It takes 5 seconds to take a leap of faith and be fearless.
And then those 5 seconds change your outlook on life forever.

I can't seem to
fall asleep
anymore.
I lay awake
in bed staring
at my barren
ceiling,
thinking.
Thinking about
how broken I
am...how you
broke me...
It's been 5
******* years
and I'm still
trying to put
myself back
together from
the first time.
I'm still trying
to mend all my
pieces into one
again.
I don't think I
ever really
realized how
broken you
made me till
now...
But one day I
will be whole
again.

Why had she
kept trying...?
Was the question
she was constantly
asked.
She always laughed
and shook her head.
The answer was
obvious she thought.
You don't just give
up on the one you
love that easily...
because you're
still holding
onto the hope
that one day
they will
love you
again.

It hurts because you would have
never thought they would treat
you this way.

I'm extremely
happy to have
learned how to
keep my head
high and keep
looking forward
rather than
looking behind
me and seeing
your face
which is
far gone in
the past.

I was no  longer
innocent.
I was no longer
considered a
*****.
You made me
feel like that
was a bad thing.
But being innocent
is one of the best
things you can be.
Don't lose it
because you're
told it's bad, lose
your innocence
when you want
to.
When you're
ready.

do not compare.
do not do it.
you will regret it
and it will only
make you sick.
Make yourself
good enough
for you and
no one else,
because in
the end that
is all that
matters.

I'll never forget the time
you laughed at me
when I told you I was
stupid for scratching at my face viciously,

leaving me with a scab
under the bags of my right eye.

I stood there crying as you laughed.

Who knew that would be
the start of my anxiety attacks.

Your voice is a drug
that I can't get enough of.

--

Your voice is a drug
and I'm addicted.

You love me
even when I'm
not worth loving.
You love me
knowing all that
I've done.
You love me
even though I
am a daisy and
not a rose.
You love me
when I'm not as
bright as the sun,
but as dark as
thunder clouds.
You love me
for me and I've
never been so
blessed.

You knew I was
innocent.
You saw it as an
opportunity to
use me.
You thought I
was easy, so
it didn't matter
if you hurt me.
You knew I had
feelings for you,
so you used that
to your
advantage.
All I wanted
was to be with you,
but all you wanted
was my body...

I hope you find who you are
                            what you are looking for
                            your happiness
                    and true love.

Why must you
be this way?
Full of blemishes
and discolor.
I know God
wanted me
to look a certain
way,
but i'm sure
he didn't intend
for this.
I try and try
to have a clear
face, but nothing
seems to help.
I look at my
reflection and cry, cry, cry.
Even though my outside
isn't so beautiful,
at least my inside is.

I can't help
but smile
every time
I see you
smile, but
my heart
can't help
but ache.
It is as if
it is killing
me slowly
since it's
just another
reminder that
I cannot have
you.

I do not think I have ever felt this alone
since middle school...
And that is also when I was in my darkest place..
which is what scares me the most.

"I love you."
"I love you too."
These were the
words we once
exchanged, but
are now just a
blur.
And oh how I
wish I could  
hear your
voice and feel
your heartbeat,
just to know if
you meant it
as much as I
did.

You held me as I cried and that was all I needed,
thank you.

What I feel
will fade

at least I
hope.

I despise
the word.
All
memories
rush back to
me when it
is uttered.
If you are
one, stay
away.
Stay far,
far away.
I'm sick of
all the pain
people like
you, have
caused me.
I don't need
another one
in my life .
You
destroyed
me.

I'm grasping for as much air I can get...
My head is barely above water.
So this what it feels like...
To be consumed by so many emotions at once..

Sadness fills my body
As I think about how
I could never have
A chance with
You.
Oh how I wish I
Could be yours one
Day.

My heart
shattered into
a billion pieces
like glass
hitting the
pavement
as I saw you
kiss her,
wishing it was
me.

Honestly, I'm always
gonna be the one
that cares too much
about the people I
love.
Sometimes I think
it's a burden..
Other times I
think I'm blessed
to be this way.

Her personality shown through her hair,
                                                                      golden and
                                                                            pure.

Don't *******                                I didn't                           Not wanting
look at                                            realize it                         to let
me.                                                 was you                          you control
                                                        t­ill I                                 my emotions
It's been                                         passed your                   anymore.
five months                                   rolled down
since you've                                  window.                  ­       Only I
broken me                                                               ­               can control
once again.                                    And you                         my emtions
                                                        a­lready knew
Five months                                  it was                               incompetent *******
since I've                                        me                   ­                 like you
seen your                                                             ­                   don't,
lying face.                                     staring me                        not anymore.
                                                       directly in
I thought                                       the face.
it was
going so                                         That's when
well                                                 anxiety  crept
                                                  ­       up on
but you                                           me once
ruined my                                      again
streak
            ­                                              oh but
five months                                     don't forget
down the                                         the anger
drain.                                               and sadness
                                                         that followed.
I saw                                              
you at                                              I wanted
the place                                         to scream,
where i                                            but I
least expected.                               held it
                                                         all back.

I may find it beautiful but,
you may find it unusual.

You're hiding who you are
and I hope you realize
that once you show everyone
the real you, they will love you
even more.

I know I'm not the prettiest flower in the garden, but you don't have to constantly remind me.

I try to give all the souls I care about
as much of the world and pieces of heaven I can give,
no matter what time it is or what I am doing.
And believe me, I try my absolute hardest that sometimes
it drains me...
But you know what ?
       that is okay because all these souls that I love,
are what matters the most....
-  -  -
But wait...
when it comes to me , these souls do not think I am worth any part of this world
or even the slightest piece of heaven,
or a minute of the day...
So tell me why,
I continue to give my all to these souls that I love so dearly...

Maybe when I'm
Drunk and vulnerable
I'll confess it all.

Like how I love you
And the way you smile
When you tell me about
A good day you've had.

Or how I could never
Tell you I'm in love  
With you sober

Because I know you don't
Feel the same and I
Can't bare to take the pain.

Because the person who I actually
Thought would give me a chance
And show me that I did not have
Bad luck with my heart,
Proved me wrong and hurt me the
Most.
You showed me that I was not even
Worth the risk and proved me right
That I’m just not meant to be in
A romantic relationship with
Another soul.
Just solely physical... since that
Is all I am used to.

All you
need is
him.
Call to
him
when
you are
lonely.
Call to
him
when
you are
weak.
But most
importantly
call to him
when you're
strong.
Call to him
when you're
found.
Call to him
always.
Trust in
him only.

You find out who people really are
when it comes down to those
important moments....

I never realized how much you
did not care.

Im laying in bed at a horrid travel lodge and sleep can't seem to find me.

Must've been that coffee I had with my dessert, my aunt asked me if it would interfere with my sleep, I said nope.