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May 3 · 1.3k
I'm Just Tired
Erin Nicole May 3
I’m just tired. Tired of being broken. Tired of being forgotten. Tired of being used. Tired of feeling lost. TIred of being nothing. Tired of fighting myself to eat. Tired of feeling empty. Tired of feeling alone. Tired of Tired of doing everything for everyone; But getting nothing in return. Tired of being pulled back into this dark place. I’m just tired. Tired of crying.. Tired of breathing.. I’m just so tired..
Nov 2018 · 748
It Hurts
Erin Nicole Nov 2018
The way I can't stop thinking about you.
The way I miss you when we are apart.
The way my heart breaks to pieces when I see you on the streets, like nothing happened.
The way I  was so disappointed when my high hopes, of you showing up, lets me down.
The way I so desperately wish you were mine.
It all hurts. But what hurts most is falling for someone who doesn't understand how much you truly care and have them on your mind.
Oct 2018 · 238
To Grandma
Erin Nicole Oct 2018
If I could have a wish come true,
a dream that'd come to pass,
I'd ask to spend the day with you,
and pray that it would last.

I'd run to you and hold you close,
We'd laugh and smile again.
I'd listen so intensely,
As you tell me how you've been.

When time was up I'd hold you close,
Not wanting to let go,
You'd smile and tell me, 'see you soon'
And somehow I would know

That while it's very hard to wait,
One day that time will come,
I'll join you there forevermore,
When I too am called home

My wish may go ungranted,
But it always will be true...
I'd trade many of my tomorrows,
For one yesterday with you.
Nov 2017 · 626
War Inside My Head
Erin Nicole Nov 2017
They say that there is good and evil in everyone's heart
with me there's more
It feels like inside my mind is a never ending war
Some are good
Others are evil
Yet some who just want to fight
this mental war is killing me slowly
Please let it end
Jul 2017 · 364
Untitled
Erin Nicole Jul 2017
You know that feeling?
When your're just waiting.
Waiting to get home, into your room,
close the door, fall into bed,
and just let everything out that you kept in all day.
That feeling of both relief and desperation.
Nothing is wrong.
But nothing is right either.
And you're tired.
Tired of everything, tired of nothing.
And you just want someone to
be there and tell you it's okay.
But no one is gonna be there.
And you know you have to be strong
for yourself, because no one can fix you.
But you're tired of waiting.
Tired of being strong.
And for once, you just want it to be easy.
To be simple. To be helped. To be saved.
But you know you won't be.
But you're still hoping.
And you're still wishing.
And you're still saying strong and fighting,
with tears in your eyes.
You're fighting.
Jul 2017 · 265
Crashes Again
Erin Nicole Jul 2017
It *****, you know.

When everything is doing fine then,
its all crashes again?

And the worst part is,
I really don't want to try and put
it all back together again,
but I have to.
May 2017 · 486
Excuses
Erin Nicole May 2017
To talk to you
To get near you
To feel your touch
To listen to your voice
To hear your laugh
To make you smile
To see you blush
Excuses, Excuses, Excuses
May 2017 · 534
View of Someone
Erin Nicole May 2017
It's quite interesting when you like someone, you start to notice everything about them seems more attractive when it seems normal to everyone else. Their smile seems so much brighter. The sound of their voice is more soothing. Their goofy laugh sounds much cuter. Every little thing about them just reels you in. It's like their imperfections don't seem bad at all. It's funny how our view of someone depends on how we feel about them.
May 2017 · 870
never be mine
Erin Nicole May 2017
It *****, doesn't it.

To like someone you can't have.
Seeing them everyday.
But knowing that they'll never be yours.

It's the worst feeling.
Because all you can do is dream
about and wish for them.
But never really have them.
May 2017 · 2.2k
Feeling
Erin Nicole May 2017
Do you ever just have the
biggest ******* crush on
someone ever and you just
know it wont work because
they're too old or you're
not good enough or they
and too attractive for you
so you pretty much spend
what feels like eternity
having the explainable
feeling for them until it rids
of the small bit of heart
you have left until you find
another person to have the
same ****** feeling towards.
May 2017 · 384
Untitled
Erin Nicole May 2017
Hell
I thought my feelings were gone,
But I guess I was wrong.

Freezing when you walk by,
Wishing you were by my side,
Looking away when I know you're there,
Because there's nothing anymore and of
that I'm aware.

