Sigh,
I lie here
All is black
The white light
Yellow screen
Pink pillow
All is black

blood frozen
Heart rate spiking
Breath shallow
All is black

Life hurts
It just hurts
What was once
a crystal jug
pouring love and life
has been knocked and broken
and is now just a dangerous
piece of broken glass
I guess it's true;
Hurt people, hurt people

You don't always need a gun to ****,
sometimes a cold shoulder does
You don't always need a knife to cut deep
sometimes a cold shoulder does

That cold shoulder has cut me deep
it's killed my soul

What a curious thought
to not be led into temptation...
as if I needed help!
As if I needed any assistance!

Lead me not into temptation
it's not needed you see;
I know the path well
it starts on Google
Incognito mode, savvy?

Press a few keys
and voila - temptation found!
My resolve defeated.

I wasn't led here
I found my own way
sadly, temptation bound.

Can I be blamed really?
Would you blame a starving man
for stealing food, offered freely?
Can you blame a starving man
for giving into such temptation
when he's denied the legitimate?

My life is closely guarded
people see my face, know my name
but the real world doesn't know me,
they only see my careful mask

Yet, here I write
I publish poems,
My deepest, raw emotion
splayed open for all to see!

In the real world people see me,
But here I'm naked,
exposed for all to see and know,
like a celeb with **** photos
on their iCloud
What a fool I must be!

I know the cliched answer;
good is more powerful than evil!
Yet, a newspaper filled with positive
will not sell a copy
standing next to an article
filled with drama and bloodshed.

Same in life -
try and toe the line,
good and sacrificial 99% of the time.
Yet, for that one small mistake
I'm crucified and left to the dogs

Chastised and unforgiven.

Why the hell do I even try?

Rain drops run like tears down the window
as my Car speeds past another Lay-by
lamenting those past bring no solace
at the horror of those yet to come

ahead an old man struggles
his Car is aged, broken down
every mile a small mercy
as desperately he hopes to carry on

begrudging my car’s reliability,
I look in sadness as we pass him,
he looks wistfully
as the sun dances on my shiny paint

how I wish I could stop!
give him my engine!
transfer my fuel!
maybe give him my tires!

the Road is yet too long
I have no strength for it
no yearning to drive another Mile
best to give to those who want
that they may travel past and smile

i stand in front of the Bath,
Taking a moment to enjoy the experience before it starts.

Stream rises from the Surface,
Like butterflies over a field
of fresh spring blossoms
It hovers, seductively inviting me in with a lazy sense if urgency.

In the corner, a lone Candle flickers in the rising Steam,
Lazily shining its Light
Like a Capetonian on a lazy summers evening sipping wine under the setting sun.

The Water,
blue from the bubblebath,
Smells like an orange, ancient, triangular spire in the early dawn of Time.

The hot Water receives my body
And awakens hibernating skin
From its cold, white winter's slumber.

The curious Water
Finds its way all over my skin
In every corner it can,
It crawls into
And caresses me softly

Slowly I relax,
As Sir Isaac Newton makes my bath colder
And as my skin and water temperatures equalise
I lose all sense of self

Held afloat by the mighty Water
I gaze at the white bubbles
As they dance on my chest
Popping and merging
Reflecting light and whispering
Until I finally fall asleep in blissful relaxation.

Like a frightened animal,
sleep eludes me.
Like a lithe, scared kitten,
sleep dashes away as I get closer.

Yet,
while I chase the frightened kitten around my head,
I'm blessed with an exquisite 5 am sunrise.

But fear not little kitten -
a magic cocktail of pills will soon encroach on you
like a fisher's net!

Already, I can feel their effect,
pulsing through my veins.
Soon, little kitten, we'll catch you,
soon, we'll finally get some sleep!!

