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Sep 13 · 285
kitchen twine vines
Broadsky Sep 13
your loving lips on my rosy cheek, your fingers running through my hair like water in a creek, your cool ability to smoothly speak.

that look that says “you’re mine,” you’re sending chills down my spine, as you wrap your arms around me like kitchen twine.

your heavy breath and rising chest, you’re building trests from east to west.

in your presence I bloom like a lotus, you’re making me notice there’s more than enough time to fall for a guy that makes you want to climb the tallest tree you can find.

I’m leaning on limbs,

looking through leaves,

while I’m swaying with the breeze,

and you’re there with me.
for you.
Broadsky Aug 26
Adding honey to my tea and grabbing a stirrer, I see you out of the corner of my eye, baseball cap on, nose buried deep in a book.

Walking on these downtown streets today I thought to myself “I’m happy, and I’m happy without him”


See, the pain of our love crashing and burning doesn’t matter until I see you.


My stomach drops, my veins seize up, I’m stopped dead in my tracks.


I wish I could’ve said hello, I wish I could’ve asked “reading something interesting?”

But this is our reality, pretending we’re strangers and forcing the nights we spent under the moon out, out, out of our heads.


I don’t think I could look you in the eyes, I think it would immediately tug my heart down to my feet


The idea of us being friends is bittersweet like lemon drops, but no one talks about the bitter aftertaste.


I wish you well, I wish you happiness, and I hope you enjoy your cup of coffee with your read.
Saw you sitting in a coffee shop.
Aug 8 · 240
getting a second older
Broadsky Aug 8
Maybe if I could find pills that give me the same effect  you do when you  say “baby” I’d be okay.

you got your college acceptance letter today and I’m so proud, but the minute you sent me that photo my chest collapsed.

I just want you to be happy even though most of me knows you’d be happier else where, I grasp all the time I can get with you like it’s special tokens that will give me life.

I told your mother I loved you and she smiled, she told me she thought i was a good person and that I would be fine in the world; I think she knows you’re going to leave me soon.

my skin crawls, my veins shake, and my stomach flips when I think of the inevitable dust storm that comes every year, hiding my happiness in a blanket of opaque grey, leaving me coughing in the bathroom trying to catch my breath as I mutter through my broken sobs “you’re okay”

but I won’t  be okay

because there isn’t anything like watching you live, getting a second older.

there isn’t anything like feeling you move your face from side to side so you can get deeper in my neck