But lately I can't get you out of my mind.
Everywhere I go, You're in my sight.
Can't you see it's destroying me?
May 2017 · 517
Mine
Erin Nicole May 2017
You are not mine,
but sometimes
i pretend that
you wish you were

i create this idea
that you secretly
want me

and i often forget
its just something
i've made up

You do not want me,
and you are not mine.
May 2017 · 967
Flirting
Erin Nicole May 2017
I look at you
you glance up
I look away

I glance up
you're looking at me
I glace away

This little dance,
Our peeks and glances
It continues on

I hope you
are braver
than me.
May 2017 · 2.2k
Today
Erin Nicole May 2017
Today I want to..
Write something worth reading
Read something worth sharing
Say something worth repeating
Give something worth getting
Choose something worth keeping
Sacrifice something worth giving up
Go somewhere worth seeing
Eat something worth tasting
Hug someone worth holding
Buy something worth treasuring
Cry tears worth shedding
Do something worth watching
Risk something worth protecting
Listen to something worth hearing
Teach something worth learning
Be someone worth knowing
Apr 2017 · 336
Lost In Her Feelings
Erin Nicole Apr 2017
And she was lost
she didn't know what she felt anymore,
She was both happy and sad at the same time.

She would never tell
how she felt,
she would stay quiet
and keep it for herself.

She had lost so much
and gained so little,
she would laugh
and she would smile,
she would act like everything was fine
but she new
she was living a lie,
behind her smile
she held a broken heart.

She would forgive over and over again
just because she was afraid to lose
someone who never saw her real worth.

She expected too much
and never learned to let go.
she got attached too fast
and when time came,
a part of her was gone too.

And all those promises
in which she believed
flew away just like the wind

And she waited,
and waited,
but he never came.

All she ever wants
is to never feel again
because every time she feels,
all she feels is pain.
Apr 2017 · 399
Made it work
Erin Nicole Apr 2017
The saddest part was realizing we could have made it work. If you were truly in love with me, you would have fought for me. But you didn't, and that just means I loved you more than you loved me.
Apr 2017 · 950
"Strong"
Erin Nicole Apr 2017
I hate being called strong.

I'm not "strong" okay?

If I was so "strong", I would have
never cut myself.

I would have never skipped meals
because someone said I was fat.

I would never started this
stupid self destruction cycle.

So, no, I'm not strong. I'm far from it
actually.

Try using different words; maybe
They'll actually mean something.
Apr 2017 · 1.5k
Just Done
Erin Nicole Apr 2017
I think I hit the point in life where,
I'm just done.

I cried,
I fought,
I tried,

But everything is crashing down.

My demons are screaming louder,
Trying to eat away the rest of me.

And this time,
I'm not going to fight back.
Apr 2017 · 627
The Worst Cry
Erin Nicole Apr 2017
The worst type of crying is the silent one. The one when everyone is asleep. The one where you feel it in your throat, and your eyes become blurry from the tears. The one where you just want to scream. The one where you have to hold your breath and grab your stomach to keep quiet. The one where you cant breath anymore. The one when you realize the person that meant the most to you, is gone.
Apr 2017 · 742
Fucked Up
Erin Nicole Apr 2017
The ****** up
part of it all
is that even though
she can hear
her own heart breaking
she's still willing
to love
the same one
who broke it.
Apr 2017 · 725
Over It
Erin Nicole Apr 2017
You have those moments where you think you're over it and then you have others where you cry on the bathroom floor wondering why you weren't good enough.
Apr 2017 · 234
To Have
Erin Nicole Apr 2017
Yet,
She is still in love with him.
And the thing that makes her,
Cry at night,
Is the fact that,
She couldn't help falling
For him.
And if she could,
She would forget about him.
But she knows,
That isn't possible.
Apr 2017 · 318
Untitled
Erin Nicole Apr 2017
And when they ask you about me and you find yourself thinking back on all of our memories, I hope you ache in regret as the truth hits you like a bullet and you find yourself replying "she loved me more than anyone else in the entire world and I destroyed her."
Apr 2017 · 973
Just a friend
Erin Nicole Apr 2017
I saw you in the hallway,
With all of your friends,
And everything around me moved in slow motion,
The girls think I'm crazy,
I kinda agree,
But it's hard to be cool enough whenever you look at me,

And I can be immature when I'm lying on the floor,
Photoshopping us together like I'm all yours.
But you just learned my name,
And I think that's kinda wack,
Have you seen my sweet shoes and my new backpack yet?

