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Jan 2015 · 1.8k
Settle
It’s just that I always thought I would wind up with my soul mate.
And you were.
But still I feel myself getting very comfortable with settling with someone who makes me forget you.
Jan 2015 · 886
Compilation
She turned on her speakers
And listened to her anthology
Of lovers sing through the air
Jan 2015 · 1.1k
Futon
My heart breaks
Quietly
Miles away
As you fall asleep
Without me
Jan 2015 · 542
As In
You are my “Former”
As in used to be
As in the past
As in it’s okay for you to date her
As in I don’t mind seeing her show back up in your life
As in I don’t wonder if she knows that I exist at all
As in it doesn’t crush me when I remember our beginning, not so far from our ending
As in I have had months to be okay with this
As in I don’t cry about could have been’s
As in I don’t feel stupid for thinking I could have held a candle to her
As in I didn’t really believe it when I said we could have a future even after the breakup
As in I haven’t picked apart every flaw that sits within me that I have no way of actually knowing are absent in her
As in I wasn’t really thinking that our post-breakup hook ups meant anything
As in I knew people don’t work like that anymore
As in my heart doesn’t break when I think about her kissing you
As in of course I know we said I love you too soon and we couldn’t have known what we were saying
As in it definitely is okay for you to go back with her
As in it’s not like it’s only her that bothers me
As in it’s cool that I knew this the whole time
As in I don’t care that I could hear it in your voice when your eyes glassed over the sound of her name
As in I really really really don’t mind
As in, sure, I’ll be fine, I didn’t mind being second best
Again.
Jan 2015 · 565
She's Back
It breaks me seeing her back in your life,
Mostly cuz I had once thought she was your past
And I was your future

I didn’t know
She was your everything
And I was your nothing at all.
Jan 2015 · 880
Pillar
When you told me that you didn't make promises I didn't think anything of it.
It was only when my mouth was filled with gravel and blood, when I tried to lean on you, that I realized that this was what you meant.
Jan 2015 · 1.3k
Hunger
People say I've lost weight
but it's just that
I'm only hungry for
You
And you're gone.
Jan 2015 · 555
Fathom
I just can't fathom the idea that one day's "Just not in a talking mood" expanded into two weeks of heartbroken silence
Jan 2015 · 911
Cast
The Problem with breaking your heart
is that you can't let it heal to someone else's frame.
Jan 2015 · 475
Bottoms Up
The bottom of the glass is second only to the view of your face.
Jan 2015 · 1.2k
Disappointment
I went to pour out your bottle,
but found you had emptied it into your throat.
Jan 2015 · 897
Smirnoff
I wonder if that watered down ***** drowns out the taste of your daughter's empty "I love you's"
Dec 2014 · 800
Trickery
Dec 2014 · 377
Night
They tell you that love is light
but it’s your darkness that
keeps my heart beating
Dec 2014 · 11.4k
Bed
Bed
You're not even at my door
and still
I've made a bed for you
Ordinary people find each other.
For extraordinary people, it’s much harder.
Thanks Mom. I needed it.
Dec 2014 · 27.8k
reflection
And no one saw her hurting
They saw glimmering reflections of themselves
Off the broken shards that she was made up of
Dec 2014 · 541
Enunciation
I think I need to work on my
Enunciation
Because every time I say
“I Love You”
It seems to come out as
“Good Bye”
Dec 2014 · 371
How To Feel
I was trying to teach you how to feel again,
But you just taught me how to be numb.
Dec 2014 · 995
I shouldn't have
It’s my fault
I shouldn’t have found meaning in anything
I shouldn’t have believed any of your words that could implant hope
I shouldn’t have thought that you driving two hours to pick me up meant anything
I shouldn’t have seen any significance in your kiss
I shouldn’t have believed that sleeping together meant something
I shouldn’t have thought that you holding my hand meant anything
I shouldn’t have thought your telling me a happy ending to a story similar to ours meant love.
I shouldn’t have hoped that you would defy the world around us
I shouldn’t have trusted your words that said I was the only one you wanted to see
I shouldn’t have believed your honest eyes
I shouldn’t have thought you meant it when you said you missed me
I shouldn’t have been surprised when you ignored me
I shouldn’t have done any of these things
And I knew better
But it doesn’t change that my heart is breaking worthy of the Richter scale
And I shouldn’t let my world crumble before me, but
This feels like a force of nature under which I will be crushed.
Dec 2014 · 288
In and Out
Up at 2 AM
After hours of a sleep with no rest
Because even in my dreams
I can hear the absence of you
Dec 2014 · 567
Screaming
The
Silence
Is
Killing
Me
One
Body
Shutter
At
A
Time
Dec 2014 · 441
August
Pull Me Back to the last weeks of summer
Where things were broken
But I was high off of the sun's rays
The ones from his smile.

