Bottling emotions really does **** in the future and once it holds so much it explodes throwing shattered glass at anyone that's close makes you think don't it?

Seeing your mom cry going through the same **** every night every morning waking at 5 just to keep food on the table while your dad just sitting on the couch like he ain't part of this family. Drinking, Driving,  talking **** about not having a clean house with food on the table  i ask myself why you even here you never been here for me never been there for my moms and kids always talking **** always saying she don't do nothing for the house while she does every ******* things on this ******* house why can't you see your destroying everything i have. my mom and kids dieing a little while im already dead. you never did love me or my mom always talked **** never did **** now i gotta live every night crying every night praying every night to god to please dont take my moms away please god life is hard already. please answer my little prayer. save my moms from this nightmare. make her laugh and smile before her worst mistake to marry all i ask is please god answer my prayer safe a life and end my little nightmare

Cloudy days always get to me to be honest. The sun shining but still chilling my heart right in the core. I Always dreamed of finding that special woman in my life and now I ask myself have I found her? It's like the loneliness is finally gone like a light at the end of the tunnel. There are nights and days where I ask myself why me of all people in the world but no matter what I ain't planning to lose you because you made an impact more then a friend. I feel comfort I feel love I feel warmth conning from your soul and I don't ever want it to end . We both have big dreams and big ideas and some don't go as planned but it's all part of the thrill all part of the journey. There are days where you leave me speechless without words and days smilling like a kid with a new toy. Baby your one of a kind like a shooting star each one is different but of all I only want one specfic star. Heh who knows what would happen in the future but it's a journey I want to share with you

Everything feels like a winter cold my body is
frozen to the bone the moon light shining
down on us the winter touch inside the heart
freezing the body to the core fingers so
numb you cant even feel a pulse the mind
lost in the blizard your legs broken from
frost bite and your will to fight on has
drained out from the body try to cry but
nothing can hear tears freeze to crystals
warm blood turns cold will to survive has
died out and you just lay there making your
last tears turn into ice just like the heart

A house that dont have love just pain and sorrow and a kid praying for a better tomorow. a father fighting with my mother about anything to everything a life of hurt a life of lies a life of a place that never ends like an endless race. Kids crying of seeing her mother dieing and a father that never truly was. In my mind all i think is a gun with a bullet splating my brains and just maybe he can feel my pain. Looking at my blood and finally truly know whats he done just maybe he will understand.my pain and the devil will be laughing from his bloodlust because i just took a soul my own

Is darkness really a place or is it an idea deep inside our mind?
It's empty but scary
Could be cold to the bone that gives shivers down the spine
Could give Suspense just waiting in the heart for that thing to pop in your face.
Maybe darkness is the evil inside us.
Gaining pleasure of the thought of demonic laughs and horror. Fresh blood painted in the walls and the smell of body decaying in our own home.
Or maybe darkness is just a person that were scared of so we cover ourselves with our blanket thinking Itl go away. It's a scary thought but maybe it's just a make believe story that they told us when we dint behave. All I can say is darkness is real. In different shapes and ideas. Wherever there's light there's always darkness deep in our mind and our heart

The world we live in turned into a living hell.
From corner to corner all you see is people you used to know.
lifeless
decaying boddies .
searching for just the smallest hint of blood.
are they even human anymore?
Neighbors that were known to be one of the happiest folks in the meadow and now is found dead but alive with a wound in the neck that you could see the bone.
is this how ima end up?
Dead with the stench of decaying meat?
Seeing kids turned into them and their screams going through my ear drum repeating when I'm trying to sleep?
there are other survivors but how do I know they ain't trying to save for themselves and leave me to be eaten by those animals? Would they used me for bait? Or would I have to fight alone to survive.
there's barely any food and any water to drink.
we hit the closest corner store but it was already hit by a group. all we could of found was a pack of gum and half a gallon of water. who truly knows if there ever will be a cure or will we already be one of them. Another day another hour to see death in the face.

