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Jul 12 · 140
numbers game
Broadsky Jul 12
1, 2, 3
There was you and me

4, 5, 6
your colorful bag of tricks

7, 8, 9
we'd share a bottle of wine.

These are the memories that send chills up my spine.

You were acid,
I was alkaline.

I used to pick the petals off a celandine, hoping
"maybe he'll choose me this time."

I thought our love to be phantasmagoric,
when in fact it was hardly auric.

leave it to me to always be metaphoric.

You impacted me in ways I can't describe

please believe me when I say this isn't my diatribe.

this is me trying my best to transmogrify.

my original stimuli,

you have no idea what you signified,

but

This is me trying my hardest to say goodbye.
numbers were always your thing
Broadsky Jul 4
I'm hurting

the random waft of your cologne makes me feel like I'm going crazy

because you aren't here

pushing the elevator button to the 7th floor to watch the sunset

together

one

last

time.

because what goes up

must therefore come down

and honey,

we're crashing

at a million miles an hour
August 2020
Jul 4 · 334
surrender burns
Broadsky Jul 4
light my fuse on fire and set me aflame
watch as you singlehandedly set me ablaze

what is it like to watch me burn, baby?
I'm no better than cinder, ashes in an urn.

lately I feel just like charcoal residue,
remember when I was sweet and wet like honeydew?
do you remember when I was good to you?

how much longer can we pretend?
that we know when this war will end,
I can't express how badly I miss my best friend.

charging towards each other from opposing ends of a battlefield,
no matter how much I beg,
your sword you will not yield.

pull out your guitar and play a chord
I don’t know how much longer I can afford
to run around on this chessboard

moving pawns and rooks
when we should be swimming in ponds,
and reading books.

thoroughly covered in brambles
I‘ll wait as you amble

who knew we could get so tangled in something we thought we could handle?

we’re filled with pride and jealousy,
resentment and envy too

how can we come back from this?

what did we lose?
sketching with graphite
I don’t want to fight
just take me back to that campsite
on that hot July night.
Dec 2020 · 297
Days of Wine and Roses
Broadsky Dec 2020
your head laying on my chest in the still hours of the night reminds me of tree branches dancing in the moonlight

your lips moving over the peaks of my ******* sends memories of us flowing into my head like water rippling up to a river bed

your love is like skipping stones on a calm lake, when you look at me I feel these walls I’ve built start to break, and the barbed wire around me start to deteriorate

I’ve never known a love so true

I’ve never fallen for a boy like you

when you kiss me I see comets and cosmos, and shooting stars too, I feel the pull of the earth and the coolness of the moon, I feel the ground shake beneath me and flowers start to bloom in all the cracks and crevices, can’t you smell the perfume?

if you are truly mine, now and forever, then I’ve loved you since the dawn of time when we were just visions and thoughts in God’s glorious mind

you are the wind rushing through my hair, you are the creaks in the steps going up the stairs

you are the home where I want to rest my head, just to wake up in the morning and do it all again.

I love you effortlessly, like the clouds love the sky. I’ll say it again and again til it’s etched in the scrolls of time

your love keeps me high, it’s pure and utter bliss; can you feel the butterfly wings flutter as we kiss?

like the dew on a blade of grass at dawn, you kiss my palm, I love you baby because you’re warm and sweet like cardamom.

like chamomile and kava

like ashwagandha and marijuana

like rosé and champagne

after tasting you, I’ll never be the same.
Written for a boy I love
Dec 2020 · 285
Chasing the sun
Broadsky Dec 2020
I’m chasing the sun as it falls beneath the mountains.
Disappointment fills me.
“I will wait” I say longingly,
I will wait for spring to bring the flowers that fill the air so sweetly.
I will wait for summer’s deep kiss that turns my skin into honey.
I will wait for the warm river water,
and the temperate breeze.
I will wait for the sun to return to me.
The sun sets at 4:45 pm... only just for now.
Oct 2020 · 229
Achilles' heel
Broadsky Oct 2020
I remember when I was fresh and crisp like orange peel

now I sit and wonder "when will these aching bones finally heal?"

