We are the ones who are hard to understand
We'll be the last ones in the movie theatre
because the ending scene made us cry
We'll stop to smell the roses
because they deserve to be appreciated
We are the ones who will take the time
to get to know what keeps you up at night
We are the ones who will imagine
an entire future of adventures
with the people who show us love

We are the ones who will love you more
than we love ourselves sometimes
We will give you our strongest parts
in hopes that we can make things better
We desire to see you become the best you
to make sure that you always feel our love
We crave affection and appreciation
We give a piece of ourselves away every day
sometimes to people who don't deserve it
Our love is easy to take advantage of
and sometimes we don't get back
the love that we give away

When we hurt, we crumble and fall apart
We constantly have to put ourselves back together
We are more fragile than we like to give off
We carry our emotions on our sleeves
Our flaws have the ability to consume us
We aren't afraid to give you the world
but we are afraid to feel unloved
We want you to see what we see
We want you to understand where we're coming from

We are good people with good intentions
We are stronger than we look like
Not everyone can feel the way we feel
We feel too much, too often
We are not hard to love
We are something not everyone knows how to love
But you need to remember that
your worth does not change just because
no one is there to appreciate you, to remind you

You are not any less lovable
You are the most lovable person in the world
You are a light that the world needs
Your kindness is not your weakness
You do not need to change for anyone's acceptance
You do not need to stop giving love
just because you don't get any back
Your heart is the best thing about you

And one day when you least expect it
someone will notice you from across the room
and know exactly how to love you
They will think all of these things are beautiful
They will deserve the love you can give
They will fill the empty space in your heart
But for now, don't stop feeling
We are the ones who feel everything so deeply
We are the ones who can't give up because
We are the ones who will teach the world
how to love

I don’t wanna be with anyone until they are able to make me feel the way you made me feel. I love jack as a human and I think he’s amazing and I so badly wish I could allow myself to be with him because he definitely does make me happy, but when I received that playlist from him without having to ask multiple times or even ask at all I felt nothing. I remember so clearly I got the link to the playlist you made me when I was going on cig walk and I opened it and immediately smiled and played it and I couldn’t wipe away that smile from my face, I was so happy, I don’t think I'd ever been happier I don’t think my smile went away for so long and I felt like jumping and dancing and wow I’ve just never felt that much happiness. Yeah, you make me sad, a lot, like the saddest I’ve ever been, the only person I’ve ever cried for but the amount you also made me happy just makes up for all of it. I love how you can make me so sad and so happy, and I love arguing with you because you’re the only person I can argue with without feeling like you’re going to leave me, I don’t ever want to stop talking to you and I don’t think I am emotionally capable of ever getting over you fully. Sure someday I’ll move on and I’ll be happy on my and maybe even find someone else that makes me that happy but I refuse to believe that one day I could just wake up and stop loving you. I love you so very unconditionally, I don’t expect anything back from you, and I don’t desire for us to have a relationship, I don’t expect you to be nice to me or love me back, I will just always love you. I am so scared that I’m never going to want anyone as much as I wanted you. Oh my goodness just seeing a picture of you or even staring at your blank Instagram profile made me so happy and I’m scared I’m not capable of feeling that for anyone else. I just thought and still do think everything about you is so beautiful from your eyes to your lips, YOUR TEETH, your smile, your laugh, your hands, your legs, the way you walk, OH MY GOODNESS I REALLY DID FALL IN LOVE WITH THE WAY YOU TALKED, and your voice is just so beautiful. I loved everything about you and you were all that was on my mind for so long, I wanted the whole world to see you the way I did and I tried so hard for that to happen. I love you so much. I’m afraid I’m never gonna wanna be with someone as much as I did you or kiss and touch anyone as much as I did with you. You just make me feel so much and I am so grateful for that. Of course, I would have loved for you to feel the same way as I did or at least half as much, and obviously, I am still heartbroken by you, we were so close, but I guess it just wasn’t enough, I am not what you want and I am okay with that, of course, I could never be angry at you for emotions you cannot control. Obviously, I wish you could and I’m sure you wish that as well. I think I forced myself to feel over you because I was so angry and I felt so numb but I am ready to accept that I’m probably never going to be fully over you even if I move on I will always love you. Wow, I wish we could’ve been together that would’ve been so nice, I love you so much. I hope that in the future we can think about this and I hope you loved me at least a little.

