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Nov 2019 · 54
What it was
Eric Nov 2019
Imagine putting 4 thousand words together , all saying the same thing . Every single word allows me to get through the night with minimal pain. sometimes I believe I'm insane . but then again I stop myself from speaking my brain . my heart follows because we are one in the same . please love , it isn't about the blame . it's about going out as we first came . together whatever the weather even through pouring rain . I'd give you my body heat to keep you dry and warm , but you just don't feel the same . anymore ...
Oct 2019 · 27
A safe place
Eric Oct 2019
As if giving my heart and soul
Somehow I can't let it go
Cast my feelings into a flow
River descending to a place unknown.
But joy sits in my thoughts boat.
Crawling over waves made by storms
Reaching a paradise, beaten and torn.
With my remainder of energy.
I rise up off the sea
Placed on a new land
Feeling the fresh sand
Running my hand
Over my head , oh the memories.
As if a safe place was built.
With in the walls of my mind.
Before I felt the guilt.
In living my time .
Oct 2019 · 17
On a bad note
Eric Oct 2019
Let me see if I can put my feelings into words . Words that would describe me living in two different worlds . Always waiting patiently, for these moments to unfurl. It was never meant to happen, but it felt surreal. Every emotion genuine from the next . Now an days I'm still looking at my phone, for some kind of text . But my bet , it won't happen like that . I'll still be as empty as you made me , wishing you'd call me back . Turning all my thoughts into how you'd react . To the facts , to everything you said I lacked . Confidence , belittlement, everything you put on my back , you will never say you relate to my feelings of that . It's beyond the love an the hate, it's about those two beings pro-creating . Making a new face in this world of our fate. But your loyalty just couldn't relate. And I still ask you today , for what you have to say . Still receive no response , your loveless, your devastation in it's wake. Your love for so many years I feel was faked.  Even now I feel I'm on a time limit , and I've always been to late . Quite frankly I don't know how much more I can take.  My river of tears have now become a lake, leaving craters in their wake . I've lost the way to recuperate. I'm broken over the lies you fed me day after day . And in my poems , I can only find these destructive words to say . Beyond imaginable , I'm not okay.
Raining , pouring, carrying to much , I'm full . Feeling hot tearing , mind manipulating, deep inside my soul . Open doors apon doors , and still end up in a box with to many walls .in my mind's eye , I'm searching through these halls . Filled with shadows , but Meadows of metals. Not a single scent comes to mind at all . I'm anxious , I'm worried , I can hear it calling . The very moment I forget myself and I fall. Library of books in my dreams are hooks , casting bad memories from my past enemies. And yes my life is this dull . Vivid as black and grey , a screen shot of my emotion just gone and faded away. I'm awful , horrible as they may say . I'm now that guy who drowns in the pain , expecting voids with no change . My days are on repeat , I feel insane.
Sep 2019 · 30
I'm Fine Today
Eric Sep 2019
Now I take my time , before my mind twists everything up into a negative vibe.
I set a pace for myself that isn't to fast , but still find the days where I wish things could just happen. Snap of the fingers , and now I'm not the one lacking . Built myself up and over lap him . Make sure not to forget the sin he's been in . But feel fresh and reborn everyday you get to continue to be living . At least my feelings go on.  Finding comfort in my own knowledge of peace . Cause I'm fine today , I just thought I'd say . But yet , your still the Pinnacle of my life. Always in my heart beloved and cherished . Forever more till the day of happily marriage . Or am I the fool ? To believe in a short story . There's more beyond those pages , so I thought . I'll continue to re-read , till I figure out how I got lost.
Sep 2019 · 28
A Different Road
Eric Sep 2019
My time is flying , with no sense of crying . I found myself in this great search for help . And it still scares me because I still feel the pain that was dealt . I come to realize that it will always be there.  A reminder that I should of been there instead of feeling so scared.
Aug 2019 · 37
As if I were stone
Eric Aug 2019
Once again , I feel repositioned, my ears have failed to listen. And her love once gifted is now forbidden. It's a curse , that's always does it's worst. Secondly it always comes first. For her I thirst. For her I burst. Into tears cause I remember all the good in those years . I even remember the good that came from the fears .And I'm still here . Like the rock she threw with all her might , far away out of her sight.  Somewhere she wouldn't care.  Cause she isn't there to see.  What it is here to fear.  The emptiness, the darkness, myself .
Aug 2019 · 55
Just be my friend
Eric Aug 2019
glistening from afar , shining brightly as if held energy of a star . creating a everlasting chain , with reasons to gain , every sense of who we are . let's believe in mountains of soothing greatness. connection born from the feelings that contains us , in the world crashed and torn from all the rediculous strife , while everyones out to look for a wife .  because nothing moves faster then life . we must hunker down and believe in better times . so we can stop repeating the same old lines that happen to rhyme , just to get the point across that I'm not here to waste no-bodies time . hope and believe in the sign , to find a everlasting friendship , now is that a crime ?
Jul 2019 · 40
It's life , just breath
Eric Jul 2019
I found a new path in my thoughts
Long way , but it's the distance that I fought.
I have to build myself first
Go against the things that I was taught
But this over whelming sting , I feel alot .
It's life , just breath before your breath gets
Caught .
Jul 2019 · 27
Here In Good Luck
Eric Jul 2019
Submerged under ,
I hear the waves thunder.
Rolling ,
Growing ,
Across the great plains of wonder.
Feeling them move me ,
The swaying soothing
To me .
A dance
I'll soon ponder .

