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your body is my compass,
and its leading me down a fragmented path,
but i dont care because its everything ive ever required.
i follow your map to places ive never seen before
and its horrifying
all this reliance i waste on you,
because you dont care where you are taking me,
and you never really cared.
you continue to lead me to nowhere
to kiss your lips again
to have your body against mine again
to feel heat radiating between us again
would be like rejoining heaven on earth
i miss you
and before its even started again
its over
i cared about you
you didnt find me significant
i loved you
you didnt even care about me
i needed you
you didnt want me
i appreciated you
you used me
i cant get over you
you are already gone
my world depends on you
your world continues to turn
i want closure
youve already moved on
the second time ive been fooled by you
his fingers traced every angle of her body
like a mathmatician conjecturing a new formula
slowly yet profoundly
another snowy day
reminds me of the night
you kissed me on the front porch of your house
it was freezing
but our passion and heat
seemed to block the cold and calm the blizzard surrounding us

you very carefully grazed my snow-filled hair
looked deep into my eyes
pulled me in towards you
and kissed me
intensely and passionately

and when we pulled away
you flashed me your brilliant smile
and walked back inside
leaving me desperately yearning for more
feeling abandoned in the arctic air

every snowy day brings me right back to that night
the night of my very first kiss
the night i still had your attention
the night you were still mine
this harsh winter brings endless snowy days spent thinking about you
sometimes
love is a one way street
and i always go the wrong way
and love the ones i shouldnt
going down these one way streets causes me to crash
he looks into her eyes like an astronomer completely mesmorized by the constellations above
and mapping and plotting every crevice of her body
i trusted you to guard my emotions
but somehow you captured my heart and managed to let darkness into my chambers
your attack managed to make my heart vulnerable
susceptible to breakage
and just when I thought your invasion was over
you decided to crush my heart to absolute fragments
an unforgivable plot
yet you were forgiven
and although it took me forever to rebuild after you
i would take you back in a second
and suffer all over again
i dont understand why I keep coming back to you
your fire still burns in my heart
my lungs are gasping for your air
i mourn the loss of you
vulnerably and emotionally
i scream in agony as i think of us
my heart belts hymns of you
you were always so concerned about hurting me
because you knew that one day you would rip my heart apart
and leave me too broken to be fixed by anyone else
will i ever get over you
the hardest place to be
is right where you are
in the space between
the finish and the start
i cannot take in the unimaginable beauty of the world around me anymore
because you blinded me with love
and never unmasked me
i shouldnt have burned our bridge in the end
because as it turns out
you are everything i have ever wanted
and everything i will ever need

i shouldnt have hurt you
i never meant to hurt you
i miss you
i miss you with all my heart
forgive me
forgive me
forgive me for the awful pain i have caused you
because i still love you
after all this time i still love you
and all i know is that i need you back
i need you back in my life
please come back
i miss you. im infinitely sorry for the pain i caused you. i never meant to hurt you. i never meant to hurt you. i want you back
i like his chaos
the way he blew into my life
like a storm
tearing the walls from my soul
and freeing me into the world
your love freed me
i chased my dreams until i caught them
i chased my thoughts until no thoughts persisted
and i chased my heart until i found you
when we touch i get a contact high
the strength of an overdose
when you touch me, my entire body tingles
i had all
and then most of you
some
and then none of you
now, your face is the one i dread the most
because it is the face ive always wanted the most
but can never have
when i see your face, my breath begins to fade and my heart begins to accelerate
maybe we feel so empty
because we leave pieces
of ourselves with the people we once loved
i left my heart with you
he told me i was his endless wonder
since when did endless become transient
he embraced the crevices and ridges of her body
like an adventurer exploring new terrains
he would not be staying for long.
i scrub and i scrub and i scrub
but nothing can erase the fingerprints you have left on me
because they are imprinted in my memories
and i can still picture where your fingers have been
we went together like fire and dynamite
something was bound to explode
you and me together was like lighting a match and igniting explosives, nothing went well when i was with you
the way you feel when you kiss him for the first time-
like fire within your bones
like your souls colliding in seldom
like fountains of love diffusing from your aura
like every part of you that came from a dead star is alive again
your hands on my body
breathing hard
bare skin exposed
flesh on flesh
i let you into me
into my intimate places

my sweater still smells like you
i will never wash it again
my mouth still tastes like you
i will savor your taste while it lasts
i can still sense your hands on my body
i will remember the sensations i felt
i can still feel the rhythm of our lips moving together
i will never forget what kissing you is like

the remnants of your body are still on me
and i am trying to remember every detail of you so i never forget
because I may never have your body on mine again
i will never kiss you again, i will never touch you again, i will never have intimacy with you again
its hard to realize
that you are not a fool
for being fooled by a fool
just realizing that it wasnt my fault
another full moon
just like the one we sat under
when i still had you
nostalgic about our past
last night i stayed up
until the stars lost their warmth
until the constellations rearanged
until the moon departed back into the galaxy
just thinking about you
the night sky is clearing but im still awake
im glad ive finally found someone
whom i wont need to fake a smile around
pure genuine happiness radiates between us
if i had known it was goodbye
i wouldve kissed you harder
for so long, i have been watering my own petals
aiding in my own growth
soaking my roots with positivity and love
growing to my fullest potential

