i want to help
i know you say you're happy
i know you're not
i know you're lonely and scared
i see what others don't

let me in
i understand you
tell me you're not okay
ill be there for you
i wont leave
i love you

just give me a chance
trust me
i'm worth it

Sunflower,
Don't Die From My Soul,
Sunlight Still Lurks In My Veins,
Imagination Quenches Your Thirst,
Though Your Roots Are Exposed,
I Kiss Every Petal,
To Keep You Alive

Rose,
Don't Die,
You Are The Passion In My Garden Of Me,
Don't Let The Frost Over Take You,
Snowflakes Dance Around You,
Enjoy The Cold

Sunflower,
Oh Sunflower,
It's Always Summer In My Garden,
Let The Showers Of Enlightenment,
Keep Your Petals Smooth And Age Free

*Rose,
Oh Rose,
Rose With Green Eyes,
Stay Strong,
Don't Let The Weeds Overtake You,
You Are Beautiful,
You Are The Pacemaker,
To Anyone Without A Heart,
If You Fail To Survive,
So Will I

once upon a time
long ago
there was a you and me

i knew you once
and it was nice
silence was comfy
and we didnt have to try

i knew you once
long ago
you shared your secrets
and i shared mine

i knew you once
long ago
but where did you go...?

there's something about you
that I can't quite understand

I don't know if I love you
or even like you as more than a friend
but every time we talk I seem to smile
and you're the best part of my days

talking to you makes me feel happy
I feel something I've never felt before around you

I don't know what we are just yet
but I know I want you to stay

Mom, I'm sorry I manipulate you for,
The alcohol I feel I love more,
And Dad I'm sorry I pretend I'm naive,
About all of my bad deeds,
I tried so hard to stay dry,
But the rain it pours inside,
I'm drowning in my own self,
I'm suffocating with my mental health,
And I try, I try so hard,
To be who you care for,
The girl who laughs just cause she can,
Who asks for hugs before bed,
But I'm not her anymore,
And I'll never be moving forward,
But really I'm just someone,
Who feels way too much at once,
I cry at night when I'm all alone,
Dancing with my demons on my own,

Please don't hate me, I couldn't survive,
I do that enough for myself, and I can no longer hide,
That I don't have a problem with substances,
That I can recognize when I've had enough,

I'm so tired of pretending it's under control,
This feeling of alcohol that sings in my soul,
The cough syrup that makes my shaky thoughts,
Become shaky feet, legs, and hands,
I'd rather feel physically ill,
Than continue to be mentally unwell,
So I will continue to veer off the tracks,
And spin out of control, it's just a fact,
I have no sense of when to stop,
Please don't make me stop,
It's so hard to be in my own head,
Every day it's like a death,
I die a bit, a piece of me fades away,
And I'm sorry to inform you, to say,
I'm not okay, I'm just not alright,
With myself I will continue to fight,

Please don't hate me, I couldn't survive,
I do that enough for myself, and I can no longer hide,
That I don't have a problem with substances,
That I can recognize when I've had enough.

I want a fairy tale ending
I want to meet the love of my life
I want to stay with him until the very end
I want to live in a big house with 2 dogs and 3 cats
I want 2 kids a boy and a girl
I want to be a writer
I want to die with all my goals accomplished
I want to die surrounded by the people I love

I haven't had a fairy tale beginning so far
but
I want a fairy tale ending

if i could go back id do it all differently
i'd change the words i said
the people i chose
the things i did

i'd kiss you longer
i'd revive the moments we'll never have again
i'd hug you tighter
i'd tell you how much i love you
i'd tell you i need you

but i cant do anything about it now
your'e gone
forever
i cant go back
i cant do it again

you know how when you run a huge race and you see the finish line and get so happy
you want the end to come so fast

yeah,
thats me with life

you tell me
   "you'll find someone better"
i know i will
there are so many good people in the world
i'm sure i can find someone better

but what if i don't want someone better
what if i just want you
you.
just you
no one else but you
all i need is you
just be mine

"i love you, mom"
i feel like that shouldnt be a lie
i feel like you should be able to say that with full honesty

but i cant

i hate her with all my heart
i never wanna see her again

shes the reason for all my tears
for all my self-hatred
and for all my sadness

not all can be a mom
and i feel that i dont have one

i had an image in my head of you:

perfect
you understood me
you'd always be there
i can trust you with anything

i had an image in my head of you
and thats all it was
my imagination
what i wish things would be like
but you're different
nothing like what i thought you were

or maybe you were what i thought you were
in the past
not anymore though
you've changed

but maybe you've only changed to me
maybe you're still the same person to everyone else
but me

I hate you
I hate you
I hate you
I hate you
I hate you
I hate you
I hate you
I hate you
I hate you
I hate you
I hate you
I hate you
I hate you
I hate you
I hate you
I hate that I cant stop ******* loving you.

talking to you feels right

every time we text there's a smile on my face
its not hard
our conversations flow so smoothly

you always know what to say and when to say it

I love talking to you
I hope you don't leave

i remember when i was just an innocent little girl
the only drugs were advil
and the only drinking was juice boxes
the only kisses were for my parents
and i never had to take back my "i love you"

i didn't kiss every boy who wanted to use me
and i didn't get wasted alone every night
i didn't cry over anyone
and the only worry in my life was how much candy ill get

i remember when my biggest fear was the dark
now; the thought of people leaving and heartbreak consumes me

i miss those days

"high school"
the best and worst 4 years of your life

you make so many new friends
you lose so many old friends

you make new memories
as the old ones begin to fade

you have fun, go to parties
get  wasted, get grounded

old crushes to new boyfriends

looking back at it you only remember the good days

im only on my first year but i know
high school
will be the best and worst 4 years of my life

i think I'm ok
i feel ok

i think im happy
i think things in my life are finally going well

i know it sounds stupid
but i strongly believe all things happen for a reason
even if you're at your lowest
trust me it won't last

if something terrible has just happened
dont worry it'll teach you something important

every single person on this planet impacts someone in a positive way somehow

i don't know
i just believe whoever created this universe has a plan for us
and all you can do is trust that

I'm ok
everything is going to be ok

i just cut

i just cut

i keep saying that over and over in my head

i just cut

i was finally proud of myself
i went so long without doing it

i just cut

im not ok

i wanna die so badly

i just cut

i thought i was happy

i felt happy

i thought i wasnt depressed anymotr

i just cut

i dont want to live

i want to die

i just cut

i felt happy when i saw the blood dripping

im not happy

im not ok

im not good enough

im going to **** myself
i just know i will

im really not ok

i dont want to be alive

i want to take so many drugs

i want to be happy

i want to feel something again

i want to trust again

i want to believe again

i want to be happy again

i just cut

im here
thinking endlessly about you
thinking about our conversations
your smile
how it brightens up a room

youre there
thinking about something else
not me

im here
please notice me

i hate how i care more than you do

living like tomorrow doesn't exist
live for yourself
not for other people who tell you who to be

tell that boy you like them
if he doesn't like you then **** it you don't need him

drink and smoke all you want
it's your life
do what you want

have fun at that party
kiss that person
that doesn't make you a ****

live for yourself
not to impress everyone
not to be liked by everyone

live for yourself
so when you leave this planet
you know you've done everything you wanted

he's the ominous boy I barely know
bright blue eyes
messy hair
never smiling
he's always just there

been hurt far too many times to count
does drugs to mask the pain

is it working though?
do you finally feel happy?
is killing your body fixing your soul?

i see the ocean waves in his bright blue eyes