Never believing in love at first sight, nor my prince charming riding in on a white horse to rescue me and live happily ever after.
We have dreams and fantasy's , most never come true, that is until the night I layed eyes on you .
My eyes making me aware of my surroundings, suddenly there wasn't another face I could see, in a restaurant full of people yet none of them existed.
My stomach felt like it could fly away from the butterflies flapping there wings,  I knew from that moment I had met the man I had convinced myself didn't exist, it was love at first sight .
Our love story is a one of a kind . There was no means to break the bond that we had, until that day our happy turned sad, circumstances ripped you away and left me alone, my life after that left me holding your promise. For twelve long years I waited and  wondered, when I had all been given up on you ever coming to find me, my prince showed up to rescue me. From that point on we picked up where we left off. I know in my heart God sent you to me to love and cherish and never to leave.

They see only what i allow them, trapped beneath the shell of my existence only to disguise my person. walking along , head held high with a fearless smile, like a blind man to see inside me, they must read brail.  My back and shoulders in posture with all self control   as I only allow them to see my outer shell. Graceful poise, of confidence claiming pretend of a  happy, healthy person ,. Why is it so that my eyes graze across a face of unfamiliar people yet I have the ability to see through their soul, I feel their pain and sense their sadness, yet they don't see mine .I'm made not of plastic and my flesh it bleeds, my body full of pain,  I feel sadness as I have lost everything I ever had or wanted to gain.  Behind that smile i wear on my face is a lost soul that cries rivers of tears ,  I  hide it well for it's not pitty I seeks, but showing weakness in my own self would keep me from showing others that they can rise above. If nobody tried, took chances or cared what kind of shape would we be,. If it's been done once it can be done again if it hasnt, there's always the first. It only takes one person to set their problems aside and help others overcome theirs, who I am without making a sacrifice after all Look what our Lord sacrificed for you and me ..

Listen closely to the sound , this seashell that has floated upon the shore  of white sand, as you place it's magic upon your ear, the rippling sound of the crashing waves is what you hear.
Oh how I wish I could fit inside, for the tide descending back into these Waters of blue, carrying me into the majestic ocean floor beyond the sands never touched by man, the beauty these Waters allow us to see, I am imagining how mysterious the rest could be, for we haven't a clue.    Laying beneath the so much unseen , lost city's, sunken vessels, treasures of a time long ago , the story of another time  all buried beneath a place we dare not go. Laying beneath the grounds of our feet another world  left undiscovered , only to imagine, the the secrets it keeps , the magestic land that remains unseen.

Free spirited life, held no confinements..where might you have  gone? for you have taken the key , I've searched these same walls that are closing around me, steel trap imprisoned within this mental cage. Invasions of memories my life bursted with excitement as the wings of my existence feathered and free. Vanished existence like fall leaves falling from the tree , Loneliness haunts me like a scorched asylum ,nothing remaining but gloomy stress as the feeling of confinement in gulfs my remains  i haven't the ability  left to premeditate plans  for escape  for my severity of change , once an Eagle flying free To a Finch as I go unseen , The trickery or fuckery whichever it may be,   destined to destroy what's left of me trapped in this wrenched  mental cage .
©kimmied1105

Every second of every hour, my heart lays heavy as thoughts of you race through my mind,
Oh my son how I am missing you.
Hours turn into days, days into weeks, never a moment passes by, I try to chase a happy thought visioning  your beautiful smile,  it never lasts long enough and once again I cry,  Oh son I'm Missing You.
Hearing your voice on the phone is a blessing every time, I never let you know that when we speak your voice tells it all. I can read you like a book just by your tone. Some days I hear a young man grown up so much but other days I can hear your pain and sense your fear and I know how bad you wish you were home. Oh my son I'm Missing you .
Every Holliday is sad for me as I know it is for you. Sweet baby boy of mine, two years have passed, it seems like forever since I've seen you. If we can just hold on a little longer, this uphill battle we've been on is on the down hill side of over. My Sweet Boy God  only knows How Much Your Momma is Missing You..

