Brought down to my knees
Face to face with the dirt
And all that lies beneath
Thinking over again
Piecing it all together
Asking the same question
Wanting to understand
Why we’re here
When it all feels the same
The same pain
Of a different caliber

A second chance?
You shouldn’t have messed up
The first time
But I’ll be understanding this time
I’m human, just like you
Don’t let me down
A second time

Here we go again
Not a single word in sight
No attempt at contact
Did I do something wrong?
Or are you ignoring me
Am I too clingy for you?
I don't believe a simple "Hello"
Every once in a while
Is considered too much
Maybe you're busy
And I'm overreacting
I can't help
But to worry myself sick
All these what if scenarios
Only to conclude you are alright
The sun resets itself
Leaving us another cyclical day
Of worry and ignorance

If this is your definition of a nightmare, then please don’t wake up
If you were to offer a trade, I would generously decline
I’ll keep the cryptic terrors encased in my mind
And if you declare that life isn’t fair
What isn’t fair is being trapped inside my own cage
Leave me to deal with these chaotic demons
The ones I suppress for your sake
I wouldn’t dare release them
For the fear of losing you is all too great

Crying can happen so gently...
But oh god does it hurt
When you're curled up crying so hard
You think you might scream,
But your throat constricts
And all that you could ever muster
Is an unintentional mangled squeak of raw emotion.

The realization that you had gone
Hit me harder than ever before
Pulling the air from my lungs
As if I had just taken a vicious blow
Every muscle in my body froze
Nothing had the desire to move
For fear that I'd slip even farther
Tumbling down this dark path
I pressed pause, looking for rewind
But life doesn't operate that way
A desperate cry for help escaped
As violent rivets cycling through
This broken and unwilling soul
Searching endlessly for someone, anyone
It was then that I sadly realized
No one was ever truly there

Maybe it’s the simple idea of being trapped in my own mind
Of being encased in this ****** square box
Where all my voice does it echo
Echo... Echo…
Bouncing off these metallic confining barriers
And there’s not a single thing anyone can do
Unless you’re able to scale walls
While defying any logic that comes in to play
Maybe that’s possible
… Only maybe.

I remember clearly
Whispering as the stars aligned
Those three empowering words
Before the world exploded

I remember clearly
The sincerity in your voice
When you promised the very same
Before the world changed

I remember clearly
As you leaned in to kiss me
How our breaths became one
Before our worlds intertwined

I remember clearly
Every single sensation within
That rendered me numb
As we created our own world

We’re an existence that’s going to die one day
So, take my hand for we’re not here to stay
I’ll take you to a place untold
Watching the endless mysteries unfold
Always know you are never alone
Through the chills that seep down right to the bone
We’ll live without these rules and regulations
Ignoring everyone’s expectations
Wherever you are, I’ll be there too
Because there’s nothing else I’d rather do

It may be the simplistic idea of remembering something you wish to forever forget
Or realizing the well known unimaginable as a futuristic reality
Perhaps the sad final solution to your seemingly endless suffering
Could it be the fact that what once was there is everything less than dust?
I am unable to fathom what it truly feels like
Due to registering only my own emotions and mental infatuations
So, let me describe a stilled serene place in time
Where through overwhelming tension and all that disregards any sparks of hope and happiness
​A smile is enough to hold a thousand defined words
Words that tell stories of anything that could and could not be
The deranged evil and the vicarious good
Which smile you wear is that of your choosing

I'm not sure what to do on these lonesome nights
When you won't notice me, or even acknowledge my very existence
I try to convince myself that you have a logical reason why
But I fail to see it each time I'm able to make any form of contact with you

"Let me know if I'm ever bothering you, I always feel as though I am."
"Nah, that's impossible. You don't annoy nor bother me."

