If my God sacrificed
   His only Son for
   A manwhore like I,

Why should I be
   Unwilling to lay down
   My life for His glory?

I pray to die a death
   That will have His name
   Upon my lips when I
   Speak my last words.

I am but a lone man
   Rebellious in flesh
   Aloft in my desires.

Almighty I pray;
   Clean my heart
   With Your Spirit.

I get drunk to not think about you,
yet you slip through the cracks,
every night you dance in my thoughts,
just to fade when I open my eyes;

I hold onto the scars that remain
because that's all I can bear to
keep after we were over;
I kept the wounds open just to hurt

Sometimes I touch my heart
where you rested your head
& I cry alone at night when
you aren't here laying down

It doesn't really matter, though,
staying stuck in the past hurts;
looking to the future without you,
that is truly what doesn't matter

I'm not a poet; only a poetfreak.
I know I won't be put in books
Or go down as a great like Poe.

But I don't care, because I don't need to impress
I only care about making an impact to you.
Yes, you! The one reading what I type.
You're all that matters to me when I write.
I don't refine my poems, I leave them raw
Which means I'm not great at all
Unless you like sushi or steak tartar

Marry me in black:

Love has become twisted and scarred in my apathetic heart
A wretched torture chamber of unfilled dreams and wasted time
Lost hearts and broken memories
Too heavy a price for nothing in the end

Contrasting

Bury me in White:

Let the sweet kiss of death reach my lips in the night
The Angel of Death will breathe into my lungs and peace shall reign
Sweet charity of being free
Hope filled of life evermore

Marry me in black; Bury me in white

Just another suicidal night
Everything comes crashing in
Loss
      Pain
            Alone
Repeat
Over and over and over in my head
While my prayers bounce off the ceiling
While my tears fall mute on deafness

So I suffocate slowly suffering
Razors across my eyes
Filled with blood
Voices killing
All alone
nobody
nothing

Stop the earth from spinning,
   I will seek you beyond dawn.
'Til I find your delicate face,
   Held in my loving embrace.

The journey our hearts undertake,
   A lesson in dedication and sacrifice.
Whether you've given me all your heart,
   Or never given me a second glance.

Know this is the truth from me,
   Never leaving or failing.
I will be your reliability,
   Rest easy in my arms.

Though I have lost you from my life,
  You dwell forever in my heart;
Scars borne from being torn away,
  I shall wear as a badge of honor;
An unjust separation, too quick and harsh,
  Cut to my core, separated heart from flesh.

You were so much more than friendship and lust;
  You were true love, true love, oh you are true love!
You are my friend, you dwell in my thoughts;
  You are my love, you dwell in my heart.

I will endure for you these hardships.

Two people love each other. That's all that matters. Things can go wrong and fights can get nasty. Anything as precious as that can come to
a screeching halt at any time, but if the love is still there, anything can happen. It would be crazy to not at least give love, the most influential
and powerful force on earth since the beginning of time, a second chance to change things for the rest of our happy lives. How can you be okay
with losing me? How can you imagine me happily with another person? How can you sleep knowing that my lips don't belong to you anymore?
What if we were made to live in each others arms like two pieces to a unique, brilliant, and perfect puzzle? Our love is better than this and you
and I both know it. This isn't the conclusion we were meant to say farewell with and all the happiness and bliss we shared together wasn't simply
a fun way to pass the time. You are the love of my life and all I could ever ask for is a second chance to show you that we're the perfect dream
team we always joked about. I count to infinite while I pray that your heart will be mine again. Two people love each other. That's all that matters.

The way a candle weaves its light through darkness.
How a snowflake trickles down from heaven above.
A virtuoso plucking guitar strings masterfully.
Your glamorous eyes, delicate face, memorizing body.

You sing an enchanting song, full of zealous love, and I cannot help but lose the breath from my lungs.
The fireflies dance and twinkle with grace, yet they are put to shame by your marvelous beauty. Each twinkle of the stars is a testament to their jealousy of your resplendent soul.

This must truly be an angelic dream!

Your voice carries across the air smoothly, eloquently, serenading my unworthy ears. Would you reward my boldness if I were to trace your lips with mine?
Take my weak hand and dance with me. Dance with me under the fairytale night. Step by step, hand in hand, unlock the fortune of this tragic heart. Hold this tragic heart. Love this tragic heart.

You are full of grace, a bewitching vivacity in the recesses of your heart, deeply entrenched and guarded. It is why I admire you from afar. Why these words spill from me to this page. Because of you.

I can't stand missing you anymore.

