Long ago and far away.
I drank a glass of wine one day,
But I was allergic to grapes,
Wine o'clock for me don't rate,
Just listening to you is enough,
Whine o'clock now, tough!

Am I gullible or not?
Why listen to you, or what?
Your opinion does not rate!
Totally futile, great!
What would an Einstein say?
Why listen to BS anyway?
You don't have to like me,
I don't have to believe thee,
Not everyone likes everyone else,
I get to please myself!

How do you thank a friend,
Whose kindness never ends?
Thanks for our happy memories,
Sharing simple fun for you and me,
Such thoughts are ever sweet,
Can't wait until next we meet!

A pensioner's long walk today,
Yes, the mailman's been, no yah!
What  bills did arrive this way?
Postman, postman, stay away,
I am putting up a sign,
"BAN THE BILLS!' about frigging time!
If all bill payers went on strike,
Bills would go down, not upwards hike,
Yes, it's that dreaded long walk again,
Should I throw the bills down the drain?
A gutter too far, or in the bin?
Bringing us bills is the postman's great sin,
Can't afford that, can't afford that,
"I'll shoot you, postman, now don't come back!"
Is shooting postmen a capital offence?
"BAN THE  BILLS!" on everyone's fence!

Ah, this is everyday bliss,
Fave author's new book, a kiss!
There are some people like me,
Who read the end first, tee hee!
Then unfold the plot's mystery,
In my book nook for literacy,
Daily reading time is bliss,
Open a new book, do I kiss?

A morning offering,
Prayer is my best medicine,
People do throw rocks,
Thanks instead would be a shock!
I am a Christian, I say,
As here I sit and pray,
All's well that ends well, my boy,
Prayers to God are efforts of joy!

We are all spark people, I believe,
Always evolving, ideas we conceive,
I believe no one is alone,
We bring our sacred space home,
We must have faith in destiny,
The future of humanity,
We pass our baton on the young,
Their steps on Earth have just have begun.......

Arise in the pre-dawn hush,
Everything moves, ask the toilet brush,
Then a morning offering to God,
On with the routine I do plod,
I think to rise and smile,
And send each one positive vibes,
To my cyber buddies across the miles,
To my pen friends in the USA,
Hope you dodge hurricanes today,
Then it is breakfast time,
Compare our statins in a rhyme,
I have learnt this yet, you see,
Aging is really not for wussies!

I stand here, a plaster saint,
Somewhere else, I'd be a haint,
A ghost of a distant century,
But I'm a symbol of Christianity,
Or of another faith, you see,
People come to worship with me,
I present to them a gift of faith,
All who pray for blessed grace,
No sacred space is ever empty,
The divine is here with you and me,
We're all part of this mystery.............

This is an Autumn year,
How does it feel, my dear?
Autumn wakes up crisp and fresh,
But soon chills creep upon her breath,'
Autumn is a grey old dame,
Clouds and rain here again,
Autumn looks back on youthful summer,
Golden glow all gone, total ******!

Here is my famous recipe,
Ingredients for love, you see,
You need to slake your thirst,
Here are the elements: First,
Bring your patience kind,
Sense of humor springs to mind,
Laugh together through the years,
Sometimes there are days of tears,
But Cupid ever strings his bow,
Healing hands on his arrow,
Yes, this is Cupid's recipe,
Naughty little chap is he!

When I had a much younger face,
I traveled to a far off place,
To a site where I fell in love,
Riverside, patch of Heaven above,
There we sat and fished a'while,
Memory lane can bring us smiles,
Golden dawn on a riverside,
Under hills where eagles glide,
Spring blooms of wildflowers,
Where we passed those happy hours,
Riverside to fish a'while,
Yes, memory lane can make us smile!

People do like mischief and chatter,
Really, what does it all matter?
It is only about chaff and stuff,
In 100 years, we shall all be dust,
This is what makes me meaner,
As I empty more dust from the vacuum cleaner,
We shall all be a little pile of dust,
And our pets, a tiny heap of fluff!

Long ago, once we were teens,
We all read "Mad" magazines,
Now we read of  Peter Fonda passing,
Down the tarmac ever blasting,
Always in a '****** Rider" cartoon,
Forever young, a classic lampoon!

