why won’t you come find me,
when my eyes clearly search for you,
when you’re the only thing
I’ve been looking forward to?
why don’t you come find me?

medicine doesn't always come in the form of a capsule, powder or bitter tasting liquid. medicine isn't always hard to swallow or a pain to refill at the pharmacy, nor is it made by a chemist wearing a white coat and goggles. sometimes medicine is a heartfelt laugh from the person you love. it's a gentle whisper that everything is okay, a squeeze of the hand bringing reassurance and calm. medicine is a smile with eyes turned up in a grin. it's an hour of time spent in the park with kisses and conversation. it doesn't come with annoying side-effects of pounding headaches and dizziness with fatigue. instead it reaps results: healing of mind, body and soul.

when I called your name
you came running to be beside me
no matter the hour
you’re always there
holding me during my storm
all of my fears fade away
when I’m in your arms and love
you’re my shield and cornerstone
you don’t hesitate when my horror is too much
you whisper gently in my ear that all is alright
that you’re there and I’m safe with you

today I kissed you.
over and over again.
I hope you didn’t mind it,
I just couldn’t help but crave it,
after the first time.
your lips against my own felt so normal.
it felt like my own were molded to fit yours,
I wonder if you thought the same.
it was your first kiss,
you said you didn’t expect it,
and I’m sorry I was impatient,
but you looked so beautiful, so tempting.
my lips still burn with the desire you left on them,
every time I think about it my heart races.
and it’s only one kiss into forever.

you were here and gone so fast
it felt too soon but your presence calmed me
the second you left I felt distressed
my heart was drug behind you
when you walked away
I wanted to follow and cling to you
and never let you go
you ease my mind and I forget my pain
every single second I’m with you
I’m lost, helpless and afraid without you
when I leave you it’s a struggle
my mind shuts down and I panic
the world caves in and I can’t breathe
I want to be in your arms again
I need to feel you beside me again

our love is more than lust
you hold me gently and don’t let go
we have something special
something most don’t
we live a dream of a kingdom filled with gold
and a gift I give is reserved for you
so be careful with my precious delicacy
don’t break me
please don’t scar my heart
be careful with me
love me tenderly, don’t be rough
I beg of you with earnest
just be there when I need you
you’re all I need
I know that you love me so
it’s evident
all this time I knew full well
and I believe
all I have is what I’ll give
for exchange of your voice
you are all I know to love
this is all I know to know
no one ever taught me
the ways that are not you
all my love is all for you
you are my brightest light
my star
the universe is in your eyes
with dust of galaxies
I love your gentle gaze you bestow on me
and I’ll always look to you
eyes wet from tears
I’ll see you and be cured
all this time it was you
the source of healing
you take my pain
and you make it all go away

I fell deeper into the touch you gave me
a colorful darkness surrounded my mind
my breath was aligned, my soul cried out
every inch I felt of you left me breathless
your warmth became my addiction
I craved it more and more
I pressed into your hand upon my skin
as it etched it’s loving claim on me
the gentleness that fueled your affection
made my body yearn so deeply
all I seem to do is ache without you
a dull pain permanently resides
between my ribs and on my skin
no medicine or elixir
could ever cure me of this ache
only a touch of your skin upon my own
could wipe away every pain
you do it time and time again
every time I breathe you in
and your every press on my skin
is what cures my every sting
I hold no fear of death when you hold me
all my anxiety is washed away
I only felt the then and there
because I couldn’t get enough of you
and my prayer is for this to be our forever

I am a lover
from the deepest parts of me
of words and of you

ever since I met you
all my words fall freely
your affection is my encouragement
inspiring me to transcribe
these emotions so fresh
your smiles moves my hand across paper
your laughter flows like ink
because the man I love holds my words
and he makes sense of them all

it’s alright if you run out breath
no one will blame you
making mistakes is okay
it all happens to everyone
please don’t be ******* yourself
be well