I used to be as strong as tungsten steel

now I'm realizing

I am my own Achilles' heel.

the records of my memory are quickly sealed,

pieces of myself are now completely concealed,

getting to them is like walking through a minefield.

yet still I tiptoe

through this treacherous land

it's so dark, I cant even see my own hands.

nevertheless I wander through the sands of time,

even though in this world I'm completely blind.

because I will not leave myself behind,

even in my current state of mind,

it is myself I will find.
being okay is harder than it looks.
Jun 2020 · 319
8:14pm
Broadsky Jun 2020
"can I see you tonight?"

already **** well knowing what the answer will be.

still I ask,

because I don't think you know what you do to me, tracing the grain of your skin... you don't know how long I've waited for you, I'd pass the time drinking gin.

you used to move me
like sweet notes sung by a violin
but I can't wait forever,
my patience is wearing thin.

walking on these egg shells, trying not to crack
when all I want to do is yell
"you're absolutely crushing my heart, please give it back."

"I didn't think to ask"
you say; isn't that such a shame?
when you look can't you see the discrepancies between us?
does it not shake and rattle your brain?

I wouldn't think twice to climb a mountain for you in the pouring rain,
but honestly, sweetheart...
I don't think you'd do the same.

and that's alright,
because this is my domain,
I now make the rules to this game.

things will be different, I'm not going to lie.

this is what happens when I'm made to color inside the lines.
I think the instructions on how to hurt me are inscribed on the inside of your ringlet curls.
May 2020 · 1.1k
self love
Broadsky May 2020
you can rest your head, honey, I see the wrinkles of your furrowed brow.

you can rest your feet, darling, there’s no one chasing you around.

you can rest your heart, sugar, no one’s going to break it now.

and you can rest your body, baby, you don’t have to make a sound.
loving yourself isn't an easy thing to do, but with patience and forgiveness the love for oneself will grow.
Apr 2020 · 292
too early in the morning
Broadsky Apr 2020
waking up with the morning sun

makeup still on from the night before

eyes bloodshot from lack of sleep

"it's too early for this" I mutter as I lay tangled in these raspberry colored sheets, tossing and turning hoping to shade myself from any glimmer of responsibility

but it doesn't work

mutual confusion

mutual pain

we've been here countless times before

I had work in the morning, and it was nearly 6am

it was too early in the morning

but we stayed up and talked instead of going to bed
i'm sleepy and so are you
Mar 2020 · 255
child's play
Broadsky Mar 2020
"be careful with me"

I remember saying to you

"because I break easily"

but like a child playing in their yard you kicked me around like a ***** ball

looking up at the sky I've started to wonder why I'm spending all my time running around with you

lying on my back I'm bracing for the impact of your next kick

because this is child's play

in a realm with no rules

so you can do whatever you want

and I'll just be here

hoping it will be different tomorrow
things were so different six months ago
Feb 2020 · 357
Time
Broadsky Feb 2020
Time is such a precious thing
I cannot believe I haven’t written about it before
How beautiful it is when the minutes thin, and the hours pass
Waiting; however, is a different matter
One that requires patience
I’m afraid I’m losing my patience with you
you were supposed to be here at 10:00pm, it’s getting late.
Sep 2019 · 442
kitchen twine vines
Broadsky Sep 2019
your loving lips on my rosy cheek, your fingers running through my hair like water in a creek, your cool ability to smoothly speak.

that look that says “you’re mine,” you’re sending chills down my spine, as you wrap your arms around me like kitchen twine.

your heavy breath and rising chest, you’re building trests from east to west.

in your presence I bloom like a lotus, you’re making me notice there’s more than enough time to fall for a guy that makes you want to climb the tallest tree you can find.

I’m leaning on limbs,

looking through leaves,

while I’m swaying with the breeze,

and you’re there with me.
for you.
Broadsky Aug 2019
Adding honey to my tea and grabbing a stirrer, I see you out of the corner of my eye, baseball cap on, nose buried deep in a book.