Things weren't good

But they were pretty great.
Dec 2014 · 382
As My Own
I wish I could swallow your pain as my own
But it's still trapped in the tear that is stuck in the back of your eye.
Dec 2014 · 1.4k
My Demon
You are the embodiment of my inner demons.
Your eyes flicker with my worst nightmare.
Your hands are filled with the fury I try to disown.
Your lips are infused with my exact poison.

And I love you like a child who has never been burned.
Dec 2014 · 9.1k
One Sided
I don't say I love you so you'll say it back. I say it so there will never be a time when you won't know someone loves you.
Dec 2014 · 769
My World
I feel it's only right to start this book with you.
Why not start another chapter as I start my days?
With daydreams of you
With well wishes for your thoughts
With high hopes for your days path
With congratulations arising another day and continuing as yourself
You are not only in my every thought, every word, every breath.
You're in my every cell, every atom.
My makeup is of your soul.
What is the difference between obsession and love?
We always joke that I'm crazy but
I'm insanely painfully otherworldly in love with every part of who you are I yearn to know all of the you’s that have ever existed:
I want to see your face when you first fell in love.
I want to hear your voice from the first grade.
I want to feel your last tear the one I never got to see.
I need to know you, need to feel you your soul in mine.
I could write forever and it will never be enough to show you what my world has become.
But that will not stop me from trying.
If you want to know my world:
Feel your pulse
If you want to live here
Finger through your ribs.
If you want to feel my world,
Feel your heartbeat.
My world exists
In the pit of your irises.
My world
Follows the path of your veins.
My world changes seasons
When you lose your breath.
My world comes into focus and clarity as you draw near.
I live in the creases of your laugh lines
I inhabit the sunshine that lay on your shoulders
Your lips are lifegiving
Your voice caretaking
I’ve crossed the threshold
And while I know it's too soon to ask for a key,
I'm finding you leaving the door unlocked.
I can't sense your smell anymore and
I only know that it's nostalgic in ways
Only Home Can Be.

This home is not mine to claim
But this world is the one in which I live
Perhaps not mine, but still perhaps home.
Dec 2014 · 3.8k
Feminist
As I remember how her lips felt as they plowed through the barriers of my insisted claims of heterosexuality I cannot help but think,
without falter...

wow

okay,
but this isn't why I'm a feminist.

My attachment to her,
my fellow female,
member of my legion,
has nothing to do with
my squinting eyes
at the
blinking neon signs of
inequality
that hangs about all of our heads every day
Dec 2014 · 331
Snake
None of your venom will ever make me taste bitterness on my own lips
Dec 2014 · 576
Untitled
The idea of losing you tastes so bitter
I'm choking on it
Dec 2014 · 601
Every Second
Every Second Away From You

is

Time Wasted.
Dec 2014 · 577
Right Now
I've said forever an infinite amount of times before
so I won't

So I'll simply say I would give all of my forever
for Right Now
with You

All of my
Right Nows

Because

Right Now
is when
I need You

And I can't seem
to see
past this
Right Now

I find it hard to believe
that there will ever
exist a
Right Now
where I won't want
You to Be

Living in
This Moment

And The Moment
tastes like a wine that is
Done aging and demands to
Be swallowed

Right Now
I'm drunk off of
Your eyelashes

Right Now
my blood is diluted
with
want of You

Right Now
I'm living in a
world of You

All
of my
Right Now
is saturated
in Your voice
echoing through
the memory caves
of my ear

Right Now
You
Are
tangibly absent

Right Now
my room is the
outerspace atmosphere
devoid of any signs of
You

Right Now
words on a
screen
act as a tube of oxygen
keeping my needy lungs
at bay

