My throat closes

Every single time

When I want to speak or let myself be heard, I close

I let others speak for me. In whistling tunes I found through the Tube or stories as told by those who live them

I find it is not my time to speak.

For only when I am utmost alone can I even utter a single sigh and still it displeases me of its occurrence

Perhaps voiceless to allow others the space they might need to be themselves. So why am I upset of it

Meek and meager
Never there when you need her
Your silence is louder than a train wreck.

Mine, mine, mine –
the pain is mine,
I can bear it.

Mine, mine, mine –
The shame is mine,
I can wear it.

Feel the brittle glass,
a couple of knocks
and it will shatter.

I have a spine of steel,
throw your rocks,
it doesn’t matter.

Watch me burn,
with cool disdain,
I won’t bemoan it.

This trainwreck is mine,
my hellfire to maintain,
witness how I own it.

Sees the
trainwreck
coming, watches
it pass

by.

I can't recall what the pale moonlight brought upon us
The demise of everything, everyone we're holding on for
was sent to us by the remnants of
their comatose ghosts.

We woke up to a trainwreck next to our window and
Many of us is sick of this because they see it everytime daylight come everytime their
eyes are unfolded.
They got used to this silent commotion but
I'm not immuned to this for up to this day I
woke up just to tell myself that
this is an illusory and go back to sleep,
anticipate in melancholic dreams until my grim fate come taking me to somewhere
less
real.

No one. Not even you
or her
or him
tried to reprimand this delusion on mine
until I was nothing.
Nothing but a corpse.
I spent a lifetime hiding from reality away from this
sick world
I locked myself in a ******* prison I created myself and threw the ******* key straight to hell.

And you.
All of you just watch me burn no one told me I was engulfed in kerosene and that the flames
are catching up with me and I
I could've survived.

Well, today came and all I know is that I'm an another trainwreck stranded beside
a stranger bedroom window
I'm her nightmare I'm becoming my fear this is all becaused of your promises that you'll be there
saving me from every harm but you didn't tell me I was the menace (oh how could you save me from my own self?)
You watched me burn with a smile spreading on your face

Just try and sa--