there isn’t anything like touching your skin, or tasting your tongue, and I’m afraid I’ll never forget your name.
April 15th, 2015
Broadsky Aug 1
A boy with a witty mind and an eye for photography, plays with the collar of my mind, rubbing it between his fingers.
A boy with the willingness to venture into the woods with a stranger, connecting so well he asks to see me later. He awakens a part of me that I haven’t seen in years, where my mind can connect the dots and lend an ear, an opinion, towards topics where no one can win.
June 2019
Jul 23 · 411
Dear Paul,
Broadsky Jul 23
I want to scream at you. I want to shout at you until it clicks; I'm the one for you. I'm the one you should have loved. I'm the one you should be smiling at when you wake up. You never should have let me go, I was sold. No refunds with this purchase. So you just left me on the side of the road and said you'd come back for me. Days passed, months passed, years passed. I've built a home while you've left, would you like a tour? When I finally move out will I ask you to come over? Even when you become single will you return my calls? Ha, if you become single. You're going to be 25 in November, I can't believe it. We broke up when you were 20 you said. That really shocked me. I wish you still read my poetry, I wish you still saw a future with me, I wish you had more patience, I wish you could have seen that you can’t use the same standards with me. I'm unlike anything you've ever held in your **** hands and you know I have the cosmos in my eyes. Did you want to venture beyond that? Was one universe completely devoted to you not enough? Oh right, money. I won't achieve my goals? My goals are to be happy, to be healthy and to heal myself of wounds caused by people who didnt believe in me like you. I am achieving my goals. It's amazing how well someone can do in the right environment. I dont think you get how abusive my father was, I dont think you realize I have dreams that I can't remember in the morning but my heart is racing and I can't breathe. These night terrors, moments of mania, moments of low, moments when I needed you. I needed you. You weren't there. How many times did I go to the hospital? Do you remember coming over to my house with beer and holding me while I slept after I got home? Do you remember going home when I told you I wanted you? I remember you fell back in love with me and I ******* pushed you away. What the ****. My life has been moving so fast ever since you left and I can't see you anymore. I’m spinning too fast and I'm holding my hand out for you to stop me. Every time my phone rings I pray it’s you. Every single time my phone chimes I hope it’s you telling me you miss me and that you want to see me. I want to beg you to come back but no one should do that. I want to push this girl off of you and kiss you instead, I want you to come behind me while I dance and move with me like we used to. Do you still watch the videos we made? We made a couple. We made a great couple. We were so ******* cute together. Poster couple, poster happy, hip, cool couple. With me you'd be reminded of the taste of life, with her she's reminding you to take the trash out. I wanted to make our ******* bed. I wanted to wash your ***** clothes and hang them up, I wanted to dust off our shelves with our pictures of all the vacations we took and the trinkets we picked up from them. I wanted to get our kids ready for school. I wanted to drop them off and kiss their curly haired heads. I wanted to walk around your father’s backyard barefoot, in a skirt, hair long as could be, with our son picking flowers. I impressed your father to a degree but without a degree I was still just a girl from a broken home with another excuse and then that’s all you began to see. And that ******* killed me.
I wrote this in December of 2018, I reread this just now and my jaw dropped. Sometimes I impress myself with my ability to explain just how badly I wanted you and just how badly you hurt me. I don’t feel this way anymore, I’ve finally healed from the lashes you cast upon me. I no longer look for you on those downtown streets and I no longer wish I was still yours, I learned what it meant to be loved by you... to be hurt by you and make no mistake I would push you away in a heartbeat if you wanted me back again.
Jul 1 · 55
Boys
Broadsky Jul 1
What am I doing?
Chasing after boys with my bleeding heart in hand.
Asking them to show me music, “what’s your favorite band?”
I want to know what moves them, what makes them sway, and bend.
I’m hoping it’ll interest me, and lead me to their bed.
These thoughts that I have, the ones that circle in my head, have now created craters that no longer seem to end.
“One day” I whisper to myself, I won’t have to lend, my heart and thoughts to strangers, I’ll be whole instead.
But until then I promise to tread as lightly as possible, and I’ll repeat what I said; “living this life isn’t easy, but I’ll pay the price if need be.”
Jun 8 · 229
turn signal
Broadsky Jun 8
I realized for the first time today that you’ll never see me flick my turn signal on from the inside of my car. Your music will never play from my speakers and you’ll never sit shotgun in the car I finally own. You’ll never place your hand on my thigh while I drive.
