My mind is a place that is my own
Somewhere to hide from this cruel world
To be alone with myself in a space so small
Where no one can hear me at all
Any innocent person might think they understand
Society believes they know what happens
But it’s only a sly illusion
Used to cover questionable thoughts
My mind is a place that I call mine
Not his
Nor hers
Simply mine
My incoherent observations would make no sense
So, I’ll just save the world some time
Unless you’re willing to listen
To every disturbing idea that rises
Maybe you can see that this person is actually me
And I’m hoping you’ll stick around no matter how crazy I may sound
Because my mind is a place that is my own

My hands wander a smooth cold wall
Knowing that it’s more than merely tall
Muffled emotions illuminate the air
Even when no one is there
But I’ve always been here
You just haven’t felt me near
So, I’ll meet you on the other side
Where there’ll be nothing left to hide
Because I refuse to leave
No matter what you care to believe

We’re told to memorize
And we do
Defined details haunting our minds
For eternal periods of time
Did you memorize me?
All of me
These peculiar invisible wounds
Curves and straight edges
The beauty that lies in the distance
Did you?
We’ll rinse and repeat until defeat
Until we figure out how to memorize
How to remember
Once it’s there, it keeps coming back
We eventually forget
But then, for seemingly long, brief moments
We remember
Like some twisted déjà vu
Was I that to you?

Here we go again
Or maybe it's just me this time
I'm always so anxious
Worried
Nerve-stricken
Constantly afraid of your next move
I shouldn't be
But I can't help myself
"I'm sorry..."
Spilling from my mouth
Before I have time to think
Like I inconsiderately bumped into you
Maybe this was a mistake
Maybe I am a mistake
If that's the case
You may as well leave
... Again

I'm so ******* numb
Words just won't come

What would it mean to you…
If I turned around and jumped over the edge, knowing I’ll never return?

What would it mean to you…
If I completely lost myself in this tide of self-inflicted torture?

What would it mean to you…
If I stopped existing for everyone’s sake, maybe even my own?

What would it mean to you…
If your world came crashing down around you, burning bright flames of a hushed goodbye?

What would it mean to you…
If I stopped trying, because every time I try it hurts more than the last time?

What would it mean to you…
If I left this scary place, where you could be free of me and my darkness?

What would it mean to you…
If I came to you with a storm of my own, tear stained cheeks and sobs that beg for help?

What would it mean to you…
If I said that I need you now more than ever, but it feels like you’re slipping farther away?

What would it mean to you…
If I stopped every task at hand just to be there for you?

What would it mean to you…
If I merely asked for, not the same, but some comfort and safety from this raging battle against myself in a war I’ll never win?

What would it mean to you…
If I endlessly ran away from my problems that chase me with razor sharp teeth and menacing claws of pure destruction?

What would it mean to you…
If I let this darkness consume me?

What would it mean to you…
If I left?

Can we just pretend?
Nothing’s broken.
Just sit back down and tell me it’s all-right,
Forget everything that lead to this.
That nothing’s broken.

Can we just pretend?
Everything is okay
And you’re still breathing,
Still fighting to hold on.
That nothing’s broken.

Can we just pretend?
Like everything’s the same
That there’s no one left to blame.
You’re still right here next to me,
Untouched and unphased
By those long and painful days.
That nothing’s broken.

Can we just pretend?
No one can take away
All the times you looked at me this way.
You’re full and alive,
With a smiled plastered across your face.
That nothing’s broken.

Can we just pretend?
It’s all been just a twisted lie,
That you’ll stay here by my side.
Through the thunderous rage
Burning the night sky,
A promising glint in your eye.
That nothing’s broken.


Can we just pretend?
You never left me behind,
Down on my knees
Always asking how and why.
And forget what it means to actually die.
That nothing’s broken.


Can we just pretend?
My heart isn't aching,
While the world around me is shaking.
That I will see you again
Even when it feels like the end.
That I’m not breaking.

Can we just pretend?
Everything is silent
Even when I’m screaming your name where
Ferocity is blurred with rage,
Rattling the bars of this god-forsaken cage.
That I’m not breaking.

Can we just pretend?
That I’m not broken.