Do you know why?
Why I always panic?
Why I always worry?
Why I always ask all the stupid questions?
Why I'll ask you if you love me?
Because I never been anyone's first.
Never have been someone's fire
They're reason to keep fighting.
I've always been just the little spark like a cheap lighter.
Never have I ever been anyone's first.
I never had anyone ask me if I'm okay.
I had never had anyone to hold me not with their touch but with their soul.
I had never had someone cry to me
I had never had someone confess all there feelings and secrets.
You want to know why I ask all these stupid questions?
Because I've never had ever been anyone's first.
So for once in my pathetic life
I want this to last
I want this to work
I want this to be my true last.
Because your the first person to love me.
And all I can do is hope and pray.
Because you know what?
From my broken heart and trust from so long ago.
I want to let you know these words.
I love you.
I truly love you from my body and soul.
So please understand my way of thinking.
My worries
My anxiety
Because I've never been anyone's first. And I promise and pray.
That I'll be your last if ...
If you promise you'll be my last love from now and forever.

One thing I've learned is the one thing hurts more then a break up is loosing your best friend it's a wound the size of a hole inside your heart and nothing to fill it back

My grandfather always told me their are no friends in the world. but when you dont even have family what do you do? Every night looking at the sky wondering whats my purpose in this world? all my friends have moved on forgot about what we had are arested or dead. im not asking to be famous. all im asking is whats my purpose in this world why was i born if ive been alone since you died grandpa. why am i so alone if their are billions of people around the world that are just like me. maybe someday. maybe never. but till that day ima be in my bed in the clouds remembering our memories grandpa. i love you dad.

Love is something special and adventurous it's okay to be scared of it because it feels new every time you fall and you just can't stop loving the thrill of them

You lost trust in yourself from every beating you get but the war is far from over and this is a fight your not gonna lose

Lever lose for forever more you're going to win this war never doubt a thing just know everything will turn out straight.

Life is hard and love hurts but don't worry theirs a reason why you hurt not because the sky above wants to see you cry just wants you to learn what's love and just try

They say love with your heart but also your mind. I never truly knew what they meant when I was just a toddler. They would say (when you find the right one you'll know) but..
  
As the years go by I ask myself how do I really know if I have finally found her? Is there a sign I'm supposed to look for? Is God gonna shine light on her in front of me making her look like a godess? Sometimes I ask myself if I have already found her but blew it? Or maybe she hasn't come in my life yet. Growing up with Disney makes you want to belief that the love of your life will come out of the blue and be happily ever after but is it really like that?

You know what I hate? When people from the past come back.
When I did everything for them to be there friend to support them to motivate them to be there when they had no one to turn to and push me to the side and put a bullet on my head like a cow to the slaughter house.
From people saying oh my god I miss you to saying I miss hanging out with you you were so special to me. **** that. *******. You just figured out what I'm worth. I'm not saying I'm perfect when I'm wrong I'm wrong and I take responsibility for that but when someone I used to have a bond with and they do me wrong and they're the ones that want to Come back? You burned that bridge. don't try building a new one because it's not build on the same foundation.

How every song reminds me of you and you were never mine, 4 years ago where I met you with your red lip stick and your night black dress. Something about you made me go nuts made me want your name take you on a date but after waiting for so long let's be honest I got to the race ******* late. I had my chance could of been the winner I could of lived the day to this day calling you my only girl but heh this is what happends when your a jester fool. Every night dreaming what It could of been a little ghetto tale of the Latino  with his lady but Not an ordinary girl from the city, a girl that was born as a country lady with the shotgun daddy. Heh man can't believe I'm writing you a little cheesy rap but what hurts the most I lost you forever. Lost my country girl to a better guy we'll who knows maybe better or worse but for not taking the chance I lost you forever and now I'm writing you this love letter if you only knew what I felt and forgive me for being a jester fool

Know what you had. Know what you lost. This world goes on even if your gone. Tears down the drain and anger out the hands. History in the mind moments in the heart. Names  through the ear emotions out the eyes. Close the eyes letting it out. The nightmare is soon to be gone with a new twist in this game we call life.

Where it test the faith in someone but mostly yourself.
Where you always wonder and think how life would be different if you only lived minutes away but instead are miles apart. Where your anxious just waiting for a phone call or just a simple hello from your loved one. They say relationships ain't easy but long distance just throws a wrench to this beautiful nightmare. Where the love is tested and the faith is running through rough waters. The will to carry on even when you see the road right in front of you. Many can't handle many pack their bags and call it quits but to some. It's everything they work for. Everything they pray for. Where that one person that you feel right makes you cross borders and swims oceans. When you feel like you found the one it's more then just a battle it's a war. It's a war with your doubt your insecurities to even your faith. Thinking negative to asking yourself are you their smile just like they are to you? We live in a mad world that is as crazy as wonderland. We never know what to expect we never know what to plan but one thing I'm certain is when you feel in your heart that your with the one? Then all obstacles would just be a stepping stone to cloud nine.