The Unicorn appeared from the Light
radiant, young and full of promise
her magical horn
shone bright in the sun,
mirrored the moon

She appeared from the light
to startled villagers
they could do naught but stare
enthralled by her magic and beauty

The village elder Elder reached out his Hand
overcome by joy, he couldn't resist
blinded by her exquisite beauty,
he couldn't help but reach to her
and reluctantly, the Unicorn moved forward
full of mistrust,
she took a chance...

But, unbeknownst to them
the Hunter was peering at her too –
through his rifle’s telescope!

The deafening boom
fell the Unicorn to the ground
and sent the villagers fleeing in panic

Into the Sacred circle
the Hunter stepped with muddy boots,
with his cruel Knife he cut her horn
then drank from her pure blood
as she lay on the ground
while her horn was a trophy
lost between a hundred others

The villagers tried with all their craft
to heal the Unicorn and restore her Life.
But her scars remained
her blood stayed cold
like marble, her heart hardened.

evermore the villagers lived
with the wounded Unicorn
who was filled with hate towards the Hunters
and ever she kicked
at the village Elder,
mistaking him as the Hunter

Yet, there is always Hope
while the Unicorn grazes
between the thorns and thistles
the Elder still prays and Hopes
that their magical Unicorn would be restored to them

At the cold, wet swim day
The rain pours without relent
Before the sun
Defeats the clouds

Through a small break
The sun beams through
Gratefully I point my face
With eyes shut in its direction

Red hot energy
Pours bright white life into me
And spreads magical tendrils
Of life through my veins

Coffee,
computers,
***,
alcohol,
Love and other drugs...

Sometimes, we say goodbye to addiction
not because we want to
not because we don't like it anymore
because we must,
because our addiction
wrecks the lives of others

Then, it isn't about our love for addiction
for that very specific addiction
or our desperate,
DESPERATE yearning for it,
but because we love our children
we love our friends and family
and our addiction might just wreck it
probably will wreck it!

So we betray ourselves
we betray our hearts
stab a cold dagger into our hearts,
just so that we don't wreck others
mostly, our innocent children

My blue virtual notepad
My ever willing companion
It's comforting and loyal
Ready to serve at a gentle touch!

Yellow notes are for grocery lists
Red notes are Domino's alarm codes
Purple is my WiFi codes
And orange is for Bible verses

But Blue!
Blue is my old leather sofa
Comfortable, familiar,
Available

Blue is the warm orange log fire
That brings comfort and gives life.
My Blue notepad, like the fire,
Devours what I feed it.

My raw emotion
Unspoken hurt
Anguish, disappointment
Love, Joy, hopes and dreams.

Blue understands that Mondays are red,
Wednesdays are green and Fridays are black.

Blue doesn't mind that number 5 its blue too
Nor that the colour yellow
Is for number two.

Blue knows Enya sounds brown
Vivaldi sounds red
And Vanessa Mae white.

Blue is my blank canvas
My faithful companion
My listening ear
Blue is no mere colour

Blue is Me

I used to dream
of being a great man
a heroic man
the kind that songs are sung of
stories are written of

The kind of man that leads people to victory
that sacrifices for the greater good
noble, honourable and courageous

But I realise now;
I am none of that - but;
I am a content man,
I am a happy man
In the end, I think I prefer to be happy
I think...

Between sleep and awake
There's a magical land
A once place that few visit
For they drive straight through

Unsure, awake or dreaming
That is a place
Into I often venture

And discover myself,
Unguarded and true
I meet myself
There under the tree
And together add sit
I, myself and me

If I had a garden
with frilly little fairies
I’d catch them all,
grind them up for pixie dust!

I’d tie a lovely pink ribbon
around a pretty little phial
and with a pure gold necklace
decorate your beautiful neck

Then wherever you go
fast or slow
you’d have some magic
to turn your day to happy from tragic

and maybe always
have some sunshine
while I sing because you’re mine

Life's skies are often dark -
cloudless, cold nights in Life
but for a few Bright Stars
all would have been dark!