Cool to the skin as I sink more an more under.
As if in a daze of a place ,
There, the darkness pulling me further
Wanting to erase , the light in my days
That I want to replace
All the pain
And suffer.

But soon tightness in my chest ,
I feel my lungs under arrest,
The kind of distress when you want to breath
But you welcome death ,
The difference between light and those depths.
Is being careful of where you put your feet
To rest
What kind of steps
It took you to always
Be your best.

                                A world so deceived
                          By                                     political
                     views                                  And lies
                   about                                   how free,
                 Is  conceived                       really            
               As a disguise                       In the news
             Of how we                            abuse
           The power                             to ****
         And blame it                         on others abuse.
                                We hear you.

But we have to kick
our feet
to win
There's no room
To pretend.

all those years of who's using who

We have to go above and beyond

because we are all expected to . .

And some don't know what to do.

They sit around
and really start
to pretend
to be a fool ,
but who's using who?

One thing I learned from a great ocean blue .  
Rising to the top takes more steps then just two .
The depths are so welcoming
But so are your breaths too .
So Don't leave to soon
Cause your plans don't come to you .
Swim to shore,
Because you know your worth more
Than the ocean blue .

You have two hands and two feet,
I'm sure people will remember you.
Sometimes your scared to talk,
Because everyone's reaction
In your head you over thought.

So you decide to shut up , and go on your way to a place called good luck . Cause we travel a different pace and we all usually get drunk. Then this place called good luck becomes bad luck.  

Then learned that this isnt heaven ,this is hell , the devil's play ground.

In the end we all will be ****** .

Well , here ….in this place called good luck .

I walk home, completely dripping with muck.

"Who was calling me, when I almost gave up?"

I look back and see no stranger amongst the sand ,

Just the waves calling to me as they all rolled up to the land .

Two feet ,
Two hands
...For you,
God had different plans.

Took me awhile to reach the sands .
Fighting every thought , And all the commands.
To turning back
The voices recommend
The one I hear
My only friend .

But I walk home , trying to forget
Seeing the end .
Sunset behind
My Shadow it bends.
Realizing I ain't lonely
I can make friends.
Its about me ,
Forgetting to pretend.
And becoming me
Once more
Again .

