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Lily Mar 2021
I will always be scared.
I cannot say that
I have always been nervous
Now I know
This is just how I am.
I have nobody.
It would be wrong to say
Someone would care,
If I destroyed myself again with my thoughts
I am just a worthless wreck
Nobody can convince me that
I am a warrior.
Needless to say, this past year has been insane, but my current English teacher has challenged me to start writing poetry again, so I hope you enjoy my debut of 2021!  (Don't forget to read it backwards!)
psyche Jan 2021
How many times have I quietly sobbed today?
Finally letting my walls down as I let myself know I am alone.

The room is filled with heavy gasps of air,
only for my ears to hear.
No, these aren't your regular inhales and exhales.

They come with little sobs and whimpers
that changes your breathing,
They come with sharp pains in your chest as if you're drowning,
They come with little pools of water that has the capacity to carry an immense weight of sadness.

Defying the Laws of Physics,
wetting your face that never seems to stay dry
with each little drop.

All at once,
You feel as they come at you.
Like a firework had just been lit,
prepared for what's to come on the 4th of July.





Suddenly, all these that surges from you stops.
Your ears ***** on slow yet heavy thumping sounds . . .  !

You get up, and the fireworks in your chest fall at once to your hollow stomach.
Making a crashing noise of empty cans on shards of previously broken glass.

You wipe your tears and stare back,
as your reflection in the mirror smiles at you.

a fleeting moment of hate and disappointment pass through your mind

Inhale. . . .                                                                ­                                       
                                                                ­                                    . . . .Exhale

"it's sharp and it stings...'s tight and all very familiar"

A new task has begun as soon as you end one,
and just as quick a routine ends and night awakens....
The same routine awaits to greet you,

once the Sun wakes the world.
title inspired by Kate Chopin's "The Story of an Hour". give it a read if you haven't :))

! TW !: I feel like people with anxiety might find the last line triggering
Skyler Aug 2020
Everything may end,
The unknown knows.
All you dread.

You are held aloft.
Seeing the events.
Quiet and tense.

The storm builds,
Thunder softly stirs.
Shy away.

Come down,
Touch the earth.
Unbearing suspense.

Your breath is taken,
You are made blind.
Speech is numbed.

Hide from all,
Seek none.
Hear no-one.
I can only count on myself.
Lela May 2019
The more steps I take the more I lose my breath
I try to run but I can’t escape
It’s getting closer I think it’s too late

It caught  me again

My heart starts pounding
My hands start shaking
Nobody can hear me
Nobody can help me
Casey Jan 2019
My turn to go up next.
The teacher glances toward me and nods.
I grab my instrument and walk to the front of the room.
A chair and stand awaits me.
I set the sheet music on the stand and take a seat.
"Whenever you're ready," he says.

I lift the french horn to my face and pause.
I remember the people before me who went,
eyes full of fear.
Hoping with every ounce of their soul
that they won't mess up.
My chest constricts tightly.
I struggle to take a breath, then begin.

The first note is perfectly on pitch.
So far, so good.
The phrase flows smoothly.
The piece goes well,
until I take a risky glance around the classroom.

A knot forms in my stomach.
Everyone is looking at ME.
Expecting ME to do well.
My fingers fumble as I miss a note.
I panic and rush the rhythms,
not caring if I miss the pitch.
I just want this TORTURE to be over.

Their gazes are icy.
The piece ends and I swiftly let my instrument down.
I hang my head low.
The ones before me look grim.
Surely I had disappointed them

The director says nothing.
The silence is KILLING me.
I feel my face flushing red.
The room is getting warmer.
"Next?" He asks, prying that I should take my spot.
I get up and take my things,
then do exactly that.

The next person plays perfectly.
I applaud with tear-stained hands.
They are praised well as they walk to their seat,
beaming in glory.

Who am I to pretend
that I understand this madness
called success?
Playing your solo for the class is never fun.
forestfaith Jul 2018
Tighten chest.
Stupid fest.
Hated feast.

Shaking hand.
Can't breathe.
Heart hurting.
Continuous gasping for air.

" I am so stupid. What did I do?"
"What am I doing!?"
"You foolish hag what are you doing?"
I am hardly free from this anxiety.
Free me...
Social anxiety is not just being shy....
It's so hard to overcome it....
forestfaith Jun 2018
.........A bag of stones as my heart.
              Water lillies as eyes,
          A glass vase as my body.
     I couldn't think with this thunder
   storm of a mind and I couldn't
speak  when my heart is racing, running out

  of time. Blurred is my vision, heavy, are my thoughts. My heart filled with the heaviness of fear and nightmares. 
 I don't know what to do. I don't want
   to enter into the dark lairs of death
           I am afraid, fearful, hurt
                And lost. I hope you
                     God would help
                         me through
                          this storm...........................
Hope you have a great year ahead!
Lyda M Sourne Feb 2018
I take all these tests
all over the internet

they come back
all the same

they come back

I don't need the tests
I live it

Because they always come back
I had an official diagnosis, but I didn't go to get therapy. I don't have the time or energy or money to get it. And I don't want to make my family worry.
winter Nov 2017
the only time
i have ever felt calm
is in the presence of pain.

it laps at my brain
and takes over my body
as i cannot feel anymore

there are times that i adore
the excuse to tuck myself away
as i am washed into a darkness

the world never sits on the same axis
when my soul tries to stitch itself back together
after it splits under too much pressure

i used to imagine that u could breathe under water
as i could make up for when i felt so much weaker
in the atmosphere that waited above me

all my effort strengthened my need to be carefree
but i knew my work would always lead
to my visits to my mind’s coroner

i allow my whole self to wander
finding pseudo relief in jumping to conclusions and off cliffs in my mind
only to find real solace just when my thoughts stop

i have memorized the reactions of when my face drops
and a quiet captures my mind
because it scares me, too

my calmness it different to you
i’ve seen this my whole life
as when i hurt, at first, no one seemed to see

but later, i saw how different pain was for the mind and body
for everyone else it was so separate
but i felt them as if they were alive inside me

migraines that felt like a caged animal trying to break free
my skull shattered as my body overheated
mind and body desperately trying to reject something unknown

it was at these times that i would lay prone
pondered at the ceiling with thoughts
that were so irrational they became logical

there was were my self would dull
my soul turns inside out and i relish
in the nothingness that is sure to come

my body wakes with a rejuvenated thrum
and i start the story all over again
and i stare through once calm waters to see myself for what feels like the first time.
i have a desperate need to be validated
lulu Jan 2017
I’ve always been consumed with a sadness and heaviness i could never rid myself of
I wrote constantly.
I knew what heartache felt like and yet nothing could have prepared me for this.
I have not yet lost you.
You’re still here, you still love me.
But for how long?
My mind keeps running back to that sadness to that emptiness and i ask, “how much longer do i have?”
I’ve taken up tarot cards, runes and pendulums and i ask them all the time.
I ask them how things are really going.
I ask them if you still love me or if you’re only pretending.
“How much longer do i have?”
I want to be prepared.
I want to know you’re leaving before even you do.
I want to grieve before it happens so it doesn’t **** me.
I feel the anxiety burning in my chest already.

I find myself daydreaming about a future where I’m in a lonely little apartment late at night and I can feel your arms around me. However, when I roll over to face you there’s no one there and I remember that you’re with someone else and you’re happier with her.

I don’t want that to be real.

I don’t want you to leave.

I’m scared.

So I try to hope for the best but I want to prepare for the worst.
Please tell me how long I have. Please tell me before it ends.
i might be crazy
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