and then you came along
and i thought you would continue to help me grow
but you put me into a drought
leaving me thirsty and gasping for air

now because of you
my petals are wilting away
from your harsh abandonment and apathy
and my soul will now rot
because of this terrible lonely drought
hindering my growth
and leaving me utterly and completely helpless and alone
how can i grow when you are pulling me back
my heart is a warzone,
and you invaded just so you could attack.
you were never careful about how you treated me,
you just wanted to cause as much destruction as you could and then retreat.
but i will soldier on,
pretending everything is okay,
although the scorched earth around me is crumbling and burning.
but everything is okay,
its okay.
its hard to pretend everything is okay
she acts as if music is her entire world
her only survival mechanism
her only escape from the hateful world around her

and when she plays her music, she plays with the force of her entire heart
truthfully and genuinely

so much care is put into every note
so much precision and thought and meticulous attention to detail

she embodies the attributes of her music
she is beautiful, powerful, fierce, loving, passionate

when she plays her music, she blocks everything around her
focusing solely on forming a dramatic symphony of wonder and delight
not giving attention to her anxious wandering mind

she closes her eyes to take everything around her in
the beautiful feeling of her fingers sliding along the keys
the wood smell of her reed atop her instrument
the exquisite attachment she feels towards her silver plated beauty
the passion she feels in the deepest part of her heart when she lets her emotions flow through her horn

she plays her music seemingly effortlessly
although so much effort is put into her meticulous practice

she believes her purpose is to form chords and tones of delight,
because its all she has ever loved doing
music is her one true and deep passion
her one true love

she wears her emotions on her sleeve and everyone thinks they understand her
but she is far too complex to see straight through
nobody knows the pain she has been through
nobody knows the despair that has passed her
nobody knows the hell she has suffered

she finds that it is not very hard for others to tear her apart,
but music mends the holes inflicted on her soul
when she feels like she is drowning, music saves her
when she feels like she is falling, music picks her up

she uses her emotions to strengthen her music
to show her deepest hidden wounds and to free herself from the sorrow that has been inflicted upon her

her entire story is too complex to fully comprehend,
but music allows her to let her feelings out in a comprehensive way

music heals her heart and soul
it saves her from any pain that may arise
music is her everything
her life, her passion, her utmost talent, her world
her personal purpose at this time
her coping mechanism to fight the cruel world surrounding her
protect your body
love your body
understand your body
care for your body
because there is no home quite like the one you embody
without you
is how i disappear
and live my life alone
forever
forever alone
when you are kissing her
i want you to remember that you kissed me first
when you are touching her
i want you to remember that you touched me first
when you are loving her
i want you to remember that you loved me first
nights feel like years
when your heart lies awake
trying to grasp the last moment
when it felt at peace with you
i wish you were here to hold me
is it really love
if it hurts everyday i love him?
before you
i felt alive

and after you
i still feel alive

as it turns out
i never needed you
to make me feel anything
kissing you made all my problems go away
it made the world stop altogether
and in that moment it was just you and me
forming a symphony of pleasure and delight
with synchronized heartbeats and lips
our eyes closed, breathing hard
i let your fingers venture to places unknown
a place i have never let someone into before
our heated bodies on top of one another
swaying to the beat of one another
seemingly perfect lovers
and in that moment i was yours
all of our desires fulfilling
and our destinies linking in perfect harmony
but it cant be
it can never be
i wish you were here with me right now
i yearned so badly to be healed
that i let you into my heart
i crammed you into the small space left inside
and just hoped you had good intentions
i dont let just anyone in
you had a way of making me love you and hate you
all at the same time
i hate the way you made me love you
but i love the way you made me fall in love
maybe there isnt much of a difference between love and hate
love is a battle
we should fight while we still can
nothing can replace the love that you have for yourself
so if you cannot find a part of yourself that you are truly in love with
build the love
with your own two hands
until you can truly say that you are in love with yourself
i believe in you
i am a bulldozer,
and everyone is in my path of destruction,
and i cannot stop because there are no brakes,
and i cannot breathe because i am so weak,
and i cannot end the destruction,
it continues until i have ruined everything,
complete and utter demolition to smithereens.
sometimes i feel powerless
each morning when she brushes her makeup on her face
she feels like picasso painting a masterpiece
she is a beautiful piece of artwork
your love is my drug
i need more although you are bad for me
i need your body on mine to ease the pain
i need your lips pressed against mine to fuel my addiction
i need you to drift me to sleep at night
your love is my drug
and i am helplessly addicted
i overdosed on you
throughout the years
my heart has been bashed and broken
shattered and torn
dismantled and crushed
but i kept it together with nails and screws

then he came along
and slowly tore them out
one by one
until he was the only thing holding me together

he mended my broken heart
and i no longer need nails and screws to hold me together
he saved my broken heart
loving you felt alright
but in the back of my mind it never felt right
the only thing that puts me to rest
is knowing that we are looking up at the same constellations
and sitting underneath the same moon
you, me, the moon, and the stars
my heart aches for people ive never met
my heart recognizes what it wants although its never witnessed it before

not everything i crave is from memory
to my future soul mate, the future love of my life, i will never give up my search for you
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