No guarantees,
Life will ****.
In this place,
Here in good luck.
Reflection of one's life fighting a unseen battle in this reality we call life , sometimes you have to drown your self in the ocean to see what your really coping with. In this place we call good luck .
Jul 2019 · 311
Eric Jul 2019
Smokey tender , woodsy splendor with a deep aroma of earthly greens , sense of taste melts,
Fades away ice caps and stone cold as snow
Thrown through the valleys of homes given the silence of the unknown, stresses away to different water ways , to come to a city at Bay . full of motion with winds blowing in the coasts , it's not for the faint of heart. it'll get dark and movement becomes scarce . Evil energy is dispersed in many ways . Faint smell of acholic dwelling upon the sense of disparity , and stress where care was no longer the fair . Over there where a bench meets the public , a few have sat and thought of a different city beyond what was seen to be the worst part of life , it's demeanor being lost and unforgiving as these lines are wrote for a different art . But seeing a different start .
Jul 2019 · 195
Eric Jul 2019
This pain in my chest is frightening.
The strain of arrest tightening.
I can feel deep down inside of me .
Openly discovering .
Natural habits I couldn't see .
What does it take to believe?
In the light ,
Before the darkness is only perceived.
Clouds of hate with rains that come with a fee.
Every day the spitting image of blasphemy.
It's likely ,
I've gaven every part of me .
Nothing left but a empty blue sea .
Not a boat in sight to save me .
I try so hard to stay afloat of all my dreams.
But soon to be dragged down to the depths
Underneath what is known as our society.
Jun 2019 · 50
Eric Jun 2019
The all consuming , green stem and leaves blooming .
Ferocious thorns apon the stems of bounty.
Mountains of walls form all around me.
Habits formed by wind since the beginning.
Bending my will , it's forever and eternity.
Wrapped up all in one , never what it used to be.
A flower today ,means obsolete history.
Anomalies that we became in this universe we see.
Openly , Satisfactory, Commonly , Abused .
All these thoughts of who's using who.
The mirror don't lie when it all comes down to you.
The all consuming, green stem and leaves blooming.
Ferocious thorns apon the stems of bounty .
Mountains of pain is what's given to me.
Habits that wouldn't mend since the beginning.
Replacing my will, It's Forever and Eternity

Jun 2019 · 151
Little House
Eric Jun 2019
Little horizontal linings, with bountiful treasures finding , happiness between the walls of tidings.unwinding the fact we're all crying , inside an it's denying the lying .
The here and now in my Little House of hell, words may tell , but moral of the story is , I'm unwell. This Little House is small these days , as if I fell . Looking up at things , I just can't tell. I try to be one with all , but I realized we are in hell . There aint no way out , dying , happens to be a dream without a doubt . Where no screams or shouts , can be heard even when it came from your heart and you felt,.... out.
And just came back to the same Little House.
-I feel stories need to be told -
Jun 2019 · 121
Eric Jun 2019
Some days im as small as a frog apon a log , others I feel like a hog , even comes to eating hot dogs . Some weeks my head's filled with a ton of bees . And other weeks I want to be as old as a tree . A month goes by and I'm being swat at like a fly , I duck and Dodge cause I just ain't that kinda guy .  But even when I'm black and grey , I think of myself as a raccoon eating apple pie , when it's apple pie trash day . You know what I'm saying ? the babboon part comes later, right after I sun bath like a alligator. weird right? as weird as a platypus's mirror .or even how dogs cry tears. they feel , they hear , they can learn somehow to cope with fear. as like wolf chasing deer. even they know their never always prepared. the more I swim through life , I realized, I am one with all , there isn't cutting ties . I'm the same human being trying to get by , just like all of life . built to survive , we just need the drive .
May 2019 · 132
Happy Never After
Eric May 2019
So it has really ended , the life I knew , the life I befriended. some how I knew as time passed on and... it torn me .
I got to get this out , cause thoughts of just blipping out , without a scream or shout . are coming to mind again , it's all I'm starting to think about .
my ole town , my ole house . ripped through space , with out a trace , without a doubt. and I'm lost now. Looking at the blue skies with no happiness in mind .trying to relive all those better times , but no matter how much I search , I cannot find . you used to be my Devine . Now I'm lonely , Knowing my heart already been given . currently drifting with time .
Sorry....really? No not really , I took your floors , your walls , and your cieling! oh , I know but how are you feeling ? I don't want to get into this with you again , I don't care about feelings! And yet you left when it was only the beginning ... you can have my floors , my walls , and my ceiling . but you will never take away my feelings. FOREVER AN ALWAYS not so appealing? then don't ever lie to me and say those type of things . you destroyed every last part of me . and you live happily. really I'm glad , I love you , but your not sorry .
I'll carry on with a devotion, to never bring up these kind of emotions. my life now is just like the coasts .it's likely to be long as hell with waves of things to cope with . I'll send you things from afar , and hopefully don't get emotionally **** kicked . and probably drink everyday until I get sick . at least with out your brightness ,I'll always be lit. how can love be so counterfeit . every last good **** part of it . I'll remember it.  I'll throw a fit.  I'll cut myself off and climb myself out of this pit. I hope you see the darkest skies , when I realized how misunderstood I get . that darkest moon will soon be my sunset . forgive me as I forget .
let me wonder , let me plunder , let me sit out in the rain and thunder . think of days when they were filled with laughter . Of the girl I always dreamed of going after . smile ...cheers ... Happy Never After...
May 2019 · 734
Blue Moon
Eric May 2019
Am I fooling myself when I start to feel again.
can't I remain numb until my times end .
cause this feeling is tearing me up, unwilling to mend.
today and yesterday it started all over again .
why can't I be my only friend .  
This negativity has become a part of me .
once in a blue moon it rises to be .
and I see it when everything around me.
starts fade away like the bubbles in my tea .
just lonely as can be .
Something has changed .
somehow I ceased to being deranged.
everything is starting to feel estranged.
I want my box , where it's cold and grey.
that's where I'll remain , I'll stay , where I get away.
Please forgive my heart for spilling .
it was overflowing with the process of healing.
some times it's worth not just having a wall , but a ceiling.
to stop the overwhelming feeling.
that I'll never touch another soul , cause you tore me open with to many holes .
and even now my heart continues leaking .
it's all so decieving.
Apr 2019 · 139
My gift
Eric Apr 2019
Hey you , I got this flower for you to hold
It's not the most beautiful , but it'll last through the cold .
Even when there's a drought , it will never grow old
It will remain to make sure these stories are told