I’ll never understand
what you may go through
but I promise I’ll always hold you
I’ll hold your heart in my hands
protect it with the last of me
I’ll always love you and all your imperfections
because loving you is all I do

when the light has faded behind the horizon
and the darkness has made itself at home
I’ll be there by your side
together we’ll walk hand in hand
toward the sea of healing
no matter how long the path is
I’ll be there every step of the way

this is my promise
that everyday I’ll choose you
even when the life has been swept away
I’ll cover you in all my love
beside you until the end

no one has ever made me feel the way you do
and because that I’m grateful
I want to make you happy
all the days I live
you are my forever
and I love you with all I am, it’s unexplainable
all I know to do is follow you

you are my light and my friend
my greatest joy and treasure
and you are my love

insecurity gets the best of me.
even when I don’t mean for it to.
a fear of becoming bothersome
with these afflictions I try to suppress.
I suffer restlessly with these sentiments,
earnestly craving a silence from the voices
that resound persistently in my head.
I struggle with the irons wrapped around me,
screaming routinely that it’s all a facade.
no matter how hard I try, how far I run,
the thoughts are always ahead of me.
always one step in front, beckoning me.
enticing me to welcome their embrace.
an embrace of sorrow, of lies and of pain.
a place of immeasurable uncertainty.
blanketed by a face of calm.

I trust you will take care of me
for as long as we both shall live
during days of rain and darkness
I know you'll be my light
your warmth will envelope me
your skin shall find my own
with every whisper, every heartbeat
I'll give myself to you
I trust you with my life
that you'll cherish and protect me
I will follow you wherever you go
because you are my shelter and my shield
your love will be my guide
my medicine and my covering
I know full well you will take care of me
for as long as we both shall live

when I awoke, my bed was empty,
and your warmth was not beside me.
I looked for you, you did not come.
my eyes searched for yours,
only to be left with a broken heart
when the door opened,
revealing an unfamiliar comfort.
o, let me receive you, come now.
fill this empty space in my bed,
plant a kiss upon my head.
take my hand, trace my skin.
outline my aching frame.
like a river, let thine love flow.
deny me not this truth.
love me, that’s all I ask of you.
riches we need not.
just the love in our hearts.
let this carry us through all of our days.

I love, my love. this love I give to you.
here, love! find rest in my ***** of sleep.
dear, heart. I beseech you, open your pain.
let hurt flow and feel the stinging of the rain.
pray, do not hide from my shield.
instead, won’t you come find shelter in your grief?
I implore, implore! I swear to you I hear.
no judgement shall find you, from what you whisper in my ear.
I promise you refuge, and a never-ending love,
shall descend on you like healing light from above.
come, humble vagrant.
pursue my listening ears.
I promise to never push you away,
no matter what it is you say.
I see your value, your identity, your worth.
such beauty given at your birth.
I ache and long to share your pain,
help in anyway I can.
I’ll take your pain and your sorrows,
I’ll make them my very own.
here I am to love, like a fetter bind thy to me.

just tell me that you think I look pretty tonight
and that my eyes look dazzling under lights
please don’t hesitate on all that you’re thinking
because now all the thoughts in my head are spinning

I’ll start acting like a lady,
no more misbehaving,
I promise that I’ll change me.
no more of what we’ve been up to.
I’ll leave it all up to you,
no more of what we used to do.

his love stretch’d down from heaven above
with my peace derived from his affection
once astray now brought to life
lost in an untamed sea, but
o, what joy - o, what joy
he found me

sometimes I find it hard to talk to you
so I make lists in my sleep,
of something I could say.
but still I come up empty.
what is it about you?
I can’t live with you or without you.
every single day, I sit in my anxiety.
trying to find a way to say anything.
won’t you remember that I’m your baby?
and if you give a ****, won’t you not leave me?
you’re the one I’ll always choose,
please be mine and don’t waste my time.
love me for who I’m meant to be,
so won’t you please give me something?
because sometimes it’s hard for me to talk to you.

