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madison 7d
i apologize
for all the things i never said anything
for all the times i didn't speak up
for all the times i let you make me feel uncomfortable in my own skin
for all the times i let you make me feel guilty
for all the times i let you get away it
for all the times i let you win
for all the times i let you make me cry at 2am

i apologize for never telling you
that you were ruining everything about me
that you made me hate myself
and that this hate continues to run through my veins
for you
and for me
and everything that slipped through the cracks in between
as you broke me
you were known for having no empathy
Arielle Aug 2018
I hate that I have this fear inside
Even though I try to hide
This fear will never leave my side
No matter how many times I've tried
I can't seem to shake it from my mind
You're like the ghost that is always near
That is constantly reminding me why I fear
It's still a work in process but I felt like I wanted to show it as I work on it ... March 4th 2018 is a day I will never ever forget .
molly Jul 2018
If I think too hard

I can still feel their hands on my body
Four of them rubbing and squeezing and grabbing my skin
Desperate for my oblivious being.

If I think too hard

I can still feel the scratch of his stubble
As his skin rubs mine
And the other caresses me
Taking away my control.

If I think too hard

The world still spins
I can hear the moaning
And the distant sounds of nature
Outside of our tent, but so far away from my reality.

If I think too hard

I can hear their comments of praise
To each other
As I lay there blind drunk
And they do with me what they please


If I think too hard

I try desperately to shield the memory,
The three of us entangled
And together,
A trio of drunken disgrace.

If I think too hard

I cringe and cry
And my legs clamp shut
Disgusted at my stolen consciousness
And forever violated by my memory.

If I think too hard

I hate myself for what happened
I hate him for being drunk
And I hate the other for being selfish,
Breaking my heart and my trust
written during a very difficult time of accepting that some things you wished never happened, did.
Sally A Bayan Apr 2018
Zen
~ ~ ~ ~ ~

"...go to ****, purloiners!
you breached my trust...my privacy,
both, are sacred to me...
what about you?
...is anything at all sacred to you?"
:::
:::::
:::::::
It's been
three days and more,
of crossing fears...thinking,
how easily......and suddenly...
one's precious worded gems,
could be exposed to strangers' eyes...
to think that private thoughts can
no longer be private, is infuriating...
how does one deal with violated privacy?
i'm ailing...while drowning in dim streams
.....all assurances, now disputed
all negative possibilities considered
i'm paranoid...the devil is winning...

the stomach sympathizes
with a disconcerted mind
growling its discontent
creating deleterious acids...

mad, upsetting hours stay for a while
holes must be mended or patched...
what was disorganized ...must be straightened
got to start from scratch

these past evenings, i trod
through hot valleys bright with fire
burning with anger and disgust
...for, i felt betrayed,
never have i been this way before,

.....i must go back to the water.....

slowly............i wait,
'til i can look past those trees,
those walls....those worlds outside, and
from them, create a swinging hammock
tied on two coconut trees~~~then
feel a mist from a not so far clear, blue ocean
feel the breeze whisper its magic spell
to cool and melt the fires within
be at peace with everyone
with everything...

i must take hold of that space
where i'll float...and i'll forget
where i'll toy with the ripples
and be overcome
with
~~~~moments of zen~~~



Sally
...i keep on scribbling, even when i'm angry,
      'til i get to that moment of calm.
Melanie Mar 2018
You bread fear and vulnerability
little by little you killed me
by intimidation
You thrived off of my instability; my humility
You thrived off me being vulnerable impaired
You left me haunted and scared

Drowning I couldn’t breathe air
Not fair
In my terror is when I found my faith that the devil is real
I was so scared
I was alone falling unsure and naive
I was innocent and unaware
You violated me
Repeatedly
The way I looked at the world
The way I perceived it
The way I perceive people
The feeling of safety
Kindness
Empathy compassion
Justice
Peace
Power
Love control

Youleft me ruined shattered
Tortured
Vulnerable
You battered disrespected degraded and
And   disregarded my spirit
You denied my feelings my thoughts my beliefs my request  my despair
because remember, feeling isnt fair
My willingness to make love not war
I
Wicked Mar 2018
Him
He told me I was beautiful
He made me feel loved
He kissed me softly
He whispered sweet nothings
He reached his hands
He touched me all over
I tried to speak
He kissed me harder
He held me firmly
He told me it was okay
He know I wanted it
He grabbed me
He kept me down
I couldn’t speak
I couldn’t move
I couldn’t say no
Fox Friend Nov 2017
I invited him a little ways into my home.
I let my guard down. 
I watched him venture in slightly, and he assumed the invitation included the whole place.
His hands were all over everything in a matter of minutes. 

When I expressed my discomfort, he continued onward without hesitation. He somehow managed to lock me out of my own living space, and all I could do was beg him to leave through the screen door as I watched him ransack the place. 

How did I get out here? 
Why isn't he listening to me? 

He took what he wanted, placed a kiss on my forehead on his way out, and never looked back. 
I wandered back into my once pristine, tidy home in a confused daze. 

Why did I allow him to even look upon my residence? 
The guilt and regret swirled around in my stomach and bubbled up in my throat as I took in all the dirt and grime that now covered my home. 

And now I live in it because it is too big of a mess to clean up by myself, and the last time I let someone in they destroyed it. 

I won't make that mistake again.
Leila The Kiwi May 2017
Alienated shell
Open and bare
Worn lining
Clawed shreds
Impaired illusion
Adorned dull
Aquamarine shards

l.v.s
The product of emotional abuse... Ruin.
Is it even mine

When you have touched it
Torn it to a thousand shreds
Broken each bone
Turned it inside and out
Stained its pale skin
Penetrated it
Left it for dead
In fœtal position
In these sweaty sheets
That I don't recognize

*****
Celeste Briefs Sep 2017
I feel so desensitized
unfeeling, unwise
impregnable as a mountain
hollow as a violated mine
empty like a handless glove
now nothing is certain
like I've lost all that I love

shaking and shivering
quaking and quivering
unstable
barren
sterile
unwilling to continue
yet continue I shall
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