when you love me there is two things that can happen
1. you can end up in my poetry about
     sadness
      remorse
        sorrow
           heartbreak
          

2. you can be there with me holding my hand loving me
     f
       o
          r
             e
                v
                   e
                      r

i am an addict.
i have always been an addict since as far as i can remember

i easily get addicted
to people
to bad habits
to drugs and alcohol
to the past

i am an addict
but i don't want to be one anymore

i am letting go of the people i put far too much time into
too much emotion and care without getting anything in return
i am done letting the people who dont care about me to have so much power over me

i am go of bad habits
i am done hurting myself, this one is going to be hard because self-harm is the best way i know how to cope with how i am feeling. i know its not healthy and hurting myself may make me feel better at the moment but will only make things worse

i am letting go of drugs and alcohol. i cant keep ruining my life just to escape reality for a bit then just snap back into reality and do it again. my body is my home and whether i like it or not it will always be. i need to take care of myself

and finally, i am letting go of the past
i need to stop reminiscing about the past and only think about the present and future
i cant change anything that has happened, i cant make the people who have left my past and i definitely cant force broken bonds back to normal no matter how much it hurts

i am an addict
and i have been for as long as far as i can remember
but i dont want to be one anymore

who knew this time it would be the last

"what do you want your life to look like in the future?"
" i don't know, i honestly don't. i want love i know that. i want happiness. i want a family. i want a husband who loves me, someone who will stay in and drink tea while reading coffee, someone who will always love me and stay by my side no matter what. someone who will know all my crazy stories and know every bit of me, but still learn more about me every single day. i want a small, but loving family. two kids at most, preferably a boy and a girl but i could care less as long as they're happy and healthy. they'll each get their own room in my small wooden white house in a small suburban town. i will have 2 dogs, each born when my 2 children are so they will always have a best friend to grow up with. i  want my children to grow up with parents who show affection, to be a great model of what true love is. i want them to never be afraid to tell me anything. i want a home. i want a home that will be nothing like the one i grew up in."

love and alcohol are practically the same thing.
you take it, and take it, and take it,
until all of the sudden,
you cant take anymore.
some people can take more than others,
some people push over their limit,
and those eventually end up hurt.
there's different flavors,
different strengths,
and sometimes different effects.
the initial feeling is good,
but at the end they both become a depressant.
they both leave you,
at 2 am
sobbing on your bathroom floor,
begging someone to come back.

i hate my mom
i hate her so much

she makes me feel the worst feeling
i can feel my chest curl up and burst into a bunch of stinging bees
i can feel my voice crack as i try not to cry
i cut myself for a way to cope

she yells at me to cut myself more
to slit my wrists
but when i do she hits me and tells me im a terrible mentally ill daughter
then she makes fun of me for my bad habit
"aw you stubbed your toe? are you gonna go cut yourself"

i hate her
i hate her so much
i hate my mom

ive done everything i ever could to be easy to love
i let people walk all over me and stay silent when they hurt me
i let people say whatever they want and i brush it off
i let people use me and abuse me for their own pleasure
i let people do whatever made them happy even if i wouldn't feel the same

ive been putting every single person in my life above myself
only thinking about how they feel
just so id be easy to love
but every one still leaves me
why cant they stay
i do everything for them
why cant they do the same

dear future me,
if you're reading this now
hey hows it going

right now you're happy
something you haven't been for a while

you have great friends
and a guy you like

when you're reading this you might not feel the same
and that's okay
but I hope you know
it won't be like this forever
you'll be ok

six months
i've spent 6 months hoping you'd love me at least have as much as I love you

six months
hoping one day you'd call me to say you've loved me all along and it just took you a while to realize I'm the one for you

six months
drowning in a cold lifeless ocean with you thinking of someone else on the warm sandy shore

six months
thinking about you every single day

six months
spent hating you yet loving you so **** much

six months
that I would never wanna take back for anything else, because I know it's gonna be worth it in the end