Is it me ? Am I the problem?
Do I even make you smile?
Do I even give you happiness ?
Am I the one that pops in your head when you sleep or wake up?
Am I the one your waiting for when your day goes by?
do you miss me when you don't hear from me?
Do you think it's me when your phone rings?
Do you love me like I think you do?



All these questions and always worried if I really am the one or just a stepping stone to reach higher places?

Guitar strumming on a warm night while im trying to put my soul in a piece of paper from finding the hook to the melody im stuck on how to really show what i got, but everything feels right from the goosebumps going down my spine to my heart and soul dancing with the moon. You deserve more then a written letter or your favorite song played out your window . Every night wishing i could be with you holding you loving you just us hanging listening to our favorite melody and just share this moment.

Time to time trying my best to speak but have a gun placed on my cheek. The truth must come out but to many things to consider to count. Innocent on the outside guilty of ****** in the inside. Society walking as a unit but hidden by a mask

Mi raza (my race)
Judge by a nation by my skin and roots but not by my capabilities.
Judged as a common criminal
But never as a helping hand.
Judged as a poor man for wearing the same clothes every day when I go to work.
Judged as a man that will only drop out of school and depend on welfare.
But the thing they don't know.
I was raised by a mother that had to put both pants to get by.
Become an older brother and a father to my own brothers to give them that love.
That I graduated high school in one of the best schools in the country.
That I'm going to college to become a teacher to educate and inspire that it don't matter what's your race or skin all it matters is your beliefs your dreams and your urge to succeed. I may be Brown and proud. But we're all one heart (solo un corazón) we all should love and bond not fight over who's the dominate race. Who has the bigger guns or the most beautiful woman. We are only one  (solo una raza)

Beautiful full moon in the night sky
Your light shines bright even if there's dark clouds. Makes an individual want to look up and make a dream make a wish like its a shooting star. Your light digs inside in my skin touches the darkest part of my heart and soul and gives me something I rarely get, a spark a lighter that has the power to make a wild fire. Beautiful moon you give me warmth you give me peace you make me want to keep fighting for my beliefs my dreams and conquer my deadly fears.I don't know what tomorrow has in store for me but I know you will guide my way to a staircase to give me the chance and touch and feel your warmth.

Music: when the beat goes to your ears and the rhythm to your heart. when the words come from your chest and out from your voice. where all your emotions convert into poetry. where emotions come out of the bottle till its empty. when your in the state where nothing can touch you not even the devil himself you turn into a knight of light and warrior of voice. where you raise your weapon and show the world your true power, show the world who you are and what are you feeling to remove the pain from moments from the past and keep your head high for a moment in the future.

The birds chirping
The wind blowing
The sun shinning
The clouds flying
And my train of thought it's at it's awaited pitstop

My mind flying
My heart pumping
My lungs breathing
My eyes closing
And my soul going up and looking down at me from a cloud

When you see your old love.
You see her happy
Smiling and shining like the sun.
Knowing that she's living her life without you.
Knowing that you treated her wrong to the point of a broken bond.
There ain't going back to it now.
Even if it's been five years.
And now I see the one thing I wished I did.
A lucky soul got the chance to put the ring on your finger.
I'm not mad I'm just sad but content.
Knowing the fact that could of been me but I blew it before I knew it.
Seeing you smile and shining like the sun.
You always are going to be my high school love.
And I wished I could go back and change time.
But I learned to be a better person because of you.
I learned to never take anything for granite. Your an angel and always will be one.
It took all of my teen years to finally forgive myself.
But to be honest with you.
I'm happy.
I'm happy that my sweetheart found happiness.
And I'm proud to say you were an important part of my life. Who knows if are paths will cross in another lifetime.
But you will always be my first Love.
And thank you.
Your an angel that deserves everything this world has to offer. Maybe this is the epilogue in the final chapter of our book.
Or maybe it's the ****** till the next one in the series.
But to this day before and after
I pray that your happiness last and your smiles keeps shining.

