be considered ‘bad’ My skirt can not be to short My shirt not to deep Because a low neckline Will prevent my ability to speak Does my happiness provoke you My confidence in who I am Because it’s taken a long time To love myself
I beg you to stay. "It's your fault!" I'm the one to blame. "I'll replace you!" I can't go on without you. "I hate you!" I love you.
I will never trust again
Because trust inevitably leads to pain, Which leads to tears, Which leads to mistakes, Which leads to hurt Better to live a life devoid of love Than to hurt this deeply again.
It has been a while
Since that time. You know. That night. My first date And that carnival ride. Yeah, I'm terrified. Tell me how you managed it, How you remember it. Because young sir, I highly doubt it is the same as I. Or do you wake up screaming too? Because I do. Never forgetting Always blaming myself For something I had no control over. Did you enjoy my innocence? Because I wish I could have it back. That you hadn't done what you had That I didn't have to see your heart of black. It still hurts down there. That place. You were inside of me before I could say a single thing. Before I could even say "No" You make me sick. So sick that I wanna bleed. But everyone knows now And trying to keep me sane. I had told you that I was saving myself But all you could say, "Please Baby, Please! I love you so much! Just give me this much!" Didn't know what to do, I just freeze. What am I suppose to say What do I do now? Do I talk to my mother and father Face that judgement Or do I block it all away with a smile What do I do What do I do What do I do now?! What the hell am I suppose to do now?! You hurt me! You broke me! I'll never forget! Pray to a God I no longer trust?! You both were suppose to protect me and look at me NOW! I'm ******* bleeding from my wrists! I have no remorse. I can't ******* sleep no more Can't even hug my father. What am I gonna do now...?!
What if I could have stopped
You? What if I told you that I loved You? What if it was my fault? What if it was an accident? What if you were so depressed That even just Getting out of bed seemed too overwhelming? What if it was something someone Said? What if I had picked up the Phone? What if it didn’t work? What if I’m not the only one Feeling this guilt? Tell me love... Why Why did you **** your self?
Nung ika'y aking nakita,
pakiramdam para sayo ay wala, Ngunit di nagtagal, Naglaro si kupido at tadhana. Pinana ng pana ni kupido at binaluktot ni tadhana landas nating dalawa Isang araw, nakita kita sa isang tabi, ika'y nilapitan at pinangiti, Hnaggang isang gabi, Puso'y di mapigilan, sinigaw sayo Mahal kita, aking sinta! Nung naging tayo. Walang umangal ng kung ano, Hanggang sa dumating ang araw na tayo'y pinaglayo. Hindi kinaya ang pagkukulang, kaya winakasan, sapagkat sandata ng kalawakan, oras at distansiya ating kinakalaban. Bakit kailangan ganito? Pero anu pa bang magagawa ko? Huli na lahat, para ipaglaban ko, pag-ibig na binalewala ko. Kasalanan ko, Pagdurusang dinaranas ko.