If I hit rewind,
If I just start over,
Would I actually be happy?
Or would I just find another thing to fret about?
Life isn’t about perfection,
But about finding the good in the imperfect.

I want to be a rockstar
So careless and so crude
I want the grit inside my voice
To be your brain’s ear food

I want to be a rockstar
I long to be tattooed
The white noise of a black guitar
Will always be my mood

I just want to run away
From problems
Feelings
Responsibilities
Truths
I want to run and never stop
Run and never look back.
No time for regrets...
Not now.
Not ever.

If it’s not new,
I don’t want it
Because things change
And I hate it
2012 is kinda painful
And if you’re dead,
I hate to listen
Cuz it’s honestly
So sad

It’s different
Every time I arrive
I am alive
But it feels as if I’ve died
And the only roadblock is
Is my mind

Scars are not supposed to hurt,
But I run a finger over them and feel
Pain
It’s bittersweet the feelings of this,
Should it be like singing in the rain?
An awkward bliss.
Instead, I remember the initial wound
Instead, I still feel the ghost of you
Yes, scars are meant to heal
But they can still hurt
And hurt
And hurt.

why,

why does life come in waves?

it’s either the white sea foam,

salty, bubbles, calm

or

the tsunami,

flooding, crashing, drowning.

~

unfortunately,
I cannot love enough.
my blemishes and bumps
will trump me doting
on you.

I’ve had a lot of time to think lately, like most of us have.
I’ve had time to sit with myself, see myself through others’ eyes.
Am I really pretty?
Yes, look, there in that big, bright smile.
Those cheeks that are finally flourishing, they’re beautiful!
Your eyes, mouth, hair... unique, stunning.
And yes!
The body that brought you years of pain and sorrow because it didn’t fit a unrealistic mold...
It’s soft, shapely, something to look at. Womanly and natural.
This body that I have, it’s mine.
I have grown to accept it after years of self-hatred...
I’ve progessed this far and I won’t stop.
Next time you look in the mirror, look at yourself with kindness.
If not with kindness, then with forgiveness.
If not with forgiveness, then with mercy.
Give yourself a chance...
You are worth much more than you know.

i used to leave myself scarred,
torn apart on my bedroom floor
too much inner noise to hear your words
when i reached the limit,
self-sabotage.

this life is a fraud
people lie all the time
they live that way, too
18 was supposed to be
much more than this
at least that’s what
they told me.
yet here I am,
lonely.

I like to sing.
Does that make me a siren?
I’ll lure you in, but if you don’t respond, I’ll quiet down my siren song.
I’ll swim away and won’t try again until you’re in need of a friend.
Just ask me and I’ll sing to you in hopes of making us forever,
But most times they just sail away and I’m left swimming here whichever.
I like to sing, and you can too,
But a sailor makes a siren through.
Again I’ll sing my siren song and I will sing them all to you.

Sweet boy turned sour,
Like the flavor you left
I’m not sure whose fault this is...
Is it bad if I’m too clingy?
Is it considered clingy to hold on tight if you don’t want to lose someone?
I'm slightly emptier knowing that you’re
Doing okay without me.
Friend,
That’s what I still regard you as
And, sweet boy, I always will
But if you ignore me forever
I’m afraid that it’ll hurt more than I can bear.

It’s funny cuz I got jealous of your best friend
And I got mad when you were jealous of mine,
But it’s because we want to be together or else be alone.
No sharing.
So here we are,
Sharing feelings between us,
But never saying it.
And we will do that for a while longer
I think.

Why can’t I go to sleep?
When I do it just repeats.
“I don’t care if you don’t like this beat
It’s what I think, it’s me, it’s me,”
She said to herself in her bed.
I’m fighting against myself
The battle turned into a war,
And I’m not afraid, I’m just worried
Worried about being a warrior.  
I fight all day, my soul is tired
But I don’t let myself rest when the time is best or when it expires
The night falls but my heartbeat rises,
Racing thoughts run circles in my head.
My head, my bed.
My brain is inside of my head.
My head is part of me.
Aren’t we all just a brain in a cage?
Tonight the cage is electric,
Nothing soothes the rage or stops the sizzling pain.
I’m numb to the zap of the cold, hard metal.
I want to lay in a field of sage,
Lay me among the wildflowers.
I’ve never seen blue sky or blinding light,
At least not in the night.
The moon shines, but not enough for me!
This perfect creation isn’t bright enough for me!
At least not in the night...
I will lay my head when all this passes
I’ll wander off to sleep
And the next time I come to bed,
It will just repeat.

Cancer free
Cancer free
My old best friend is cancer free
He didn't share his cancer with me
The cancer that was in his knee
We passed the hospital at three
And my heart had anxiety
But there was cancer in his knee
And no more room was left for me.

I’m counting the slices that left
And the ones that populate your body.
You’re a beautiful being,
An ethereal creature with life.
It’s a life that belongs to you and it’s precious.
You are worth something
If not to you, then to me
So make the effort to own your value and use your voice.
You need oxygen to breathe
And eyes to see,
So why wouldn’t you need help to get better?