Once in awhile you could set it on the ledge
And forget it was there , like containing a wedge
In-between two objects, with a indecisive pledge
But in those times , i'd hope you'd take it off that ledge

Gaze upon it and see your reflection
Cause your a gift like this flower is of my affection
Your too beautiful for even my recollection
Second guessing never existed

And when its petals finally wilt
Spray it down with your feelings of guilt
Let it know how horrible it felt
Give it love and water , like you know it needs help

But forgive it for all the smiles it has dealt
It's a flower , it's Beauty is made to melt
Your response to it , is my love in a nut shell
And this is the story this flower will never grow old to tell .
Apr 2019 · 78
Eric Apr 2019
There is peace that I am feeling
sting of my skin peeling
all your love in my blood, leaking
my world is spinning
out of control, what is this meaning?
really I need revealing
so I can start my healing
finally build my home again
this time with a ceiling
to stop all this raining
cause I'm soaked , and tired of being
comfort in letting go , comfort in believing
it's only me now , I'm deceiving myself
I feel there's no cure to relieving this
still now I set a time every day for my grieving
it feels comfortable getting your revenge
What the hell happened to my life ?
Apr 2019 · 158
Private thoughts
Eric Apr 2019
Earthly matter
In the sense
Of feel and touch

Self retaining
Strife with every wave
Of emotion

Cause and effect
A decaying
Adrift truly Alone

Past imprint
On a once

New mask new face
Apr 2019 · 280
Eric Apr 2019
The point in silence that makes your brain implode . Every day becomes a search of relief   and every bit of it filled with grief . The second the feeling hits where the heart no longer exist . I'm broken , and you refuse to understand it . Is moving on a thing .Even with years that I could sing . That you made me feel like there was a reason to being. Maybe I'm crazy and everything I see shouldn't faze me . But your love grazed me . Took the whole side of me out , now every interaction becomes a moment of doubt . I am me , and everything is estranged to what it used to be . Now my world is filled with empty thoughts and actions . With every thought given to your affection . I laid down like I was taught a lesson . A lesson never to forget again . Cause our every action creates a world in between . Cause who knows really what the others are thinking . They could be creating a story without me ever existing . I'm listening , to my non-existent heart beating . It's weaker then before because there once was two beats according to our breathing . But you've deceived me .
Apr 2019 · 209
Eric Apr 2019
To tell a story I cannot keep , you came to me in a dream . your name was blissfully placed , in my mind and all I thought about was your face . how you loved, how you acted.   even the smile that you seem to have  rejected. I sat in class in silence . but in my mind I was committing relationship violence.  I took the step to contact you my first day out . and without a doubt I knew you was mine before you found out . I asked to hang just as friends , then you brought a friend . who soon went home and we began our night all over again . on that stage with no music playing.  you was the only rhythm I was dancing . we made love on that stage an it , made my heart complete ,it torn every sheet , I ever woven over my heart . it's deep . you have seeped into my mind , with feelings so Devine . that I forgot that there was a thing like time . I went away to a place you couldn't stay . a place I still regret till this day . prison is the word I'm trying to say. but you stuck by my side anyway . you was my Outlook my future . my love . and everything now an days looks as if I gave up . did I? or did you forget what our love was.  my bad side turned out , you was scared of me , but I was scared of losing you without a doubt . all these accusations ? when did they even come about ? . why question my love in mornings light , or even when I kissed you every night goodnight . what happen to us planning our daughter , just so you could send my heart into a slaughter . I was dealing with cancer , and I'm sorry I forgot my anger . when condemned with such a burden , when I'd give my life to a stranger . but I filled you with anger . your took my house , my home , my love , and my daughter . and you wonder why I cut to relieve everything that you've  deceived .I feel like there's nothing left of me . when everyday was to work hard for a roof over your head , you see . I made that a part of me . I made that a goal to be . not for someone else to envy me , and take my heart like it's a enemy . that's what's inside of me . even the days that it's hard to see , that our love could be , but still I'm fighting with every bit of me . to keep me , from destorying your dreams . as you destroyed my every dream . cause you thought it was impossible to be . now I'm blind and I cant see babe. you left me heartless , and I feel as if I'm fading . to the back of your mind I'm a cheater . a two timing peice of **** wife beater . how is her mind so twisted since I met her . everyone tells me I can do better . but I lover her so much , I let her . break me down to the very sound of my heart beating in my ear . even when we ain't close my heart still beats for you dear . in time you'll know by the stories told . that you was my one and only love , to grow old.
Apr 2019 · 136
Eric Apr 2019
Rain ............ Freezing rain yet again
One of those days where the morning never ends.and tomorrow can't wait to begin . I think of myself as my own friend . I see myself often enough to pretend . I can't even kid around no matter how many letters I send . I keep dreaming a life like a tree where I climb to the top to see the end . Then it's on repeat where I fall back down again . I sit here and there in silence to mend . Before I stand back up an climb once more like I meant. On sunny days I put up my tent , because sometimes that energy , I don't get . I Kindle a fire so farfetched. That I would just love to forget. I'm not quite okay yet . Just me , my friend , and I , we've all met . and everytime the **** gets heavy , we jet. We run through forests and hills till we fall into a unforgettable pit . And we sit , in silence , and wait for how dark it can get .
Apr 2019 · 93
Eric Apr 2019
Who poses what red roses know this , water drops falling from the top and down the stem .wind blows as shadows go to a different part of Earth this mornings end . sun shines with glory Devine and with that I'll end this short story REM . but all before me and all who knows me have fallen in some great tragedy.i stay humble to the earth that grumbles and see the rain as it's wonderous glory . let it wash as you watch it turn your sins into words of a prophet. in the end you final thought is beginning anew ***** it's to take your heart and smashing it like it's naught . like secret battles you have fought when your not .bye bye till the end my friend and cast your line yet again . and see the crystal clarity cheer in the background as your time runs near . just let go don't have any fear .
Apr 2019 · 162
Split Second
Eric Apr 2019
look ...look .
I see it clear . don't all your people hear it coming near . a new beginning in these times of rough . and our skin is getting a little tough . with each tear and each tear . we cry in the dark shadows that fill us with fear . I love all who feel , because without you, we wouldn't have a world to share . or even care to have such a fair feeling there . today we shine , I encourage all of you to make one random compliment to someone random . not to gain fandom . but just because who cares what happens . the entertainment in there reaction should be filled with caps and screamed out loud . have them floating by us like clouds . cause we are who we are , nothing changes that . why not enjoy it until someone can enjoy us . I love you all even when I fall . I express words that won't be heard at all . but at least its a letter to someone who may understand one day . I just couldn't take the pain . I feel so good that I'll die for everyone's gain .
Apr 2019 · 115
Eric Apr 2019
mmm... let me think
take a breath , and give my brain a tink
hold on ... let me speak
so ... I'm weak
everything I see , is a slap to the cheek

the days are fine , but your always on my mind
bringing me down , and I feel less then Devine
I know indue time, and all the signs
will bring me back up to the light
and bring me  back to feeling Brite
they tell me it'll be alright