your might is like a river
your unfailing power flows
readied arrows in the quiver
but it’s mercy you bestow
you don’t relish in the flesh
rather it’s delighting in the heart
for my life in turn be blessed
is the reason you take part
your love is what admires
my humbly surrendered name
what your soul desires
is your compassion made my fame
and it’s your conceit you abdicate
to transpose my wayward state

each night I can’t help but think about you,
imagining you’re next to me lulls me right to sleep.
I pray for the warmth that I can only conjure up in my mind.
the darkness lasts too long without you,
and suddenly I’m four years old again,
with creatures lurking in the shadows and monsters under my bed.
then I’m yearning for your touch to bring me calm,
settle me down and ease my anxious heart.
I can’t help but want you next to me,
I have space next to me for you to lay your head.
so, until the day comes that you’re here,
I will silently wish for you all over again.

i love to read what you write me
seeing how your mind works,
figuring out your style.
it's a pure form of beauty,
learning how you think and
articulate your emotions,
and how you express the thoughts you have.
i'll never grow tired of your mind,
for how can something so beautiful ever be mundane?

Yo hago todo si me dices por favor
because I can’t resist the way you say it mi amor

I never want to live without you
if you ever stray from me
please just take my breath away
empty lungs hurt less than a broken heart

all I ever do is run
because I seem to do more harm than good
would you even notice if I fell away?
kept on running with no plans to stay.
I’m no extraordinary universe,
no one can really see me.
I’m nothing more than an empty room,
filled with broken pieces that no one wants to see.

when I fell in love, I became depressed. it snuck up on me, so subtly I hardly even noticed at first. I began to wonder what went wrong, or if anything had actually gone wrong. and nothing had.

I became depressed when I fell in love. not because of him. not because of what he did because he did everything right. I became depressed because I was afraid that I was messing up. ruining our relationship before it could even start. I was worried that I would **** this up, and I was scared because this was the one person I didn’t want to **** things up with.

and that’s why I began to be depressed, the moment I fell in love. the deepest realms of my mind began to tell me I wasn’t good enough for someone as perfect as him. that soon, he would leave me just like the rest of them. but he’s not like the others and I know that so well. he’s different in the fact that he loves me purely, not for some material reason. with all my heart I love him, and I know he loves me too, but these sinister parts of me haunt me to my core.

when I became depressed, I knew I was in love. such a morbid indicator but it meant something. it meant that for once I knew I had someone who loved me more than anyone else had. it meant that I loved them too. I loved them so much that I was afraid of ruining it. I dwelled on it so often I sent my mind spiraling out of control. an unhealthy cycle of doubt and worry. insecurity tangled with feelings of not being worthy enough. for how could I, someone so scarred, be entrusted to somebody so perfect?

I tiptoed on ice around my feelings that danced like ghostly figures. they whispered nothingness into my ear that I tried to push away, but couldn’t. I held so tightly onto the three words he spoke over and over and over to me, clinging with all my might that just maybe that warm feeling that radiated through me with each syllable would somehow overpower the darkness. and it did.

every time he said he loved me a stitch was sown onto my broken heart. each smile, every laugh slowly pieced me back together again. he fixed me, just as he promised. his gentle spirit, his kindness that brought me to my knees in tears and relief healed every broken thing inside of me. his constant reassurance, his selflessness and his patience in times I didn’t deserve it, fixed me. though doubts and fear still come my way, leaving me helpless and uneasy, I know that the darkness lies, and it always has.

when I fell in love, I became depressed. but the longer I loved, the more joy that began to fill my heart. with every tender touch and gentle whisper, he restored my soul again. and in loving him, one so perfect and kind, purified my heart to love without fear and to love him unconditionally. because I am enough. I’ve always been enough.

I’ve more love for you than the galaxy has stars, the place where heaven must lie. a vast eternity of beauty so unfathomable, only a fraction of souls seem to accept that one cannot understand it.

likewise, you will never know just how much I love you. everything that makes you who you are makes me love you more. my love is as infinite as the universe, it goes as far as the east is from the west, forever.

the dust of the stars are in your eyes, reflecting worlds you yearn for and of places so unearthly, so unimaginable. the longer I contemplate on my soul’s adoration for you, the only result I receive is a plethora of renewed love. a commitment to love you beyond the stars, push beyond the boundaries of what one can comprehend and give unconditionally.

