There was always something between them
even if later they might say other wise.
From day one their souls forged a connection
and for years they would wander in and out
of each others lives, always disrupting
each time leaving a larger hole.
The last time they spoke, she severed ties
but to cut him out was to cut out a piece of herself
a large portion of her heart, and rib cage
her left shoulder and her trust in men.
He on the other hand, was left with no heart
because she had stolen it six years ago
and he never even noticed it was gone.

Your pain keeps you company.
You let your demons come out to play.
You wear your anger as a coat of armor.
And then wonder why everyone runs away.

Septembers remind us
that change, while inevitable
is always beautiful.
That each season of life
brings different weather.
The flowers don't have to
be blooming year round
for our surroundings
to be full of color.
Transformation
does not have to be
growth to be necessary.

They said my anger
was cold and distant
like a far reaching planet
I didn't understand
until I felt the heat
bubbling underneath
I felt it and I left it
and as time passed
the lava flow within
hardened into rock
cool, dark, volcanic rock
A permanent landmark
quietly intimidating
those who dare come close

I want a night with you, alone
no devices or distractions
full attention, nothing to preoccupy our minds,
our hearts entirely focused
just you and me
slow dancing in the dark.

I won't sit down
I won't shut up
To be quite honest
I'm fed up.
I have a voice,
I will be heard
And when I speak,
you'll wait your turn.
I may be small,
but my thoughts are loud.
My words have power,
of that I'm proud.

I was made from the same batch
and everyone was cut into cookies
fun shapes, all different sizes
and the leftover pieces
took no shape at all
and so I didn't get to join them
in their journey to become
what they truly are.

A heavy hand, a heavier heart
full of every burden one can carry.
Made of earth, and stone, and stars
falling from the heavens, landing
with feet planted firmly in the ground.

It hangs in the air. It’s stifling. We carry it in our hearts. It’s heavy.
We grieve the missing pieces, but also the empty spaces they belong to.
The parts of ourselves with muscle memories that no longer have a purpose. Parts of ourselves that become inaccessible, and try as we might, we can never enter that space again.

How do you hold a hand that isn’t there?

I woke up
a year ago today
innocent
unknowing
And went to bed
broken and heavy as stone.
They say that when
you lose someone
that day is forever
the end of your old life
and the beginning of the new one,
the life without.
Each day learning
how to cope with
the gaping hole
that was once filled with her.

Saying goodbye to Holly
the best neighbor two kids trying
to move up in the world could have.

goodbye to four years
in the same house I spent
so much time in as a kid,
learning what life is
and what mistakes are.

goodbye to a neighborhood
I watched turn fear into love,
even though I still had
to lock my doors at night.

goodbye to the apartment
I came home to after
a full day of classes,
a long shift at the bar,
a session in the painting studio.

goodbye to a house
that belonged in it's place
since it was built over a century ago.

goodbye to a home
the home that comforted me
as I faced the toughest part of growing up
the home that nearly drove us apart
but in reality it had kept us together.

our lips will never meet
nor our fingers intertwine
and so bless my dreams
for indulging what's not mine

If I pulled up a chair,
could I sit with myself?

Every day at nightfall
the sun sets herself on fire
in an immaculate public display of affection.
Vibrantly glowing in shades of vermillion
before vanishing beyond the horizon,
surrendering the day to the darkness of night.

Her departure, a self sacrifice,
generously offering her light so that
the moon may shine so brightly.

Love spills out from me in the form of words and tears and laughter.

I want to touch you and hold you and kiss you and love you so tenderly and with such softness that one wrong step could crush me.

Put me in your mouth and chew me up.
Take a bite out of my ripe, tender skin.
All you’ll find in this flesh, is love love love. Sweet and soft and juicy the way a peach bleeds.

my chest heaves
from poor health
or heartache
it’s hard to say
what I do know
is the weight
of your absence
feels heavier today

she never wanted to say
"these are your flaws."
she had always preferred
"but these are your features!"
and she never quite understood
why the people we're closest to
are the most critical creatures.

Could you be a vehicle?
To take me from once in the past, to right here
right now.
A vehicle,
to take me on an adventure
waking me up, making me feel alive.
Stir the soul within me, who has been sleeping
restlessly, at least…
Would you be the vehicle,
that transports me away from earth?
Because I’m tired of being grounded.
I want to live in the sky, with the stars
And look for miles, and see it all

Time is wicked
I don't understand
there is either not enough
or too much
and today too much
time has passed
since I last saw you
hugged you
stood in the same room as you
and now without notice
you're gone
just like the time
that has passed
and we can never get back.

There is a quiet, heavy feeling in the air.
A tension between us loaded with distrust and anger, selfishness and disappointment.
I begin to wonder if you feel it too...
the space between us growing wider.
Do you wonder if it's over? Or do you know that it's over, but are afraid to let go?
It's ok if you are, because I am too. I'm afraid.

I can paint my story
all colors, shapes, and hues
with sunny yellows, bleeding reds,
and most royal of the blues
These shades won't need explanation
each one speaking on it's own
Just watch my story unfold
and see how much I've grown.

two heavy feet
standing square
upon my chest
I can't breathe
I can't scream
that's what it's like
to be a doormat
to be a set of stairs
always helping
someone else
get to where they need to be
Never thought about
what was in it for me

He was absolutely everything,
and that was far too much.

such a mixed up,
messed up soul
murky eyes full
of hearts she stole
with empty hands
she gives her all
seeking the climb
so she feels the fall

life has seasons
and I am not a flower
I am a tree
with changing colors
shedding it's leaves

We are but a breath
in the lungs of the universe,
a beat in the heart of life,
a blink in the eyes of our ancestors,
a shooting star in the darkness of night.

You are so beautiful
that I would move mountains
just to get a better view.

I write novels in my head before I fall asleep
I'm sick of making promises I never meant to keep
I always climb the mountains that are far too steep
I'm in over my head, I'm in way too deep

the sheer force of gravity
when two galaxies collide

their arms become entangled
like two lovers holding hands

and the laws of physics are certain
by design they were destined to meet

this moment was
quite literally
written in the stars