What am I doing?
Chasing after boys with my bleeding heart in hand.
Asking them to show me music, “what’s your favorite band?”
I want to know what moves them, what makes them sway, and bend.
I’m hoping it’ll interest me, and lead me to their bed.
These thoughts that I have, the ones that circle in my head, have now created craters that no longer seem to end.
“One day” I whisper to myself, I won’t have to lend, my heart and thoughts to strangers, I’ll be whole instead.
But until then I promise to tread as lightly as possible, and I’ll repeat what I said; “living this life isn’t easy, but I’ll pay the price if need be.”
You don't notice the new scars on my arm... They've been there for a while now... I made some new ones today... I just feel so alone in this world... Like no one really cares... I just think my mental illness is getting the better of me... And honestly I'm not going to fight it any more... So one day you'll probably come home and see me lying on the floor, cold, lifeless... But know that I'm at peace...I'm happier now... I cant make you happy anymore... And that's totally okay. I'm content with that... But the fact that you're still staying with me... It puzzles me... Why stay with a suicidal maniac... A crazy
person... I need to be in a mental hospital... Locked away... In a straight jacket... Where I cant cause anymore harm... To you or to myself... But you don't notice the scars, you ignore the signs... I cry... A lot... You don't notice the fake smile... That I'm wearing this mask... I'm taking it off tonight... Maybe you'll realize before its too late... Then again you probably wont... Its not your fault... I'm just really good at acting... You don't realize
the pain... The constant struggle i have with myself... To be... Perfect... You don't realize the hurt.. When my tears hit the pillow and you're not there... But its okay. I forgive you... Just hope you can forgive me... One day... You don't realize the sadness... But you'll realize it... That day... That day that I'm gone...
I just want to say that I wrote this when I was going through a very dark time in my life. I'm just happy that I was able to get through and be here today!
100 sleepless nights
2400 hours with you on my mind
Not a second goes by without me thinking of you
Because I love you,
I love everything about you
But the question is why can’t I love myself the same why I love you
— The End —