because my love for you is as timeless as infinity and it outnumbers the stars. and the universe is but a mere speck in comparison to all the love I have for you.

so please just tell me that you love me
even if you don’t really mean it
just trick my heart into believing you
say it so that I may rest, tonight

it’s dripping from my lips
running down, as I look up at you
meeting your lion eyes
I push it down further,
feeling your warmth captivate me
I close my eyes
taking you in in every single way
abuse my innocence
I surrender my frame,
so play me like your game
making your own rules as you go
you are who I submit my name
walking into your room,
the color in our eyes blurring with lust
the stares of a king
looking at his gold
overflowing with a treasure unknown
spread before him, helpless
pleading for a form of mercy
and sweet, sweet release
this fire it churns deep inside,
burning up all through my spine
dry tears they fall down
and from my head slips my crown
your precious little treasure
bought with silver and gold,
I promise to be on my knees
bowing before your power
listening to every order given to me

I have the honor to be
your obedient servant

his eyes
they’re calling me
lost in a grey-blue sea
pray they tell no lies

i fall
before him on my knees
begging pretty please
answer my call

loving you
every single day
when you throw your belt away
is all I do

the sound
of the buckle on the floor
makes me wish for more
of this love so profound

I know
you’ll waste no time
in this paradigm
to set our tempo

maybe I do love him.
despite every time I try to deny it all,
it still hurts sometimes.
I’ll always remember how he kissed me,
held my head gently in his hands,
pulled me close and touched me just right.
I want it to get easier,
slowly letting go of the one who damages me,
but he lays claim to me,
every time I try to give my heart away.
reminding me he had me first,
and knowing that I’ll always fall for his touch.
I’ll never escape him,
because I could never say no to him.
he knows the power he holds over me,
knows how easily he could have what he wants.
my hopeless heart cries out,
praying for a form of clarity,
that never comes.

my hurting heart loves both sides
all the little children each opinion carries
I long to love them all individually
heal their brokenness at every checkpoint
for a belief is not a label
and a war is not a home
come, let us reason together
let every tongue and tribe make peace
all as one can we fellowship at the table
share our minds and hear the other’s
please, the time has come for peace
too many years of opposition,
too much bloodshed and violence
how many lives is liberation worth?
the freedom of all people,
the hope of all nations.
let peace start in the rising generations,
to ensure that peace will last.

just because I enjoy solitude doesn’t mean I feel alone.
sometimes for me silence is what soothes my soul.
truly, when I’m off by myself I’m not in part, but in whole.
I can finally sit in my creative throne.
I can reflect on the past and see how I’ve grown.
I honestly prefer not parting my lips,
but rather, I like to keep my pen going in my fingertips.
because in my solace I write in my own tone.
I favour the quiet over the noise.
I’d much rather be my own one and only.
for when in silence I am full of poise.
because when I’m alone I am not lonely.

I feel as if you already should’ve known,
I am not lonely when I’m alone.

to love is to be afraid.
afraid of forever.
because forever is eternity.
and eternity creates disquiet.
but with you it seems at ease,
this notion on loving incessantly.
almost like the concept of time is nonexistent,
that with you it does not grieve.
my heart be disposed, pray.
that I may love you.
and give you everything.
everything.
a list of firsts and lasts.
comfortably and effortlessly,
so it seems it was painted without a fault.
stars aligned just perfectly,
hearts in sync as one.
that I may love you selflessly,
without fear of failure,
or the concept of an unworthy mind.