Somebody tell you why this hurts so bad,
Why can't I find someone like my dad, (I love you dad)

Why can't you just see what I see,
When you say I'm just a friend, you tell me I'm just friend,
I think I could make you happy,
But you say I'm just a friend,
So I'll be that
But I don't wanna be just that,

You probably think I'm too young to feel this way,
To you I'm a crush that just won't go away,
So even if you move on and have a happy life,
I promise I will pray for you, 'cause I'll be doing fine,

See I can try to be mature like nothing's really wrong,
But you probably know I'm faking by the time you see this
And I don't mind saying how I feel, as long as I stay true and keep it real,

Somebody tell you why love takes so long,
I think I'll just watch Reba with my mom (yeah)

Why can't you just see what I see,
When you say I'm just a friend, you tell me I'm just friend,
I think I could make you happy,
But you say I'm just a friend..
Apr 2017 · 2.0k
The real me is my Hell
Erin Nicole Apr 2017
I have 100% been through hell. I have been through so much my whole life. I've been judged and bullied for 10 years. I've been hurt physically, emotionally, and mentally. I've been threatened over and over again. I've been Abandoned and alone a lot for long amounts of time. I've felt love toward someone for 10 years (almost 11), that person hurt me 3 times and put through heart shattering pain.

Do you know what it feels like to be hurt by someone you love so much that you don't know what to do with yourself? Do you know what it's like to love someone for 10 years, then get rejected and your heart broken by that same person and still love and wanna be with them? Do you know what it's like to hate yourself so much that your too ashamed to go or do anything, because your too fat, too ****, or you just don't fit in?

Well all of that, It's me. Every last bit. I know I am a crazy mess. I know I am a pathetic, ****, fat, loser, that has a loving caring family, but a really messed up life. That is the person I am in my eyes. So if you really think I am "all that", a "showoff", someone who's "perfect". Yeah, well, Guess what... There is no such thing as "perfect" and I know that very well.

I do not do or go through all this ******* to get attention.
I do not tell you who I am or "show the real me" because I will scare you away like everyone else.

So.. I guess this is goodbye because I know you'll run like everyone else.
Truth hurts I guess. And the truth is, I am nothing. I love him but he has someone better. There will always be someone better. I won't EVER have that one guy. FML. I give up.
Mar 2017 · 744
Untitled
Erin Nicole Mar 2017
Tears rolling down my face.
The emptiness is too much to handle.
I am alone in this terrible hurtful world.
No one cares about me as I once thought they did.
I am nothing to anyone, even to myself.
I have never despised myself so much.
I have never wanted everything to end so much.
Mar 2017 · 681
Let Go Of The Saddness
Erin Nicole Mar 2017
Sometimes you
Can't let go of
Whats making
You sad, because
it was the only
thing that made
you happy.
Mar 2017 · 184
:'(
Erin Nicole Mar 2017
:'(
She tried to tell
him how she felt,
How for so many hours
she cried her heart out,
but he just ignored her
and walked on by.
Mar 2017 · 520
Missing Love
Erin Nicole Mar 2017
Missing love,
Makes a hole
In your heart.
Turns you hallow.

Missing love,
Breaks you and
Shatters your heart
To pieces.

Missing love,
Makes you feel
Like you could
Fall apart at
Any moment.

Missing love,
Takes you and
Breaks you and
Tares you apart
Till you are nothing.

Missing love,
Keeps you in
The dark, crying
And Sobbing,
wishing and praying.
I know from experience.
Mar 2017 · 464
Still In Love
Erin Nicole Mar 2017
My dreams are still about you
So are my nightmares
I have come to realize
For you, I still care
My hopes have only you
Written all over them
Even when I think of you, today
You still don't cease to overwhelm
I still feel messed up
When it comes to you
My friends say I am still in love
Maybe that is true...
Mar 2017 · 569
Help me, Save me.
Erin Nicole Mar 2017
Heart in pieces, knife in deep.
The ache, the pain,
I start to weep.

Help me, save me,
Don't leave me here.
The pain has me crying,
Shaking in fear.

He got me, he lost me,
Now I'm in tears.
As I go, I whisper, and say,
"Help me, save me,
My love isn't here ."
This happens because I am just too trusting..
Feb 2017 · 830
Just Joking..
Erin Nicole Feb 2017
Roses are red,
violets are blue
monkeys like you
belong in a zoo
but don't be afraid
I'll be there too
not in a cage
but laughing at you
Im only joking
im just bored
I just wanted to
say hello to you
So enjoy this poem
that I made for you
Hope it makes you smile
and helps you enjoy your day
Feb 2017 · 437
Ignore you
Erin Nicole Feb 2017
It's just so hard to ignore you
Just so hard to not look at you
I don't know what it is about you
That makes me feel like I do
No matter what they say
I can't think of you that way...

But It's hard to say hey
Or just smile and simply wave
I don't know why I feel this way
And when you smiled today
Oh how it takes my breath away...
Feb 2017 · 187
That Someone
Erin Nicole Feb 2017
you know how when you have a crush on someone, you don't necessarily like them for the reasons others do. you like them for the small things that they aren't aware of. Like the way the burst out laughing, make weird faces, or dance weirdly. How they act around little kids or the way they move their hair out of their face. And they have no Idea of these things.
You are that someone.
Feb 2017 · 676
The Disappointment
Erin Nicole Feb 2017
Tears rolling down my face,
Her screaming in my face,
Telling me I am the disappointment,
I am the one no one will love,
I am the one that can't do anything right.