I'm tired of this mask , I can't breath
and I'm asked " how are you?" ...I'm good
but I'm doing worse then I preceive.
these feelings and emotions bleed out of me
every second feels like a eternity .

my days have stopped
and everything is unfamiliar
since my heart dropped
I wish I understood her
my field is cropped
with no minerals in my dirt
no matter how many seeds on top,
they all just get hurt
never will I gain that crop
it has all stopped

let me reminisce
on the past , that got me all ******
you got me wanting to not exist
and you welcome me not with a hug
but flying fists
luckly you missed
and we fell into each other for our last kiss .
and every bit of the respect , love , trust
was set aflame , ashed up , and dissed
we had a kid " yea we can do this "
then your gone and took everything
even my mattress .
no home , no car , no wife , no kid
still racking my brain for everything that I did

but it's alright , it'll be another quiet night
I'll drink my self to sleep like I do every night
and forget about all of our fights .
some day I'll be alright
even if its somewhere not there holding you tight
I may show wrath apon my self tonight
but my love is yours , unlike any other guy .

And I still hold tight to the blade that thickens it's might
Apr 2019 · 102
This isn't poetry
Eric Apr 2019
I don't write poetry
I make words a part of me
I spread my thoughts
To everybody
I'll paint a picture
Of what I see
And how I feel to be
Writing things so you may
That words can describe
Things as big as the sea
With just a few words
You can have a piece of me
Now that's a delicacy
A rare taste unlike
Any other bee
I make homes in my
I spread my wings
And fly dangerously
Towards the raging sea
Where everyone hates me
But that doesn't change
My destiny
I don't write poetry
I write words that become
A part of me.
Apr 2019 · 345
Eric Apr 2019
my mind is full
my life is a lull
my strings they pull
and it takes it's toll
I drop and roll
with flames out , I'm dull
I feel safe behind my walls
and I don't have to walk tall
I just can't take this pain at all
it seeps in , and I'm on a crawl
if I look down , I will fall
if I jump down , that's my call
with my emotions , turning into a ball
I throw them away , rather not feel them at all
but I'll bleed in pain, let me an the silver talk it off.
Mar 2019 · 485
Facing the Clock
Eric Mar 2019
I have loved , and love I shall.
Forever more , till the ticking time tells
You won't come back , but I hope
I stoke the fire , like it hasn't been stoked
I Kindle the feelings , till they blaze
Your the only water I praise
But dehydrated I feel , almost squeezed dry
I know it doesn't help, with each tear I cry.
You've been gone for a year, is this a test?
To see how I take the time I have left ?
I feel like I'm running out of breath
Everyday is like I'm waiting
But a answer , I fall short of getting.
I feel there's a time limit for something
But I can't put the right hands on it .
All I'm left with is three hands
Two of which come to thought , now and again
But every second passes us by like we stand still
Mar 2019 · 145
Have I failed?
Eric Mar 2019
I have failed to realize what brought this
I have failed to see all your flying fists
I ducked and weeved , but should of took the hits.
You meant something behind them
With your words as daggers stabbing my every being.
Now my mind races on every moment you was leaving.
I have failed to see what was building .
The arguments like waves of flames
Know that after every one, we'd never be the same.
Ill words have infected my mind
You made it seem like you hated me the entire time.
Have I failed?
Why wasn't my feelings enough for you to listen?
Cause I failed to see what I was missing
Do you miss me?
Is my every sleepless night for vain
All those thoughts, for nothing
There's a reason for it all
But that reason just explains why I fall
Why I've lost my back bone to every situation
I cringe to the thought of you thinking of me
Cause why, when you don't think we was meant to be .
And I still to this day
I have failed to see
Why I failed
When you lost love for me.
Mar 2019 · 214
Eric Mar 2019
But I can't

Take it
All in deep
Why your

Arises alot
When my
Forgive me
You always
Mar 2019 · 188
Please... Please
Eric Mar 2019
Sometimes hearing I love you is all that is ever needed . But still silence comes without movement.
Feb 2019 · 123
Horizontal void
Eric Feb 2019
You came to me in a dream , now I'll be going away with you in one.
Feb 2019 · 155
Eric Feb 2019
Imprinted on my mind
To think of you a thousand times
Before the minute was over

Hollow as the sounds echo
Nothing to hang onto , I must let go
New hour has begun

But silence fell over the voiceless voice
That feeling of thinking I had a choice.
The dark day has arrived .