I believe you, I truly do
Up until you resume ignoring me
On these bitter lonesome nights

My dreams won’t burn in vain
Not this time, my darling
Because I have you
These infectious nightmares will cease
And you will not
From the base of my soul
To the scarred fabric of my heart
I want you
These profound emotions and desires
This surging powerful drive
Slowly leading to my own impending insanity
Old inferior emotions and self-inflicted torture
Rapidly torn down by the new
Overwhelmed with a sudden selflessness
Yet, at the same time, I’m just as selfish
Melodies course through my veins
Electricity pulses in my fingertips
As I greedily touch you in all the right places
Relentless acts of pleasure
Movement and motion will speak tonight
For there will never be enough words
Because you are mine
Where I am yours

I'm sitting here letting my own demons drown me as you freely do as you please. What am I to do? This is my fault, I can almost feel it. The second you turn your back, everything slips and reverses until they're in control. It never used to be this way, you know. You were always there, pulling me up and away from the darkness that lingers in my peripherals. Who's to say that I'm merely crazy and illogical to think that you ever legitimately cared for my well being, and the idea that you might one day prove everyone wrong. Did I drive you away, or did you drive yourself away with your cynical isolation? What this seems to be is your futile attempt to push me over the edge, far past any point of return, for your simple satisfaction and freedom. Am I only dead weight to you, ready to be thrown overboard and long forgotten? Perhaps it's just me and I don't understand a single thing that's been going on, and I would if you would exchange words with me. But alas, I can't. For you keep me in the shadows long enough to question my own sanity, then bait me back into the light you so graciously present to me and me only. I cannot express enough how often my heart throbs of excruciating pain and sorrow every time you retract yourself into your cave of hidden ventures. I will forever be unable to truly describe the intricate cracks and lines you have carved into my being. I can show you, that is, if you're willing to pay enough attention to detail. I wonder if you'll be able to see how and why my scars run deeper than mere cuts and scratches. I wonder if you'll come to terms with what you've done and how much damage you inflicted on my already bruised heart and soul. I pray to whatever unknown existence that lies beyond the barrier of this universe that you will forgive both me and yourself for everything that has happened since our worlds collided. I hope that you soon find the courage and audacity to stay here with me and enjoy all that life has to offer down to our final breaths. I know I'd do it for you.

When I say I miss you
I mean that
I miss everything about you
I miss you altogether
I miss your contagious smile
I miss the feeling I get when your beautiful hazel eyes skim over my figure
I miss the feeling of your skin against mine
I miss the melodic tune of your voice weaving through my ears
I miss the comfort and safety of being close to you
I miss the way you hold me tight
I miss how you tell me you love me without hesitation
I miss it when you kiss me gently and when you kiss me harder than you ever thought you could
I miss when you hug me and the world fades away and it’s just us standing there holding one another for as long as our heart’s content
I miss you, **** it
*I miss you

Is it possible that if I shout any louder
You will finally hear me?
I can’t hear myself
There’s an overcoming white noise
A polished blade slicing through tension
I’m staggering in your direction
An outstretched hand, waiting
Longing for your comfort
Pleading for some saving
It’s a choking anxiety
Closing in around me
A paralyzing infection moving in
Cornered, beaten, and confused
Begging and pleading, always repeating
Please…
What will it take to finally be seen
I don’t know how much louder I can scream
Losing all confidence in strength
Fighting to stay conscious
Behind this defying smile
And invisible scars

You retreat, but I advance
Looking for a sign, a mere glance
There's a presence consuming your reality
This I can clearly see
I could be succumbing to insanity
But I feel your energy leaving me

Perhaps, to you, I am nothing more
Than your way out, a simple door
The desperation intoxicating the air
Wondering if you honestly care
What would happen if I left this place?
Leaving only ashes to hide in a vase

I keep running, chasing you around
Am I not making enough sound?
Maybe if I scream, yell and shout
You'll see what this is that I'm on about
I've seen through your wavering shroud
Don't you dare stand so tall and proud

I can tell, don't mistake me for a fool
This shameless act is painfully cruel
There's futility cloaking the darkness
Believed to be only harmless
You draw back each and every time
As if I have committed such a terrible crime

Is this where you draw the line?
After all the times we whispered, "Mine."
I made a promise from the start
Deep down in the depths of my ravaged heart
I refuse to leave my world behind
If all is lost, it is you I'll find

Though I suppose it's to be expected
This brittle feeling of being rejected
Every bit of helpful advice
Praying this distance will soon suffice
I will be here, waiting for you
And maybe you'll do the same for me too

Please, don't leave me here
Take me with before you disappear
If you want otherwise, it's quite alright
I'll be here contemplating amidst the night
Never forget, don't let it slip by
I'll love you far past the very day that I die