Right Now
the bags under
my eyes
build with need of
restful You

Right Now
You
Are
The Only Thing
that exists

And
Right Now
I
Am

Terrified.
I can't seem to get around you.
Nov 2014 · 3.2k
Floating
Everything that once was so simple, now all seems so lost to me.
Lost to the world that fought me.
I feel my words blurring together with a broken jaw type of numbness.
It feels like my thoughts were beaten from my lips from the inside out.
I can still feel the burns of thoughts unsaid. I miss when times were tangible and things were nailed down.
But now my life feels like water.
Violent like the tides, dragging me out into a place where I don’t know how to swim.
It’s the words that I don’t know how to place that fill my lungs with every choking breath.
I’m in life too deep to get out now.
I’m imbedded, addicted.
Fastened to this current.
Like the van der waals force of my heart beating.
My lips tragically crave the taste of air and my heart painfully keeps the rhythm.
Step Step Step Step.
“Let’s go on,” my feet say in agreement with my heart.
The tears drag down and even they demand to be felt.
No parts of me want to go, but they all beat down on me demanding that I supply them with more energy to live.
I grow weak and hobble at my knees and wonder, “When will this addiction end?
When will I get some rest?” and just like that I’m gone.  
Not fighting the current, just floating.
Not swimming, just floating.
Not quite drowning,
but still,
only floating.
Nov 2014 · 4.2k
I'm Embarrassed to Admit
I'm embarrassed to admit I miss you.
I'm embarrassed to admit I love you.
I'm embarrassed to admit that I see your face in people everywhere.
I'm embarrassed to admit I'd gamble my life on the ability to grow up with you.
I'm embarrassed to admit I'll never be the right lover.
I'm embarrassed to admit I need you.
Nov 2014 · 298
Untitled
I know I love you
Because it hurts.
Oct 2014 · 1.8k
The Angry Ex-Love Letter
Yes, Sunshine. Stay angry at me forever. Use this break-up as another excuse for why your life is terrible. Use this as an excuse to have a chip on your shoulder that will weigh you deeper into your habits. I did not implant in you the seed of hatred that was already blooming when we met. You will care for and nourish the deep rooted evils that run through you like blood, a mimicry of a life, fueled only by the blood of your fury. Blame me for all that could be wrong, but you will see that the melancholy willows are far too engraved in you for you to hack them away with your searing alcohol and blame.
Oct 2014 · 648
Fast Forward
I feel I go in slow motion
Until
My brain has
Fast Forwarded
myself into
beyond the end of my life.
The eternity that haunts
my beating heart.
Oct 2014 · 441
Loving Hands Burn
I struggle writing poems of admiration
because every man has stung me
with his loving hand.
Oct 2014 · 1.7k
Violated
He's Insidious
He didn't **** me
He just put his thoughts into me
He exploded all over my insides
The ones that matter
The thoughts I would have as I fall asleep
How I would view my body
He was ******
But only when it meant that he could further permeate my thinking
He sunk his teeth in
But only to venomize my thoughts
He washed my brain but it will never be clean of him
And this all sounds very poetic
But it's the only way I know how to express how violated I feel
A text turned Poem
Sep 2014 · 453
And I not his Anabel Lee
My heart was promised long ago
To a man known not by me
When I was young and he was old
and I not his Anabel Lee

I forsaken
on this path untaken
bound to wander
and Never be Free

Of the Grip I feel,
of a man who can only be half real,
to the Likes of Me.

Wherever he lay,
Deeply I pray,
He May never know of Me.

While I dream of day
And hear God say,
A Blessing and a Curse unto
Thee

To love with a love
that is more than love,
but never be allowed to utter
the treasured "we".

Glimpses of faces
Leaving the bitterest Traces
To mock and taunt the waking of me.

Searching For
the Wide Open Door
of a Home with
No Vacancy

Winter's Cold
and Summer's Scauld
Are no strangers to me.

The days drag on,
knowing this bitter song,
plays on, endlessly.

I wait for the sleep,
with a lover's cold creep,
to kiss my lips,
grab my fingertips,
and Squelch the Promise Sworn Not By Me

For I know not how long,
I can have courage and be strong
Knowing I'm not anyone's Anabel Lee
Sep 2014 · 1.8k
It's Casual
I have Scratched your name
into my Calendar

Your name sits on the lined of my diary
poised for consistent use

At what point did you become
so natural to me

So that when I said your name,
it tasted like nostalgia and hope

and the Cool Fire of our words
warms me to contentment

It wasn't until you spoke and
I smiled

That I knew I missed you when you
were gone

But how can I miss you
When you're only an hour away

Still
I'm regretting the wasted July Mornings

When my nerves swallowed up the sentiments that said
that I think of you sometime, even when you aren't around

It sounds frivolous to say that I'd hope for events
that would draw your lens near

