Some roads you shouldn't go down
Maps use to say that's where dragons would be found
Now they don't, but that doesn't mean
The dragons aren't still there, just unseen
So on some roads you shouldn't go down  
On some roads you should just turn around

So it began, my life of pain
Covered in shame
Step-dad laid his claim

So it began, my life of woe
Down the rabbit hole
Some known how the story goes

So it began my life of tragedy
It happened so rapidly
It is now my woven tapestry

So it began, my life of regrets
Sadly it's not over yet
Impaled daily on life's bayonet

©Pauline Russell

Why did you want to hurt me again
Why do you want to twist that knife in
Your words cut worse than any knife
And I'm the reason for your strife

I swear I did the best I could
I thought I was proticting you like I should
I'm sorry I didn't know
But I'd ask you everytime you would go
But your answer was always no

But I know little kids can be frightened
And I'm sure that noose he tightened
And I don't blame you for hating me
For I am mom you see
I was supposed to protect you from the mosters
But I didn't know it would be my secound step father

I didn't know my mom would marry a another one like the first
This nightmare was the worst
I just wish you could see
I tried my very best to be
The mother you could always depend on
But now your gone

You hate me for what was done
But I want you to know if I'd had a gun
He could of never hurt anyone
And tho you hate me I'll love you always
I'm mom and I'm to blame anyways

I want to tell you of a great friend of mine
We use to be togeather all the time
We were soul connected hard to define
And something even harder to find
We both battled depression in it was one of the ties that bind

One day I told him I just couldn't go on
He told me I'll be your diamond you can lean upon
Because he knew rocks cracked so he would be the strongest that he could
And the love we shared we both understood

He called me up one afternoon and said, this might be the day
I replied hold on I'm already on my way
We just sit there in silence in his darkened room
He said you can't fix me, in his voice I heard that doom
I said I know that dear
That's not why I am here
I'm here to sit beside you
Till this patch of darkness you get through

A bullet he would of took for me and I for him
We loved each other to the brim
Friends forever him and I would always be
For there was no other friendship like ours through out the centuries

One day he could hold on no longer in the darkness and the pain
He never called me, he just stood in front of that **** train

He left a note just for me, I'm sorry *** your diamond finally cracked
And there's no turning back
But please forgive me and promise me to be strong
And instead of dying for me you must live on

So I silently promised him I'd do the best I could
Because I knew what he ment he had to go, I truly understood
I didn't know how I'd ever live without him but every day I'd try
And at least once a day I still break down and cry

It's been a few years now but I'll never get over the loss of my soul connected friend
But I count my self lucky I still get a glips of him in his son's face when he gets that crooked grin

On the other side of my bed is a galaxy
This is sadly my stark realty
No shining star, such a sad travesty
No colors in the dark exploding brilliantly

I'm waiting on the planets to align
To bring me someone that's divine
Someone that's true and kind
To save me from this darkened state
That knows my scars and can change my fate

The one I found that's sweet and kind
And really speaks of words divine
Is to far away to touch, and hold
So there is still this darkened hole
This galaxy that's void and cold

Maybe one day he will transverse
Space and time and enter in my universe
To reach across the atmosphere
And find him laying next to me here
He'll chase away all my fears

But for now I float in this cold dark space
And dream about that handsome face
And his arm I long to be engulfed in
Oh to be his lover, his friend
I want to hold him before my sorry life ends

Sitting out on a bench
Thinking, maybe I should run and impale myself on that fence
In the garage at the beams I take a glance
Maybe I should tie a rope and do the marionette death dance
Swallow a bunch of pills
Or take a gun and cure my ills
I knew there was a price for love
Now watch me fall with that finale shove
Falling down that rabbit hole
Will I come back, I really don't know

I have a glimpse of happiness
It's chasing away the blackness
But I'm scared and apprehensive
Because these feelings are so intensive

These feelings have grown in such a few days
And I am so use to things not going my way
But he is the sweets most honest man I've ever found
But I'm worried my sadness will bring him down

But for now I am floating feet not on the ground
And I'm begging to God there will not be that splattering sound
Of falling off this cloud that I'm on
I couldn't bear to turn around and him to be gone