Million words , a million ways, to say
I love you, and not a letter missing out of eight.
It's been a week

Eternity line snapped, hopeless string.
And I believed in every Viber of my being.
How many months has it been.

Rewind and please stop , I'm dieing
In your world , I'm not even trying
But my minutes are years .

However long this eternity takes it to be
I'll always wish someday you'll know me
Even after 6 years of "nothing"...
How do you heal a bruise on your mind?
I have yet to find out to erase memories.
How can one person sit on someones mind till that person is crushed? . Every minute of every day . I think of every moment I let slip away . Don't let go of love . Even know love let go of you.
Jan 2019 · 125
Everlasting Journey
Eric Jan 2019
I awake , with pounding in my chest.
I'm shaking , it's cold , I can't breath.
Oh , it's the morning.
Getting up was always the worst
Taking a hot shower is what I do first.
Alone again, as water Cascades down the wall.
Never hot enough to melt my troubles after all.
Uniform and mask for the day .
Really nothing more to say.
I see faces , in the most unfamiliar places.
But I guess I'm always doing ok .
I lay down , and prepare for tomorrows way.
Jan 2019 · 273
Eric Jan 2019
Exhaustion can be in many different parts of you . Mental , physical, even spiritual exhaustion. Stress in these areas can cause soul exhaustion which in turn becomes depression .
Jan 2019 · 207
Early Morning of 27th
Eric Jan 2019
Alone with a dark breeze.
Comes the truthful freeze.
Sounds of molecules.
Rubbing against each other.
With every vanishing step.
It's coming down hard now.
I can feel the weight all around.
As I look up ,
Passing through the snowflakes.
As if I was falling.
And still have yet to be found.
Where am I ?
I've lived here a long time,
Yet I'm lost, and I want to cry.
But why?
Because I've been crushed by
The sky.
The weight of my world.
Quickly unfurled
Now I'm just buying time.
  But I'm broke and that's it ,
And I have no ambition left,
In my pocket.
I'd turn them inside out.
Still get lint.
Can you imagine the extent,
I have to go just to forget .
The life I had ,
Before I learned to sit.
To think about it.
I try so hard to erase those memories.
But that's just like getting rid of
I'm already gone, a empty shell.
Not traveling for long.
It's my life in a nutshell.
And the ending to this song.
Jan 2019 · 221
Thump!! (fades to black)
Eric Jan 2019
I forget...I jump..
thump!! ...I forgot.
Jan 2019 · 155
Eric Jan 2019
A room with a quiet light .
A space lit but very dim.
It's dust I see .
Apon the drapes , upon the tables.
It's past full of sin.
A step in , and the floors creak.
As window blows out , cold air seeps in.
Just waiting for that thunderstorm to begin.
Quiet was the feeling , so afraid to look up .
The ceiling on fire , filling one cup.
Hot and steaming across the room .
Stood a cup of tea half gone.
And that song ...
What song ...
Quiet wind it's gone .
Now music plays and there's a battle won .
A celebration of happiness beyond.
Sudden lights go out , dark prevails.
And screaming puts a knife to your throat.
Can't say no more, the quiet wind becomes a wail.
It's cold now and I need my coat .
To walk the world away from that room .
I have failed to see what I made my tomb.
Jan 2019 · 185
This Morning 23rd
Eric Jan 2019
Morning brings , a sunshine that sings . As it may lift us brighter then normal days . Ice upon the ground to reflect our ways . Salt to melt past's bitter taste . Lets not forget how unique you are , just like the falling snowflakes . Keep changing everyone's life with your smile , thats all it takes . There's nothing better then not wearing a mask and traveling with the fakes .a smile is all it takes.
Jan 2019 · 218
Life long friend
Eric Jan 2019
Is there a sun, within this void?
Is there real memories?
A part of me once seen.
Shown through the darkness.
So easily amused.
So easily oppressed.
The lack of social connection.
The lack of warming affection.
Someone out there, for the days of rain.
To make happiness arise, even through
Jan 2019 · 149
You (all)
Eric Jan 2019
You should never doubt how special you are to this world . Never pay mind to world's hurt . When your world is your own.  Let peace be within you , an you in peace . Let positive thought become positive energy. And give that freely to every energy you meet .
Jan 2019 · 259
Jim Carrey
Eric Jan 2019
"I believe we’re a field of energy, dancing for itself. And I don’t care."
“There is no me. There are just things happening, and there are clusters of tetrahedrons moving around together"
Jan 2019 · 168
Eric Jan 2019
O u..