But now I'm budgeting you into my time
and Just hope that it's not wasted

The effort it takes to write these sentiments down is
Nearly incomparable to that effort which must be taken

to Remind the heart on my Sleeve to stay put
and not seep into that vein that will Surely carry dreams across my body

The word that I could entitle
Perfect

And since that word is unattainable here

I'll only say all the others  

You're that feeling right after a pull
And you feel yourself slip under the friendly drowse

You're that feeling when you feel a set of eyes on your
blushing cheeks

You're the laughter of
a clever retort

You're a Melody thats gives spirit to my word

You're that fire that burns with
a bravery that you cannot see

You're that ticking clock, there to remind me
that Time is Precious

and Soon I hate that circled square on the
Calendar
&
I pray that that circle does not act as a deadline
for when your heart can be
mine

Because I like the sweetness of our fresh beginnings
And I do hope I may call it a beginning

Instead of a short story.

I'm all over the clock,
Yearning for more firsts with you

But even still, hoping for a second or 12.

And some first that could count
in a way that didn't get chalked up to

Naive Sentiments

Meaning I want you too much
And My head is rushing

Hours into this Instant.

Fast Forwarding to our Next Kiss

Sending me on a Clockwise Whirlwind
to times that may not even exist

But I still hope and Gamble
for More hours to play

Procrastinating the Seconds into convincing us all

That It's Casual

It is not Casual, to me.
Sep 2014 · 1.2k
Cool Fire
It was under the foggy inebriation
in which I saw you

With your cool undertones of confidence
that shaded in the new character

We spat cool fire back and forth,
relishing in the burn.

And so brought forth the
quick paced double-speak

When innocent glances linger
and Accidental contact is maintained.

It grows unignorable and

Through the Murky Starlight
You see slivers of intentions
that stab with an intoxicating sting.

Pairings that are all too clear,
Close in on a reality in which

Our Mouths are only just inches away

And

The air that sits between us is
but a fragile atmosphere

The kind that
we're convinced can be thinned
through your litter of affections.

And suddenly I find myself
rooting for Global Warming.
The Story of How We Met
Welcome to my Sunday Night.

12:50 AM
Wide awake from the adderall
I swallowed to chase my need
for achievement

1:03
After Achieving approximately
zero
of my work
I find myself fully indulging
In the little
teenaged
demon
on my shoulder.

As she encourages
The Rapid Fire  
of
Clicks

That lead to your
Facebook Page

1:04
I'm paging through photos of your
lovers past

I
Stop
and
Stare

at Her

And So begins
The Laundry List
of comparisons

She has a better jawline than mine.
Her eyes are browner than mine?
Her gaze is Piercing
She's so edgy
She's so original

She's basically
Perfect

1:35
At this point
I've


Paced

Approximately 205 Circles
Around My Room

Listed

About 80 Reasons
Why she's Better than me

Crawled

Into a Fetal Position
Of Panic

Concluded

That I could
Never
Make You as Happy as She Did

Wondered

How I could have been so
Foolish

Concocted

37 Schemes for Finding
A Way Out

Imagined

You calling her
"Baby"

Over
and
Over
and
Over
and
Over

Cried

Searching for the emotions I'd gambled
Like Poker Chips

Throwing them all in,
as a Sentiment to my
Commitment

1:40
I'm Asking Myself
1:41
How would I ever give him what he needed?
1:42
How could I be the Girl he'd end up with?
1:43
Why would I believe that I was right for him?

Each minute delivering haymaker Questions,
Each more crushing than the last.

And as my mind prepared for its Nightly Death

I Pause.

1:45
Checking the date that these photos found Origin
1:46
Approximately
3 Years

Since it was all over.

3 Years since the last
I
Love
You

Post

More than 2 Years since
The last photo that his eyes
Sang
Genuine Love Songs.

3 Years that

Their hearts had not been
beating each others names.

1:47
My Brain drags back
The Questions of Before
Torturing Me.

1:48
But Suddenly
There's a **** inside me
My heart is playing
defense

1:49
How Could I give him what he wanted?

Because my heart beats for the seconds in which your smile resides.

Because I'll accept nothing less than what you deserve, sun and stars alike.

1:52
How could I be the girl he'd end up with?

Because 3 Years is enough time to refine your tastes.

Because I'm in love with you today, and today you kissed me
With your eyes closed.

Because that smile doesn't belong to her anymore.

1:55
Why would I believe that I was right for him?

Because you deserve someone to love you like only I can.

Because I am a fighter.
I fight for what's right.
And every part of me is fighting for us.

Because I will not be driven away by shadows that
leave
as Darkness Descends.

