The 4 am drive to the airport
Sealed with melancholy and unbarring silence.
Sweaty hands interlocked;
Afraid to let go.
For two hours of staying wide awake wasn't enough to absorb the repercussion we would soon be battling with.
And the new faces are just a mirage, collected stories and memories still imprinted in closed notes; the counted days of our momentary bliss.
The wait never felt like a burden, rather worth the wait to enjoy our last bite of meal.
Tight hugs and kisses, as I walked through the door with my bags and suitcases,
Never thought one day, that was the final draft of our story for five years back.

Every words and rhymes I feel
With the thought of you.
Your presence carved on my heart
Like a sunset;
You're mysterious and unquenchable
Igniting the fire within me.

Sweet revolution on your tongue
Loosing the urge to run.
Escape and savor the moment of bliss
Dwelling in peace.
Insanity awaits flooding into our soul;
Futile to resist
As we embrace and fingers trace
The goosebumps on my skin
Like a blind man reads braille.
Carpe Diem!

Dear fragile heart of mine, thank you for understanding my passionate soul that lingers on finding joy amidst the  mundane activity of everyday chores. Our heart became our beacon of hope which secretly made us to fall in love with what life has to offer and yet like an elastic rubber, it mends the shattered pieces again. Dear careless heart of mine, every time I wept and choked up my silent tears with covered face on pillows; ashamed to accept the fact that I was at my weakest point, somewhere down the line, it taught me to hold on because I am not going to give in easily to rejection, I still need to HOPE. As I embark on my adventures to unfold, it gave me the resilience to bear and believe in myself. The world reminded me always saying, " don't let emotions overpower your intelligence." But forgot to inculcate the bitter truth, "to be human is to be vulnerable" as well. The child within me still yearn
for the melody that my heart sang, dancing in joy and still believing to be humane enough. I felt the pain, I empathise with others and wore my heart on sleeves. By embracing who I am gave me the chance to breathe with no fear of what lies ahead.
Perhaps, someday I will find my missing puzzle and connect the dots I had been trying to trace for years of surviving the phase called heartbreak.
💫

Behind all the angst and rant,
Behind all that frustration and days of solitude,
A child struggling to make amends.
Behind all that smoke and ashes,
Behind that sorrow hiding in mask,
A boy choking himself not to cry.
The Big Bad World will move on without your existence and soon you'll turned into dust and no legacy left to mourn over.
"Oh Mama! What do I do now?
The sleep alleviated the pain.
In dreams, I found my escape."

©RitzWrites ♕

In the land of strangers and suspense,
air filled with excitement to explore what lies ahead, may I find my path with you to hold me when I am lost.
May you be my guiding light to lift me when I fall and begin again where we've left.

Sweet and supple golden nectar
Caress my lips, gentle as a kiss.
There is no step that I would not venture;
Nor no succulent sip that I would miss.
A touch of lips
In a state of bliss,
Unable to resist.
Closely rhymed with a kiss; and the tongue in between makes a hiss.
The world around is set ablaze
Stuck together in this sweltering maze.
To wish upon the stars to stay a little longer
And hope for the moon to hold in a little more fonder.
~RitzWrites 🍁

Light the fire, watch it burn.
Fire burns through my lungs, heart filled with tar.
See the spirit dancing in the smoke, echoing the silence of my thoughts,
While I inhale my pain quietly with each puff, let it ease my ache.
Between THOUGHTS and TONGUE,
Between  THRILLS and ECSTASY,
lies the stories unfold.
Smell of Cigar, fueled with sadness,
On the brink of fragile hope;
Until the next day dawns.
RitzWrites ♕

Forgive me Father for we were too blind to lead our hearts, misled by our fragile thoughts and irreconcilable differences.
Forgive me Father for the misinterpretation created in in my head by dilemma and submerged in trauma;
I was blind to trust and numb to disregard  our own fresh wounds rubbed in salts in guise of words.
W o r d s
Cuts like a knife, straight to the heart and insidious
Like an uninvited guest, it stays till you're completely exhausted.
Drowned myself in vulnerability to trust the stranger
Unsure of the grave repercussion and danger.
Forgive us Father for losing ourselves in pain and game
For we were too naive to comprehend
Until we embarked on suffering till the end.