Some scars never heal no matter how much time had passed. Just the sound of your voice makes my heart ache right to the core. What hurts the most is when I hear a friend say your name. It makes me feel like I have a front row ticket to a play as these actors play every part of my life. And when I see that gorgeous face of yours with your hazel Brown eyes.. I can't help but shed a tear and remember my worst mistakes. That was 4 years ago and I still remember every moment like it was just yesterday. In truth I miss you but I know it will never meant to be. From my mistakes to breaking a promise I made long ago I can never go back but keep moving forward with a broken heart knowing I had a diamond but didn't know how to say no to others. I was 16 at the time and now I'm going for 20. All I could really say is you will always be my first love and I will always pray for a chance to ask for forgiveness.

Lost in a void of darkness mentally and stuck in a box physically. Mentally I try to answer the question of all questions but get backtracked from feelings coming through and common sense out the window. What's
in store at the end of the tunnel ? Is there gold in the end or just a mental trap ?

To be honest
I'm scared
I'm scared of living in a country that looks at me like the criminal.
I'm scared of a government that looks at me like I'm the reason this country is the way it is.
I'm not a drug dealer or a ******
I'm just the son of a Mexican born from a different country that was born in this great soil.
This elections has made people blind and never seeing the big picture
I've always hated politics
But what I hate the most is instead of coming as one we come as individuals not wanting to love and understand because they have different options and beliefs.
In truth I believe that some day will be united not worrying about race but making sure our neighbors have a roof on there head and food to eat
That's my dream but till this hell is extinguished
I'll be here waiting for the day

When you look at yourself in the mirror and you notice something.
Your not the same person  you used to be.
Yeah you look more mature but your smile don't show.
Your eyes don't shine as your mom says.
You don't laugh like you used to.
You think your loved ones are crazy but one day it hits you.
Your not the same.
You don't smile the same.
Your eyes don't shine like they used to be.
Maybe this is growing up?
Or maybe your just walking through the rough path to lead to the next open door.
This world has a lot of twist and turns to meeting people and burning bridges.
From finding yourself to finding what your worth. It's an endless battle with yourself your mind or anxiety and your worst fears coming alive.
Maybe it's all a test.
A lesson by the sky above.
As I clean my face off from the drool from last night.
I notice myself.
And notice how much I've changed.
Maybe it's time to grow up and swallow that dreadful pill.
Dreams come true.
But effort motivates.
And passion makes the heart worth beating.
And the eyes the clear hazel eyes will finally one day shine again.
Till then.
Let the rain come down and let the piano Play.

Life is a high that takes you on a trip more like a journey and as time goes by you look at things differently then you normally would. From happiness to depression life can be one hell of a drug but it can also make or be the start of something beautiful.

Her smile got me like its a first kiss.  Seeing her name out of the blue got me wondering who this beautiful girl? Heard her voice my mouth droped. Is this for real? Is this a dream? The more we talk the more we connect the more i just cant help but smile like i got my birthday wish. She has dried tears in her eyes a smile that has been shattered but she keeps going. Just something about this girl got me hook like its from a melody from the radio. I know i shouldint.take.it fast but the more i talk.to her the.more i.fall.and now i cant help but smile and look at the big.moon because now i just wana share it with her

Theres a lot of parents in this world don't realize being one can be the hardest thing in life but it is the most beautiful.

there's fathers who had a plan had a dream to make her girls dreams come alive.But sometimes things start to change babies coming by bills getting high and more crazy lies. there are fathers who are dreamers with a big heart and soul planing to make a family having kids build a home but not all woman like to be a mother. Not all mothers are good not all fathers are bad we are blessed by the Lord to come alive with the help of a couple but not all couples like to last. Some fathers making babies left and right just enjoying the ride but forget there's more then getting into pants there's more then paying bills not all kids want money or fame some just want a dad to take them out for a day or a mother who would be a mother but some mothers get ******* and have to put ons mans pants and teach a boy how to be a man . One thing I've learned not all fathers are bad not all mothers are good but one thing for sure the smile of your kids there's nothing more beautiful

They say trust me because I know what's going to happen.
They say believe me because I don't want you to end up hurt. they say your getting old but still treat you like a kid.
they say love but don't love at all.
They say some day your going to thank me but I feel trapped in a cage.
They say some day you'll understand but you do but you still feel like a flightless bird.
Maybe that's the adult life I don't know.