So for now I'm gonna enjoy this feeling of hope
That someone has found me and with my darkness they can cope
This might be a turning point after all of these years
It just awful that I have all of these fears

I'm just so use to good times turning into nightmares
And hope always turning into despair
So I pray he just gives some time
Because my darkened thoughts can't turn on a dime

And even though we are miles apart
I can still feel the beat of his heart
My pulse quickens when we talk
His words always hit their mark
And he has so definitely started a spark
In a fire that so long ago had turned to ashes
But boy, does that man give me hot flashes

What was is like before I fell
Before I ended up in this hell
I don't remember I was only eight
When I got shoved into this fate
Left with feelings of self hate
Human monsters brought me to this gate

The hands of time
They did unwind
It didn't treat me very kind
It brought more monsters and called them mine

Now I'm spinning out of control
Waves of sorrow over me roll
Never knowing which way to go
Should I follow the ******* crow

It would lead me to the grave
You know that is what I crave
There's not much of me to save
For what wasn't stole from me, I gave

Or should I stay in this frozen field
Frozen solid left to deal
Trying to heal what can't be healed
Blinded by my fate, is it sealed

Will any of my tomorrows be kinder
Oh will I grow blinder
By the bites of more sidewinders
Or will I just be thrown into the grinder

I remember mud pies
Chasing fireflies
Lazy summer bike rides
Loved ones that never died
What happened to those things I had before I fell
Before I ended up in this Hell
Can anybody say,can anybody tell

Maybe one day I'll write happy poems people want to read
About sunsets, birds, butterflies, and happy little bees
But I'm pertty sure that will not happen
Because my thoughts are all blacken
I'm the charred remains of yesteryear
My innocences was very short that's all to clear
None of my life I want to relive, not one single day
They all were tinged with different shades of gray
My hope for a happier life quickly is fleeting
My life source is oh so fastly depleting
Over half my life I've all ready lived
And God still seams to have more agony to give
I must have been a really bad person in my past life
Because I've done nothing in this one to cause such strife
Don't get me wrong happiness I'm still pursuing
But with their hot breath on my neck, my demons keep ensuing
So I'll leave you with this thought in mind
Be very very greatful for YOUR happy times

With the reception I'm getting from you
I might as well be in Timbuktu
It's a growing feeling of deja vu

All my words you misconstrue
I tried to explain till in the face I'm peacock blue
One of these days your gonna get whats due

And life, on you is gonna chew
And spit you out like rancid stew
Then maybe you will feel bad for what you do

Treating me like a pair of old brown shoes
Walking on me until your through
An apology is overdue
Don't give me that look you know it's true

With you every thing is a hullabaloo
I think I'll find someone new
With them I'll move to Kalamazoo
There my life you can't askew

©Pauline Russell

The limbs grow, cover and cradle me
Like the arms of a forgotten lover
The maggots give me love bits as they slowly consume
The worms slither round about, in and out
Never again will my face wear a frown
Never again will I worry about zen
Or about how's and when's
This moss is my bed
Where I lay my weary head
Off to rest for eternity
Where the animal and insects show me love internally

Finally LOVE!!!!!!

Lips so red
Looks like they've bleed
For the lies you've spread

Eyes so blue
They're soulless too
Your blackness grew

Your arms entrap
Ensnare, react
I'm imprisoned, snapped

Your heart is hollow
In evil you waller
You make me scream and holler

Out of control
Out for my soul
My heart you stole

Black slimy books, black slimy words
Black slimy fingers cramed them into a black slimy worlds

In my cracked up mind those slimy black words sunk in
This is how the end will begain

Blackbird sitting on my windowsill
Wait for me to seal the deal

Those black slimy words soon accumulates
They become black slimy books, my imagination stimulates

The black goat waits outside my window patiently
As the black sheep walks around aimlessly

The black slimy books have now become blood slimy pictures
Seen through my mind's eye with stricter
It was all becoming the perfect blood slimy mixture

The black goat has now donned his crown
He beckons me to come on down
To stand beside him on the earths ground

The blood slimy pictures are now a blood soaked movie in my head
That plays over and over and over, till I'm filled with blood soaked dread


