She was lost without her partner the one she told everything she didn't know how to tell anyone else she couldn't explain why she couldn't respect the distance He is one of her chosen family she couldn't just let that go friends lovers fighters opposites
Slowly she began to fall down the rabbit hole learning about herself and what she believed in it wasn't so bad there that was when she decided to stay just a little longer
At night time that was when she was truly alone with herself listening to her thoughts drowning in her thoughts at night time no one was watching no one was there to protect her from her thoughts
She was learning to choose herself to love herself and to take care of herself But it did not come easily she wanted to loose herself in herself and love herself
she cared so deeply yet felt like she couldn't be more of an outsider and for no reason overthinking caused her to set herself apart she couldn't see that they cared for her too
she wished she could be done searching and wondering if she chose correctly or if she was going the wrong way she just wished she could find her path her right way
Frequently she forgot about herself the things she needed barely even occurred to her Instead of herself she remembered for other people and there needs it's as if she didn't matter to herself at all
She looked outside where it was gray and dreary cloudy and about to rain what a fitting day for a girl who was lost in her own storm and couldn't find her way
Why is it that being childish is always discouraged why can't people embrace the child inside them why can't people just see the magic around them like a child does why can't people love a the little things of this world
When she looked at her reflection all she could do was poke and **** pick apart her Beauty she couldn't help but stare at the vast imperfections to her the beauty was hidden beneath a mask of doubts and anxiety
But sometimes the colors were brighter sounds were clear her mind wandering wherever it landed light and colorful beautiful thoughts sometimes these were the thoughts that consumed her
She wanted to live like no one was watching live only for herself and her memories to care only about what she wanted but it wasn't that easy because all she did was worry all she did was be scared if only she just lived
she was afraid when they looked at her what did they see always wondering what they were thinking how do they feel analyzing every little thing she said overthinking she just cared so much she just wanted to be accepted
She just wanted to live a life that she would be proud of a life that she was glad she lived for one that she would be sad to leave but would leave satisfied
Sure enough when all of the distractions of life are taken away you are left with yourself your flaws there for you to judge and you alone your imperfections for you to pick apart, for you to overranalyze but mostly it is there for you to love to cherish and to take care of at the end of the day you have yourself
When she fell she could feel the light, its warmth its happiness and its stability she blinked and she was plunged into darkness a darkness that drowned her a darkness that was a struggle consuming her life
Change is coming so quickly, so fast its easy to miss but somehow some way change is here its not wanted they think its unnecessary but change always comes change is here and we are not ready
her mind wandered as she sat silent mind wandering as her body should be thinking of what she shouldn't her body was unoccupied she had what they call wanderlust if her body wasn't moving then her mind must
she talked and talked yet no one heard she talked and no one listened they only spoke louder to them it didn't matter she didn't matter to her she mattered what she had to say mattered no matter how small they thought she was
she stood still only wanting to be noticed wanting only to be acknowledged for that moment only time stood still when he stood still only wanting to find her and give her anything she wants only when they both stood still could they really see he was the one for her she was the one for him all along
The little steps Seem like No steps at all Living a life Maybe not truly living at all That seems To stand still Everyone, Everything Moving Catching up Seemingly impossible
You know that There are always Stars Even when the clouds Are most dense But they will always Go away eventually Sometimes you have to Stop And remember things Like these
Draining Talking partying friends Draining Always on the outside Draining Always fun until it's not Draining Anxiety always wondering Draining Not always fitting Draining
Ideas flow freely You remember you forget They fail they succeed How many good ideas Have been forgotten See the mind is a crazy thing Its to keep you alive Yet it harms you Its to benefit you Yet it makes you fail It protects you yet It attacks you It is the most unknown Yet it does everything Its strange how much it controls Everything really
Hello my name is pure My purpose is unknown I do not exist My name is faith No one believes in me My name is honor No one lives for me My name is peace There is no such thing I am impossible My name is evil I rule the world My name is hate I live with everyone My name is death I am wanted