Once you left me
I felt lost
When I found myself again
I didn't know what to do

Once I found you again
I lost myself again
To what is real
And what is make believe

I reached out
Just to see if you were there
Every time it feels as if
You're going to disappear
Once again

Every word's a trap to your lies.
Every thought pushes me down,
***** me into the ground.
My shadow and soul wait,
waiting for you to let me out
from the dark stain of your perfect life.
Blood runs red,
lies run dark.
There's not one spot
that's a spark in this storm.
You put impostor thoughts in me
replacing the ones of healing.
I'm breaking out but of these chains...
but why do you keep dragging me back
into this cell of destruction?

I lie here paralytic
Inside this soul
Screaming for you 'til my throat is numb
I wanna break out I need a way out
I don't believe that it's gotta be this way
The worst is the waiting
In this womb I'm suffocating

Feel your presence filling up my lungs with oxygen
I take you in
I've died

Rebirthing now
I wanna live for love wanna live for you and me
Breathe for the first time now
I come alive somehow
Rebirthing now
I wanna live my life wanna give you everything
Breathe for the first time now
I come alive somehow
Right now [X2]

I lie here lifeless
In this cocoon
Shedding my skin cause
I'm ready to
I wanna break out
I found a way out
I don't believe that it's gotta be this way
The worst is the waiting
In this womb I'm suffocating

Feel your presence filling up my lungs with oxygen
I take you in
I've died

Rebirthing now
I wanna live for love wanna live for you and me
Breathe for the first time now
I come alive somehow
Rebirthing now
I Wanna live my life wanna give you everything
Breathe for the first time now
I come alive somehow
(I come alive somehow)

Tell me when I'm gonna live again
Tell me when I'm gonna breathe you in
Tell me when I'm gonna feel inside
Tell me when I'm gonna feel alive

Tell me when I'm gonna live again
Tell me when this fear will end
Tell me when I'm gonna feel inside
Tell me when I'll feel alive

Rebirthing now
I wanna live for love wanna live for you and me
Breathe for the first time now
I come alive somehow
Rebirthing now
I wanna live my life wanna give you everything
Breathe for the first time now
I come alive somehow
(I come alive somehow)

Right now
I come alive somehow
Right now
I come alive somehow

****** hands in the dead of night.
Crimson stains dousing the pools.

Body on the ground.
Knife through the head.

The rage got out.
And I killed someone.

I have nearly an ounce left,
and everyone's getting ready to pounce me.
They want to destroy it,
so I have to beg and plead.

My own friend grows higher on the scale,
turning me so very frail.
Then I become angry
when you boast about.

You expect me to live under your rule,
to live in stupidity
for the sake of you?
I refuse.

No, no, no.
That is not what I'm saying.
Friend, please listen,
before I shout.

I feel stupid myself,
when others brag about.
You are not stupid,
and never shall you be.

You hate me, don't you say?
It feels like you do,
when you lead me astray.
I shall not be ignored for a good score.

I'm not trying to ruin our friendship,
I just with you would listen.
People expect me one way,
and expect you another.

Please,
listen to me.
I'm not trying to make you feel inferior,
or myself superior.

What is this?
Another lie?
Everyday, people make me feel dumber.
It only makes me sadder and number.

I am not lying!
I am not trying to make you that way.
I'm just trying to keep you away.
Safe from the troubles of knowledge.

My friend,
you have no idea, do you?
Being smart means responsibility,
and being hated all day.

I don't care about that!
I just want to feel more for once.
How many times must I apologize
for getting a simple better than you?

Fine,
be that way.
I was only trying to help.
But you pushed me away.

Knowledge is the only thing
that gives me an ounce of dignity.
When I have none,
then not a drop is left.
*I am nothing.

I thought I could love you forever,
but then you saw my broken scars.
I thought we were perfect,
but it all went down in flames.
I didn't think my fight was over,
but I knew it all the same.
I thought you weren't
**gone.

I bet she's pretty.
I bet she's tall.
I bet she's nice yet not.
I bet she's smart.
I bet she's funny.
I bet she knows how to have fun.
I bet she does her hair everyday.
I bet she has nice clothes.
I bet she has a nice phone.
I bet she sends late-night texts to you, saying she loves you.
I bet she expresses her feelings.
I bet she knows you inside and out.
I bet she's all the things I am not.

I may be smart,
and maybe a bit pretty.
But that's where it stops,
for I don't do my hair everyday,
or wear make-up.
I don't express my emotions,
through this sweat-shirt.
She's nicer than me,
but I can be when I feel it.

Why can't you notice me,
like you notice her?
Why can't you see,
that I'm actually here?
Why can't you tell,
that I'm alone
in this box of loneliness?

If you want to die,
I won't stop you.
If you want to cause self-harm,
I won't yell at you.
If you don't care about anything,
I can't make you.
If you want to lose everything,
that's not my problem.
I'm sorry,
but I'm tired of saying things over and over.
*I'm sorry…

I'm sorry
that I hurt you.
I didn't mean to,
but you pulled my last string.
I didn't mean to pull you down,
but the string led me down too.
I think that'd I'd break.
I snapped like a string.

Like a violin,
only a little bigger.
The darkness of a cello,
the sweetness of a violin.
It sings a lullaby
to the child in the crib.
Loud and soft,
harsh and gentle.
It's the middle,
it's the best of the four.
Though it's not as popular,
it's still what I do.
It's still sings the song
that I want to sing.