Walking on these downtown streets today I thought to myself “I’m happy, and I’m happy without him”


See, the pain of our love crashing and burning doesn’t matter until I see you.


My stomach drops, my veins seize up, I’m stopped dead in my tracks.


I wish I could’ve said hello, I wish I could’ve asked “reading something interesting?”

But this is our reality, pretending we’re strangers and forcing the nights we spent under the moon out, out, out of our heads.


I don’t think I could look you in the eyes, I think it would immediately tug my heart down to my feet


The idea of us being friends is bittersweet like lemon drops, but no one talks about the bitter aftertaste.


I wish you well, I wish you happiness, and I hope you enjoy your cup of coffee with your read.
Saw you sitting in a coffee shop.
Aug 2019 · 349
getting a second older
Broadsky Aug 2019
Maybe if I could find pills that give me the same effect  you do when you  say “baby” I’d be okay.

you got your college acceptance letter today and I’m so proud, but the minute you sent me that photo my chest collapsed.

I just want you to be happy even though most of me knows you’d be happier else where, I grasp all the time I can get with you like it’s special tokens that will give me life.

I told your mother I loved you and she smiled, she told me she thought i was a good person and that I would be fine in the world; I think she knows you’re going to leave me soon.

my skin crawls, my veins shake, and my stomach flips when I think of the inevitable dust storm that comes every year, hiding my happiness in a blanket of opaque grey, leaving me coughing in the bathroom trying to catch my breath as I mutter through my broken sobs “you’re okay”

but I won’t  be okay

because there isn’t anything like watching you live, getting a second older.

there isn’t anything like feeling you move your face from side to side so you can get deeper in my neck

