**** makes you happy
**** makes everything okay
It solves all your problems

behind her bangs
she saw
in the field where she sat
was dusted
with violets and bright, ruby poppies
the sky was painted with gold and violet
hues of blue and pink.
behind the darkness of her eyes
she thought.
she opened them,
and saw that
ink had bled into the sky
deep purples
blacks and blues.

no one else gets to love you
no one else gets to touch you
darling, i'll do that to you

i'll wanna taste you so ******* bad
don't ask me what for
i just wanna love you
remember more and more

when we used to be bad
used to be brave
but honey don't worry that's okay

baby you're mine
darling i'm yours
i love you so ******* much
don't ask what for

no one else gets to have a taste of you

i'm at a loss for words
when i think of you

you fill my flesh
with warmth

roses in my ribs
lilies on my lips
pearls in my pockets
tulips on my tongue
honeysuckles on my heart
tiger flowers on my thighs
marigolds on my mirror

i think
your neck
is a delicacy
soft
smooth
bitter
and sweet.

Dew drops
Whispering to starlight
Secrets
Never told
A  small girl
With hair like fire
By a lake
With water like the night sky
Emerald frogs
Ruby roses
Crystal violets
And a pearl moon
All of this
Could be hers
But she just wants
To make friends with the fireflies

smile = speechless

touch = almost unconscious

laugh = warmth

voice = melting

beans in my shoes
beans in my pockets
she put beans
even inside my locket
i don't know why
she likes beans so much
she says they're good to eat
and nice to touch
she's kinda strange

beans in my bed
beans on my head
she really likes beans
i guess i'll have to deal with it
but only coz i love her

my blood

my cheeks

roses
and their thorns
when i grasp them
with a closed fist.

my eyes
after i've cried

my heart
even when it's broken

my lips
when i bite them

my cherry
sucker.

your tongue
when you take it from me
and smile

i love pangolins

my favorite animal

but their almost extinct

the most heavily trafficked animal

they're pretty cute

you can find out how to help at

https://www.savepangolins.org/conservation/

it's morning and i'm awake
count up all my pills to take
eyes are bleary
bones still weary
but it's morning and I'm awake.
no breakfast for me
no coffee or tea
i'm still tired
wish i was wired
i'm running late
for a not-very-important date

i miss you
when you were next to me
and you were warm.
i'm still cold
even with
a deep blue
kingsize
fluffy blanket
and cheddar-broccoli soup
i'm freezing.
i miss you,
with your grey hoodie
and your smile
that warmed up my insides.

i try really hard
for nothing

her soul was the flavor of anarchy
and he knew he wanted a taste
silver roses and bloodred flame
to win her heart was a lovely game
he kissed her in the rain
and she touched him without shame
he wanted her heart
but only got pain
she played around
with the strings of his heart
but she sometimes feared
she would tear them apart
a flicker
or flame
a bite
and a taste
of her
anarchy
soul.

in waking nightmare
she screams while awake

the color
of her eyes
bleeds out
with her tears

i am night-locked
this sudden darkness makes me wonder
if the sun is blocked
or is it some sort of punishment
whatever it is
i don't mind
some people forget
the sun blinds
i prefer
the cool night
and to hang out
with the fireflies
mountains whisper
to me a secret bliss
and my cheeks
the moonlight likes to kiss
dewdrops
and dusky roses
night-lock
is awfully lovely
when you have
firefly friends
and flowers
in your hair
and perfume
on the wind.

his cheeks were rose petals
soft and pink

his eyes were the sky
velvety blue

his smile was a disease
contagious and heart-stopping

his laugh was song
i want to hear over and over again

his touch was fire
warm and colorful

his lips were candy
sweet and soft

in an old
old house
there are corpses in the cradles
and an old
delusional woman.
it's reeks of flesh
and baby powder
piled with blood-stained clothes
a "husband" lies
cold in bed
with parts
from "almost-perfect" men
the floor sags
and the stairs creek
the walls echo
with the cooing
cracking
voice
of an old
delusional
woman.

There were rainbow colors in the skies
=
She had clouds in her eyes
=
She saw things with colors no ones ever seen before
=
She had keys to every door.
=
All of them except for his heart
=
And it slowly tore her apart
=
It tore her to pieces
=
And now she is dreamless
=
And all of her colors are gone

i feel like
uncertainty
is pinching my flesh.
pinching my elbows
my ears
on my neck
my ankles
my stomach
my nose
my toes
this
uncertainty
won't leave me alone.

bodies
shaking
and quaking
with love
so close
to too much
too close
to not enough
arms around me
only in my dreams
lips on mine
love bursting from the seams

white
and red
blood
and snow
clouds
and her
red
converse.

tired
and weary
eyes
bleary
fire
yearned
lessons
never learned.

world
of cold
freezing her soul
frost covering her skin.
she doesn't want
to let the shadows in

darkness threatens
red pouring
from her calves
staining her red converse
with red
redder than
her
frostbitten face

She looked at me, and gave me that stupid, yet adorable, look she gave someone when she was confused.
Eyes sparkling, her head slightly cocked to the side.
I sighed and answered her question.