So I seal the deal with the blackbirds blood
Emotions overwhelms me like a torrential raging flood
Then the emotions are suddenly gone with a thud

So if you are reading this you might see why
I left with the black goat, so dont you cry
Maybe I'll be back as time goes by

There is a fly that keeps buzzing around my head
At first I just sit back and watch
But he gets more annoying as I'm trying to get myself feed
In fact this **** fly takes it up a notch
Now his circling down by my mouth, I almost ate him
Around and around, how does he not get dizzy
I have a feeling this is just the nights prelim
Won't this fly show me some pity
I'm beginning to feel like I have my own satellite
I can hear the buzz of his wings everytime he goes by
I'll find that swatter, it's going to the after life
For now that buzzing makes me want to get high

Her name is ivy
She'd say "come on and try me"
She had an hour glass figure
Her breast couldn't get much bigger
With hair from here to there
You couldn't help but stare

She had skills in the bedroom
Made strong men weak and moan
When giving blow jobs
She always got her tongue involved
She was the best in the land
Even with just her hand

But once in her embrace
You'd lose track of time and space
A little piece of heaven wrapped up in hell
She would put you under her spell

They'd always begged for more
She just knocked them to the floor
For she truly hated men
But could make them *** and *** again

That was her poison
She toyed with their emotion
She poisoned their brain
For want of her would drive them insane
They had tasted the sweet nectar
Then could no longer get her

She drove many to take their own life
For they couldn't make her a wife
She grew wild and free
You can look but not see
She was the greatest find
But she was a poisoned vine

If you ever touched her you'd agree
The beautiful Poison Ivy

Have you forgotten how this works
We get off in one big ****

You can not put me off for later
By then I will have become a fable

You must write when I command
On this fact I squarely stand

Even when sleep tries to steal you away
In your brain I still romp and play

I will make your tired body get up and write
For your brain is not that tight

The words will leak right out
You know that fact without a doubt

I know how important I am to you
So what I say, you will do

You will always do as I choose
For you can't live with out your muse

You walk with purpose down my street
Thought you wanted to taste all my sweets
Like every other man I meet
That on their wife they want to cheat

You choose me, why I do not know
But on me you did bestow
Your surgically sharp knife leave rivers that flows

Me, you saw fit to disembowell
All that was heard was my painful howl
You ****** that knife into my gut
Made a smooth quick upper cut

I watched my intestines hit the floor
You calmly walked right out the door
I was left with the messy gore
Waves of panic hit my minds shore

As the realization that my life was over
No more looking for that four leaf clover
Nothing mattered any more
This act of yours I do deplore

I grab my body's innards, to shove them back
But didn't seem to have the knack
Such a sad way to end my life
By the blade of Jacks shiny knife

Lying on my bed watching the fan move the skeletons around in my closet
I look over to the TV where my Raggedy Ann sits
A pretty little thing, but she's missing an arm
Can't help but think, like me a few parts are gone
Yet some how here we both still remain
Still existing, but never to be the same
The one that gave her to me never noticed what was wrong
She over looked Raggedy Ann's missing arm
I can only hope, most see me like my friend did Raggedy
Not for what I am, a crushed broken tragedy

There was a little girl plunged into the dark
The future for her was very stark
She never knew unconditional love
For her it was always push and shove
It was no surprise
She picked a man that was good with lies
With that choice her darkness increased
Beaten and caged, no release
She finally broke lose with young intow
Everything seemed so out of control


She finished raising her brood
All alone she stood
Protecting them from all the men
And all their sin
Or so she thought, but evil raised it's head from within
Her mom had married a bad man again
And step grandpa got her child
Her only son, that ******* *******

The drarkness has never left her side
Her heart grew chide
And there still is not a day she hasn't cried

Of course she's had day's of beauty and laughter
Those day's had to be chased after
These days are quite frail
And easily derailed
They are seen through the vail
That comes in diffrent shades of gray
But you see it never goes away

And days like today it's dark as a moon less night
Even with the sun shining bright
One small act could turn this around
But cruelty is still all she's found
So even with most of her life lived
She still in her room can be found..... hid
With shades pulled tight
To let in no light
For the dark is all she's known
So now the dark she calls home