there isn’t anything like touching your skin, or tasting your tongue, and I’m afraid I’ll never forget your name.
April 15th, 2015
Broadsky Aug 2019
A boy with a witty mind and an eye for photography, plays with the collar of my mind, rubbing it between his fingers.
A boy with the willingness to venture into the woods with a stranger, connecting so well he asks to see me later. He awakens a part of me that I haven’t seen in years, where my mind can connect the dots and lend an ear, an opinion, towards topics where no one can win.
June 2019
Jul 2019 · 114
Boys
Broadsky Jul 2019
What am I doing?
Chasing after boys with my bleeding heart in hand.
Asking them to show me music, “what’s your favorite band?”
I want to know what moves them, what makes them sway, and bend.
I’m hoping it’ll interest me, and lead me to their bed.
These thoughts that I have, the ones that circle in my head, have now created craters that no longer seem to end.
“One day” I whisper to myself, I won’t have to lend, my heart and thoughts to strangers, I’ll be whole instead.
But until then I promise to tread as lightly as possible, and I’ll repeat what I said; “living this life isn’t easy, but I’ll pay the price if need be.”
Jun 2019 · 308
turn signal
Broadsky Jun 2019
I realized for the first time today that you’ll never see me flick my turn signal on from the inside of my car. Your music will never play from my speakers and you’ll never sit shotgun in the car I finally own. You’ll never place your hand on my thigh while I drive.
sometimes I see your ghost looking at me from my passenger seat, we both look at each other knowingly and nod our heads. Knowing what we want is the exact opposite of what we have.
You have her.
I have him.
And they sing to our souls, but we both can’t forget how I’d dance on your feet.
Mar 2019 · 1.1k
Scorpio
Broadsky Mar 2019
I've ****** the venom from your sting, Scorpio, it's left me dizzy and hurting. It's hard to believe after four full rotations around the sun the only thing to have deepened are the lines on your brow rather than your own understanding. I can see your weaknesses Scorpio, I can see I've struck a cord loud enough to make you wave your vindictive hand. I can feel your unforgiveness like a cold desert night, I can feel the hot burning twist of your sharpened knife. I'm among the planets and the stars; Saturn, Jupiter, and Mars-- it's amazing I've come this far. With my hand stretched out I've called your name, but you still look to me with all the blame. I wanted to share the air with you, but I know now life will always be unfair with you. To the earth and back, with no tack on a map, there is no simple answer-- our world is now black. Filled with dread, I lift my head and see your stinger is ready to inbed the worst possible venom known to us men. I'll be just fine, when I cut this line, that always leads me back to you.
Our story is finally finished.
Mar 2019 · 330
refuse
Broadsky Mar 2019
I'm looking at the drum you bought me, this beautiful Djembe drum. You bought it for me because you saw how I lost myself in the rhythm that night at the field party. I remember the warmth and glow of the fire, music blaring from someone car, the hum of people laughing and talking. I remember the pill you took and the man you got it from, I remember after you peaked you called to one of your friends "have you met my girl? This is my girl" and how I never wanted to be anyone else's again. I remember our tent in the corner, and making love all night, I remember getting up at 6am and walking in the dewy grass letting the sun's rays warm my completely bare skin. I remember riding home with you and your clenched jaw from coming down, I remember everything; and I refuse to forget.
I still remember how you felt in my hands.
Feb 2019 · 427
windshield
Broadsky Feb 2019
The world always looks different through your windshield, these streets I drive everyday look foreign sitting in your passenger seat. I cannot pretend we move together like we once did; two leaves dancing in the wind. Your lack of self worth deepens the wrinkles on your brow, and sends me spiraling. ***** boots and stale cigarettes, empty cans and bottle caps, sleeping til noon and never really waking up. I loved you like helping my mother bake my 6th birthday cake, I loved you like ignoring my fear of heights and climbing to the top branches of a mighty tree, I loved you like the sunset loves the sky. Yet still, here I am, sitting on the floor in my room reminded of all the times you put me first when you shouldn't have. I wish you loved yourself as much as you love me, I wish you knew the riches that lie in the making of your soul, I wish you could see just how ground shaking and breathtaking you really are.
Alas, my darling, the star in the sky that leads me home, I will love you in another life;
again,
and again
  and again.
I'll always love you.
Feb 2019 · 235
cherry lime
Broadsky Feb 2019
The cherry of my cigarette keeps me hopeful for summer, I walk outside in the cold looking for something to fill these pages. Anything. This lack of inspiration has me walking through the woods in the dead of winter, this lack of inspiration has me sleeping in his bed. This lack of inspiration has me sitting at the bar asking for a double gin and soda with lime, please.
writer's block
Feb 2019 · 206
water cup
Broadsky Feb 2019
