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In the event that you don’t leave me
I will always make the bed
I will wash the dishes,
hang the t-shirts,
match the socks
I will throw out my receipts
I will memorize all your freckles
I swear by my ability to remember the lyrics that
I will always give it my all
Which is to say that sometimes I forget the lyrics -
And while, yes, I am chronically lazy
I vow to never waste another moment in your sunshine -
A morning at your side
Or a midnight half asleep retainer kiss
I will save the episode
And the last cookie
I will always be saving your place.
I will celebrate you
I will look at the photo next to my bed
as I have for the last half decade
And say
“thank you
Thank you
I’m sorry
Forgive me
I can do better
Don’t leave “
A mantra
We had been at sea for what felt like decades
In a tiny boat the size of a life raft
we sat for weeks on end in silence
just staring
hoping to see land before insanity
the incessant picking has always been a problem
my thumbs, his downfalls
and now, this boat
almost unconsciously I began to pick at the lining
until tiny little holes started to let water in
I tried to avoid it
sit on the holes
fill them with fabric
I took the shirt off my back to try to save the ship
he looked at me as if to say, good luck with that
instead, he said he had to get to work
he stood up in the boat like getting off the train
and walked straight into the water
I've lost track of how long ago that was
But I'm still here, clinging to what was once mine
to what is drowning me slowly
I opened my soul to you
Shared with you my dreams.
Now there's no escaping the loss
Not even in my sleep.
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