It began as disbelief
Slowly contaminating the air around me
Choking me from the inside
Losing sight of you as I see behind blind eyes
Coming to my senses, trying to stand
But it’s all so futile
Falling back down
Dropping to the cold, hard ground
Piece by piece
Shock numbs everything within
As it attacks from multiple directions
Leaving no room for mercy
Muted screams pour from my soul
While my heart bleeds words I can no longer say
Pushed down to my knees by your cruel hand
Kicking endlessly when I’m already down
Bruises bloom across my being
Attempting to build walls that never come
It’s too late now
You have me cornered
Back against the world I used to know
Broken terror rips through my body in waves
A burning sensation lingers in these lungs
Making it impossible to breathe
If I leave now, maybe he’ll stop… Please…
These voices grow louder by the second
It hurts more than I could have possibly imagined
The severing of these bonds we created
Has never felt so real

My mind is already torturous enough
So, get the **** out
Quit messing with my head
An exhausting, hazy fog blurring my vision
Stop dancing about and playing these games
Just leave...
They think that I need you?
You think that I need you?
How amusing, my dear
Everyone has it all wrong
I never let you inside my humble abode
Don’t think for a moment I’ll consider
I reckon for the first time in a while
I am truly sickened
Such foolish actions should come with a cost

At first it was two letters and believe me, I was in a bit of shock
Reading your words and seeing your handwriting for the first time
Writing about your thoughts, surroundings, and new daily routine
Letting coherent and legible words flow through your arm onto the paper
I couldn't help but notice all the times you mentioned me in those letters
I guess that was only the beginning

This next venture to the mailbox, I found four more letters from you
I felt a sudden sadness weighing me down, realizing I hadn't written back
You told me how each day it became harder to remember my voice
I was flattered, so I continued reading your words with a new craving
Soon it was time to construct a letter of my own, just for you
Pen against paper for an hour at least

Finally finished, I sealed it away in an envelope to send that next morning
Sliding it into the mailbox and raising the flag for the first time
My first actual letter, I was extremely excited
So, I waited eagerly for acknowledgement that you had gotten it
A week later, two more letters arrived with a twinge of disappointment
It seems as though you still haven't received my words

Now I sit here, anxious and worried you may not get my letter in time
Or perhaps it remains lost forever in the mail, I'll never know
I miss you terribly so, and a bit upset you forgot to write my number down
I included that in the letter, too...
Maybe it's no big deal to you, but I can't help myself
There's no other way to contact you for another three weeks

I can't wait for you to come home.

Lurking dragons roaring in the background
And to everyone there is no sound
Heroic collisions of swords made of steel
But to others, nothing you say is real
So, tell me what’s in your imagination
Because I have this strong temptation
To take a look for myself

What will I find
Inside your creative mind
Will there be battles raging on
At the earliest traces of dawn
Is there a different you
Doing things you wouldn’t do
Like facing the swirling tempest of fear

What do you see
I’m listening, waiting for you to tell me
Will there be people cheering for their hero
Who victoriously delivered the final blow
Or is there a calm and stilled silence
Replacing all the profound violence
Where your favorite place is under a tree

Your mind is a library of stories and fascination
Please, don’t fear your imagination

Don’t come back for me
If I’m such a burden, you see
Leave me here in the dust
Where all my bones will rust
Carry on with everything you do
Just forget that I existed, too

Please, don’t come back for me
If there’s other places you’d rather be
Leave me back here to bleed
Clearly I’m not what you need
Follow your beautiful dreams
Ignoring my hopeless empty screams

Don’t come back for me
If there’s other sights you want to see
Leave me where everything is colorless
Maybe it’ll clean up this giant mess
Do everything you can to run far from here
And maybe I’ll suddenly disappear

Please, don’t come back for me
If, to this door, there’s another key
Leave me with nothing at all
So I’m not the reason you fall
Time is cruel and unforgiving
Don’t waste it thinking I was ever living

Don’t come back for me.

No, wait
Don't leave yet
It can still be like it was
The last time
Before you broke away
Just a few more moments
One more kiss
Embrace
Unspoken, "I love you"
That's all I need
Baby, please

It’s the kind of frustration and rage
That causes you to bend the metallic bars of your ****** cage.
Fists clenched by the side
Not knowing the reason why you lied.
The tiniest glint of stainless steel
Makes me wish this wasn't real.
A sudden burst to release suspension
Which you believe to be a futile cry for attention.
Screaming reverberations of pure terror
Induced by one simplistic human error.
Constricting vines toying with reality
Struggling to hold close that last bit of sanity.
Toxic thoughts of hallucination
Every time you surpassed my limitation.
Unstable visions of the past
Filled with memories that will forever last.
Rivers of warmth wash over me
As I’m free-falling into what will never be.
Aching from the inside and out
Knowing that you’ll never understand what this is about.