There we were, slowly kissing, hands finding their old familiar places. Your mind is as quick as a whip, and has the sting of one too. Your words slide off your silver tongue and into my fresh water river. I pause and take a break only to be left on the edge of the bed crying into my water cup, with you there, back turned- you're cold. You're cold and prideful, didn't I know this? Didnt I know this before climbing back into bed with you, you sly snake devil with blue eyes. You have left me with a hoarse throat, a battered heart, and a dry empty river bed. One day I will flourish again.
April 5, 2018
Feb 2019 · 468
a stranger in the bar
Broadsky Feb 2019
"So tell me how you're so confident." You say with a glimmer of seduction in your half shut eyes, your head leaned back- I want you. I want to watch you melt in my hands. I'm slipping on snow on the patio but your glance keeps me steady, I want your hands on me already. You're 10 years older but I've caught your eye, I make you want to say "she'll have another" on your dime. We're standing outside, you'll never see me again therefore I'll sink my teeth in. You move a little closer, I'll hate when this is over. I bite your lip- you breathe deeply and put your hand on my hip. I feel the soft ****** of your 5 o'clock shadow, you're hardly callow. I force myself to pull away- this is casual I say- I turn on my toes, my hair sways, and I toss one last hedonistic gaze to the man responsible for my daze.
I kissed a stranger in a bar, he had light hair and light colored eyes, he was a man and I'll never be the same again.
Feb 2019 · 278
chimera
Broadsky Feb 2019
It's 1:43 a.m. on a Monday, a week ago at this time exactly I was in your arms.
I understand.
A love like no other, destined to end, an elixir we cheered to the moon with seeps down our smoke burned throats; my life forever changed from that night on. A burden most heavy lay upon my chest at night, like a dog to it's bed, it lays there throwing its exhaustion of self-hatred and loneliness in my face. The thought most rejected and welcomed, a bottle rocket in the night sky, you are the feeling of picking the right answer. You are the feeling of drawing the short stick. Your words bouncing around in my head like noisy upstairs neighbors unwilling to settle down, causing this emotional insomnia. So I'll pour a drink to have a dream, but I know ill see you there.
February 8, 2016
Broadsky Feb 2019
My body misses its keeper. My skin misses the grooves of your fingertips. You did exactly what you needed to, your job here is done- on to the next person who needs you, maybe you'll find you need them too, and that scares me half to death. When I'm 50 I'll go through these pages and see how many of them are filled with words of you, and maybe I'll pick up the phone, and dial your number, and maybe then that'll be our time; but till then I'm sleeping in a bed alone, with my love away on another planet in another universe trying to find his own. I crave the day I wake up and don't compare the beauty of a new day to the color of your eyes, or the feeling of running my fingers through the deep August grass to them tangled in your hair. I will try to not associate the sight of crushed beer cans, the smell of burnt firewood, the birds morning songs to all the drunken nights turned mornings when we crawled from our tents and craved coffee with our cigarettes. Pass the cream, wont ya sugar?
January 27, 2016
Feb 2019 · 429
imperfecciones
Broadsky Feb 2019
Today has been grey and I've spent most of my time asleep. I lack the ability to feel something slightly; this causes discomfort and pain- yes but, this means I have felt every sunset, every time your fingertips brushed my skin I have felt it. I have felt your body rise up and down as you pulled the pillow to cover your head, I have felt you laugh, I have felt your fingers create bubbles in the soapy water that is my skin. I have felt you pull my hair in passion, I have felt you raise your voice in rage, I have felt your heavy heart and I have felt your loose-fitting tight-knit love that covers me. There are days my imperfections leave streak marks on the mirror and a mess in the kitchen, but then there are the days my imperfections make you laugh and stare, because I am my imperfections and you love me.
March 25, 2015
Feb 2019 · 331
Dancing at 2am
Broadsky Feb 2019
You leaned me back as we danced at 2am in my kitchen.
You held your head back, as my eyes held yours, and my hands held you. This medicine keeps me calm and breathing easy. The lighter and the glass pipe on my windowsill make me enjoy the freezing mornings, and you darling make music notes run through my veins, and they make me shake.
January 19, 2015
Jan 2019 · 428
Jackson Mountain
Broadsky Jan 2019
We drove up through the fog on Jackson Mountain, the music carried the silence with a melodic tune that made it almost seem sweet; it was quiet and loud at the same time. "You want a cigarette?" he asks, interrupting the flow of thought through my stormy mind. I silently take the cigarette from him and put it in my mouth, the cigarette filter touching my lips when I wish it were him instead. I pull out my lighter, a blue and yellow flame assistant making my lungs black. He could never really read my handwriting, and he could never really make up his mind. He never read my journals and he hardly ever touched my face. He slept till 4 in the afternoon and threw the pillows over his head if he was disturbed. He hasn't traveled and he doesn't like tattoos. Him. That sounded so sweet just hours before now ****** my tongue to bleed. my love has turned to resentment and everything he does now has lost its glow, the wrinkles in the corners of his eyes don't shout laughter anymore, his curly hair is just a mess now, and his eyes once a beautiful sky blue are just a dusty old ball kicked around in bare feet... But still here I am with you driving through the fog on Jackson Mountain.