I drown in your tears every night
Nothing I can do will make it all right
Your scars are to deep
And you weep and weep

I drown in you tears every night
You believe you're just a blight
Every time I hear you put yourself down
Or I see on that gorgeous face a frown

I drown in my tears every night
Because unthinkable, thoughts leaves a fright
That one day you'll succeed
With that awful, horrible deed

I drown in my tears every night
Knowing one day your soul will take flight
You'll never see another day
And I too soon, would be on my way

I drown in your tears every night
Your just so tired of the fight
Even tho in me, love you've found
It might not be enough to keep you around

In you I've found my one true love
We fit togeather like a hand and glove
So I'll hold on to you with all my might
As I drown in your tears every night

All these feelings welling up
They made me drink from this cup
The hatred is rising to the top
And this feeling I can't stop
I want to hurt the ****
That did such bad things to me and my loved ones
I want to crunch their bones
And hear their awful moans
I want to bash their heads
I want them to know the dread
I want them to wish they was dead
But I won't let them yet
I want them full of regret
I want to stomp their face in with my boots
Make sure their eyes are nice and loose
And turn their evil brains to juice
And when I'm done you'll find them under the cyprus tree roots
;}

Demons whisper in my ear
So only I can hear
"Pick up that gun, feel the weight in your hand
Go on point it at your temple, we promise it well be grand"

Hand gripping the gun tight, finger on the trigger
I know there are things to be considered
With gun pointed to the ground
I get up and start to pace around

In my sister's room doing laps
As quick as the grays on the tracks
Chasing that ever elusive rabbit
I'm to lost in thought and pacing is just habit
Is this my sister's test
Telling me about the loaded gun and all the rest

I could take the gun, and take a walk, the woods are not that far
Just past the cemetery, just past that golden star
Sit under a big old oak tree
Put the barrel between my eyes, count to three
A single shot the birds would scatter to the sky
I would die

But I can't do that, my sister would blame herself foever
For my suicidal endeavor
So I put the gun down
Metal on wood is the only sound
I slowly and quietly walk away
Looks like I survived another day

Do you miss me, I want to know
You don't even kiss me when I go
Do you want me to stay away
You know I can,for days and days
When you want, your passion glows
When you turn it off, icicles grow
Maybe that's just it
About me you don't really give a ****
Maybe it's only lust
You're only addicted to the ******
So you only miss my certain parts
The one you don't want is the heart
So I break myself in pieces
Wishing I was your golden fleece

There once was a tiny Dragon
The biggest anyone could fathom
He was the fiercest in all the land
And always willing to lend a helping hand
He could breath fire so you better take stock
He turns everyone into ice blocks
In this land the sun always shines
But it will stop raining at the drop of a dime
It's the land of contradiction
Every thing is fiction

Or is it???

It's Sunday morning
I'm in mourning
My "give a ****" died last night
Amongst your words "you're just a blight"
You said it, not in anger
But with the disconnect of a stranger

.........SO.........

I no longer give a ****
Killed with your hit
I'll just lay
I'll just decay
I no longer give a ****
I'll never again throw a fit
Pushed to far
Drowning in tar
I no longer give a ****
My heart you just ripped
Casted aside
Feelings died
I no longer give a ****
Your love was counterfeit

Still lying in bed
Thoughts of you still going through my head
Why did you carry it on so long
If all you was gonna do was do me wrong
You knew I was already broken
Did you need my heart as a token
Did you want to see if you could make someone die
Rip their soul out and make them cry
I hope karma does her job
I hope you are the next to sob
The only thing I did was love you
But you made me pay those dues
I've got to pull myself togeather
But lay in bed is what I'd rather
But I have a job and bills
Despite my depressive ills
I want the pain to stop
But it seems to be all I've got
Guess I'll just go back to my old life
No love, no strife
All those months wasted
All of the love I tasted
You threw me away in just one message
Without even a hint of presage
Can anyone save me
I'm going down and I don't mean maybe
Send my spirit to the sky
I just want to die

Think I'm gonna start over again
Grow myself some new skin
I'm tired of this one
It can't stand the sun