I am there in the nights when
goosebumps
chill.

I am there when
I can only be
felt.

I am there
to create a smile that
can only be
heard.

Who are you to believe so strongly in a pipe dream?

2:00
I am the hopeless romantic.
2:05
I am the one whose got nothing left to lose.  
2:10
I am the one who wears that title as a Badge of Honor.
2:15
I am the one who will fight the world in protection of that tribute.
2:20
With every swipe of my pen in a
love letter
2:30
With every kiss
fueled like a
right hook
2:40
With every second
shoving toward making
You Happy
2:50
Who are you to claim him
"yours"?

I'm the one who refuses to get lazy with time.
I'm the one who will never say things out of spite.
I'm the one who has committed to their joy.

3:00
Who am I?

I'm the girl who will show him how to be loved.

That's ******* who.
I don't know how I feel about this.
Aug 2014 · 795
Smoking Honey
I stare at you and feel the empty air
begging to be filled with
the admirations festering in my lungs

And as thoughts form flavor on
my lips,
I choke them back and **** them
with the smoky cancer

I exhale in a thick white stream
and hope that it could be
enough of a
screen to hide my eyes
and the hole I'm boring
into your face.

I pray that if you
breathe it in,
you can taste the
honeyed intentions

I fill space with common talk
that distracts from the reality in
which real feelings burn quickly
and leave empty an air that you
ignore.

I swallow it like absynthe
as my jaw clenches with
the weight of my masochistic heart.
Aug 2014 · 384
Out of Tune
I can't write music,
I don't write lyrics.

My poetry doesn't sound like that.

My pen doesn't print words into chord formations,
which,

Admittedly is frustrating because all I want to do is sing to you

But I cannot use a staff to frame my sentiments

And while I pride myself in the power of my pen,

I still dream of a world that I could tell a few words to whistle your tune

All day I dream of music,

Just a note to give to you.
May 2014 · 1.0k
The Tale of Too Many Girls
Lips like fire,

She scorches the town,

Leaving Ashen faces as signs of her affection.

Words like water,

steaming the lines of reality into

Smudged intentions.

Spine in flex formation,

She flips into memories, 

Avoiding snags.

Her brain in carefully curled spirals,
Dyed the intelligence that she deems fit.

She plasters their words over the fragile 

Threads that make her fly.

She buries herself in reflections, 
Willing away anything unseemly mortal.

Eyes like the plague,

Infecting those who look too close.

Hands like claws, 

Engraving pleasure scars across 
Your form.

Breathing in security from diluted sources,

Traced with innocence and lust.

She grows addicted.

She looks in curiosity, 

She hears the auto-tuned heartsong,

She smells with weakening heart, 

She feels the onset of withdrawal,

**She Bites
Denial of the obvious

I'm just sad today and when it stops raining then I can get a fresh look at this world and see a not so blurry outlook that melds all the colors into grey

Anger at your brain matter

Why wasn't I born into the world right side up, we joked about how difficult I was but is it really a joke when 18 years later I'm wailing out for the same breath of air that I was born needing

Bargaining with the disorders

I have symptoms of Anxiety Disorders but I could also be schizophrenic so maybe we can strike a golden medium of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder so at least then I can create an insane system of disorderly organization.

Depression

How often can you feel sad before you grow desolate and the drear wears away at the valleys on your face and pins you down into a final posture of the broken

Acceptance

I'll Let You know
Apr 2014 · 1.8k
I'm Just So Tired
I grow weary of crafting words that are spun together
feeling as if there is a beauty spurting from my pain
because the words are still marching from your wellspring
and they're saturated in your sticky intoxication
It forces me to taste the sour fact that
the fire you set to my life still burns
and decimates ties strewn out of feeble love attempts
No matter the count of the condemnations of our life
you still dwell inside of my every word
and all of my metaphors
My vocabulary is limited to you and
you drag me below the pool of new words waiting on the surface
So I rewrite the same sentiments that play between
self loathing
heartbreak
and love

Write where you want me.
Apr 2014 · 777
What's Sad
What's sad is that I've lived a million different lives in my head
a million lives that all included us

And the one life I have to live exists independently of any remnant of we.
Apr 2014 · 1.0k
The Spectrum Cycle
The Reds Rocked me into decimation
The Oranges Overcame my shriveled form
The Yellows Yearned to return to that saddened smile
The Greens Grew a seed of perhaps
The Blues Broke through the dried esteem
The Violets Veered me off the path again
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