December 29, 2015
Jan 2019 · 209
Train Tracks
Broadsky Jan 2019
You make my head feel like I've been pounding it against a concrete wall, how many hands do I need to count the number of people I share you with? You make my hands shake, you make my heart race like a train, you're the conductor and we're derailing from the tracks as we speak.
December 16, 2014
Jan 2019 · 250
Appreciation
Broadsky Jan 2019
Accepting the fact that this isn't love just appreciation honestly kills me. You say I'm your sunset, but I'm really just your breath when it's cold out.
October 30, 2014
Jan 2019 · 397
FJP
Broadsky Jan 2019
FJP
I once was in love with a boy who smoked cigarettes, he had his own car and two jobs, and his hair was almost always a mess. He didn't really like breakfast and he over drank all the time but said he was fine. His diet was mostly fast food, I was sure beer and fry grease ran through his veins. He never understood why I cried and never understood why I kissed him so much.
October 22, 2014
Jan 2019 · 330
You.
Broadsky Jan 2019
I don't know if it was your kisses, or your hands on my bare skin, but I feel these butterflies in my stomach and I've never felt anything more pleasant than your lips on mine. That rush, that breath, that look; my God my knees are weak. Thinking of the future absolutely scares me... maybe you'll fall in love with a girl while you're away at college, but all that matters to me now is this moment and you. You, you, you. Where you'll be when you're 47 doesn't concern me right now- I have you, and you my darling make me smile. I don't know what this feeling is but I know it's from you; you're the clouds that bring the rain, your kisses, your hugs, your laugh, your smile make me feel covered in petals. I enjoy you, I enjoy your laugh, and your smile, I enjoy every touch, every thing you do to me makes me feel so much. You are my favorite thing, my God I want to dance with you.
October 15, 2014
Jan 2019 · 287
"We'll just be friends"
Broadsky Jan 2019
"We'll just be friends" you said hours ago and I agreed, and although that line was banging on the inside of my head, I ignored it and kissed you harder. I loved the look in your eyes when you said "you can be doing this or we could be doing something else" and I just followed you back to the room where your hands engulfed me and your lips brought back these all too familiar feelings. After you woke up you grabbed me and pulled me towards you- I couldn't help but smile, I was so happy, ******* you on this cloudy Sunday morning made me feel whole and I haven't felt like that in so long. I hate the fact I let you touch me, but **** it I couldn't help it.
October 11, 2014
Broadsky Jan 2019
I stayed out late
I burned my throat with smoke and stumbled over sidewalk cracks. I woke up in pain and tears but I always cracked another beer. I said "i'm great! How are you?" With the most convincing of smiles and the sweetest honey suckle laugh, I almost felt high hiding behind this mask. I feel as if there's a big secret and I'm the last to know. Our friends are older now, some even have kids to watch grow. I wonder where we'll fall in line, or if we'll continue to dance over it like we have for years; i wish we could sway to a different tune
I miss you
Jan 2019 · 796
4:20 in the morning
Broadsky Jan 2019
It's 4:18 in the morning and everyone here at home is asleep, they can't hear me tossing and turning in my bed, the squeek of the springs are keeping me awake.
It's 4:19 in the morning and I'm packing a bowl wishing you were here next to me.
It's 4:20 in the morning, I flick my lighter and inhale, hoping you feel a little buzzed too.
Can't help myself.
Jan 2019 · 257
Grandfather Time
Broadsky Jan 2019
Please grandfather time slow down, there's no need to rush, you've got some years on your bones. Allow time to sit and catch its breath for a minute, allow time to move as fast as molasses in the fall. If he had the time he'd think of me, so please grandfather time slow down. He forgets me with each passing day, he forgets the times I made him question his logic, he forgets why he loved me, he forgets me entirely. So grandfather time please slow down, and let the memory of my touch be engrained in him forever.
Tick tock
Jan 2019 · 218
6:55am
Broadsky Jan 2019
You shake and rattle my brain and I curse you under my breath for it.
You stand there intrigued and evaulating why I came to the decision I did.
You ask to see me "only platonically" I say, but you dont mind. I leap for a kiss and I can almost feel your lips on mine... But alas this was just a dream. See I can't understand why you're stuck in my brain like a semiconductive device, no matter how far I travel you always find me. I know I'm the last thing on your mind, I know the thought of my smile doesn't send chills down your spine, I know the pure thought of seeing me does nothing to the butterflies in your belly, for they fall asleep when you think of me.
I know I am of the lucky few to have found a true love after you, one that braids flowers in my hair, and yet I still miss the way your thorns would ***** my skin.
We've ended with a million words and miles between us, I wonder if you dream of me. I'll smoke a cigarette on the way and another one when I get there, wherever that may be. I'm losing the memory of you and it feels foreign to not wear your name anymore, 36 months since and I am simply forgetting how your fingertips swirled my skin; I want to remember. Every improvement I make on this journey without you is wrecked by your ever constant loop around my mind, like the sun's rotation around the earth, there you are again.