Today  I sat in the sunshine,
I lingered for a time,
Flowers are budding,
Insects are a'buzzing,
Seasons have turned, somehow,
The air is milder now,
Spring is in the air,
Lighten us up everywhere,
Human to earth, human to earth.
Thanks for Spring, for what it's worth!

Here am I, a fur detective,
What is a pet's perspective?
Fur friends make us happy, you see,
Have to return their love, ask me,
What would your pet say to thee?
Thanks for the cuddles, good company,
Thanks for meal and comfy bed,
Thanks for the snacks, enough said,
Message from this fur detective,
Turn your eyes to the pet's perspective!

No Imelda Marcos, she,
One good pair of shoes for me,
Plain, flat, sensible, black,
No **** high heels, alack,
But I can walk where I want to be,
One good pair of shoes for me!

Here is my home, swell,
It is where  I do dwell,
I fit into this 'burb real well,
In summer, hot as hell,
I sit here with my coffee,
To gaze at society,
You do appear strange to me,
Want to know what I think about thee?
My home is here, all is well,
I fit into my little town real swell!

Rise, smile, it's morning,
We wake up to new day dawning,
Please stop your yawning!

It's A. M. Haiku,
Fresh day for me and you too,
Now, where are my shoes?

Have some more scones with jam and cream,
And a mound of spuds for tea,
Then you'll find your obesity,
With them carbs will be your mortality,
It is your responsibility,
To limit your own gluttony,
There are, indeed, bad calories,
Carboholics eat too much, you see!

Really, there was no need to fuss,
I signed on with Yarn Anonymous,
Here I stand to confess,
I bought more wool, not less,
Then I did sign the pledge,
I took abstinence to the edge,
Here I stand and say,
I have not bought wool for ten whole days!

As we bow our heads to pray,
Our souls are unleashed this way,
We pray to always keep the faith,
We pray to be blessed by grace,
We pray for smiles on our face,
We pray for all humanity,
We pray for global amity,
For peace on Earth we pray,
Our souls are unleashed this way!

Today I'm  cooking some steaks,
I do believe steak is great,
I don't care what vegans say,
Maybe they should all ******* today!
Just kidding, believe what you like, I say,
I am cooking great steaks today!
No need to fuss, hold the bus,
Signed, one of the 'carnivores are us'!

Is honesty the best policy,
In our global society?
A world full of all these isms,
Who does fund terrorism?
Bombs and guns of destruction,
Is this our civilization?
We're only specks of humanity,
Worldwide hypocrisy,
Is honesty the best policy?

Here's a verse for you to say,
As I sip a coffee, hooray,
Yes, my dears, a coffee per day,
Keeps all the grumpies away!

For smiles and good company,
You can join a faith community,
Whatever your faith may be,
Some friendships are true gold,
The love of God is never old,
Humble faith works for me,
In an awesome community,
My true friend is like gold,
Jesus' love is ever told,
He is a real friend, you see,
Across time and centuries,
Golden friend for thee and me.....

It's all quiet on the Eastern seaboard today,
As we pause for a century of Armistice Days,
Can any armed conflict pave the way,
For the peace on Earth for which we pray?
To the Anzacs upstairs we give a wave,
Our tribute to our young troops so brave,
We hear ghosts of cannons roar asunder,
Today we all stop to wonder,
We'll never know what they went through,
To make a future for me and you,
Red poppies are flowering again,
The silent bloom of a lost generation,
So we pause for a century of Armistice Days,
Let's hope for peace to be our way,
Yes, it's all quiet on the Eastern seaboard today,
"Thank you" is what we'd really like to say!

We are the celestials,
Different from these terrestrials,
Above such things *******,
I'm an old age girl,
You are my world,
I love you to the moon
And beyond, none too soon,
We wander as stars,
Orbiting afar,
In universe above,
Endless divine love,
Deep in galaxies,
Across time and centuries,
Above the terrestrials,
We are the celestials......

I dip my toes, blue,
Chlorination fever too,
What am I to do?

I stand, whinge, been told,
Waiting till I should be old,
Man, this water's cold!

Words burnt in my brain,
Times not to come again,
Of long lost childhood,
Things motherly--good?
"Go and play!"
That's all she'd say,
In a big back yard,
Veggie patch too hard,
Mud pies we played,
Fun times stayed,
Boy, was there trouble!
Fled on the double,
"Go and play!"
That's all she'd say,
Long lost childhood,
Things maternal--good?