the memories stayed but you left

hello to all the girls
who feel unworthy of love
who feel so different for not following the latest social media trends pressed among young teens
who feel too skinny or too fat
who feel out of place for not being able to afford all the clothes the "popular" kids own
who feel unwelcome in their own home
I see you
you're not alone

hello to all the boys
who feel like they have to press all their emotions aside to fit the label of "manly"
who feel being feminine means being "gay", so you put on your tough face and hide who you are
who feel they have to be mean to be popular
I see you
you're not alone

hello to all the people
who feel they have to drink or pop pills to be happy
who feel everything they work for goes toward nothing
who feel like there's no point in living anymore
who feel they're always alone
I see you
please trust me, you're not alone

I can't stop thinking about all those times I said no
all those times I said I didn't want to when
when I pushed you off my body
"But why don't you want me to, you're so hot, I would want everyone to see my body if it looked like that," you said
as my eyes filled up with tears
I got up and left as I began to hear loud noises of objects being thrown to the floor as you screamed in anger
I was so scared
I waited at your porch in the freezing weather while the snow poured down, only wearing a long sleeve shirt knowing it would be hours until I was able to get picked up
thirty minutes later you came outside apologizing for your anger promising you just wanted me to be warm and safe and that you were done trying to use my body
I believed him and went back into his room
you turned on the tv and began to touch me again in all the same places
I looked at you with tears in my eyes and stayed silent while you did as you pleased

it was good while it lasted
but I dont know if it was real

I wonder if anyone could ever write about me the way I wrote about him.
if anyone could describe me using colours and smells
the way he reminded me of the colour green and smelt of fresh coffee on an early morning
I wonder if anyone could ever pay close attention to every little detail about me so they could later write it down
like how I wrote about every little freckle on his face, and how his hair fell perfectly above his beautiful brown eyes that glistened in the summer sun
could anyone write about me, creating a beautiful symphony of words?
is that so crazy to want?
someone to finally love me the way that I loved him, someone to finally see my soul instead of the shell that I live in
to be fascinated in figuring out how my brain works and what makes me who I am
I want someone to want to know every little detail about me like how I wanted to know him

it feels like life isn't real
where did reality go?

maybe its the drugs im taken
or the ***** im drinking

but everything just feels like a dream
i feel nothing yet everything at the same time

people come and go
some leave a mark and some just leave

but no matter what happens
it all just feels fake

i need to wake up
i need to face reality

its easier to push people away
than wait until they're gone

I hate bpd with a passion
one moment I can't stop laughing
the next I am swimming in the overwhelming thoughts that fill my head
crying out an ocean full of fear and sadness
in a couple of minutes, I am back to normal

I hate that I have a favourite person
someone I base all my emotions upon
I am aware it is not fair for them
having to be there for me all the time
or else I crumble
I don't want to be dependent on one person
but how do I stop

drifting apart
like two leaves from the same tree on a windy autumn day
until one breaks off and flows away
into the cold breeze, it goes

floating away until the wind stops

it finally lands on solid ground,
but where is it's home now?
too far to even see

but who knows
maybe one leaf from the same tree
will follow the same path
and then,
they shall meet again

the universe created the most beautiful mystery when it created you

this hope for a happiness that would last more than a couple of hours fills my head
how amazing would that be
a happiness that wouldn't come crashing down as soon as my mania is over

i need company
all the time

i want you to be here for me
i need to know you care

im in constant need of reassurance
i want you to tell me youll always be here

i feel so lonely in this huge world
filled with people
who all dont care

i want you to be here with me
i need your company
i dont want to feel this way anymore

I cried about you
you weren't worth that

why do we deny the fact that everything we do is just for love

hey guys
im so ******* high righgt now
im ******* fly

im addict to smoking
i cabt stopo

help

I know
I know I'm hard to love
I know I'm hard to raise
I know I'm not your perfect daughter you always hoped for

I know
but I don't think you know how hard it is for me
when you tell me to **** myself every time I do something wrong
when you tell me to slit my wrists whenever you're mad
when you tell me its my fault you tried to **** yourself

I know
I know you're mad at the world for who it turned you into
but please don't take that anger out on me
I want to love you
but I don't know how much longer I can