Our encounters have become few and far between, I don't wake to find myself in your bed anymore. I haven't felt awake since you last held me, I'm begging my mind to grasp hold of our memories and not let them free for fear of losing them. I remember when I wanted nothing more than to forget your voice, your touch, your laugh. I wanted so badly to forget how well you whistled a tune and how my head laying on your chest made me feel regal.

The bittersweet essence of you still lingers on my tongue, can you feel my kisses on your cigarette burns? Can you remember the smell of my hair and how the curves of my waist made my shudder? Can you remember what it was like to completely consume me with just a kiss? Can you remember my laugh? Will you ever find me again?
Wrote this as soon as I woke up from a dream about you.
Jan 2019 · 95
i can't
Broadsky Jan 2019
I cannot get enough of you, I cannot get enough of the way you sing in the car, I cannot get enough of your hands on the steering wheel, I cannot get enough of your hands on my thigh, I cannot get enough of feeling your bare shoulders and messy hair in the dark, I can't get enough of your lips on mine and the way you kiss my face when I'm asleep, I can't get enough of how protected I feel when you wrap your arms around me, I can't get enough of how my arms tossed around your neck with my lips on yours feel as normal as the sun coming up every morning. There was a rocky beach with a raging sea inside of me, there's a constant storm that everyday took control and ceased to end. The day you resisted the winds and waves of my raging sea and called me beautiful in the middle of it all was the day you calmed my sea and softened my shore.
November 6, 2014
Jan 2019 · 330
Brace for impact
Broadsky Jan 2019
I braced myself for the impact of what the blow would be. Kissing the sleep out of you on that cloudy Saturday morning keeps on running through my mind like the memories are water swirling in a whirlpool, they keep going and going before my eyes and I can't shut it out to sleep. You- God kissing you, feeling one of your arms go under my neck and the other around my waist made me feel like all the harsh silences and sad facts became irrelevant and all that mattered was the way you kissed me by the piano and the way you pulled my body towards you this morning. I'm preparing myself for the blow of you leaving and I don't want to.
October 11, 2014
We were at Pat's farm house
Jan 2019 · 365
Tonight
Broadsky Jan 2019
I've been doing well when it comes to pushing the thought of you away,
But tonight I'll sit in the rose water pool that is nostalgia and miss your drunken kisses.
It's hard to believe we exist in the same moment- just different places. How is it over the mountain?
I remember the coolness of the fireponds, I remember the smell of the summer fires, I remember the view of the sunset from your house, I remember you turning around and flashing me a smile.
Tonight I'll miss the laughter, the feeling of the moonlight soaking every inch of my skin while we ran through that field, I'll miss the taste of beer on your lips when you'd go in for a kiss. I'll miss the feeling of hearing you say "I love you" without hesitation.
Tonight ill miss sitting on your lap while we shared a bottle of wine, ill miss you leaving during an argument and coming back with two beers for us to talk over. I'll miss the feeling of fixing things with you. I'll miss the way you swayed the last time you hugged me... The last time you loved me. Tonight ill miss loving you, and feeling the same in return.
Tonight I'll miss falling asleep with you, and waking up as you'd pull me closer.
Jan 2019 · 361
champagne
Broadsky Jan 2019
It's the first hour of the new year and I feel whole.
It could be because of all the champagne
Or the fact I realized that **** happens and you can't control it, so you might as well just smile
I'm pushing the thought of you away
I'm smiling and laughing with my mom and sister
I feel happy
I'm a tad drunk but you guys dont mind right?
Nov 2018 · 544
Automobiles and things
Broadsky Nov 2018
How many miles left?
Can my tires make it, or have they corded out already?
Am I driving on rims?