sometimes I see your ghost looking at me from my passenger seat, we both look at each other knowingly and nod our heads. Knowing what we want is the exact opposite of what we have.
You have her.
I have him.
And they sing to our souls, but we both can’t forget how I’d dance on your feet.
Mar 16 · 503
Scorpio
Broadsky Mar 16
I've ****** the venom from your sting, Scorpio, it's left me dizzy and hurting. It's hard to believe after four full rotations around the sun the only thing to have deepened are the lines on your brow rather than your own understanding. I can see your weaknesses Scorpio, I can see I've struck a cord loud enough to make you wave your vindictive hand. I can feel your unforgiveness like a cold desert night, I can feel the hot burning twist of your sharpened knife. I'm among the planets and the stars; Saturn, Jupiter, and Mars-- it's amazing I've come this far. With my hand stretched out I've called your name, but you still look to me with all the blame. I wanted to share the air with you, but I know now life will always be unfair with you. To the earth and back, with no tack on a map, there is no simple answer-- our world is now black. Filled with dread, I lift my head and see your stinger is ready to inbed the worst possible venom known to us men. I'll be just fine, when I cut this line, that always leads me back to you.
Our story is finally finished.
Mar 3 · 213
refuse
Broadsky Mar 3
I'm looking at the drum you bought me, this beautiful Djembe drum. You bought it for me because you saw how I lost myself in the rhythm that night at the field party. I remember the warmth and glow of the fire, music blaring from someone car, the hum of people laughing and talking. I remember the pill you took and the man you got it from, I remember after you peaked you called to one of your friends "have you met my girl? This is my girl" and how I never wanted to be anyone else's again. I remember our tent in the corner, and making love all night, I remember getting up at 6am and walking in the dewy grass letting the sun's rays warm my completely bare skin. I remember riding home with you and your clenched jaw from coming down, I remember everything; and I refuse to forget.
I still remember how you felt in my hands.
Feb 27 · 315
windshield
Broadsky Feb 27
The world always looks different through your windshield, these streets I drive everyday look foreign sitting in your passenger seat. I cannot pretend we move together like we once did; two leaves dancing in the wind. Your lack of self worth deepens the wrinkles on your brow, and sends me spiraling. ***** boots and stale cigarettes, empty cans and bottle caps, sleeping til noon and never really waking up. I loved you like helping my mother bake my 6th birthday cake, I loved you like ignoring my fear of heights and climbing to the top branches of a mighty tree, I loved you like the sunset loves the sky. Yet still, here I am, sitting on the floor in my room reminded of all the times you put me first when you shouldn't have. I wish you loved yourself as much as you love me, I wish you knew the riches that lie in the making of your soul, I wish you could see just how ground shaking and breathtaking you really are.
Alas, my darling, the star in the sky that leads me home, I will love you in another life;
again,
and again
  and again.
I'll always love you.
Feb 14 · 199
cherry lime
Broadsky Feb 14
The cherry of my cigarette keeps me hopeful for summer, I walk outside in the cold looking for something to fill these pages. Anything. This lack of inspiration has me walking through the woods in the dead of winter, this lack of inspiration has me sleeping in his bed. This lack of inspiration has me sitting at the bar asking for a double gin and soda with lime, please.
writer's block
Feb 7 · 116
water cup
Broadsky Feb 7
There we were, slowly kissing, hands finding their old familiar places. Your mind is as quick as a whip, and has the sting of one too. Your words slide off your silver tongue and into my fresh water river. I pause and take a break only to be left on the edge of the bed crying into my water cup, with you there, back turned- you're cold. You're cold and prideful, didn't I know this? Didnt I know this before climbing back into bed with you, you sly snake devil with blue eyes. You have left me with a hoarse throat, a battered heart, and a dry empty river bed. One day I will flourish again.
April 5, 2018
Feb 3 · 233
a stranger in the bar
Broadsky Feb 3
"So tell me how you're so confident." You say with a glimmer of seduction in your half shut eyes, your head leaned back- I want you. I want to watch you melt in my hands. I'm slipping on snow on the patio but your glance keeps me steady, I want your hands on me already. You're 10 years older but I've caught your eye, I make you want to say "she'll have another" on your dime. We're standing outside, you'll never see me again therefore I'll sink my teeth in. You move a little closer, I'll hate when this is over. I bite your lip- you breathe deeply and put your hand on my hip. I feel the soft ****** of your 5 o'clock shadow, you're hardly callow. I force myself to pull away- this is casual I say- I turn on my toes, my hair sways, and I toss one last hedonistic gaze to the man responsible for my daze.