Overwhelmed with guilt, how can the thoughts be spoken and understood when gamut of emotion is playing over your head?
How could you fall asleep when there are uncertainty with every storm to face and void to fill?
Why are you shutting your eyes in anguish and lament in your sleep? Why do anger on the nerve will never settle down at ease?
Did you take a moment to walk in someone else's shoe?
Did you think twice before the words blatantly ended up hurting someone's pride?
Perhaps, we are rotten from inside with no room for anyone.
The house will remain a facade,the kids will value gadgets over bonds. Perhaps you're just a loving dead,
waiting for the reaper to steal your soul. Perhaps, you could have been a better human; a better father, a better brother, a better love.
With all the sorrows and stoical face, wait for your departure old man! Will meet you when the world ends, on the other side.

Straddled my mind until I am confined; the way you see the world in kaleidoscope as I gazed into your eyes, a bright lad on a quest to conquer the unseen future.
Tonight, we will be sailing on our dreams where we could just be Us.
You have set my soul on fire and electrified my desire.
#RitzWrites
🍁

He met me in my mess
When I was wrestling with my flesh
With hopes & dreams started to crumble and crash.
On the verge of breaking under stress
He met in my mess.
Lost in Oblivion
I ran into paths Unknown.
To ease the ache inside my chest
When tribulations put my faith to test;
When guilt won't let me rest
I cried unto Him
Until I shed no more tears to face the fears
I found God in my mess.
🌼

Encountered so many faces and promises
yet nobody made me comfortable to breathe in my own skin like you do.
You're the reason why lyrics are etched on the mind, the home I want to run to, while dealing in pain.

Words dived inside my mind. Emotions flow in rhythmic waves
as diluted thoughts
submerging the pages and verses drenched in melodic verse.
Passion outpour
Submerged myself drowned in inspiration.

As I drift into a lyrical sea and ink drips from my pen.
#RitzWrites

The empty bed, cups and chair
Kept in order while I stare.
Her faded voice still strum the string of my heart.
The reality of human attachment is boundless, as the vast ocean.
The empty room evokes an indistinct reminiscence.
My childhood stories are fading away
As time makes you bolder
And I'm getting older too..
Who will fathom my unspoken thoughts?
Seasons changed, yet a wistful nostalgia still lingers;
Can you hear me?

I have temperament, I have flaws and nothing great to show.
No power, no guide
Just a figment and shadow, part of mortal life.
I will not leave behind any legacy,
Like thousand lost soul, soon to be forgotten turn into ashes and dust.
I choose my own prerogative;
To live
To love
To laugh.
Not a caged bird mourning for freedom
Nor a mannequin to please your soaring eyes.
I am the lust of my own desire.
I am the muse of my own story.
I am ordinary, I am imperfect.

If Only
We'd time enough to kiss you one more time and hug you tight.
If Only
We'd the guts to admit our mistakes.
If Only
We'd enough time to tell our truth.
If Only
Laughter and humor could bring back the sparks.
If Only
Our unfulfilled wishes and time could mend the past.

There was an agony in my voice
Unheard rant and tirade against
The world that couldn't appreciate your sole identity.
Life as we know it!
Trembling in fear, braving the storm not to break down in tears.
When billows of sadness roll
Embracing the state of solitude, no one to call.
Behind the dark circle, hidden with a concealer
Bottled up paranoia and scars
Drowning in a sea of misery.
What could've been done to alleviate this malady
I wish I could crumble into pieces
As ashes of smoke, disappearing into a thin air.
Did I chose this melancholic trail
Unable to succumb myself to death.
I,
A living dead
Leave me alone
I can't handle anymore pain.