So THANK YOU
Thank you to all of you;
the Bright Stars in my sky -
the Bright Stars that light up my world

Without you, there would be only darkness
but the darker the gets
the brighter you shine
you light up my life
THANK YOU

Finger nails gnaw
Bare flesh rips
Blood spills
Over sorrowed hands

Now ribs crack
Then give way
Fingers tunnel
through flesh
Past bone
Then curl

Triumphantly
My hand pulls back
Raising up
Towards the heavens,
I hold my beating heart

Dying breath
Grasps it firm
Piercing it with
Thorny spike
And sets alight
My wretched body

I get home after a long day
and she can't wait!
She rushes out the house
right into my arms!

Excited just to see me
take my cares and sorrows of the day
and make them go away.
Seems as if me coming home
is the very best part of her day.

She forgives in a blink -
sits against me with her soft hair
her heart racing
at the thought of her first love
- her only love -
being by her side.

Sitting on my lap, she looks at me
Her blonde fringe hangs
between her beautiful brown eyes

How I love this dog!
If only humans can love
like this little dog!
Content and happy -
her love's home and she's complete

Jaded.

The feeling you end up with after pulling life's layers apart,
staring into the abyss
and drink your fill
of a reality you could neither foresee,
plan for or rectify.

Jaded.
Being left in a state of disillusionment, your hopes and dreams nought but dust.
The spectres of others' lives and happiness
gnaw at your soul, etching away at your precious delusions

you, whose Candle flickers in the Night,
whose warm Flame fights against the Cold
you, whose Candle shines in the Night
a tiny flame in the Darkness

do not so quickly judge;
do not be so angry;
do not despair;

to Us who extinguish our Flames
by our own breath,
the night became too cold
the darkness too thick

to those of Us
who extinguish our own Flame
the Way forward
does not exist!

don’t deny us the rest we sought
or the relief we desired
we did not seek to hurt you
but our burden was too great

as I join my brothers
and sisters who went before me;
hold dear our memories
and celebrate our Freedom

a lifetime of anticipation,
I waited for the Great Feast
a lifetime of discipline,
to spare my appetite
not to spoil it
On mere junk food

As the big day came
The Menu was discussed
In exquisite detail
I was told,
About all the dishes
Their tastes and flavours

Hungry as a roaring lion
I patiently waited at the door
Inside the hallowed hall
My feast was being set
Pure white linen
****** crockery
And golden cutlery awaited
At my seat of honour

With tremendous pomp
The doors swung open
The majestic hall
in candle lit beauty
beckoned and welcomed
my every step

The servants showed my throne
Where I sat down.
Gleaming lids covered my feast
With
Candle light dancing on the polished gold

Hors d ouvres first,
destroyed I was when I saw
That someone else
was here before

My wonderful roast
Already carved,
Huge chunks eaten
And dry bones left

Fresh green peas
Were rudely dug in
By filthy fingers
No manners for a spoon

Desert was half eaten
Ice cream left to melt
And of after dinner mints
Only a handful left

Thus then violated,
My beautiful feast!
Others snuck in
And ravaged my table

They left some crumbs
spoilt leftovers
As the Locusts went on
Without a care!

Now I sit hungry
Alone and forgotten
Staring in disbelief
At my desolate table

How I wish I had known,
Before I came in
That the menu was a lie
And someone else had been

Elsewhere I'd have gone and eaten
Or at least not starved myself
In anticipation for a feast
That the Locusts have eaten

Daylight revealed my majestic hall,
merely an old shed
Where the Locusts were WELCOMED!

Far from being the guest of honour
I am instead the lowly servant
No rights or privilege
Left to clean the Locusts' mess

A live cockroach, if I can catch
Sustains me, barely
I fill my chipped cup
With tears of sadness

Kick the dog,
your faithful dog;
kick him in the teeth,
kick him in the stomach

Take out your ****** mood on him
'cause hey, you know he'll come back -
pathetic Mutt!