“You have galaxies in your eyes.
Sometimes, I have no control, I feel like I’m drowning, but then, you’re here.
And then I’m drowning in those eyes, floating in that ocean of stars.
You can walk in the rain if you want, and you can think no one can see you cry, but I can.
I can tell, when your eyes are red and puffy, how you put on extra makeup and nice clothes when you want attention, you can burn everyone that comes close to you, but it won’t help.
I know that feeling when you’re trapped in your mind, no way out. When you know the sun is there, shining, but there are blackout curtains, over your eyes, and it’s been so dark, for so long, that you can’t even tell if the sun even still burns.
When you feel like you’re going nowhere.
Well, I don’t care if you burn me. I can stand the heat, because love, I’ve been cold all my life.
And if you’re going nowhere, then buy me a ticket, because I’m going with you.”

Je t'aime.
Je t'aime mille fois.
Je t'aime mille ans.
Je t'aime de mille manières.
Est-ce que tu m'aimes?

She was standing in front of me.
I could reach out and touch her.
She refused to look at me.
“Please… Just tell me.”
I asked her.
She still didn’t turn, but I heard her sigh.
“Because.”
She said.
“Because you, are beautiful. You hold the stars in your hands, lightning in your head, the moon in your eyes, and all I want to do is to touch you. To hold you. But I always have to stand behind a fence, a wall of glass. You hold the stars in your hands.”
Her voice started to falter.
“And me?”
She asked, as she slowly turned around.
“I am poison.”
She said as I saw her violet eyes,  brimming with tears.
And she jumped.

is it love
if you pull me aside
to a room
to be alone
and play your song
softly
on your phone
and ask me to help you
write a poem
and you show me
all the stupid
lovely
things
you can do
with your
watermelon
vapor.

blisters
slither
down my arm
like a pus-filled snake

boils
stick to my flesh
like barnacles
on a moldy
rotting
boat

pop
and squirt
infections
galore
disgust
is illogical
when dinner
is ready.

cant breath
burning burning
my wrists are burning
my eyes are burning
my chest is burning
my brain is burning
i cant breath
stop stop stop
get out of my head

♥ love is not a sin ♥

she said she love you
and you gave her your heart
then she left and you fell apart
all you wanted was to have something real
but you left your smile on your face for her to steal
she not here to kiss the cuts on your skin
you should have known that you would never win.

you let his poison under your skin
because you were so desperate to let him in
so desperate for the taste of his lips
that you let him tear you till he covered you in rips
you miss the stories that he would spin
no one ever told you that love was a sin
watching your tears fall to the ground
hoping there soon will be enough to drown

scream

i think
im kinda sad.
mdd
they called it
i think
its kinda complicated.
the simplicity.
it's just sadness.
but it's not.

she wore hightops
and a tattered
old book bag.
and she liked
to tie
her red converse
to it's straps.
and walk
across
the fire escape.

the metal
beneath
her socked feet
was cool
and x-ed
and black.

she ran,
and she laughed
or she ran
and she cried
but she ran
and she ran
for it was all
she could do.

i work hard,
but nothing ever happens

fire in her lungs
dust in her mouth
keep going,
keep going
run
to the south

yellow
and tan
footprints
in the sand
her red
converse
leave
trails

an imperfect daughter
looking for water
disappointment
follows
each step.

sand in clothes
in her hair
twixt her toes
she runs
with her red converse.

will she ever come across
an oasis, lost
or will her bones
stay hidden,
in the sand.

Run
Run girl
Run

Through the woods
he follows her
Up and down
Goes the path
In and out
Goes her breath

He follows her
And she is
Careless.
Crack
Goes the branch
Rustle
Goes the leaves

The only wise decision
Made that day
Was the dark clothes she wore
But her converse
An attractive
Bright
Red.

She didnt want
To leave them behind.
So she tucked them
Into her shirt.

Snap
crack
The twigs scream.
She doesnt hear
The sounds of footsteps
Drumming into his skull

The glint
Of a knife
From the moon
Attracts
Her attention
And she hits him
With her precious
Converse.

She runs
To the street
And the steetlights
Fill her eyes
Pools
Of fear
And yellow light.

She runs
And he leaves
Her alone
For a while.