So I'm gonna sit in the rain, wash it all away
Just waiting for my someday

I'll try to wear a grin
As I'm shedding off this skin
But I fear it's my only sheath
I wonder if something's underneath
I hope that once I peel away this skin
I won't become invisible again

Floating here out in the sea
All you can see is me
The good the bad the ugly
All packed up so snugly
I am an open book
All you need is to take a look
I hide nothing in the binding
I hide nothing in my rhyming
It's all laid out so plainly
There was never anyone to save me
Countless times I've given in
Countless times I've committed sin
But I've only ever hurt myself
So I finally put me on a shelf

There's smoke in the air
It's everywhere

There's smoke in my lungs
My breath it expunged

There's smoke in my eyes
Making me cry

There's smoke in my life
Cutting like a knife


I sit and watch the fire
Burning up all I desire
I watch the wind blow
The memories that flow
Unable to stop the burn
Even with all I've learned
On all my life experiences I choke
Only in darkness is my name spoke
Nothing now but a whiff of smoke

With my pen I try to slay the demons
I am determined to chase them from my eden
With the inky darkness I will paint my picture
I will paint them with such stricture
My words will flow
And everyone I'll show
They will no longer be allowed to reside
Hidden deep inside
With the darkness of my ink
I will bring them to the brink
With the black flow, I'll shine the light
On their hideous form, no longer hiding in the night

I was ******* when I heard the fire
I was ******* in your attire
I was ******* I am all you desire
I was ******* I was your live wire
I was ******* you made me moan like a choir
I was ******* when you started that bush fire

Human monsters created in my life this gore
And opened up this darkened door
That the demons all stream through
And I am mired in all this goo

Sticky memories of torture
Leaves me standing on the border
Of who I was and what they made me
Could someone hand me the key

So I could turn back the clock
And maybe this life of horror I could stop
Or maybe twist the hands of fate
That left me in this wretched state

The sands of time keep streaming
And the demons they keep screaming
And this charred heart keeps beating
And this life no longer holds meaning
So my throat, and wrist start bleeding

As I stand here on the brink
Inside my soul is starting to shrink
In the thick black tar I'm starting to sink
It's coal black as dark as ink
I'll be gone in just one blink

Just leave me to live in this garbage
Because I've already been discarded
Like Oscar in his can
I'll be a grouch, a *****, for look at where I stand
Society has counted me unworthy
Has proclaimed I'm gritty, and I'm *****
So I'll climb to the top of this pile of trash
I'll scream out the truth, let them all thrash
For only those in the dark can see the true light
Only the broken know the true wrong from the right
In the midest of the fight is where we grow strong
So we can pull others like us along
For those not ruled by this worlds cash
Will ever be harmed by the stock markets crash
I know the worth of my fellow human
And when the world, by greed lies in ruins
We will climb out of the darkness where you've chased us
And in societies face, truth we will ******
For the darkness of man we know all to well
"For the meek will inherit the world" and love and light will prevail

Weak is my will
Missing is my skill
Aim not straight enough to ****

I'm a wounded animal with a dangerous bite
No where to hide I must fight
Backed into a corner, what a sight

Better watch out I've gone feral, I've gone madd
I've lost what little sanity I had
To the marrow, to the core, my souls gone bad

Talking to a God that's gone MIA
He never listened anyway
That why I stoped, now I never pray

Been driven over the edge with all the pain
Now agony is what reigns
I'm tired of this ****** up game

I'm sick of a life that fosters
Only Demons in my roster
With my mask, I feel like an impostor

So this skin I'm gonna slice right through
I'll pay my dues
I'll leave a blood stained hue

Then I'll slink back from where I came
Heaven or Hell it's all the same
They both play the same vicious game

On the verge of suicide
Who would really care if I died
No one thats who
I just want to be through
A few might cry reflecting on there own lifes
But no tears for me, I was just a passerby
If I just disappeared would anybody notice
I'm counted among the hopeless
So very friendless
My life is meaningless
This life plays on my weakness
I am no longer fearless
I live in constant darkness
I'm sinking into the great abyss
And this tattered life I will not miss
So swallow down these pills I might
I'm really tired of this fight
The demons are gonna win this one
The voices I couldn't over come
It's to hard to fight them off alone
So the darkness has just grown
It was companionship that I craved
Don't leave any flowers on my grave