Kick him some more
make him PAY for your hurt
make the dog pay for what others did
it's your right of course
to kick him and DEMAND
he just lies down and take it

Careful now...
don't go whining and crying
when your once faithful dog
gets fedup of your abuse
and rips your ******* throat out!

Why do people get married?
Really! Why even bother?
Hopes and dreams
These, all couples share -
A hope for a better future

But after "I do ",
hopes and dreams
turn into Expectations.
Instead of love and passion
Instead of nurture and care
We're held in a debt/debtor state
Until the end of our future

You said, you promised...
Nothing unconditional here!
No better than borrowing from the bank,
Held to imagined debts.
Love ceased.
Love died.
Love made way for a contract -
a sword of expectation

Forgiveness is highly conditional
extended perhaps once,
every 5 blue moons

Instead, let's keep all transgressions
in a special treasure chest
Instead of that love *******
Let's refuse to forgive
instead of together building a nest
Let's allow hatred to fester

I thought life was a feast
a banquet to sit at and enjoy
but the variety was so small
the feast - fast food instead

I've had my fill
don't want to upset the Host
so I nibble on
But I've had my fill...

For weeks,
Sleep eluded me
For weeks,
Drugs wouldn't help me catch
A solid night's sleep

Now, at the end
Of this black day
The hunter becomes the hunted

Sleep stalks me
Like a silent predator
Struggling to keep my eyes open
When I need to be awake and focus

The cruel irony!
Hold on Predator,
You'll soon be able
To consume me fully

valiantly,
the Ship Fought.
many Days,
she took a pounding
her mighty Hull bracing;
against unforgiving Seas
her thick Armour;
withstanding Bombardment.

the first great Wave
knocked a Rivet loose,
a Steel Plate dented
by the first big Bomb

she didn't Shoot back
ever hoping for peaceful resolve
but the Seas and the Bombs
all took their toll!

the first 3 enemy Ships
packed their Punch
but she stood firm
armour deflecting every Bomb

but the Sea grew Dark;
the very Water
that held her aloft
now threatened her very Existence!

the Sea destroyed Rivets
The Bombs dented armour
and slowly but surely
she took on Water

for it is the small Rivets that hold a Ship together;
small rivets that Bind Metal Plates
and when the Rivets fail
the Ship is lost!

Noble Captain stood on deck
the death of His Ship
a mathematical Certainty

again and again the 3 locust ships fired
again and again the Sea pounded

the Evacuation order needs to come soon
only the Captain to remain with a final solemn Duty

for a captain goes down with his ship
when all others are safe.

the Sea will calm down
the 3 will stop firing
once the Bow of the Ship
slips beneath the Waves

the Charges set,
ready to blow,
scuttle the ship -
Down she will go

Captain salutes Her
a fine Ship she's been
as he presses his Pistol
to his temple

right finger on the trigger
the left on the bomb's fuse,
A solitary tear,
3,2,1...

My Indian friend thinks I'm a guru -
He deems wise,
my rhetorical musings

But they're just the result of a jaded heart
that's been studying humans too long

Truth is, if I were a Guru
and people trekked up a mountain
to sit at my feet and learn,
my honest answer would be;
I do not know!

Names are so queer
Nobody seems to understand
Your name has meaning
And power,
It's true
But it has also colour
Of every shade and hue

Now, Nico is red,
Bright red like blood in your head.
Fred sounds black
No problem with that
It's merely a colour
I see
When I hear your name.

Janine is pink
Or sometimes green
It all just depends
With which mood it its seen

Amy is yellow
Like a field full of daisies
In the early morning sun
Bright enough to startle a fellow.

Damian is a triangle
With earthy colours
Strong and faithful
Sprotting from there earth's foundations

John its a brown name
That much is sure
It's a brown mansion
with two towers
That houses the dame.

Dylan is blue
About that there's no doubt
God of the sea
Go on and trust me!

If your name is Catherine
Now that is quite something
It's a strong green pillar
With black leaves to adorn it.