Aw Mother's Day, such a beautiful tribute to give so much thanks and show your love to the woman you call Your Mother. We run out and buy her gift, or send her a card, one day out of the year, for the other 364 days we don't even bother.
Ask yourself, do you truly understand what all a mother is and does for her children as they grow. Let me see if I may enlighten you.
From the time of conception, your mother carries you inside of her until it's time for you to be born, her life is no longer her own as she becomes so much more.
Your mother is the one that walks you through life being all you need until your out on your own, even then she's right there beside you because in her eyes your always her baby even when you're grown.
Make this day extra special for her as you will never know unless you become a mother one day.
The love a mother has for her children goes far beyond unconditional love I say.
Tell your mother how much she means to you the other 364 days of the year.
You never know if your going to wake up tomorrow and your © is no longer here.
©kimmied1105

My children all the world to me  they make my life worthwhile. No matter what they ask me, I'll go that extra mile
I hear them laugh and see them play.
I watch them grow more everyday.
I thank God for the gifts that he's giving me I give him all my grace
For I don't know what I would do if I couldn't see their beautiful face.
I hope and pray that I succeed to raise  My Baby right.
Oh Lord in heaven I pray to thee please shine on me your Golden Light.
Father give me the strength I might need to go on and forgive.
The pain I felt all the tears that I shed so much for forgiveness I have left to give.
I pray unto you my lord to place this all behind me now.
I've got on with my life to you I give my personal vow.
I vow to love and cherish my babies everyday.
I'll pick them up if they may fall and wipe their precious tears away..

I messaged a friend that is one of our own on this wonderful sight HP., Her spirits are down as she's not doing well, . She brings brightness to all of our writes and takes so much pride in the comments she leaves, I was hoping we could all say a Prayer or send a kind thought her way. She has truly inspired so many of us , she has a heart of gold. Her name is Kim Johanna Baker. I know she will appreciate any and all kind words as we all have appreciated hers. This will lift her spirits so I thank you all in advance , for I have never met this beautiful woman that lives across the sea but she lays heavy in my heart as if I've known her for ever. Please leave her a comment if you have the time God Bless. Please repost this as I am new and have few followers and she has many so everyone can see.

Why did you have to leave so soon, you were supposed to see all the dreams you told me I had would some day come true. Six years gone by and I still feel you here . I just want to hug you close and tell you how much you mean to me , I love you big but Lord my friend all these men you left behind , all for me to contend with   I hear your laughter , pretty funny you think , I could use some words  of wisdom my friend , only you would know what to say , be it biblical, comical, serious, or pointless I just need to hear your advise right now God I miss you every day. From Paul to Scott no never met Brent , all the way to your baby boy Nick , of coarse I saved him for last cause Jimmy Rogers if I know you , you Are propped against that cloud with a huge smile on your face sitting so proud of those boys you made . Thanks for coming to see me today , even though it's not how I planned it I remember what you use to say , be patient for it's all in God's Hands and He's the one with the plans. I hope your presence never leaves , I love you and miss you and all your boys and your best friend does too , we will all meet again one day Fly High my friend save us all a place in that beautiful sky right there beside you.

Watching sadly as our once beautiful love dies slowly like the flower with it's petals so weak as they fall to the ground. Knowing within the depths of your heart you can't save it or bring it back to life. All that's left to do is pick up the petals like the pieces of your heart and and hope there's a live seed left to replant and grow again one day.
If you leave the petals to soak up the moisture on the ground it's surely to mold the seed, which makes it so much harder to grow another flower from a molded seed. My heart left open to be broken over and over gives it no time to heal, for if it should ever love again., It must get away from the person that's breaking it  before it to becomes the molded petal laying on the moistened ground left to mold away.
©kimmied1105

Each day that passes so to does our  love,  like a glowing ember of a candle as it's wick runs out but leaves the flame not ready to surrender so it blinks and fights to stay lit . Such a likeness it has to my heart as it breaks to be mended but with each break it leaves less chance to ever feel whole again as the breaks have become so many with no time to heal .  This life , like a ride on a never ending rollercoaster that is constantly up and down but won't stop as it's exhausting. Never knowing what tomorrow may bring or take away is an unknown fear I face every day. So I know in what's left of my mangled up heart that I should extinguish the dying ember and stop this roller coaster ride, but I can't face the fear of knowing your gone and not by my side. Nor can I embrace the thought of the ups and downs of continuing this never ending life on this downhill slide.
©kimmied1105