I kissed a stranger in a bar, he had light hair and light colored eyes, he was a man and I'll never be the same again.
Feb 2 · 177
chimera
Broadsky Feb 2
It's 1:43 a.m. on a Monday, a week ago at this time exactly I was in your arms.
I understand.
A love like no other, destined to end, an elixir we cheered to the moon with seeps down our smoke burned throats; my life forever changed from that night on. A burden most heavy lay upon my chest at night, like a dog to it's bed, it lays there throwing its exhaustion of self-hatred and loneliness in my face. The thought most rejected and welcomed, a bottle rocket in the night sky, you are the feeling of picking the right answer. You are the feeling of drawing the short stick. Your words bouncing around in my head like noisy upstairs neighbors unwilling to settle down, causing this emotional insomnia. So I'll pour a drink to have a dream, but I know ill see you there.
February 8, 2016
Broadsky Feb 2
My body misses its keeper. My skin misses the grooves of your fingertips. You did exactly what you needed to, your job here is done- on to the next person who needs you, maybe you'll find you need them too, and that scares me half to death. When I'm 50 I'll go through these pages and see how many of them are filled with words of you, and maybe I'll pick up the phone, and dial your number, and maybe then that'll be our time; but till then I'm sleeping in a bed alone, with my love away on another planet in another universe trying to find his own. I crave the day I wake up and don't compare the beauty of a new day to the color of your eyes, or the feeling of running my fingers through the deep August grass to them tangled in your hair. I will try to not associate the sight of crushed beer cans, the smell of burnt firewood, the birds morning songs to all the drunken nights turned mornings when we crawled from our tents and craved coffee with our cigarettes. Pass the cream, wont ya sugar?
January 27, 2016
Feb 2 · 314
imperfecciones
Broadsky Feb 2
Today has been grey and I've spent most of my time asleep. I lack the ability to feel something slightly; this causes discomfort and pain- yes but, this means I have felt every sunset, every time your fingertips brushed my skin I have felt it. I have felt your body rise up and down as you pulled the pillow to cover your head, I have felt you laugh, I have felt your fingers create bubbles in the soapy water that is my skin. I have felt you pull my hair in passion, I have felt you raise your voice in rage, I have felt your heavy heart and I have felt your loose-fitting tight-knit love that covers me. There are days my imperfections leave streak marks on the mirror and a mess in the kitchen, but then there are the days my imperfections make you laugh and stare, because I am my imperfections and you love me.
March 25, 2015
Feb 2 · 202
Dancing at 2am
Broadsky Feb 2
You leaned me back as we danced at 2am in my kitchen.
You held your head back, as my eyes held yours, and my hands held you. This medicine keeps me calm and breathing easy. The lighter and the glass pipe on my windowsill make me enjoy the freezing mornings, and you darling make music notes run through my veins, and they make me shake.
January 19, 2015
Jan 31 · 260
Jackson Mountain
Broadsky Jan 31
We drove up through the fog on Jackson Mountain, the music carried the silence with a melodic tune that made it almost seem sweet; it was quiet and loud at the same time. "You want a cigarette?" he asks, interrupting the flow of thought through my stormy mind. I silently take the cigarette from him and put it in my mouth, the cigarette filter touching my lips when I wish it were him instead. I pull out my lighter, a blue and yellow flame assistant making my lungs black. He could never really read my handwriting, and he could never really make up his mind. He never read my journals and he hardly ever touched my face. He slept till 4 in the afternoon and threw the pillows over his head if he was disturbed. He hasn't traveled and he doesn't like tattoos. Him. That sounded so sweet just hours before now ****** my tongue to bleed. my love has turned to resentment and everything he does now has lost its glow, the wrinkles in the corners of his eyes don't shout laughter anymore, his curly hair is just a mess now, and his eyes once a beautiful sky blue are just a dusty old ball kicked around in bare feet... But still here I am with you driving through the fog on Jackson Mountain.
December 29, 2015
Jan 31 · 109
Train Tracks
Broadsky Jan 31
You make my head feel like I've been pounding it against a concrete wall, how many hands do I need to count the number of people I share you with? You make my hands shake, you make my heart race like a train, you're the conductor and we're derailing from the tracks as we speak.
December 16, 2014
Jan 31 · 182
Appreciation
Broadsky Jan 31
