Its the little things you do,
like the way you pulled the covers up over my exposed body before you left this morning
You probably thought I was asleep
but I was awake enough for a minute to see the last thing you did before you shut the bedroom door,
and went downstairs
was take care of me

it's in those moments that I fall even deeper in love with you
the moments that remind me how lucky I am
to be the center of someones world
who absolutely dosent have to revolve around my orbit
but decided that they wanted to

I am loved deeper in my weakest moments
you never stop trying
your love is unwavering
even when I do nothing but push against you
you simply stay
and love me
anyways

maybe it's because we're more than lovers
we are two souls
connected in a bond tighter than I think either of us can comprehend
you are my best friend
and loving you comes easy
natural, free flowing,
like breathing

many people will confess their undying love for someone in their lifetime
claim that their relationship is stronger than anyone else's  that they know
that they have something so special no one could ever understand
but I don't think our love is complicated
or hard to comprehend
because with us
you get what you see
and simplicity is the beauty of the bond that we share
we have never needed more than just each other

because love is enough

it’s the feelings of embarrassment
shame
guilt
pressure
remorse
and
stupidity
I have felt this before
now it rearing it’s ugly head again making me feel small
Im the size of an ant inside
people always do this to me
they always say they won’t or that they didn’t mean to
but I think that’s a lie and it’s human nature instead
it’s those small power trips someone gets from putting another down that carry most through life so they themselves don’t feel small too

when I was younger I had so much to say
I think I overdid it and spilled so much out
I have nothing left in my cup to even sprinkle

I walk around my boxed up house
and carefully step around the edges,
scoot around the clutter and ignore the blankness
this house no longer feels much like home
not since the warmth of familiar things
have been boxed up, taken down or thrown away
it was all so sad how quickly
my home disappeared behind cardboard
and just became this temporary space before we move on,
just a place to sleep
I no longer look at a room and find its potential
or care too much about how it looks
because these aren't my rooms anymore
there is no future here between myself and these walls
it's bittersweet to think back on the memories made here
not all of them were good,
but not all were bad either
in the near two years spent here
we grew
together and apart
and back together again
turning a space from four walls to
a house we called home
the boxes are like a metaphor to my life,
to the unavoidable change that will occur in a few months,

change is in the air
and soon the long, hot, dog days of summer
are going to fade into colorful leaves sweeping the earth,
cool breezes in the window late at night,
and the end of summer, the last one of its kind for us, will be envitable
and
just like the time of the seasons
as the world slips into fall
  our ending in this time of our lives
will slip suddenly through our fingertips and give way to something a new,
sudden yet almost unnoticeable
but also completely, irrevocably welcome

Growing up I was always told,
NEVER BE AFRAID TO BE WHO YOU ARE AND TO STAND UP FOR WHAT IS RIGHT

I never knew how hard both of those things really were to do
until
I grew up and
became confused about who I am
and I found myself at times too weak to say anything when I knew something was wrong
What if I my parents told me that growing up
in hopes that I could do the things they never found the courage to?

I don’t think love goes anywhere when it’s over
It stays right there in the crevices of your heart until you have a moment of dejavu and it seems real again for a minute
long enough to hurt
long enough to satisfy the hunger you feel

No matter what I do
I can’t stop the mental vibration
that comes and goes as you
What was a soul like mine supposed to do
When it crossed paths
With a correspondence like this one?
It rang like home
and sounded like me

In the weirdest, yet most important of ways this was one of the sweetest things I'll ever be told

whether we want to admit it or not we can grow up, move away, find another and start a family but you never truly forget your first love
there will forever be a place in your heart for the first one you gave it to
that person got parts of you that no one else ever will because that YOU was one of a kind
and the kind of love you shared is crazy, and infatuating and raw and maybe one of the most real things you experience regardless of when that comes to you
whether like me, you were 14 and naiive or 20 and experiencing that "first love" for the first time, it's a kind of special that no one can take from you
and I urge you to hold onto that

those memories made you into who you are today
that person gets a piece of you that they will never give back,
and you'll be walking down the street one day and you'll hear a song coming from a car passing by and it will remind you of them
Or
while you are grocery shopping with your pregnant belly and a cart full of produce, someone will walk by and you will smell their detergent
and it will take you back to that dingy old bedroom, with *** stained sheets and cigarette butts on the floor and you'll smile in the bittersweetness of those memories
they will be there to stay
for the rest of your days
those little moments will be all yours, and no one can take that from you...

"that means a lot, and i am sorry for being a **** as a younger person. i am glad you took something positive from it at all and not just remember me as an asswhipe (i was). you have kinda been the girl every one of them gets compared to as far as being a good or bad gf lol. even if i died tomorrow, the things i understand and what i have in my heart - i could say i lived a full enough life to have gotten the idea. thank you lydia."