When I die, and of this body I'm free
I want to become a Banshee
So I can warn when death is at your door
I'll love to scare you to the core
Because of the reaper you fear
For he's coming to whisper in you ear

I'll scream for all to hear
And of me you will also fear
So afraid of the unknown
But I'm really giving you a bone
Time to say your last goodbyes
Give your last pleas, with hands raised to the sky
You'll know it's time for you to die ;}

Another brick wall
I can't take anymore
My life is a chore
Watch me fall

Another brick wall
My head is throbbing
My heart is sobbing
My voices they call

Another brick wall
I'll just bleed
No way to succeed
Laying here in a sprawl

The clouds are about to burst
Please don't say things can't get worse
For as soon as those words pass your lips
The universe takes it as a challenge and shoots from the hip

My life of constant sorrow
Has tainted every single tomorrow
I'm left standing in the cold black rain
This agony filled life will continue unchanged

With demons  screaming within my brain
Like others, I am not the same
For despite my desperate pleas
The universe continually knocks me to my knees

This life I feel I was destined to live
But I'm about to cave, I'm about to give
In my past life I must have inflicted a lot of pain
For in this one I live in constant cold black rain

The rain is pouring down
Those poor worms are sure to drown
They're looking for a dry spot to be found

They crawl to that one small spot of concrete
They found what they seek
The birds are waiting with sharpened beaks

To the birds it's a rain fueled feast
With death the worms they greet
Like me, the worms are just ment to feed the beast

As I lay here on my bed and groan
I don't think I can make it all alone
I need a friend someone of value
Hell tonight I'd even take some ******
But instead I'll just toss and turn
And wish of days that I could return
When one small space in time
There was plenty of friends of mine
But I knew then as I do now
That good times fly faster than bad some how

I live in a world now where legend and nightmares are abound
And screeching and screaming are the only sound
Buried alive I don't think I'll survive
Please don't resuscitate don't revive
Please don't look, turn around just leave me to die
Everything in my life has gone awry
I think this my friend could be my final goodbye

You can call me a Saint,  you can call me the devil
But at lest my head is on nice and level

Yours was not
It was in the wrong spot
It was leaning to one side
You where looking at me kinda snide
I got tired of you showing nothing but scoff
So I chopped it off

With your head now planted firmly on my lap
Lips no longer continually flap
I'll sit and enjoy the silence,  petting you like the Cheshire Cat
Making sure your eyes are turned, enjoy the view of where your body fell flat

Copyright: Pauline Russell   10-5-16

Under the soft white glare of the moon
I watched you saunter out of my door, my life to soon
The memories of you linger like your cologne
That helps mask the feeling of you being gone, me alone
I roam the house hearing your laughter
I miss our playful banter

If only you would have stayed with me that night
But only the moon seen that tragic sight
The black marks on the road is all that gives a testimony
The stars where the only witness to the ceremony
Of the Grim Reaper's touch
As your spirit he clutched
He escorted you away from the pain
Your car had skidded and flipped in the rain
My life will never again be the same

In you I had finally found
My bliss
I found my missing passion in you kiss
I found my joy for life in your arms
You chased away my demons with your charms
Your laughter repaired my broken heart
Your love making was a piece of art
Your comforting words in the middle of my despair
They where what I inhale
They where my air
Your heart was what made my blood circulate
How, oh how could this be our fate

Why did you have to go out that night
Why didn't I go with you, because this isn't right
I can't live without my missing parts
You had my heart
You where my soul
Why did you have to go

Why did you leave without me
Surly the fates could forsee
I would crumble, shatter, splinter into bits
For now all alone in our bed I sit

The tears all ran dry
I sit here and contemplate why
Feeling so **** numb inside
Wishing I too would just die
How sweet it would be to let out life's last sigh

I'll be just like that annoying magpie
I will stalk you, till you let my spirit fly
Grim Reaper let me clarify
I'm slitting my wrist and you know why

You know what that implies
My spirit you won't be able to deny
Let me kiss,my now empty life goodby
So I can once again be with my guy
In the plain beyond, in the sweet by-and-by

