I've given a lot up for you in my short life of fifteen years. I've given up blowing out candles and making wishes and sleep over someone who doesn't even give a **** about me. So, when you, someone who is way past my years yet more of a child then I ever will be, came to me like that yesterday, on a day for women and men who deserve to be praised for being loving parents, all sloppy hugs and cold kisses, I couldn't let you get any farther. For too long have you pushed me aside for alcohol and bruised lips and cigarette smiles and I'm sick of being the one who has to die for your smoking breath. I am so **** tired of having to pretend that what we have is still there, when it never existed. Thank you for the years of abuse and hatred and abandonment, mom.

But the funny thing is that I Can Capitalize Every **** Word and yet you will still never understand what you did to me. With a growing tumor and a shrinking heart, I can't stand the thought of forgiveness. And it's okay because I don't need you. Before, I was just the shell of a scared girl but now it's just my daddy and I and we. don't. *******. need. you. Because we are strong, and brave, and we have learned to love ourselves again.

So I am thankful of you, actually. I'm thankful that you showed me who I can be without you, and you showed me that the person who I am now, never wants to change because of a person like you.

Im just a boy
They like to call gay
Ive heard all the words
They say it everyday

I can't go anywhere
Without getting some stares
They whisper in ears
The pain I can't bare

Why can't I be normal
Be like all the rest
Why can't I be straight
I pray and protest

But the prayers do not work
For theres no one around
I wait for the day
To live in the ground

I try so hard to change
I don't like myself
This isn't fair
I search for help

I find a light
That guides my path
I start to wake up
I breathe and I laugh

I know who I am
I let it be known
The darkness has left
And my spirit has grown

I hold my head high
And my feet float off the floor
Push away the sadness
I once felt before

Ive found my true love
He's just like me
Perfect in all ways
We both share are glee

I accept who I am
Im never a fake
This is who I am
So give me a break

If gay is so wrong
Let these words be sung
Your important and loved

Gifted.
Admired.
Young.

Every night when I go to bed
I toss and turn
Can't rest my head

A man that stares outside the glass
The night that never seems to pass

Who is this man
I do not know
The air is still, a distant glow

This man is dark but he isn't bad
Reminds me of my unknown Dad

He holds a smile thats oh so bright
And when I start to fall asleep
He disappears and says "goodnight"

It started with fun nights and stopless laughter.
It started with sweet kisses in our blanket fort, warmed by the lights hanging above us and surrounded by the soft music repeatedly mumbling love words.

It faded into talking less and only hours within 2 weeks of seeing each other, but that didn't bother us.
It should have.
It faded into ignoring each other's texts and hiding from words that start with L, hopelessly wishing that the initial spark would hold up a house of cards instead of burning it down.

It is presently a mutual relationship of two acquaintances who act like they don't know what to do with their freed hands hanging loosely instead of being held.
It is presenty an awkward time for me. Where I don't want you, but I miss you, or the things you used to represent at least, like passion and things that aren't supposed to be.

Key words: aren't supposed to be.

The grass is speaking
The sound comes tickling me in my ears
just like his voice
When he touches the grass, it slips through
his beautiful fingers and
it touches his fingertips
in such a perfect way

We don't say a word

He lies down in the summer grass
it shapes his perfect body
and strokes his defined cheekbones

It's only him, me
and the speaking grass

I ate too much food
America's a ninja
Suddenly you're full.

It's crazy how
The phone rings and
I'm disappointed that
The person I thought
I loved the most calls.
Because I realize, I can't
Love them that much
If I'm here
Wishing they were you.

I trip
Bleed
Stumble
Then I fall

But it doesn't bother me at all
Upon my own name, I shall call
You think it's evil?
I'm just another kind of fanatic

It's ridiculous
Despicable me?
A little blood lust, maybe
Don't be so predictable

Deranged?
Please
I'm only slightly insane
I'm still wondering why you came

There it is!
I hear the voices again!
They're screaming at me!
They don't wanna leave

Guess they're staying
And so am I
Oh, sweet child, don't you cry!
You're ugly with tears!

Can you believe it?
The demons chose me
Permanently
It's wonderful really

Why are you running?
Do you think this is funny
It is, isn't it?
The sound of your sobs really cracks me up!

Twisted humor?
Please.
You're practically in a drunken stupor
Laughing, or are you dying?

I'm not sure anymore
But I see bodies all over the floor
Man, what happened last night?
Too bad I don't remember

See, you gotta know me
You can't just learn me!
Thought you'd been prepared?
Haha! Look what happened

You're trapped now
Never gonna get back there
Just stop screaming!
It's useless

Because I'm Satan, and I'm Ruthless

Poet: be gentle with yourself
never compare yourself to the coffee house across the street
the one that looks so lonely and wise with it’s brewing tales
and tea leaves
do not forget that you are a magician’s tarot cards, fate
holders and dream menders and plot twisters
poet: be gentle with yourself
you are a small wind hiding from the storm
but trust me your calm will come
remember that you are made of the stars and the universe
and that every atom inside of you is alive just like how
your words are
poet: be gentle with yourself
I know how it feels to hold back from writing
because you depreciate your own self worth
but trust me
the sun shines every day
just to catch a glimpse of you
and the moon cherishes your
fluttering eyelids the way I
cherish you.