Every sound makes a colour
Every name sounds a shape
To experience
Shut up more with mouth agape

Like master Da Vinci Taught,
Use all your senses
And instead of survive
Learn to truly live!

The alarm clock rings
slowly I come to,
I open my eyes
and get a sickening realisation;

Oh **** it, I'm still alive

I've had enough
I've eaten my fill
"Waiter, check please"

Fingers twined
My Love's hand blends with mine
together we stroll
among the Ripened Wheat

the Sun bows low,
bids good night,
sets the sky alight
with a million Hues
of blue and red
while we gaze -
at the rising moon

My free hand picks
a strand of wheat
jovially I tickle
the nape of her neck

the Night lights up
With her playful smile
as she gives chase
through the Ripened Wheat

grasping my arm
as I grasp hers
we lie down together
there, in the field

her full red lips
so soft and moist -
mine meets hers,
there in the field

one by one
my fingers conquer
pearl white buttons
that eagerly yield
without a fight

her black silk bra
gracefully surrenders
unmatched by the beauty
that it contains

Levi jeans
are simply no challenge
as the zipper
races down
with sheer excitement!

Gentle fingers run down
from Rosy red cheeks
and gently caress
Her gorgeous long neck

lower they venture
her heart beats faster
my lips caress hers
as my lithe fingers
find her *******

so delicately soft
with ******* *****
I kiss, her exquisite chest

she lowers her head
her chest rises to meet me
while my teeth gently nibble
her excited hard ******

Her legs now move
apart in anticipation
as my right hand glides
beneath the black silk g-string

Intense Heat
guides my fingers
as they slide in the moisture
on shaven skin

wider apart,
she invites me in
as the g-string slips down,
past cute toes

There in the field,
among the Ripened Wheat
my Love and I
unite ourselves
in Body and Mind

our souls sing in unison
our gentle rhythm,
as One increases.

Passion together
Sweat with sweat
our bodies cling together
while we Come together

Sheer bliss
Fills every fibre
There in my newly Ripened
Field of Dreams!

That yellow lightning bolt
“You have new notifications”
truly; like my personal brand of ******
my personal, digital addiction;

I eagerly log in
to see which stranger now approves,
of the turmoil deep in me
to see which stranger considers me worthy;
worthy of “following”
worthy of paying attention to

“Your poem started trending”
Which one?  True Love?
OH WOW!  Strangers like my work?
should it even matter?
does it even matter?
**** straight it does!

Why?
I’ll tell you why;
People liking my poems means I’m not alone
if I’m crazy, I’m not the only one,
it means that somewhere in this upside down world
understands something about me

Following me means that my voice matters
if in ”real life” I don’t matter
if in ”real life” I’m stepped upon
at least here, people think me worthy

Others can at least identify
it means that I am not alone
it means that I might not be that crazy
it means that somewhere on this Earth
another heart beats –
another flame flickers
against the cold, dark of the World

Really, it communicates that I matter
that I too, have a place in the world

Looking over my shoulder,
out the plane window;
I see the African plains,
20,000 feet below

Never again,
did I think I'd ever see Africa again
Never again,
did I think I'd feel the African sun again
on my African skin

A bittersweet return
and once I leave here,
I don't think I'll ever return
In fact, *I mean not to

Pain is misunderstood
Some think it disease
Yet, disease brings either
Healing or death
Both a sweet release

No, real pain is so much more
Continuous pain
A poison twined with your blood
There is no escape
There is no cure
There is no release

Day after day
An everyday torment
That which you held dear
Destroyed by the Locusts

There I stand
In my field of dreams
With naught but bare husks
Some empty jars
And chaff in the wind

Dark clouds shroud
An ice cold heart
My limbs go numb
As my pain reminds
It's always there

This is pain,
No release
No cure
No healing
No escape
Torment day after day
In my field of dreams
Devoured by the Locusts!