Accepting the fact that this isn't love just appreciation honestly kills me. You say I'm your sunset, but I'm really just your breath when it's cold out.
October 30, 2014
Jan 31 · 226
FJP
Broadsky Jan 31
FJP
I once was in love with a boy who smoked cigarettes, he had his own car and two jobs, and his hair was almost always a mess. He didn't really like breakfast and he over drank all the time but said he was fine. His diet was mostly fast food, I was sure beer and fry grease ran through his veins. He never understood why I cried and never understood why I kissed him so much.
October 22, 2014
Jan 31 · 212
You.
Broadsky Jan 31
I don't know if it was your kisses, or your hands on my bare skin, but I feel these butterflies in my stomach and I've never felt anything more pleasant than your lips on mine. That rush, that breath, that look; my God my knees are weak. Thinking of the future absolutely scares me... maybe you'll fall in love with a girl while you're away at college, but all that matters to me now is this moment and you. You, you, you. Where you'll be when you're 47 doesn't concern me right now- I have you, and you my darling make me smile. I don't know what this feeling is but I know it's from you; you're the clouds that bring the rain, your kisses, your hugs, your laugh, your smile make me feel covered in petals. I enjoy you, I enjoy your laugh, and your smile, I enjoy every touch, every thing you do to me makes me feel so much. You are my favorite thing, my God I want to dance with you.
October 15, 2014
Jan 31 · 174
"We'll just be friends"
Broadsky Jan 31
"We'll just be friends" you said hours ago and I agreed, and although that line was banging on the inside of my head, I ignored it and kissed you harder. I loved the look in your eyes when you said "you can be doing this or we could be doing something else" and I just followed you back to the room where your hands engulfed me and your lips brought back these all too familiar feelings. After you woke up you grabbed me and pulled me towards you- I couldn't help but smile, I was so happy, ******* you on this cloudy Sunday morning made me feel whole and I haven't felt like that in so long. I hate the fact I let you touch me, but **** it I couldn't help it.
October 11, 2014
Broadsky Jan 27
I stayed out late
I burned my throat with smoke and stumbled over sidewalk cracks. I woke up in pain and tears but I always cracked another beer. I said "i'm great! How are you?" With the most convincing of smiles and the sweetest honey suckle laugh, I almost felt high hiding behind this mask. I feel as if there's a big secret and I'm the last to know. Our friends are older now, some even have kids to watch grow. I wonder where we'll fall in line, or if we'll continue to dance over it like we have for years; i wish we could sway to a different tune
I miss you
Jan 26 · 484
4:20 in the morning
Broadsky Jan 26
It's 4:18 in the morning and everyone here at home is asleep, they can't hear me tossing and turning in my bed, the squeek of the springs are keeping me awake.
It's 4:19 in the morning and I'm packing a bowl wishing you were here next to me.
It's 4:20 in the morning, I flick my lighter and inhale, hoping you feel a little buzzed too.
Can't help myself.
Jan 26 · 197
Grandfather Time
Broadsky Jan 26
Please grandfather time slow down, there's no need to rush, you've got some years on your bones. Allow time to sit and catch its breath for a minute, allow time to move as fast as molasses in the fall. If he had the time he'd think of me, so please grandfather time slow down. He forgets me with each passing day, he forgets the times I made him question his logic, he forgets why he loved me, he forgets me entirely. So grandfather time please slow down, and let the memory of my touch be engrained in him forever.
Tick tock
Jan 24 · 186
6:55am
Broadsky Jan 24
You shake and rattle my brain and I curse you under my breath for it.
You stand there intrigued and evaulating why I came to the decision I did.
You ask to see me "only platonically" I say, but you dont mind. I leap for a kiss and I can almost feel your lips on mine... But alas this was just a dream. See I can't understand why you're stuck in my brain like a semiconductive device, no matter how far I travel you always find me. I know I'm the last thing on your mind, I know the thought of my smile doesn't send chills down your spine, I know the pure thought of seeing me does nothing to the butterflies in your belly, for they fall asleep when you think of me.
I know I am of the lucky few to have found a true love after you, one that braids flowers in my hair, and yet I still miss the way your thorns would ***** my skin.
We've ended with a million words and miles between us, I wonder if you dream of me. I'll smoke a cigarette on the way and another one when I get there, wherever that may be. I'm losing the memory of you and it feels foreign to not wear your name anymore, 36 months since and I am simply forgetting how your fingertips swirled my skin; I want to remember. Every improvement I make on this journey without you is wrecked by your ever constant loop around my mind, like the sun's rotation around the earth, there you are again.