Only in dreams,
Is this place, it seems,
To be a horizon?
Sky to ponder on
Where water meets,
No city streets,
A force of nature,
Is this Earth's future,
Drowned world, it seems,
Or only it dreams ........

We are the celestials,
Different from these terrestrials,
Above such things *******,
I'm an old age girl,
You are my world,
I love you to the moon
And beyond, none too soon,
We wander as stars,
Orbiting afar,
In universe above,
Endless divine love,
Deep in galaxies,
Across time and centuries,
Above the terrestrials,
We are the celestials......

I see a city one day,
Beneath the world, one way,
When the air disappears,
Climate change is here,
Future city below,
Earth's undertow,
With vertical farms,
Surface is harmed,
Damage control,
A world now old,
Future can shock,
Giant building blocks,
All underground,
No air left around,
No habitats, you see,
In future centuries....
Who will survive?
Anyone left alive?
Below world, the way,
I see one city, one day......

So what did happen to old Cocky,
Swearing away, profanity?
We gave him a new abode,
A cage in a nursing home,
Old Cocky struck it lucky,
Full of parrots, like he,
Cocky believed in sharing,
Oldies heard unique caring,
In his inimitable way,
"You fat f...ing c...s, get out of bed!"
Not sure this is what geriatrics meant,
Cocky and Co. abuse the residents,
Yes, Cocky was communicating,
Soon every cocky was proliferating,
Cocky's happy ending! Let's pray,
He is  still alive and swearing today!

Are you a fan of fur friend liberation,
Across our great lucky nation?
If only we had intercommunication,
Between every species on Earth,
We'd understand each other's worth,
Do you believe in what we're taught,
That animals have no abstract thought?
Indeed, how do we know this?
Is it all a load of blip?
Do dogs pass into Puppy Heaven? I ask,
Believing it's for 'good boys', their task,
Their certain and sure hope of resurrection,
Somewhere with snacks and toys in Heaven,
Loving their owners just the same,
Abstract thoughts, is that the game?
True interspecies communication,
Dreaming on, in this lucky nation!

Oh, great horsemother in the sky,
Here is a question from a bard such as I,
Are you shooting a racing vet today?
Another horse was destroyed for gain,
This is, of course,
A personal hobby horse,
If a horse gallops anyway,
Why are you whipping them this way?
This is the sport of kings, you see,
Death for a horse, if not its jockey,
Sounds to me like animal cruelty,
Racegoers turn the other way,
Drink some more best champagne,
This is question, better yet,
Does horsemother ever shoot the vet?

This is a true, but amusing tale,
Hope your laughter does not fail,
'Tis a saga of a cockatoo,
Of life, he held a jaundiced view,
At the going down of the sun,
Cocky embellished his own fun,
And at the rising of each dawn,
Cocky's catharsis our ears did adorn,
The parrot kept talking, none listened to he,
Cocky had such a vivid vocabulary,
All starting with "F...ing C...'s"!
We heard his morning matins, you see,
His vespers were hard to believe,
'Twas sociolinguistic acquisition, prithee,
His jaded look at society,
Swearing is cathartic, but so lazy......

This was a horror day,
Hitchcock's Day of the Bogans', let's say,
Grand Final Day of 2017,
The A.F.L.'S very worst dream,
When Crows played Tiges, so it seems,
Until power blacked out at 2:30,
No play was to be seen,
Then! A bomb scare at the M.C.G.,
The whole match was on stall,
But wait! That was not all,
They had to evacuate them all,
The bogans had a mighty brawl,
So Tigers played with themselves, good call,
Then! Seven inches of rain on the M.C.G.,
A field of rain and  mud was to be seen,
They had a regatta, it was now Henley,
The A.F.L's very worst dream,
Hitchcock's Day of Bogans at the M.C.G.,
Grand Final Day in 2017......

Here's life for you and me,
In a Western Liberal Democracy,
We voted for politicians, in reality,
So we got politicians, quite literally,
We don't believe a word they say,
With media hype and fear campaigns,
Yes, sad, but true, for you and me,
We live in a Western Liberal Democracy,
Does such exist in reality?
We voted for politicians, Tweedledee,
or Tweedledummers, pollies for democracy!
Sarcasm, you really need me!

