the face of a man whose children I almost had
he bought me a teal house that needed some work- but it wasn't that bad
spending hours in a stream finding every last crawdad
laying on my back in a field on a summer night feeling glad
these are the things that make me mad
a man who's loyal to no land
what things are in the drawer of your nightstand?
shouldn't I know first hand?
this feels like I'm sinking in quick sand
the announcement of someone new loving you didn't tear me apart
it's you sleeping with your brother's wife that did me in, sweetheart
who did you outsmart?
whose lives are kept in the dark?
locked and confined to the four corners of a house
you turn the lights off and take off her blouse
what happened to the man who couldn't even hurt a mouse?
when you look in the mirror what do you see?
blue eyes as deep and vast as the sea?
a face full of deceit?
grabbing all the things you gave me, wishing I kept the receipt
bury your self respect in concrete
let your face burn scarlet when they ask
"so how did you two meet?"
black eyed susan vines
when and where did you both cross the line?
what you've done feels like swallowing turpentine
but it's all fine
good luck trying to untangle yourselves in these web of lies.
I found out he's sleeping with his brother's ex-fiancé her and i were close friends when he and I were together years ago.
dust has collected in this once filled room of my mine
it's floated and settled on the last few things left behind
now i can say this empty space is all mine
8 years of pacing this room
8 years of shouting at the moon
8 years of sleeping til noon
just to ignore the fact I meant nothing to you
so much anger has made home in my bones
the way you used to speak about me felt like being casted with stones
I used to try and drown out your tasteless, colorless tone
you type "she's dramatic" in a text on your phone
I expected this feeling of indifference to feel free with no stop lights
yet this empty space
and this empty mind
with what I've known this whole time
that all too familiar feeling of restlessness has come to an end
and even though there are still memories burned into my head
I don't believe I have anything else left unsaid
I envied your callousness
I despised your self-righteousness
and i ached at your lack of consequence
what caught your eye was never my elegance
but rather my callowness
as the ice in your drink swirls and melts
and you're blaming me besides everyone else
as your anger starts to swell
just remember it was me who wasn't treated well
we can keep our heads down while our eyes meet on the street
while you pretend I don't resemble meadowsweet
and that we never danced in my kitchen with me on your feet
to be honest
in the end
we were always offbeat
when you chose to secede
I found you to not be an aesthete
if you could agree
to be without me
this story is begging to no longer be told
so maybe I'll revisit this time of my life when I've seen how my life will unfold
til then my king is fallen on this chess board
my feelings are buried far past the sea's shore
and I've finally
stopped keeping score
running his fingers through my hair like a strong wind through tall grass in June
the coolness of his lips on mine like a summer swim in July
feelings for him coursing through my veins like a meteor shower sweeping across the night sky in August
I love him.
sowing seeds, growing flowers for the bees, I want to climb the tree of he- to taste the gifts he has for me.
he's my summer honey.
if all our minds were candy dispensers
then a penny for my thoughts would get you a taste of sour on your tongue
you'd grimace and scowl and feel it in your lungs
and i'd ask "did it feel like running through a candy store when you were young?"
cinnamon candy too
there's always enough bad thoughts to go around,
which one do you choose?
I'll take the pills they tell me to
some sugar helps the medicine go down,
isn't that true?
i'll just have to wait and see
and in the mean time i'll try to believe
that being 24 is really hard
at least that's what they've told me
a heaping double scoop of asperity
leaves my guests looking at me warily
giving me just a cake sliver of clarity
I'm getting tired of eating macaroons,
I hope my time here in candy land ends soon.
I’m finally starting to feel better.
1, 2, 3
There was you and me
4, 5, 6
your colorful bag of tricks
7, 8, 9
we'd share a bottle of wine.
These are the memories that send chills up my spine.
You were acid,
I was alkaline.
I used to pick the petals off a celandine, hoping
"maybe he'll choose me this time."
I thought our love to be phantasmagoric,
when in fact it was hardly auric.
leave it to me to always be metaphoric.
You impacted me in ways I can't describe
please believe me when I say this isn't my diatribe.
this is me trying my best to transmogrify.
my original stimuli,
you have no idea what you signified,
This is me trying my hardest to say goodbye.
numbers were always your thing
the random waft of your cologne makes me feel like I'm going crazy
because you aren't here
pushing the elevator button to the 7th floor to watch the sunset
because what goes up
must therefore come down
at a million miles an hour
light my fuse on fire and set me aflame
watch as you singlehandedly set me ablaze
what is it like to watch me burn, baby?
I'm no better than cinder, ashes in an urn.
lately I feel just like charcoal residue,
remember when I was sweet and wet like honeydew?
do you remember when I was good to you?
how much longer can we pretend?
that we know when this war will end,
I can't express how badly I miss my best friend.
charging towards each other from opposing ends of a battlefield,
no matter how much I beg,
your sword you will not yield.
pull out your guitar and play a chord
I don’t know how much longer I can afford
to run around on this chessboard
moving pawns and rooks
when we should be swimming in ponds,
and reading books.
thoroughly covered in brambles
I‘ll wait as you amble
who knew we could get so tangled in something we thought we could handle?
we’re filled with pride and jealousy,
resentment and envy too
how can we come back from this?
what did we lose?
sketching with graphite
I don’t want to fight
just take me back to that campsite
on that hot July night.