I love you,
in the strangest way one could.
my heart longs for you,
but I know you’re far from my reach.
everything is different,
when I am with you.
I want you to cherish me,
maybe love me too.
but I know that’s not how you are.
I want you to live up to your name,
be enDearing, because you’re winsome.
be enchanting and gentle.
but everything is polar opposite.
I pray you bear no malice,
hold no ill intent inside your heart.
but o, how pretentious the knave is!
woe, a look of haughty disdain.
I want to give you my gift,
wrapped tenderly in years of refinement.
though I fear you would not accept it humbly.
you take me lightly, just another prize.
a dozen shots you’ve drank,
when I’ve drank not one.
your lips on mine, uninvited.
but soon warmly welcomed with their craft.
what makes you special,
is what I think on.
from one mouth I learned you defended me.
spoke up for my aching mind,
when I was no where near.
I sense your callousness breaking,
as earnest eyes begin to leak.
I meander through this labyrinth,
weaving in and out of all these chances.
so please don’t scar my heart,
not when I open up so much to you.
I let myself feel when I’m with you.
letting you touch my skin, but also my soul.
is this all just some gods experiment?
an experiment where I have no say.
where I’m given paradise,
but only for a day.

you remind me of him...
just your mannerisms in my mind.
instead of seeing you I see him,
it frightens me to no end.
I can hear his voice inside my head...
it echoes through my ears,
the voice in my head,
how much must I beg,

to rid it from my mind.

with all due respect,
please don’t love me yet.
my heart is too fragile,
too broken, still it aches.
I can’t take another heartbreak,
I’m too afraid to let you in.
as much as I want to,
I’m too ******* with the past.
I beg of you,
please don’t love me yet.
I’m not ready, it’s moving all too fast.
hold the names on your tongue,
please don’t say them yet.
my eyes they burn with tears,
as fear begins to pool.
I cannot love you yet,
I’m too freshly healed.
this has nothing against you,
not one bit it does not.
I want to fix myself,
so maybe I can love you best.
I wince at the names you call me,
please don’t call me that yet.
I don’t have the heart to tell you this,
how can anybody?
I wish to rid myself of the pain,
to let go and let you in.
but I can’t, I just can’t.
please let’s take this slow.
we’re moving far too fast.
I don’t mind the stories and the questions,
but please hold off on love.
is it so hard to ask?
with all due respect,
please don’t love me yet.

I used to write poetry.
write about feelings I’d never known before.
but now that I experience them,
the emotions once foreign to me,
I realize they’re nothing like I imagined.

I thought my heart would pour words onto paper,
overflowing with an uncontrollable joy.
but instead it’s soft and steady.
a warmth that radiates calmly across my chest.
it’s simple and it’s comfortable.

now that I know what this feels like,
it’s as if I’ve lost my vocabulary,
forgotten how to write.
because the only thing on my mind
is this feeling you give me.

one I’ve never known before.

they don’t know.
they don’t know.
I tell myself over and over and over.
it’s impossible,
purely impossible,
for one to know my thoughts.
they cannot see me,
they cannot know,
so why is it I hesitate.
this feeling of paranoia,
so strong it drives me to insanity,
bedevils me even now.
I will myself to persuade my mind
that truly they do not know,
cannot know, will not know.
I tremble in the moment,
the ones that debilitate me,
leave me questioning my own reality.
it feels that they’re inside my head,
beckoning me...taunting me.
but I tell myself no, no,
no way in hell can they know.
for surely it is not possible,
for them to see me.
so why do these anxieties plague me,
over things I know they cannot know.

it is my heart language.
a tongue my soul needed to flourish.
one that only I could come to find,
a language that I needed to discover for myself.
in uncovering this alone,
I was able to grow more,
more than if it was my native speech.

though it may not be my mother tongue,
spiritually it is a part of me, it always has been.
I needed a trigger, an experience,
to unearth this buried part of my existence.
I was meant to speak this language,
one many may speak,
but few understand to its depth and its core.

it is a God given gift,
one He meant for me to find in my solace,
a part of my soul He waited eagerly for me to find.
when I found this part of myself,
I understood my trials and my pains.
this tongue erased my scars, healed my wounds.
it buried my shame, and unveiled my soul.

brows knit in aggression
he a predator, I his prey
my head bowed to him,
his eyes locked solely on me.

I felt his warmth come closer,
I sensed his every move.
the way his eyes were dark with power,
left me breathless and afraid.

I craved this kind of pleasure,
the kind derived from pain.
and as I felt his fingers coil on me,
the churning turned to flame.

my desire was unrestrained,
uncontrollable and overwhelming.
only he could put my fire,
with the touch of burning care.