Move, please I beg of you, get me there. Take me back where I was when I felt something other than this hollow emptiness that now echoes my marbled halls.
You sputter with one last puff of black smoke. I rest my head on the steering wheel, realizing this Rube Goldberg device stopped working long ago.
I don't care to lift the hood and diagnosis the issue, finding a remedy for your fluctuation.
So I'll just leave you here, with a white t-shirt in the window, but I'm not coming back.
I'm growing, you've stopped. I'm leaving, you're not.
May 2018 · 526
Accountability
Broadsky May 2018
Your inability to take accountability shows me the type of man I was with.
I finally poured my heart out to tell you how you hurt me... you were silent.
May 2018 · 309
Untitled
Broadsky May 2018
I feel like I'm going to puke.
I'm feeling as crazy as driving down your street at 2am blaring my car horn. This is the first we've spoken in months and it feels good. This diaphram strain hasnt been holding me back from singing in the shower, singing our song. Whatever that may be. You wounded me in ways I feel I'll never heal from, I'm down to my last cigarette and I want to smoke it- I got my license so I can get more, maybe ill keep driving and driving til I see your house and your new unfamiliar car parked in front of it. You move me in ways I never expected and I haven't moved your way in what feels like decades.
I love you.
You replied.
May 2018 · 392
proud
Broadsky May 2018
"I'm so proud of you" I whisper as I drive on these wet slippery roads, you're at a place you've always wanted to be, and you left me on the corner to get there. I wish I could be there congratulating you as your plus one, but lord knows neither of us could have lived to see that day. Such a small amount of time, 15 months, and yet it holds such significance in my mind even now after almost 4 years of being without you. I still look for you on those loud downtown streets, I still hope you'll be there to see me in my perfected form, so I can brag how far I've run to get to where you are. Will you ever be proud of me? I think we both know the answer and I haunts us.
You just graduated with your degree you've worked so hard to get.
Apr 2018 · 226
Untitled
Mar 2018 · 292
i hate it.
Broadsky Mar 2018
I feel stranded and I feel watched.
Like a prisoner.
I hate it.
**** everything and everyone.
Mar 2018 · 380
maybe it was enough
Broadsky Mar 2018
right now my chest feels like it has 100 bricks laying across it, my head feels like it weighs 100 pounds and it's going to tip over. We're back where we were when we first started and it's a shame that this is where we've landed. Time after time after time again I have tried to fix this, tried to fix us, tried to fix you. I couldn't save you from yourself, I couldn't save us from this disaster. You aren't the only one to blame, I know I could have done more, I could have forced you to get the help you needed in the beginning, but you didn't want to, you never did. I hope now that I'm leaving you realize you are not okay, that you have never been okay. You're broken and that's alright, just stop trying to pretend you haven't shattered into a million pieces already. You were my world, my moon, the current in my ocean. My soul has never felt more at home in your arms. We loved each other in another life and maybe that was enough, maybe a previous lifetime spent loving you was enough.
Maybe it was enough.
I never wanted to leave you.
Mar 2018 · 293
lover
Broadsky Mar 2018
Dear lover,
How are you? From the looks of it you're happier than ever.
I have never seen you smile the way you do now that you're with her.
She looks so sweet and so kind, and I am so happy for you.
Yet my heart still aches for you lover, my body still craves the feeling of your skin. My mouth is withdrawing from the taste of your lips, and my hair hasn't felt the same since you last ran your fingers through it. You look like you're drinking less, you look like you're spending time doing things that genuinely bring you happiness, my only question is why couldn't it have been with me?
I'm so happy you've finally found her, but I wish it were me.
Mar 2018 · 259
killed me 10w
Broadsky Mar 2018
You've found the girl you're gonna marry, it killed me.
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