March is here it reminds me of
the colorful flowers owned by grandma
Tendered with care
Hark the chirping birds sing, music fill the air.
Season of spring and fling
Busy street, void of any danger
Met a stranger, shared a seat.
Still in touch,
small talks nothing to say much.

The journey and excitement
Of bygone days spend with a lover
They say,
Twenty was the time to explore.
Turning points and joints,
Each episodes connected through dots
Lesson and reason it taught.
March is here and all the nostalgic memories still evoke.


Will we ever be young again?

Observing the detailed lines of my curves, eyes and lips; he touched my soul in all its tainted glory.
Passion is like the rhythm we tune in as we danced away to an ****** beat;
Burned with flame, seeking home and romance in each other's company.
Lost in an ecstasy
Shunned away from reality.

You're the calm to my storm I've embraced,
I'm the void you're lost in.

I look up to you with eyes full of gratitude and remind myself how lucky I am to find my heart buried under your kiss.

Teach me how to love Mama
As you cradle me in your loving arm.
Teach me how to feel the pain in this fragmented mortal realm
Where love decayed and a wistful nostalgic era replays
On the mind of every human;
To dwell in peace.
Teach me how to face the music Mama
In life's journey as I embark on my coming days.
Teach me how to put myself to sleep Mama
When you'll be gone
The days won't be the same anymore.
#RitzWrites

Stoical heart yet the urge to cry
Unable to shead a tear,
'Cause the biggest fear to open up and try
Made me to drown myself in my own state of anxiety.
Did the broken soul find a hug?
Not a single person cared to bug.
I am not what has happened to me
Bounded by fate or dejection
Choices and rejection
Part and parcel of life.
I am what I chose to be.
I'll break and I'll fall
I'll rise and fly
Till I find my wings soared high.

Imagine 💭
  
I had a dream where my mother  mustered the courage to own her truth; unabashedly and unapologetically. In that parallel universe, she owned her own identity, and not being defined as someone's wife or daughter. She never fell for anyone where she was obliged to stay, rather she dared to leave. Pursuing her dreams and travels to places she has never been before, chasing sunsets and dreams. Like the Phoenix from the ashes, she rebuilds her life from the scratch.
In another life, I don't wish to be born so that my mother can reap the benefit to live, laugh and love.
~RitzWrites 🥀

I chose to FORGIVE and FORGET
so that I could MOVE ON and EVOLVE.
I chose to FORGIVE not because I was told to do so;
It was my sole purpose to overcome the NIGHTMARE from the past.
When the weight of the world was pulling me down
I found my way to fight back and wear my CROWN.

I chose the road that was filled with THORNS
Wear my scars with pride, not to make a face and frown.
To begin again from a state of TABULA RASA,
Unfiltered mind
Welcome the newborn.

She enjoys her state of liberty like the moon enjoys when it shines at night.
Just like the wise owl, she observes and listens.
The voice that remains shut
The eyes that saw blood and tears;
And the heart; a storehouse of suppressed emotion ragging in pain
Bottling up for decade.
When Shiuli blooms as Autumn arrives, she finds her solace in hidden words, etched on her skin.
The embodiment of imperfections stitched together that makes her a human.
    

Painting glossy images of life and
laughter
sitting near the window thinking about what has gone and what could have happened;

folded hands in prayers restless minds over sleepless nights counting stars over wishes to push the button~ renew, restart and rebuild.

Alarm rings to wake us from unsettling nightmares
Chores and stern face to pursue for bills await and responsibility to ensue.

When the night crawls in
the cyclic pain begins.