Falling,
through the endless dark.
Hiding,
the fears inside my heart.

Feeling,
like I'm all alone.
Staring,
at the endless walls.

I want to feel again.
Get out of this numb state.
I want to heal again.
Get out of the pain.

Shattering,
is my heart of ice.
Letting,
the torture rip me apart.

Alone,
am I in this corner.
Dripping,
are the tears of blood.

I want to feel again.
Get out of this numb state.
I want to heal again.
Get out of the pain.

Breaking,
are the lies.
Melting,
is the shadow on my life.

I want to feel again.
Get out of this numb state.
I want to heal again.
Get out of the pain.

I want to feel again.
Let me feel.
Get me out
of the numbness within
my
soul.

I'm done.
I quit your game.
I'm done.
Go to someone else.
I'm done.
I quit with your lies.
I'm done.
I quit living.
I'm done.
I quit living with your torture.
*I'm done.

Claws that scrape down my arm.
Claws that draw crimson blood.
Claws that whisper,
"You're done..."

Claws that scrape the metal walls.
Claws that tear me to shreds.
Claws that whisper,
"You're a mistake..."

Claws that scrape my heart.
Claws that are seared in my mind.
Claws that whisper,
"I wish you'd never been apart..."

Claws that scrape my soul.
Claws they scrape my irises.
Claws that whisper,
*"I wish your mother had been bare..."

Like an animal inside you,
trying to get free.
So painful,
the demons killing me.

Like someone's strangling you
from the inside.
Lungs in agony
in a dreadful line.

It's hard to swallow,
it's hard to breathe.
Thinking of the problems
within me.

"I am a mistake,
so why should I be?
All I do is hurt
those who are closest to me."

These are the thoughts
within my brain
as I try to clear them,
but doing so in vain.

I am trying to swallow
the feeling of disdain.
But I am choking,
melting away.

Soon enough,
the demons run and flee,
leaving me with thoughts
that will never leave me be.

It's like a battle,
right in my lungs,
right in my mind.
I become so blind,
that it's hard to be me.

Everyone is writing them,
I guess I should too.
It's a new year,
everyone says it's a new start.
When really you stay the same.
You never restart.
I have no New Year resolutions,
for I will not stick with them.
Things will get in the way.
I don't see the point,
so I shall not bother.
Everyone have a good year,
even though I will stay here.

My poems
are not all the same.
Mixed emotions,
you see.
Some are depressed,
some are just sad.
Some are happy,
and some are mad.
I am a poet,
I write what I feel,
although I am as numb
as my fingers
on a cold winter day.

Round or square.
I don't really care as long
as they're there. Crispy and
golden, filled with sticky syrup.
Topped with butter which melts
like ice. Take one bite and you
are in love. They are the best
breakfast to ever be on
one's tongue.

A man is someone
who will protect you
until his last breath.

A man is someone
who will love you
no matter what.

A man is someone
who will care for your children
when you cannot.

A man is someone
who doesn't mind your faults
even when they're huge.

A man is someone
who stays by your side
even when he's not there.

A man is someone
who will not smother you
even when he wants to.

You said you loved me
when the clock hadn't ticked five minutes.
So I said it back,
just to keep you happy.

I know I'm a liar,
and I shouldn't be.
It was the only way
to protect your feelings.

You were smothering me.
So many I love you's,
so many love notes.
Too much for me to handle.

I felt like I was suffocating,
choking from the inside.
I didn't know how to handle the situation,
I'm sorry that I lied.

Please don't be sad.
Please don't cut your wrist
only because I cut our 'ship.
Please don't die...

I'm always here,
if you need a friend.
No, not another lie.
Just something to live with.

I'm sorry
for all the pain I caused.
I'm sorry
your emotions got too much
for me.

*I'm sorry I never tried.

My dear parents,
please shut up.
I'm tired of the yelling,
tired of the fighting.
Your hurtful words
hurt more than each other.
"Our marriage is in jeopardy."
No, that's not what I want to hear.
Please shut up,
or you'll break
our already shattered lives.
Think of the consequences
of your actions.
If you split up,
you'll tear me apart.
From house to house
I'll go when you make me,
but when it's time for sugery
have fun paying.
You two are children,
seeming I'm the adult.
You fight for no reason,
it breaks my heart.
I just want to be happy,
though that's a joke.
Your arguments are choking me,
the fear and anger battling inside me,
ready to explode.
I wish you would just shut up already
before you tear our family more.

Shaking, are these weary bones.
Trembling is this heart made of glass.
Quaking is the Earth beneath my feet,
as I take a tired step into the light.

I have hurt so long,
too long to tell.
This feeling is new,
so how do I embrace it?

I fall to my knees,
not sure I deserve it.
I have done wrong,
hurt so many.
Am I really here?
Or am I dreaming a great dream once again?

Let's shed some light on the subject
of how my life is going.
God answered a prayer,
and here I am smiling.
Never thought it'd happen,
never thought I'd see joy again.
But here it is,
joy standing in front of me.
It leaps into my eyes,
and dances like a willow tree in the wind.
I am happy once again,
but how long shall it last?

I can't be perfect,
no inspiration for happy.
I try, and try again,
with no luck burrowing through.
Please understand:
I can't sound happy,
in this metal box of no hope.