Our encounters have become few and far between, I don't wake to find myself in your bed anymore. I haven't felt awake since you last held me, I'm begging my mind to grasp hold of our memories and not let them free for fear of losing them. I remember when I wanted nothing more than to forget your voice, your touch, your laugh. I wanted so badly to forget how well you whistled a tune and how my head laying on your chest made me feel regal.

The bittersweet essence of you still lingers on my tongue, can you feel my kisses on your cigarette burns? Can you remember the smell of my hair and how the curves of my waist made my shudder? Can you remember what it was like to completely consume me with just a kiss? Can you remember my laugh? Will you ever find me again?
Wrote this as soon as I woke up from a dream about you.
Jan 24 · 74
i can't
Broadsky Jan 24
I cannot get enough of you, I cannot get enough of the way you sing in the car, I cannot get enough of your hands on the steering wheel, I cannot get enough of your hands on my thigh, I cannot get enough of feeling your bare shoulders and messy hair in the dark, I can't get enough of your lips on mine and the way you kiss my face when I'm asleep, I can't get enough of how protected I feel when you wrap your arms around me, I can't get enough of how my arms tossed around your neck with my lips on yours feel as normal as the sun coming up every morning. There was a rocky beach with a raging sea inside of me, there's a constant storm that everyday took control and ceased to end. The day you resisted the winds and waves of my raging sea and called me beautiful in the middle of it all was the day you calmed my sea and softened my shore.
November 6, 2014
Jan 24 · 180
Brace for impact
Broadsky Jan 24
I braced myself for the impact of what the blow would be. Kissing the sleep out of you on that cloudy Saturday morning keeps on running through my mind like the memories are water swirling in a whirlpool, they keep going and going before my eyes and I can't shut it out to sleep. You- God kissing you, feeling one of your arms go under my neck and the other around my waist made me feel like all the harsh silences and sad facts became irrelevant and all that mattered was the way you kissed me by the piano and the way you pulled my body towards you this morning. I'm preparing myself for the blow of you leaving and I don't want to.
October 11, 2014
We were at Pat's farm house
Jan 20 · 293
Tonight
Broadsky Jan 20
I've been doing well when it comes to pushing the thought of you away,
But tonight I'll sit in the rose water pool that is nostalgia and miss your drunken kisses.
It's hard to believe we exist in the same moment- just different places. How is it over the mountain?
I remember the coolness of the fireponds, I remember the smell of the summer fires, I remember the view of the sunset from your house, I remember you turning around and flashing me a smile.
Tonight I'll miss the laughter, the feeling of the moonlight soaking every inch of my skin while we ran through that field, I'll miss the taste of beer on your lips when you'd go in for a kiss. I'll miss the feeling of hearing you say "I love you" without hesitation.
Tonight ill miss sitting on your lap while we shared a bottle of wine, ill miss you leaving during an argument and coming back with two beers for us to talk over. I'll miss the feeling of fixing things with you. I'll miss the way you swayed the last time you hugged me... The last time you loved me. Tonight ill miss loving you, and feeling the same in return.
Tonight I'll miss falling asleep with you, and waking up as you'd pull me closer.
Jan 1 · 233
champagne
Broadsky Jan 1
It's the first hour of the new year and I feel whole.
It could be because of all the champagne
Or the fact I realized that **** happens and you can't control it, so you might as well just smile
I'm pushing the thought of you away
I'm smiling and laughing with my mom and sister
I feel happy
I'm a tad drunk but you guys dont mind right?
Dec 2018 · 1.1k
Sunburnt knees
Broadsky Dec 2018
If you want to know why we ended it's because he fell out of love with me.
He said I couldnt make him happy anymore, and it shook and rattled my brain so much the nurses during the night shift at the hospital knew my name.
You were kissing him while I was at home sobbing over him, when I was craving his skin on mine you were the one making him breathe fast and heavy.
While your toes were in the sand sitting with him and your ******* sunburnt knees, I was going mad writing about my aching love for him.
He wanted my body when you were on the west coast, I withheld myself from him.
It wasn't my soul he missed, it was how I would make words flow from his lips while I used my hands. The depth of his indifference devoured me and made me feel like I was drowning.
Therefore, no I do not want to be your friend. No I do not want to grab a coffee with you. You have this ludicrous idea that I owe you an explanation of why we finally walked away.
It's because you took him one step further from me, and he never looked back.