It still haunts and keeps me anxious when silence comes in the form of uninvited guests at night, invoking the sense of melancholy deeply; like a salt rubbed on a fresh wound.
Part of me still wishes to turn back the time and rewrite the story, part of me aches for TABULA RASA~ a state of blank mind.
And part of me is still reeling on the nightmares which was my reality; while I was still trying to hold a grip over my sanity.
Monster exist in humans and sometime they're insidious like cancer. They eat you slowly while you're still unaware of the symptoms that you had to compromise with. The more you compromised and adjusted, the more it gave them the chance to deteriorate your worth.
I wore a smile and wore my mask of resilience so well that silently I bore the pain, while I was dying inside, yet nobody could see it with naked eyes.
And yet, I was blamed for all the repercussions I had to deal with.
And while the monster lurks around freely, I still walk on the path courageously, with fear but I'll keep walking on, even if it means to be alone.
Freedom is a lonely road.
👣

It's that time of the year where "a prophet isn't welcome in his own land".
Why do we feel alienated in the midst of known faces yet carve out a niche for ourselves in a stranger's land?
Why do the urge to run away always cross our mind as we tend to grow older, leaving all behind?
Was it the scar that hasn't healed yet or the demon to face as soon as you enter the hell.
It's that time of the year again to wear a mask, to prepare onself; face the wrath with a stoical heart, only to die everyday in a confined ivory tower.
The Mask we wear,
The Pain we bear,
Surviving everyday in a world where no one hardly cares.
#RitzWrites ♕

From a distance, I could picture myself and ponder
How life could've been easier
I wonder
The pillar and figure
To seek comfort.
Reality took the turn
Twist of fate, no signals to warn.
A lone wanderer on a hunt
Faced the trouble and bore the brunt
Walked through the ashes and pieces
Lost in the crowd,
Numb from the voices too loud.
I shunned away from all
"I am brazen and bold."
I don't care about the label
'cause I am misfit
I am the Rebel.
Pen in my hand
Thoughts to pour out and rant.

The world will never heal your pain
With all the comfort to conceal, yet clothed in stain.
When you go astray with each mundane days
Throwing the fist up in the air
The concept that ponder, "we will find salvation in His care"
Yet you still can't help but wonder,
"Does He ever heard our pray'r?"
Can I find the God in a man
Holding a grip over my own reality
May I not go insane.
Lurking around darkness
Trying so hard to clean up the mess.
Did my prayers go unanswered?
I, a skeptical human
Won't give up the question in vain.
Like the flower in the rain
Let the wounds open
Rescued from the Lion's Den.

I am not shy to be a woman.
I am not shy to raise my voice.
I am not shy to own my body.
I am not what others pour their hatred upon me.
Oh! So many hurts and slur comments;
Labels and taglines your pour on a woman who earn their strip.
" Unedited, Raw and Unabashedly"
Take me for who I am.
You think it is not ladylike to sit or pose.
And if you think I care;
I don't owe anyone an explanation.

Take my hand, for as long as you want to hold.

Lean on me as you unburden yourself from the baggage you'd been carrying around. And if you wish to do neither, I'll sit right beside you and share your silence.

#RitzWrites

Hustle and Struggle;
The world may not know your pain
Chin up lil kid
The sweats on your brow won't go in vain.
Climbing the stairs of success bit by bit
Standing aloof in a crowd where I don't fit.
Sleepless night, exhaustion from the fights
Won't stop the chase
Till I become the best.

I am in love with every inch of your skin;
every corner of your mind and everything in between,
I want you for eternity.

From the day we went incognito to reminisce the time we shared; from romantic dinner and wrapped in your arms, with eyes fixed on each other.

I want you in every way there is to love a person the way they are.
If Only You Knew and you won't.

Finding the right words to articulate our fragmented memories, stained ink and silence to fill the void of your absence;
We became the passive voice of our generation who cannot muster up the courage.
The generation who couldn't face to face challenge the odds and ask you to stop and simply utter, "Stay".
Stay so that we can face the music together.
Stay because it hurts without you.
Stay because it challenges me to fight my battle against the crowd in proving out that
I'll stand by you.
Stay because you're the hand I'd love to hold amidst the crowd.
But silently, the meek voice which couldn't make the right choice,
Still struggling to find terms and conditions in order to address the wound we are silently suffering; deep down where no could see,
How painful it could be!