Darkness of an unknown lonely entered me the night of their death. Angels of heaven flying over as they took their last breath.
My best friends young life had been taken away, my little girl lost her best friend as well on that same day..
A young beautiful mother, and her precious baby girl gained their angel wings together, my little girl bares witness as she wakes the next morning ready to play I woke just in time as she opened the door.  I walked to the porch to tell her the news as my heart left my chest as she stood there at the age of 2 waving and laughing up at the sky, I was trying to find a way to tell her our best friends didn't live across the street anymore.
It's as if my voice had left me as I heard my baby say,
Momma can we go get them out of the clouds so me and my Peking can play.
I pulled myself together as I knelt down in front of her I asked her softly to tell me what she could see, her laughter had left her as tears filled her innocent blue eyes,  mommy they went to play in the clouds and didn't take you and me.
I cried as I held my little girl as tight as I could , with the day after we layed them to rest, I chose not to take my daughter as any mother would.
On the way home from her grannies that day still looking in the sky for her best friend ,I heard her talking about how pretty Peking looked in her new dress and she wanted one too.
I had to pull the car over ,  and asked her what color was Peking new dress , she giggled and said, mommy you know she said you gave her my hair bow cause it was red and blue too.
From that day forward Peking often came down to play, as I watched my little ******* the swing set as I pushed her gently the swing beside her started to move , mommy Peking said will you please push her too.

January 16, 1990, The day my life began to know true love. The anticipation rose with every contraction that came. I couldn't wait to put a face with her name. When she arrived, she stole the heart of every person that seen her. Her hair at birth fit perfectly in a little pink bow and she had the face of an angel. Not one flaw did my baby girl have, as she entered this world almost perfect.  Her eyes, the most captivating blue but with a unique black line defining them. Never at my young age, just turning 20, had my heart felt more joy and love as it did holding my precious daughter,  Mallory Ann, asking myself how something so perfect in every way could be mine. As she grew, she was as bright as she was beautiful. Advanced in every aspect of her fast developing life. Time wouldn't slow down and before I knew it, there she stood in her prom dresses, next her cap and gown. My baby girl was all grown up now and just as beautiful as the day she was born. Growing up very close, sharing everything together, I never dreamed there would come the day, I never seen it coming , my baby girl walked away. I went from being her only support that was by her side every day to a woman she grew to despise some where along the way. She was mom to her son at a very young age, I helped her the best I could or all she would let me, until she then to took my grandson away. I have missed out on his precious life and God knows I've made mistakes in my life but nobody is perfect needless to say. But when I look at her and the things she likes and the way she looks, it's like a mirror of a young  version of me, I miss her and my little Roo every minute of every day, I think of how wonderful it would be to have them in my life again, but the one that wronged her and was never there gets her forgiveness and love while I remain her worst memory as she sees no good in me and doesn't remember all the sacrifices and love and the teaching of morals and respect she was taught, for it hurts my heart as the credit goes to other people in her life   I can stand today and know the truth and feel the hurt and pain and the loss because the day will come when I'm no longer here and I won't feel the loneliness any longer. I only know I love and miss her and my grandson more and more every day . When the good Lord calls me home that's when the pain will go away

I will stand by your side because I always want you to stand by mine. I will try my best to consider your feelings in hope you consider mine.  I will choose my words carefully if we disagree and hope you choose yours just as careful when speaking to me. Each memory of us I will hold in my heart, and hope you cherish them the same. I will be loyal, honest and love you with every breath that I take. As I Pray you do also in every decision you make  You are My Soul  Mate. My Love My Very Best Friend,  MY HUSBAND TO BE,  til death do we part, forever You and me!
©kimmied1105

What a wonderful feeling it would be just to wake up one day to peace and serenity.
When the burdens of stress overcome me I wish he would love me through it
It seems like the harder things get the worse he becomes.
I've never known the feeling of being someone's number one..
He claims he's my rock for me to lean on him , but how can he be my rock when he treats me this way. I just need an ear to listen sometimes or a hug assuring I'm ok,
How can someone that loves you and knows your struggles try to make things harder, I need to know if I should fall you will be there to catch me , if I break, I need you to know me better than I know myself, so when putting me back together you make me whole.

How can I describe this child, for there's not another to compare.
His eyes from heavens blue to oceans emerald green, his hair a soft shiny brown, his lashes long with the perfect curl, ever girl is full of  envy, his lips are full and defined to perfection,  a smile that lights up the room, his body ripped like a body builder, He is almost the sight  of perfection in everything you see. But this image I have described for you is only what you see, the things inside my son are more breathtaking than his looks . His sense of humor keeps people rolling , his heart as big as the world, his intelligence  will surprise you when he devotes himself. His spirit of giving is one rare to see, His positive attitude is what keeps me going day to day. His demeanor, is hard to describe, he always remains himself in any situation. He always know what to say. He sends me messages I so need to hear, especially one I received today. He has received pictures of his beautiful daughter as she is a spitting image of him. His message read, , " you  know,  Riley Jo looks alot like you too, without you we wouldn't be as blessed as we are today. Without you we wouldn't be here , I love you and  thank you for everything #back to normal soon"  I miss my son more than words can say. I can only hope he knows it's all the little things he does and says that makes me want to wake for another day.