The boy I always write about, my ex, his ex girlfriend from 2 years ago reached out to find out why he and I broke up. This is everything I wanted to tell her but didnt.
Nov 2018 · 479
Automobiles and things
Broadsky Nov 2018
How many miles left?
Can my tires make it, or have they corded out already?
Am I driving on rims?
Move, please I beg of you, get me there. Take me back where I was when I felt something other than this hollow emptiness that now echoes my marbled halls.
You sputter with one last puff of black smoke. I rest my head on the steering wheel, realizing this Rube Goldberg device stopped working long ago.
I don't care to lift the hood and diagnosis the issue, finding a remedy for your fluctuation.
So I'll just leave you here, with a white t-shirt in the window, but I'm not coming back.
I'm growing, you've stopped. I'm leaving, you're not.
May 2018 · 267
Accountability
Broadsky May 2018
Your inability to take accountability shows me the type of man I was with.
I finally poured my heart out to tell you how you hurt me... you were silent.
May 2018 · 243
Untitled
Broadsky May 2018
I feel like I'm going to puke.
I'm feeling as crazy as driving down your street at 2am blaring my car horn. This is the first we've spoken in months and it feels good. This diaphram strain hasnt been holding me back from singing in the shower, singing our song. Whatever that may be. You wounded me in ways I feel I'll never heal from, I'm down to my last cigarette and I want to smoke it- I got my license so I can get more, maybe ill keep driving and driving til I see your house and your new unfamiliar car parked in front of it. You move me in ways I never expected and I haven't moved your way in what feels like decades.
I love you.
You replied.
May 2018 · 315
proud
Broadsky May 2018
"I'm so proud of you" I whisper as I drive on these wet slippery roads, you're at a place you've always wanted to be, and you left me on the corner to get there. I wish I could be there congratulating you as your plus one, but lord knows neither of us could have lived to see that day. Such a small amount of time, 15 months, and yet it holds such significance in my mind even now after almost 4 years of being without you. I still look for you on those loud downtown streets, I still hope you'll be there to see me in my perfected form, so I can brag how far I've run to get to where you are. Will you ever be proud of me? I think we both know the answer and I haunts us.
You just graduated with your degree you've worked so hard to get.
Apr 2018 · 163
Untitled
Mar 2018 · 236
i hate it.
Broadsky Mar 2018
I feel stranded and I feel watched.
Like a prisoner.
I hate it.
**** everything and everyone.
Mar 2018 · 287
maybe it was enough
Broadsky Mar 2018
right now my chest feels like it has 100 bricks laying across it, my head feels like it weighs 100 pounds and it's going to tip over. We're back where we were when we first started and it's a shame that this is where we've landed. Time after time after time again I have tried to fix this, tried to fix us, tried to fix you. I couldn't save you from yourself, I couldn't save us from this disaster. You aren't the only one to blame, I know I could have done more, I could have forced you to get the help you needed in the beginning, but you didn't want to, you never did. I hope now that I'm leaving you realize you are not okay, that you have never been okay. You're broken and that's alright, just stop trying to pretend you haven't shattered into a million pieces already. You were my world, my moon, the current in my ocean. My soul has never felt more at home in your arms. We loved each other in another life and maybe that was enough, maybe a previous lifetime spent loving you was enough.
Maybe it was enough.
I never wanted to leave you.
Mar 2018 · 249
lover
Broadsky Mar 2018
Dear lover,
How are you? From the looks of it you're happier than ever.
I have never seen you smile the way you do now that you're with her.
She looks so sweet and so kind, and I am so happy for you.
Yet my heart still aches for you lover, my body still craves the feeling of your skin. My mouth is withdrawing from the taste of your lips, and my hair hasn't felt the same since you last ran your fingers through it. You look like you're drinking less, you look like you're spending time doing things that genuinely bring you happiness, my only question is why couldn't it have been with me?
I'm so happy you've finally found her, but I wish it were me.
Mar 2018 · 207
killed me 10w
Broadsky Mar 2018
You've found the girl you're gonna marry, it killed me.
Feb 2018 · 74
anxiety
Broadsky Feb 2018
Anxiety is spending three hours getting ready for your Valentine's day dinner and crying it all away.
Feb 2018 · 185
Methylphenidate
Broadsky Feb 2018
If I pop this little pill I'll be able to get all my work done. Am I opening a door? One I cannot close? Walk with me as we venture through this together.
Let's see.
Feb 2018 · 2.0k
we're sisters
Broadsky Feb 2018