When the moon comes full circle
The change rips through me like a power circuit
It starts in my toes
Far away from my heel they grow
My knees now bend backward
My bones all feel fractured
Still on two feet I stand
As I go out and survey my land

There is a hunger inside me that stirs
And my blood lust all will incur
As I run swiftly through the woods
To meet my pack, my hood
I am the alpha female the leader of this brood
In the bright moonlight we go in pursue of food

We stalk the campers in their tents
They never had a single hint
Inside their canvas shell the blood did spray
They had become our prey

We shredded the skin to make it tender
So savoury sweet as I remember
With blood dripping off our jowls
We soon go back on the prowl

I am the alpha female I am the leader of my pack
If you see us coming, you better not look back
Better yet when the moon is full and bright
Don't go wondering in the woods at night

My God has laws never ment to be breached
He loves to use tragedy to teach
He staff is always ready and in reach

You may think demons get to freely play
But he shows them the very way
He lets them use hurtful words to get us to sway

It's all just a ploy, to make us run
He leaves us under the gun
God just smiles, he's having fun
For when all is said and done
It will be to him we run

I would trade all the stars above
Just to have another hug
The sun and moon too
For your "I love you"

I miss your smile, it cut through my sorrow
Your love made me want to see tomorrow
I miss your dark ocean blue eyes
They always seen through my disguise

I miss the way you'd hug me tight
When everything wasn't right
I miss your friendship most of all
When both of us were in a fall

That day my world went from gray to black
There's nothing I wouldn't do to have you back
But way to soon you was called back home
So now I travel this dark road alone

©Pauline Russell

I promise to mislead, deceive, and begial
You can continue to live your life in denial
Pretending everything's great
As your lies you spin and create

I'm the one that comforts you in the dead of night
Not your so called friends that are so up tight

I calm your nerves
I'm what you deserve
I chase the memories away
I make everything seem ok

But somedays I make them stay
I make everything in disarray
You know on those days you just need more of me
On your back I'll always be
With the darkness always closing in, always there
I'll by the only one who truly cares
You are my favorite ******

Sincerely
Your Loving Monkey

Here I am again looking to the sky
Wishing so much that I could fly
Leave this lonesome world behind
Most people are just blind
And they will never see the truth
But up high here upon the roof

It's not so hard to find
That they are to mired in the grind
They've given in
To the greatest sin
That possessions have more worth than time
They cherish every dime

But I know the truth
It's about love, not youth
Or possession you own
It's about watching kid's becoming grown

It's not how much money
You spend on your hunny
But putting in the time
To watch life unwind

Holding loved ones close
It's what we all want the most
So I have decided I'm growing wings
Just watch as I fly away and sing
Because my love lives faraway
And Skypes not enough today

Dripping like hot molten rock
Liquid gold it just won't stop
Dropping like rose petals to the ground
The splashes of red is all around

I've seen that face
So full of sorrow and disgrace
I've seen scars like those before
The demons are poring through the door

Let them come, I don't care anymore
Living has become to much of a chore
I scream and yell, trying to get someone to care
But no one will, learned long ago life is so very far from fair

So I'll take my pills
There suppose to cure my ills
But they don't, nothing will
Living my life takes to much skill

Anguish is over running my cup
I'm so very close to giving up
So if you don't see me come tomorrow
You'll know I couldn't take the sorrow

Can you feel the hate
It's storming our gates
Picking up a gun is easier to do
Than seeing another's point of view

A rational mind
Is getting harder to find
Hate is everywhere we look
Can't you see what all it's took

Our children are afraid to go to school
Where hatred is now the Golden rule Bullied and battered
Kid's pick up guns and make things splatter

No where is safe, not the movies,  night clubs, or malls
We are left with the consequences,  and do nothing more than bawl
People are trying to fight hate with hate
Isn't that just great

Can no one see the writing on the wall
Love is the only way to stop this squall
Stupidity and hatred will be our downfall
As we look upon our fellow humans laying in that death sprawl

All we do is cry and wail
Thinking the ship has already set sail
But we can turn it all around,  if we only listen to the call
When will people realize, love is truly the answer after all