I came to my homeland
to bury my grandfather
I came to my homeland
to be a balm for my mother

I was not prepared
to say my final farewell,
a last conversation
with my grandmother!

Pneumonia,
followed by brain cancer

In her weakened state,
I looked into her eyes
she looked back into mine
the unspoken being told;
shared by our eyes

I thanked her for adopting my dad
they gave him a future
by extension gave me a future
she looked me in the eye;
said I am living a good life
and she is proud of me

Thus we departed
her final words,
never again to see each other
never again in this life
will we be together

In the darkness of a long Friday night shift
Making 100 pizzas an hour
my energy drains, my mind wanders

I leave my body behind to cut the pies
and I happily flip between dimensions
memories, lives and possibilities.

3 physically grueling hour later,
I return to find my poor body exhausted
Ordered to some random task.

The REAL me responds out of my broken body
with a smart-*** quip about linear time
and temporal mechanics.

Suddenly, I hear myself!
Suddenly, I see myself!
Suddenly, blindingly, I feel a light!

Bright, all encompassing, radiant light
Like the North Star,
but undimmed and unhindered.

In all its splendour, it shines
a leaf-covered path
suddenly clear as day!

What I would love to do
is to study physics
and obtain a master's degree
in Quantum Mechanics.

Energised by naught more than this realisation
my body works effortlessly on a record long shift
while my heart sings
and my mind dances happily
and I, the true me rejoices

For finally, I have realised
and allowed myself to accept
what excites me!

I'm pathetic.
Craving love,
craving intimacy.

16 years of marriage,
I should know better

Come, codeine my love,
Take away these desires...

Where did you go?
My strong grandfather
lying dead in his coffin
still and lifeless

Once the picture of manliness
strength, masculinity and health
now a lifeless corpse

Like a human sized robot
with a miniature pilot
a pilot that simply left
and a biological suit just lies there

Unable to even open his eyes
or move a muscle

I don't understand death
I don't get what it is
The pilot leaves and goes where?

Alone in a room
with a white coffin
and my grandfather's corpse
I stand and try to get a hold on the moment

Leaving me fcked up
Searching for meaning

The trouble in life,
the trouble in love,
isn't always that you're the **** -

sometimes,
you're the innocent bystander
that gets injured
when the chaos in the lives of others finally explodes
and you're injured by the shrapnel!

sometimes mortally,
sometimes bad enough
to carve gashes in your soul

i HATE insipidness
i LOVE colour
i THRIVE on passion
i have SYNAESTHESIA
my life is filled with WONDER
i HEAR colour
i SEE music
i TASTE shapes
the monochrome of insipid
makes me want to puke

Two people on a bridge;
one looks downstream
the other upstream
Two people, one bridge
two different perspectives;

One sees the water gone past,
laments for its loss
The other sees the water coming
and rejoices at the opportunity

In life, you can lament what's past
and miss the good that's coming
Or you can turn the other way
and seize the moment -
Depends if you choose
to look upstream or downstream...

Poetry Schmoetry!
These pretty words that rhyme
sometimes not even every time
creep into your heart...

Like water seeps into a rock -
deep into the smallest crevice,
these words seep into your heart
and find the small, dark spots
the unspoken hurt and yearning

like water that melts and freezes
can split a rock in two,
these words seep into your soul
and split our precious delusions
we so desperately try and conceal

like a rock split in two by water,
so our souls are rend open -
left exposed!
and the poet's words like warm sunlight
tempts your heart
maybe even *steal your soul

Depression laughs with Joy
His grip is strong and sure
He knows he's won
His victory over me
Is assured and complete.

I cannot fight it
I have no strength
Every day my waking wish
Is to die and shed mortal coil

Sheer disappointment each morn
When my eyes open
To another grey day.

No quiet passing
In the darkness of night
No relief for my increasing
pathetic plight!