(To the tune of "Tie a Yellow Ribbon Round the Old Oak Tree!)
Today, I was offered a job, prithee,
Tutoring crims in literacy,
Silent reading for all the he's,
I'd be part of their conspiracy,
They'd all have a million dollars, you see,
Buried under the jail's old oak trees,
For their chicks and kids to live comfortably,
That's why they like gardening, you see,
It looks like the gophers have been,
The crims have left the scene!
They swiped the prison bus,
Forgot about "Literacy and Us!"
The governor put the blame on me!
So much for teaching prison literacy,
Now there's lots of holes under the jail's old oak trees,
Yes, the gophers have been,
The crims have left the scene,
All with a million dollars, you see,
Well, they learnt to spell 'conspiracy',
That was my job teaching literacy!

I guess this is a funny tale,
I still reflect, silent wail,
There I was, giving birth,
Snicker for what it's worth,
"Excuse me, sister, I'm having a contraction!"
Did that cause a nurse reaction!
They must have thought I was a dipstick,
Laughing away in their lipsticks!

Long ago, way back when,
I was teaching five year olds then,
The funniest things happen to me,
One day I had different coloured shoes, you see,
One brown, one blue, gross, prithee,
Preps said very loudly to me,
"You're the silliest teacher we've ever seen."
So much for teaching them literacy,
The joke was on me, quite definitely,
Still, I guess I can survive anything,
It's called my worst day of teaching.......

I have found some weird things in my time,
I went to a footy dinner along the line,
The young lads were flicking peas,
And all their vegetables, if you please,
When home, my hair was full of carrots and peas,
Never went to footy dinners again, you see,
We do learn from experience, dodge them peas!
"Boys will be boys!"  I ponder so wisely......

DIY DISASTERS!
Once upon a lifetime,
I knitted a disaster line,
My sister was expecting,
So, I thought I'd be creating,
That first ****** looked beautiful,
Second, third and fourth not so dutiful,
They turned into footy boots size,
So I bought socks in Kmart--surprise!
I never found a baby with four different feet,
For DIY disasters, booties can't be beat.......

DIY DISASTERS!
Once upon a lifetime,
I knitted a disaster line,
My sister was expecting,
So, I thought I'd be creating,
That first ****** looked beautiful,
Second, third and fourth not so dutiful,
They turned into footy boots size,
So I bought socks in Kmart--surprise!
I never found a baby with four different feet,
For DIY disasters, booties can't be beat.......

Wise words implanted in human young,
"Behave yourselves, you're young!
No need for you to rebel,
Follow the rules we tell,
But who listens at any age?
Same as in Sumerian days!
"You young have no respect,
Boys look like girls, what the heck!
Your music is total trash,
Your verse is gibberish, ash,
Yes, 4000  years of rebels,
Who follow the rules we tell?

There's a real case for Bing Crosby,
Commercialism in every store,
You'll accentuate the positive with glee,
Singing along to Bing Crosby,
Soon it'll be a bit like Christmas, or
Cant in every store,
Instead of religious awe,
We'll overspend cos it's Christmas, yah,
Then we'll stuff ourselves on the day,
Cos Jesus was born on Christmas Day,
There's a real case for Bing Crosby,
Cant in every store, see!
Then you'll beg me not to sing Bing Crosby!
Sing along with me!!!

Yes, it's true, Earthlings,
One of life's strangest things,
No one is alone,
God sent viruses to make us moan,
With influenza, no one is alone,
I'm full of germs a'breeding,
Cotton wool legs are a'pleading,
The virus is procreating,
Here I flake, incubating,
One of life's strangest things,
God sent us viruses to make us moan,
No one is alone, no?
Tongue kiss, anyone, no?????

Spring is a young woman,
Friend to every human,
Laughing, sunny, warm, shining,
Green and floral, beguiling,
Happy scented days of smiling,
Light blues skies, breezing,
The world is softly loving in Spring,
Like a young woman for cuddling......

Way back when  in the sixties,
When we were young and nifty,
Me and Grandpa definitely believed,
I would love to ask him what, indeed,
In what did we believe?
Well, in the case for Jesus, let's say,
Original selfie, his shroud, Resurrection Day,
In hope, in Faith, in our power to pray,
In silent miracles, at Easter, and every day,
Yes, me and grandpa did believe, yah!
A healer was on Earth, still here today!