I'm in that point of my life where I look at pictures of childhood friends and my heart can't feel but feel like its shattering piece by piece knowing this person was your best friend the one person you went to when you needed a smile the one that knew you more then your own parents knowing all the fun times you had the times you seen each other cry and now there nothing but a beautiful memory in a photo album

I never thought of poetry as a way to get famous. I always saw it as a way of expression, a release of bottled emotions shoot out like a cannon. Where the most insecure person can let there inner wings open and start to fly over the clouds. In school you never really cared for grammar or metaphors or illusions because you thought it as just a waste of time but if you think about it. You use it everyday and you wouldn't even expect. It's a way of life it's an art it's as beautiful as watching a meadow of flowers bloom right in front of your eyes. Poetry opens minds opens ideas opens different perspectives that no one can ever imagine. Maybe that's why I wanted to become a poet. Not for the money or for the fame. But for the world can hear what I've been holding deep inside my locked heart.

Lost in a void of darkness mentally and stuck in a box physically. Mentally I try to answer the question of all questions but get backtracked from feelings coming through and common sense out the window. What's
in store at the end of the tunnel ? Is there gold in the end or just a mental trap ?

When you let go of what hurts you everything starts to fall into place just gotta have the Faith  and the will to reach the persuit of happiness

I've finally found my path. I've found out who i am. what's my weakness and my strengths. I've figured what I hold dear and what to let go. I've found my belief and became a true believer. I've found out who is worth calling a friend and who to call an acquaintance. I learned to accept what i see in the mirrior and to love the human bring that i am. This year is the year I take a deep breath and hold on the horns of the bull.

I think the hardest thing about breaks ups is knowing that same person who said I love you will say the same exact words to someone else. That there touch going down your arms and shoulders would be done on someone else. That all those promises of getting married starting a family would just be empty but whole to another. Knowing there sweet gentle lips would never touch yours but another's. And after thinking back to all the moment's y'all have had you realize that it's rehearsed every word like a play. That every promise was made with another before and soon to be after. That always and forever would always haunt your mind and wonder if it'll happen again. That your deepest secrets have come clean and now nothing but bitter regret. I guess that's why I hate relationships. Because you never know who truly would be the last.

A love story that was never meant to be.
A boy and a girl that fell for each other on a Christmas day but it seems the boy dint knew if he truly was right for her. A relationship of distance and a fear of being taken for granite.in truth the boy messed up but she also dint knew what she truly want. As the years go by the boy still is in love with the girl just like that old Christmas day. He tries to date forgetting about the past but when he looks at her he can't help but smile and wish he could try again and make it right but in truth she's with another man. Saying she always loved the boy but it was never meant to be. Who truly knows what the girl truly feels but the boy is covered with jealousy and heart struck maybe that's the reason they called each other Romeo and Juliet

There could always be disaster but after all the warfare all the shaddow of defeat you see a rose growing on top of the gravel that's when you know things are gonna get better ahead

Can I smile? Can I laugh? Why does it feel like I have committed a crime? So used to faking a smile that I forget what's real. So used to wearing a mask that i forget who I am. So used to hiding my heart that I forget what It feels. So used to closing my eyes that I forget what's in front of me. So used to popping my headphones that I forget what I just heard. Family always giving me headaches and scratches to the heart. Friends coming and going  like the wind but can never tell the difference of a storm to a cloud.  I just need my outlet

Sometimes I hate falling for a girl. Not because I love to date like Taylor swift but because I put my heart on my sleeve. I do everything to anything to make that special girl smile. I'm a hopeless romantic I can't help but try to be that knight in shining armor but be treated like a royal fool. What hurts the most is when your being led on given false hope thinking that there's a chance. I know its harder then it looks and even harder to tell the truth but nobody deserves to go through there phone every five minutes thinking it's them but never getting that call or that sweet good night text. I was born and raised on Disney movies I can't deny it. I just wished we knew what to expect before falling into false hope

Where a love song can't explain everything I feel. Where I try to write down emotions you make me feel.
but ..
can't get the right words coming out like it should..
Where should I begin?
You got me fantasizing you and me
Going on dates going in love and deep just you and me.
Not gonna lie I never thought I would hear myself saying these words but you got me sprung got me in love flying in the sky like a pure dove.
I never really knew what to say just knew I was lucky to say lucky to be your one and only future king. Maybe I'm just jumping the gun enjoying the fun but from the heart I just want us to hold hands and run.
Run into a never-ending dream just you and me where we see our dreams and goals becomes more then just words.
We're a team were a couple were a castle filled with endless love and I know it's a battle. A battle harder on our own but I know together will always make it and change it to a forever. Like I said maybe I'm just jumping the gun enjoying the fun but I do believe in this dream called you and me because you know what? We could fight we could scream or shout but at the end of the day I can never life another day without you in my mind and your voice playing that sweet melody that makes my heart melt to two. That's why forever and ever more I promise I'll be your knight in shining armor and you'll be my princess that saves me from myself