I remember nights when I was so petrified, you'd sit outside the bathroom door for me as I'd shower. I remember nights you'd climb in my bed to soothe my sobs and stop my tears from wetting my pillow. I remember when you'd hold my hand and teach me to be confident with my shoulders back. I remember the nights of endless secret telling and shushes to keep quiet. I remember it all. Yet those sweet pea memories are slowly drifting away back to sea with the memory of who you used to be. I can't seem to get you to look me in the eyes anymore, I can't get you to hold me when I have an episode. I can't get you to spend time with me, your baby sister, and maybe its a big sister thing; growing tired of being your little sister's keeper. I dont know. But I know there are no more nights of secret telling, there are no more nights of being held while I cry. There are no more nights of you sitting outside the bathroom door for me. There are none.
When do you know to let go?
Broadsky Jan 2018
She sat there on her mountain top pleased with where she found herself. Yet each day she would chisel where she sat, "a chisel each day" she thought "won't do any harm." So each day she would awl where she rested maybe to see if one day she'd have nothing left to chisel, maybe the mountain would swallow her whole for destroying its wonderous peak, maybe nothing would happen- maybe nothing at all. So she persisted til one day there was nothing left to chisel, and she went tumbling down.
I'm falling in a downwards spiral off a cliff and I was the one who pushed me.
Jan 2018 · 515
"This is my girlfriend..."
Broadsky Jan 2018
I remember sometimes I'd try everything in my power to get you to laugh, and how sometimes it didn't work. Yet there were those special moments in between the lack of reciprocation and fights I'd get you to give me that look. I walk up to you
"Hey my friends are having a party tonight and I know we just met but it'd be cool if you came." We were dating well past a year at this point, flash forward three hours and we're drunk sitting on couches with strangers around us. "Hey, Paul right? I'm glad you decided to come" the people around us get excited over what they think is a budding relationship, you look over to them smile and say "This is my girlfriend..."
We ended not too long after that...
Jan 2018 · 239
Our Garden.
Broadsky Jan 2018
It was May of 2015, we decided to start a garden. The things we grew, carrots, cucumbers, tomatoes, green beans, green cabbage, the only two things we could not grow was that **** red cabbage and our love between us. Now its January of 2018 and our garden has withered away to sticks and dirt and our love isn't much better off either.
We've been over for almost 3 years.
Nov 2017 · 433
Not yet
Broadsky Nov 2017
We saw each other tonight. We talked about the ****** living situation you're in because we're no longer living together. We talked about old secret handshakes we had with our siblings and couldn't control the laughter. You asked to take me out to dinner soon, how quickly I wanted to say yes surprised me. I told you I would think about it instead. The way you love me eats me up inside and reminds me of the way I loved when I was younger. So selflessly and heart wrenching at the same time. How it hurt to love something that much, but I couldnt control it. How it felt like my brain was cracking in two and every cell in my body was exploding when they said they no longer wanted to be mine. I feel that way tonight, I feel that terrible pain in my gut that makes me feel like we should have never split up in the first place, that I should just forgive you and tell you to come back home. But I can't, not yet.
I dont know if I ever will.
Nov 2017 · 266
Dim Lights
Broadsky Nov 2017
It's almost 1am and I'm laying down to sleep. The fan is not running and you aren't here to rock me to sleep. I can truly think of a million reasons why we shouldn't be together, but I am so drawn to you. I'm drawn to the way you hold me, I'm drawn to the way you move the little bits of hair out of my face, I'm drawn to the way you're not afraid to get your hands ***** and work. I miss you. I miss how we would laugh together in our dim smokey room. I miss how we would conquer tasks that laid before us, how we would evolve tenfold past what set us back. I miss the light that shown within you.
I miss you.
Nov 2017 · 484
Again.
Broadsky Nov 2017
I'm sitting at my work desk after hours because I have to get this off my chest. You loved me in ways I couldn't love you back.  I loved him in ways he would never understand. These empty nights of  just sitting alone  haunt me. They bring me back to all my winters past where my skin turns a ghostly white and my eyes sink in like a body on a soft mattress. I felt tattered and worn when I was yours. In fact I have felt that way with all of my lovers, tattered and worn like a favorite piece of clothing, worn so much it's falling apart.
I am again falling apart.
We broke up. We no longer belong to one another.
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