The next day
She comes back
To find
The stench of rotting flesh
And red converse
Stained
With
redder blood.

am i
really different
from everyone else?

she ran
from non-existent footsteps
paranoia
kicking in
from a lack of meds.

a white
metal
locked
shack.
with the stench
of bodies.

a stuffy nose
at the worst time
promised her demise.

a peek
in the window
peaked
her curiosity.
with only a splash of red.

another window
left open
to air out the stench
led to
no-longer-****** bodies

and she screamed
but not for very long
because the knife
peirced her neck
and the scream
turned into silence.

what i have i done

there's something different
about that girl
that makes me smile.
the crazy way
she talks
and looks around.
the way she draws
her silly imaginings
on my hands
and my fingers
and my ankles.
and the way she laughs
always make me smile
in a way
that nothing else can.

vapor
in the air
as he breathed out
and i breathed in
the taste of watermelon
lingering on my tongue

she was thinking again
about the seams in her legs
the stitches
and weeping.
it terrified her
the blood gushing out
torn skin
the flavor of pain
her eyes were locked open
and she stared at the seams
tears pouring from her sewed-open eyes
she sits on her pile of ashes
her blood mixing
making a muddy paste
that crusts on her eyelashes
her bruised cuts growing on her flesh
opening
and reopening
maggots gnawing on her body
eating the remnants of flesh
and she stares.

"You're mental!"
They say.
"Completely suicidal!"
but
i just wanted to go home.
now
i dont sleep in my bed
i tell all these people that there's nothing in my head.
but they don't listen
so my tears glisten
as i look in a mirror
made of metal.

We sat on the railing, high above the building, like we were on the edge of the world.
The moon breathed our names, and they soaked into the purple sea.
Raindrops land on my hands, softly pattering against my palms.
The candles, fizzle out, bathing the world in darkness.
But the raindrops on my hands turn into stars, and suddenly, I realized that you were the brightest thing I could ever see.
I wanted to show you, but you were gone. I looked down, to see you fall.
I close my eyes when you hit the ground, but that doesn’t stop me from crying.
I get to the ground as soon as I can.
The neon violet light shines against your skin, making you shine more than I had ever seen you.
You’re right there, blinding me, yet no one sees you.
They’re so sharp, the shards of your broken heart.
They surround you, glinting and sparkling as the starlight rain falls on your face.
I pick up a piece and draw one last picture for you.

******* blood
tell me if it's sweet

are you the person
i've been waiting to meet

would you like to see my blade
darling, it's okay if you're insane

i love the way you play the game
i know you're not afraid of shame

******* flesh
tell me if it's warm

they're afraid of just one
they should see the swarm

i love the taste of chaos.
the smell of gasoline.

it's pathetic that they're scared of me.
darling, i'm not mean.

there's something in the air.
i can feel it in my lungs.

i don't mind if you scream,
i always do it in tongues.

******* blood
tell me if it's sweet.

you're the flavor of the person
i've been waiting to meet

everyone says they need me.
but they always leave me.
please don’t go
im so alone.
i need someone to hold onto.
i need someone to sing my song to.
you’re all I want.
you’re all I need.
you’re all I beg.
you’re all I plead.
please don’t leave.

she remains silent.
she is silent when the world is screaming.
she is silent while her soul is dying.
she is silent while she burns.
she is silent while the people pass by.
she is silent as he watches.
she is silent as he does nothing.
she is silent while she loves him.
she is silent while he loves someone else

i would die for you
i would lie for you
i would **** for you
i would take the pill for you
i would start a war for you  
i would never take more than you
i would spill my blood for you
i would mop it up for you
i would breath in the smoke for you
i would make someone choke for you
i would burn for you  
i would make heads turn for you  
i would commit a crime for you  
i would end time for you
i would give my light to you
i would start a fight for you
i would **** the sky for you
i would always try for you
i would break the earth for you
i would prove my worth to you  
i would steal a bird’s song for you  
i would prove they’re all wrong for you
i would make a storm for you
i would make your dreams take form for you
i would make mountains fall for you
i would give it all for you
i would give my soul for you
i would walk on burning coal for you
i would give myself scars for you
i would catch the stars for you
i would empty the ocean for you
i would admit I’m alone for you

He’s coming for you
And he’s coming for me.
He’s coming by air, by land or by sea.
Hide if  you must, he’ll find you too.
You can hold your breath until your face turns blue.
But he will still be coming.
You can run and run as fast as you can.
You can move to a very distant land.
You could make yourself an army, an army of man.
But he’s still coming.
You could try to go back to a different time,
You could try to go crazy, or lose your mind.
No matter what you do, no matter where you hide.
He’s still coming.