im lost and comfused. i dont know what to say i dont know whats wrong inside me. Questions and fears repeating on my mind like a dejavu. Regrets and agony in my chest and burned inside like a ritual crest. Lies with a sharp toungue but with a heart filled with stitches and cuts. Telling a girl lies saying its love but truly i just see it as lust. Why do i play this game if my heart belongs to one? You cant replace a girl you gave your heart to . But its harder to forgive yourself knowing because of you. You lost the woman of your life all because you dint know how to say no and wasent selfish for your own. There aint a day i dont think about you. There aint a time where i just lay down and remember every little thing about you. All i can truly say is someday. I hope you can forgive me.

People think I complain to much why do you think I'm more to myself ? Because I'm tired of having people saying don't worry about it don't stress out about it or you'll be okay every time I'm like.. be in my shoes for a week feel my struggle. But then I'll get the but I have it worse because this or someone could have it worse I'm not trying to make people feel sorry for me I want somebody to listen and give me motivation advice give me a spark to light my fire again.

someday will meet and birds will tweet. the night will come down but dont change that smile to.a frown. lets enjoy this night under the stars sitting on the trunk of our car. dont worry if your cold il be your sweater in this crazy texas weather baby youl always be safe youl always be loved in my arms but most of all no matter if were in Cali or to in the N.Y.C or maybe down il always try to be your favorite sweater

it's supposed to be a moment of fun and joy under the sun but to me Its like I'm chained down deep below. Something about this compound does more to
Me then cleaning me. It effects me. It  goes inside me. It let's out my true fears and playing on my mind like a movie premier. I'm not scared of the touch. I'm not scared of drowning. Just the fact that your sharing the  same water with your partner and  I'm just here with the water and my heart just sinking down to the bottom of the ocean.

What happened to us.?
We used to be the happiest team no matter if we had a good night or a rough one we were always there. The honeymoon phase may be over but is our connection over? From me waiting for a call or text and from the look of it it don't even have the same love just feels like your usual chore. I know I can be clingy I can be a little bit over when I express myself but there are times where i don't even say a word and I can't get simple hey babe and that's what hurts the most. I'm trying from my heart and soul I'm trying to make this work and last but I need you to join me I need you to fight for this just like I've been fighting for this because I've been putting everything for this team but a team ain't a one person it's two and I need you. I'm not trying to cause a scene I'm not trying to start a fight but I want you to know what I feel what I feel from the inside because so far I've been feeling cold and this cold shoulder ain't leaving any time soon till your break the ice .. This is what I mean when I say I miss you I miss us .. I don't know what's going on anymore but I want you happy.. With me or without me but that never would change the fact that I love you.. No matter how much you don't respond or act like you don't even have someone I love you.. That's all there it is to it ..

A nation that needs their people to keep money in their pockets while most of the nation is dieing from lack of food, water, or even a place to keep rain out of their heads? This nations needs its people to keep living the fancy life while the rest of us have to suffer by every decision our government makes. Maybe all I am to them is their little pawn. But if you think about it our whole nation is an army of pawns, knights, rooks, bishops, and only one king and queen. Even if the queen dies the king can still run away but without its pawns hes powerless just like an elder man against a jaguar.  Over time our nations would crumble  and all this death and war would end as a long chess game.

When you take a zip of the devils drink you turn into a demon. An outcast. A baboon. The more you drink the harder the curse gets set into your soul. It takes your word apart and clouds your judgement. It makes you lose control but also respect that you earned. The trust you built with a child shattered like glass. The more the drink consumes you the more you lose in the long run. From having your family push you away to loosing your marriage. And just when the door is right there the door to salvation you take the easy way and let the drink consume your soul to rot through the core. Where your children don't even want a part of you and your wife has had it that is ready to sign the papers. Maybe I should be so cruel. Like you said you have no self control. Just wished I knew what caused the pain to show you there's another door even though it has dust and webs. But till that day comes I'll be here siting in my chair waiting and praying till that miracle turns into a reality.