I want to know what it feels like to be I your #1.  Because Baby you are mine. I need To know that beyond a shadow of a doubt you always have my back , because I will always have yours. I try to reframe from letting hateful things come out of my mouth to you. I love you too much to intentionally hurt you, but above all this I want You to know that you hold my life in the palm of your hands and I hope you love me enough to cherish it. Because I will forever cherish yours.
©kimmied1105

I sat today and took some time to read   Looking back through every note and poem I could find, finding myself in a turn of emotions running through my mind. For those of us that express  ourself  through  the flowing ink of our pens, our memories remain written so we can always see. As I read the words I left written a thought crossed my mind. You see I understand my sorrows and know about the things in my life, how they got there from hour to hour day to day but when I write I write of my feelings in every single way. However for someone that reads them without knowledge of where they came from, I can't even Imagine their thoughts of the life I live based on the words I say . What an interesting menu of choices they have to read. Choices based upon the emotions of one's life we never even meet yet by the words written from their pen the reader knows more about that person than if they were there best friend.
©kimmied1105

Dancing merely along,  my hair blowing in the warmth of the sun,  through the ever green meadow as the softness of grass tickle my bare toes .
This burning bliss of freedom caressing my body like the silken feathers of a swan. Dancing along no worries to hold me down. Closing my eyes , my senses aroused by the sweet scent of  luscious Jasmine in the air.  Nature has it's way of healing our souls, wind blowing the worries from my head, followed by the rain to wash them away, The sunshine comes to dry the rain as the moon awaits another day .

Night time holds mystery with it's darkness  removing the light from our day. For what reason are we so critical of this time?, Yes , I agree the night is when most crimes are committed, as the criminal has a better chance to escape in the dark, Have you ever wondered, the where abouts  of this criminal when it's not dark, could he be that nice man that sat on the bench beside you at the park? Or maybe that sweet ole lady you helped cross the road, what about the young boy that bagged your grocery's  and  pushed your shopping cart to your car to unload. You see my point, everything that exists in our nights of darkness, also exists in the light of our day. The night holds a special beauty like the moon and the stars and the lights of the city to the to the hoot owls and fireflies of the country.

Your darkness falls all over me;
Blackened so it's hard to see.
The only lights that shine on you is the light from the stars and moon that comes through.
The evils of this world consume you,
As they are hidden in the shadows of your darkness too.
As the sun begins to rise and begin a new day,
The darkness of the night slowly fades away.
When you return after the day is done.
Your darkness of night replaces the sun.

You must have heard me cry for you, as I looked up at the sky;
  Why did you have to go so soon, without even saying goodbye?.
  It's as if the world had stopped as silence filled my head;
  When through the silence a voice began speaking, and this is what it said.
  Your days will go in without me, though I'm never far away;
  I may not be in front of you, but I'm in your heart to stay.
  Please don't cry sad tears for me, you will never be alone;
  The day will come when you cry tears of joy, when the Good Lord calls you home.
  So as you all gather by my grave to pay your last respects;
  Don't say goodbye, say I'll see you later, incase the Lord calls you next.
  As I turned to walk inside thinking I must be losing my mind;
  I reached for the door as I watched it slowly open, as my hand fell to my side.
  As chills ran over me, I knew at that moment, it was your voice I could hear:
  I couldn't help but smile as I walked through the door, watching as it closed behind me , I knew you were standing near.
  Tears falling down my face, remembering your kind and gentle heart;
  For the next time you open a door for me is when my eternal life shall start.