Depression has won
I don't care to fight
I cannot fight
I cannot win
Ever

The true horror
is that I'll never see him again-
my dad, my father

18 years on and I still weep,
weep like a lost little boy
that will never see his daddy again,
feel his strong arms' embrace,
see him help the weak,
or be in his presence

Weeping, like a lost little boy...

Why is life always about you?
why is everything always about you?
can you not accept that others are alive?
can you not accept that others have feelings too?

Not everyone is out to get you
not everyone is out to lie to you
or cheat you or what the hell ever!

If I have a headache,
you likely have one that's worse
if I stub my toe
yours is likely to be amputated

why in the hell does it always have to be about YOU?
can you not, for once, let the sun shine over my head
let it shine over others' heads?
and for once let them have their own moment
without you ******* on it!

I never really understood love
teenage me thought I did
parent me thought the same
but I'm almost 40
and my kids are grown up

I never really knew what love is
I never really understood it
but now I have a dog;
now, I understand love
now, I feel love
now, I see love
and finally, I know the meaning of love

unconditional love,
found in her brown eyes
unconditional love,
floods from her doggy heart
FINALLY, I understand love

The pain in your soul
bleeds through every word,
the sadness in your heart
is felt in every word

Nobody knows your pain,
nobody can truly understand
the comfort and end for which you thirst.
- ending it all is an option
But I dare you this first;

Erin, I don't know you
but your words are You
your words tell me your pain,
your writing is not in vain

Put Ending in your pocket,
keep IT in reserve -
Then go out and show them,
all those *******,
who you really are

Soon, you'll see,
the only reason you were ever able
to look them in the eye
is because you're a giant,
a god among mortals

Erin, we need you
not the world,
not the *******.
No, WE need you;
the Poets
the Painters
the Architects
the Doctors
the Lovers

We, need you,
for it is the feelers,
the compassionate,
that suffer the most -
People like YOU.

We need you Erin,
Because without Erin,
there's one less beautiful soul
one less person to admire a rainbow

Without you there's nothing to write about
Nothing to sing about
No reason to heal
No reason to love

Please, I beg you;
Stay a little longer
- Despite your pain -
Linger a little more
Because you make life worth living
for a great many - just like you

My friend, my LOVE!

You're asleep and I sit here looking at you.
Flipping through the pages of your past,
my heart bleeds for you
tears well in my eyes for you.

I've seen the things you have,
experienced it all,
lived it all - at your side.

You, my friend,
my dearest friend -
I've known you all your life

You show mercy,
even to the smallest creature
you fight for the weak and helpless

I just wish you could show yourself that mercy
show yourself the love and compassion
you so freely do for others

For you deserve it!
The stuff you've endured
the life you've had
and challenges you've faced,
would have broken lesser men

Now I lay you down to sleep
maybe to be released again
in the morning's early hours
when your defences are down!

For in the day,
you keep me locked behind our eyes
you cage me in our heart,
you silence me
and I stare in horror as you flog us
beat and punish us
and deal harshly with us
for stuff that hasn't always been our fault.

Tomorrow morning, reading this
please show yourself some mercy
you're not that bad
you might even be better than you know
even deserving of **love

Next time, I'll throw you a buoy
Next time, I'll stay on my ship
safe and sound
and throw you a line

But never again
will I jump into your ocean
to be drowned by your waves!

We've made different decisions
I've also had my heartache
but your daily abuse of alcohol
has been an insult to me
who left everything behind
because I jumped into your ocean
to try and save your life

Next time, I'll stay safely on my boat!
I'll throw you a line
because I still care
but I will not jump into your ocean
to be dragged down again,
While those who love me
pine for me at home

My heat still beats
My lungs still breathe
My muscles move
My eyes still see

But my heart pumps black blood
Through frozen veins

Restricted lungs
Force mud
Into my veins

Muscles on auto
Do tasks that need no brain

Eyes,
dim as frosted windows
Reveal an empty vessel.

A lifeless soul
Bound by mortal coil

The lights are on
But nobody will be home again!