Guess what.
You. You raised me.
You raised this horrible person.
You raised this *****.
You raised this *****.

I am sorry I'm not good enough
I am sorry I am the person I am today.
I am sorry for being your terrible daughter.
I am sorry for being the selfish one.
I am sorry for being here. In your life.

Thanks mom. For making sure I know what I really am.
Jan 2017 · 1.0k
My living hell
Erin Nicole Jan 2017
My heart aches in sadness.
My soul screams in pain.
My head shouts in anger.
All my emotions, out of control.
All over a boy. A boy, a friend, a crush. The door was open, then she came. She stole him, closed the door, took my chance.
Tears rolling down my Face, washed away by the rain fall. As I lay there on the spread blanket, on top of the bed of grass. Thoughts of him flowing through my head. My body aching at the pain of the loss.
Sounds from behind me getting closer and closer. Footsteps, getting even closer. Suddenly as I look above me, looking down. His crystal blue eyes starring into me.
My heart stops aching, my soul goes silent in delight, my head goes calm.
Then I wake up.
The ache, the pain, the sadness, the sorrow, the anger..all back, and he is gone.
This is truly my living hell!
Jan 2017 · 423
Reverse Andy Challenge
Erin Nicole Jan 2017
Write 10 negative things about myself. Here they are:
1. I am fat.
2. I self-harm.
3.Stupid.
4.never learn.
5.everything is always my fault.
6.I am a bad person.
7.I am worthless.
8. I am a *****.
9. I'm a *****.
10. No one will ever love me.
That is me. Always the disappointment.
Jan 2017 · 1.0k
His Eyes
Erin Nicole Jan 2017
His eyes were like
clocks that stopped
spinning the moment
she stared into them.
The universe halted.
All things began to breathe
each others stillness.
To her: it was a simple,
blue, eternity.
If only he knew that I like him or how much. Hmm.. life is hard.
Jan 2017 · 625
Not Sad.
Erin Nicole Jan 2017
I am NOT sad.
I am DEPRESSED.
There is a huge difference.
If you don't get it then got look it up.
Learn about it before you judge me.
Deal with it or leave because there is only one cure. I won't get it for a long while. be there for me or leave.
I am done. With it all.
Only a few things are keeping me from finding a blade or overdosing.
RIGHT NOW.
So before you want to run your mouth.... how bout ya make an effort, know me. Then maybe you can be smarter about what you gotta say.
Jan 2017 · 452
It's me.
Erin Nicole Jan 2017
It's me who is my enemy,
Me who beats me up,
Me who makes the monsters,
Me who strips my confidence.
Jan 2017 · 545
...
Erin Nicole Jan 2017
...
Me:
Is it all my fault?
The way I feel?


Monsters:
Of course, you are sensitive, stupid, and naive.
You are making it worse and worse.
It's all your fault. Every last bit.
Jan 2017 · 341
Untitled
Erin Nicole Jan 2017
Life doesn't hurt until you think about how things have changed, people you've lost, and how much of it was
.....Your fault....
Me all the time now.
Jan 2017 · 345
Untitled
Erin Nicole Jan 2017
"You ruined your body, It's covered in scars, are you happy now??"



"You really think I did this to be happy?!"
Jan 2017 · 384
Summer
Erin Nicole Jan 2017
The time of the year where
it's too hot for long pants,
But I am fat and a cutter
so.. I can't wear shorts..
Jan 2017 · 422
Me..
Erin Nicole Jan 2017
It is so sad to think
That the ones who self harm
who cut;
bruise,
burn,
purge,
starve,
are the most gentle.

Who would rather hurt themselves than anyone else..
Jan 2017 · 440
Control
Erin Nicole Jan 2017
I wonder if killing yourself
is the only thing you can control in your entire life,
and that's why it's a sin.
Because you're beating God at his own game.
Jan 2017 · 4.5k
Role.
Erin Nicole Jan 2017
You play the role of a happy person
with a smile across your face.
But deep inside it hurts
And your crying out for help.
Jan 2017 · 277
Untitled
Erin Nicole Jan 2017
When I die, **** it
I wanna go to hell
'Cause I'm a *******
It ain't hard to ******* tell.
Jan 2017 · 857
Love
Erin Nicole Jan 2017
Maybe I should run away.
Try to find a summer day.
What is Love?
Love is pain,
Love is butterflies
and stomach aches,
Love is looking out a window pane
tears dripping
looking like you in the rain.
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