Sitting on the swing of that old front porch listening to my daddy and all the stories he told .
No matter how many times he told the same story, they never got old.
The evening  was his favorite time of day,  as he sat outside and listened to the same whipperwill singing away.
It's almost like that whipperwill knew what time every day to perform his songs for my daddy as he never missed a day .
Makes you wonder if they were connected in some other kind of way .  
Daddy taught me so many things ., Things I used to think were silly or couldn't be .. I wouldn't trade those memories for anything in this world I'm thankful for the time my daddy spent with me
He showed me all the beauty in this world and what it would some day mean. By all the stories he would tell of the places in this world he had seen.
If I only had one wish that would come true, I would tell my daddy I wish for one more day with you.
One more day to sit on that old porch swing  and listen to each and every story he ever told , one more day to just hear him say my name or tell me he loved me again, one more day to take him out dancing with me and my friends , and one more day to wish my wish never ends.
©kimmied1105

Why is it always about whose right and whose wrong can't we just agree to disagree. As who am I to tell someone they are wrong unless I see it from their eyes, or for them to tell me I'm wrong they don't see it the way I see.
Stand next to me as I'm standing by you as we stair up at the clouds, I ask you do you see that cloud appearing like a teddy bear , you reply, I don't see a teddy bear , as they point to the same cloud, do you see that cute little puppy, as we both search the clouds we can't find what the other one sees.  Does this mean they are right or your wrong or could it be they can look at the same cloud through their own eyes and see something different than me. It's all about the way we perceive things so who am I to argue over their opinion vs my own when nobody is wrong and nobody is right it's just the way we as individuals see things differently

As these days pass a sense of overwhelming reality is beginning to set amongst ALL of Gods Children. The fearless are beginning to have fear, The rich are beginning to feel the poor, The poor are becoming more poverty stricken. Once Optimistic people are now experiencing pessimism, Our Health Care Workers are having to make a decision, one that is the hardest in their life, Only the warriors and loving and caring of those will choose life for all but have to sacrifice and pray that they save lives and aren’t putting their families they go home to in any danger to make them sick. As their immune systems are built too be strong with facing sick patients every day. Their families immune system however is not. The Leaders, and the bosses, that never realized the value of their underpaid employee  until they witness them on the front line standing at their cash register to keep their very own families able to continue to buy groceries as well as all of ours too. The owners of businesses have all taken steps back and watched as their life dream, to support their families  quickly turned into a broken dream as they couldn’t afford closing their doors for one day that alone an indefinite amount of time. Our children that were never taught to Pray or believe in God, they are teaching their parents the importance of their salvation today. The parent that had forgotten the role of parenting are being made to protect their children, but this pandemic is far different than protection from a robber or a car accident or a fight or any act of violence , for atleast with those types of protection we know where the attacker is or can get them to a hospital if they are injured but we are faced with the fact that we can’t protect them against something we don’t know is present, it can’t be seen, there is no warning, and when we realize it has attacked , it’s already to late , it has taken over. Keep your self and your children home if you can. Love today people , like there is no tomorrow   Pray for God to restore our Land and for this pandemic to stop.  Give thanks to the people that have become our heroes because they didn’t sign up for our military to fight wars but let me tell you this , those heroes are fighting on the front line and looking the possibility of death in the face every  shift they pull, those people may not carry weapons but bet this , they are fighting the biggest most important war this world is yet to see   Stay safe and God bless   Thank you to my daughter, , (RN) in an emergency department.  My step daughter, front desk receptionist at a Dr office. And other step daughter, Receptionist for an optometrist, all of which still maintain their position on front line daily I love each of you very much

How does one know if they are a true poet or merely a lost soul with pen and paper unscrambling their emotions.  Flying high in a cloud of words with definition,  picking and choosing the ripest  like a grape from the vine, reaching into the depths of my heart with the blood of my conviction dripping words on my tablet describing my visions of  life. Yet still the question rains like thunder crashing and lightning striking, be it a fool destined to become a true poet or a poet with eyes that are blind. Knowing the words to be written because they embrace me like a mother does a new born child , but searching for description as to what  makes a poet in a true poets eyes.?

Spears attached to vinum shooting from your tongue, piercing through my weakened heart spreading poison in my vanes.
How does this satisfy any need you ay desire, to watch your words of anger burn me like a fire.
With little regret I see from you in your actions only one,  as the existence of your tongue attempts to attach a drop of antidote, clearly not enough to counter act your words that filled me with poison. As the Spears lay still attached , the damage still exists, for  every attempt to remove them the hole left in me is to forever remain.
©kimmied1105

I was raised all my life,  failure wasn't an option, never say I can't , and to take pride in everything I do.
If you get knocked down, get right back up, what don't **** you makes you stronger.
Don't try to be something you're not, always be loyal and true.
If you don't succeed then try again, learn from your mistakes, and don't make the same mistake twice.
Give to the less fortunate. If you have it to give.
And you get much further in life if you treat everyone nice.