Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
 
Xyns Aug 25
I keep thinking how Jesus raised Lazarus from his tomb
And about how that really must have healed his family’s wounds
I’ve been praying for some leniency for yours too
Still, no matter how many tears I shed, it’s for no use
He must have thought Lazarus deserved life more than you

But I don’t think he does
See, I think God chooses favorites
And it just wasn’t us

I keep begging for a miracle to come through
Hoping that all this tragedy doesn’t have to be true
And I know it’s pointless of me to do
But I’m only human; What am i supposed to do?
Xyns Aug 16
An infinite well of effort
Something only dedicated to a select few

Refuse to exhaust myself
For anything lesser

No work to right a wrong
That doesn’t include myself

Never again will I cry
Over a loss of love

Relationships
Deserve no time and
No energy to mend

There’s no value found
In self pity
Or in the arms of men
Xyns Aug 15
I’ve read a lot of books
So many stories

They always describe it the same
Dry mouth, empty thoughts
Usually even instant understanding
But that wasn’t how it happened for me

They all say they couldn’t breathe
But I was breathing too much
Hyperventilating

There was nothing empty about my mind
The thoughts were racing
Oh, all the images
The memories
Of you and me
Under the bridge
And at the trailer parks

Our last conversations
That very final hug
But not our last embrace

I held you from the casket
I planted a loving kiss on your face

My tongue didn’t feel dry
I was mumbling to myself
Screaming in devastation
Drowning in my grief

I kept calling your phone
Praying for an answer
Praying for anything

I needed it to be a lie
I needed it all to be fake

I couldn’t understand
No sense could it make

I threw my head against the walls
Hoping the bricks could seal my fate
Blow after blow
Trying to join my soulmate

Pleading

Bargaining with God

I’ll change my ways
Just let this be okay

Begging to have you back that day

Hopeless.
Lost.
My soul felt pointless.

And when I saw you for the first time
When I laid my eyes on that box
It wasn’t just you; it was me that I saw

I was you and you were me
And I knew the truth
I was dead now too
Dedicated to my best friend. Bryce Aaron Rhodes-Ewing
October 8, 1996 - July 24, 2020
Xyns Nov 2020
Only a few things make me crack
I can’t handle comments on my weight
No I don’t think that I’m fat

It takes me years to gain
“Little girl, don’t you eat?”

All I want is curves
I can attain them too
But if I miss even one meal
It all falls through

I wish I was invisible
I wish no one cared
I wish that when I enter the room
It won’t feel like everyone stares
Xyns Jul 2020
You could give me the world
And I'd still be cold
Staring through the screen door
Full of
Boredom
And
Resentment
Xyns Jun 2020
He's a Taylor Swift song
Dancing with me in my wildest dreams
He's Sam Hunt and Kane Brown
Giving me a taste of Heaven
Only to disappear when I wake up

He's my delicate heart
Stranded in the ocean
Surrounded by waves
And currents taking him away

He's still all that I need
Even when he doesn't want me

He's Cajun Louisiana
Delicious king cake
Living in sunny California
Giving me the darkest days

He's my white wine nights
When I'm all alone
Praying for his family
Though he won't be mine

He's the smile on my face

The feeling I chase

An unattainable embrace
Xyns Apr 2020
Clinging losely
To whatever you have left for me

Privately
I talk to myself

Why are you here?

I don't understand

You say you love me
The years prove it true

But, God, I'm ugly

Utterly void of any virtue



I swear I'm dying inside.


I know you can't save me

But let's pretend
If only for a moment
That you and I are real

Am I enough?

I don't feel so
I never do

You don't know what I see

Mirrors aren't kind to me

....
God, I hope you know me.
Next page