M   Y

S     S

Jan 2019 · 343
Eric Jan 2019
My life has drowned out
All I see are blurs
As time stood
My mind proceeds with flashes
I feel wet eye lashes.
Jan 2019 · 137
Where to belong
Eric Jan 2019
Is it right to have suicidal thoughts?
And having feelings of being lost.
Stuck in my head reading the same passage.
From a note I wrote in the past .
When things were hazy, but still the love last.
Now beaten and torn . I feel like giving up.
I feel like going to that place ,
Where everyone says my past can be erased.
Sadly even when I do , it won't be like that.
I've done wrong in my time .I deserve some torture.
But it's all the same here Apon this Earth . It's all torture . Live everyday with stress and anguish. I'll die without receiving my first wish. Is it right to have suicidal thoughts like this?
Jan 2019 · 488
The storyline
Eric Jan 2019
6 years ago when I fell Apon love .
5 mistakes were like a million .
4 letters in the word love .
3 reasons why I can't live without you.
2 is us as we were one.
1 meaning to all of this .

I Love You
I as in myself a imperfect being
You as to me the most perfect being for me.
7 billion people in this world
And I want you
I need you
My souls body of essence craves your very presence.
And I'm here now
After all that's said and done
The war we couldn't put out
Has won
I in hospital bed
Praying for the next day not to arrive
Because you refuse to see me
Even know you've been what's keeping
Me alive
I wish I could forget that I'm that guy
I wish there was such things as
Spreading your wings and flying
No, I'm so grounded that I forgot there
Was solid ground
Now every where I go
I fall into these holes , these voids
You left in the road to my heart.
Now that roads untravable
But it's not your fault
I have lost my way anyway.
Jan 2019 · 89
Eric Jan 2019
My soul has dropped it's heart,
Tried to pick it back up .
But it turned into dust ,
And flew away .
Jan 2019 · 128
To love
Eric Jan 2019
When someone tells you they love you
What does that mean to you ?
It means
I lose everything
I lose my very being
I lose everything I'm used to seeing
But love you decieve me
Tricked me into contentment
Believing I was comfortable
High Apon my feet shouting with Glee
But you decieved me.
Now I am alone
Not making a move
Because it comes with a fee
You take it so easily
As I crumble
With every part of me
I'm lost
The cost
Is too much
I let go
And forget I breath
I thought I was better
To know
When I was decieved.
Jan 2019 · 126
Eric Jan 2019
You'd think I'd learn from turning off all my lights.
Jan 2019 · 725
Remembering that feeling
Eric Jan 2019
That feeling I love so much , that feeling of your touch.  Your smell sends me into complete comfort. But you always make me feel like it's my turn . To say something unimaginable , just to hurt you . When all you've said was things to hurt me too . And you've done that , and you'd think that's enough . But no she wants to make everything rough . She takes to my pleading like it's venom to her veins, when all I want her to know is that she causes me so much pain. But she don't care and that's what destorys me , I ask her how could it be . You said you love me . But destory every part of my being . And I let go , like I wasn't enough . You hurt me with your way of love . Forgive me for everything I gave up . Just i make you comfortable when you still thought I wasn't enough.
And I ramble through anything to make things better . They ask me how can I let her . Because love isn't just a one go getter . You felt whole till you got a missing peice . Just disappeared without a trace . Even know you still had a home in the first place . And I'm the disgrace . You family hates me , and will find anyone to replace . Me....I'm not me anymore , you've made me so sore , that even flying doesn't get me happy . I rather have a hundred women slap me . Then have you hate me . But forgive me . I've forgot who I was . But love is no more in me . Like you wanted it to be..... like I forgot how it felt to be yours in time . Eternity isn't the same when , I'm still traveling the world saying I'm fine .
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