You are all I've longed for yet you
  have gone away, away, so far gone.

I don't think you understood how
  much your love meant to my heart.

I have tried to move on without you
  yet life lost its luster and it's volume.

So I bemoan your absence in another poem
  that doesn't scratch the beginning of my pain.

To trust
to believe
that which
isn't
      there
When the storm closes
its eye around
             you
There is no way out
but trust
   to a hope
that it's not
the end
just a road you take
to get to
         the peace
you desperately hope
              and believe in

I had astounding potential
Such passion
Much drive
Deep conviction
But a habit to lie

I had great potential
Such love
Much care
Deep sympathy
But my character threadbare

I had some potential
A little valor
A little trust
Growing dishonor
Already too much of a goner

I have no potential
Such anger
Much pain
Deep wounds
Time to seal my tomb

Darkness descends over my eyes,
  But I tell you that I'm perfectly fine.
What crosses my lips are only lies,
  As I slip more and more over the line.
A glass bridge shatters in my soul,
  Paralyzed, I fall away far from grace.
The darkness swallows me whole,
  Lines of anguish are carved in my face.
I realize there's no chance of winning,
  Swimming away, I'm only left drowning.
Crowning moment of my life, my demise.

A poem... to give you... is it enough?

As my heart yields to your wounds, you have given me five hundred scars to wear; I will gladly bear another five hundred for you! Is it enough?

I have snatched away five hundred stars from the firmament above, slaying five hundred angels who guarded their celestial light! Is it enough?

Would five hundred days make any difference to you? To set my heels in the clay and march forward step by step to you until you saw my perseverance, is it enough?

Five hundred souls you have sifted through to discover just how inadequate they are for you. I ask you: is it enough?

**My heart is yours... is it enough?

The way you hold his hand I
                   Look down at mine and I
              Know you could never
                       Hold my hand that way.

You chose to love him over me
       Breaking my heart yet another time
    Bleeding me out for another rhyme
But no, I'm just raging in jealousy.

We are so compatible
       You and
              I.

But again, again, and again;
      You don't see how true I am for you,
   How much I have dedicated myself for you,
All the sacrifice I make for you.

Perhaps love is, indeed, blind.

Yeah, we're broken,
Torn apart and led astray,
Scarred by wounds you never see,
Jaded against the world and it's beliefs.

We are the misfit *******,
That keep loving through the pain,
Because we'll take the hits for the rest,
Because we know that we are the best.

So raise your bruised arms up high,
Let the world see your black eyes,
Cuz we know we're misfit *******,
And we're proud to bleed for you.

Rejection is a wound nobody is immune to
Its taste is sour and bitter
It makes your gums bleed

Rejection is always by your side
But never is a friend
But never is a lover

Rejection chases away sobriety
Looking to stop the pain
Looking to fill the void

Rejection pushes trust out of your life
Whispers that she's all you'll need
& makes you go deaf to the world

The zeal of God's Love for our hearts and souls
    cannot be matched or conquered by human willpower;
It can only be rejected by our cursed nature.

there's a metaphor about
    finding something you weren't looking for
  an unexpected treasure,
       & you were that treasure
I wasn't looking for;
   like a pearl on the beach
or a star in the sky
       I got to graze you with my fingertips;
our lips have never met
    but you consume my every thought
unfold every layer of my heart,
        disarm me
you laid your heart on mine;
     so much love I want to give
even if there's a wait,
      it's worth the wait;
reflected in our eyes when they meet,
          burning candlelight,
    sunset through the window,
how I want you
    need you
  love you
on whatever is handy
     I will write...

I know that I can't be what you want;
  because my heart is absolutely true
  and know I will not give up on you.
  That's why you can't ever love me.

He holds you the same as I would,
  plays and messes with your hair
  just like I would if you were mine.
  Every soft kiss on his lips kills me.

You sit up late and talk with him on the phone;
  just like we used to stay up late and talk
  like that time we spent 24 hours of a weekend
  being in each other's company... just talking...

But you never fell for me the way you fell for him
  or the way you fell for your last boyfriend
  or the one before him, or the one before him.
  Five years. Five boyfriends. None me.

                                                        None love you like me.
    *And that is why you can't ever love me.
                                                 Because you know that I'll stick around
                                      When everything falls apart
                         And try and be your everything
                                                    Be­cause I truly love you
                                             And you fear that love

"Hither, Feather, come from the wind!"

The Feather obeys, gliding
Gently to the voice.

"Feather be tethered tonight to the letters! The letters of lovers!"

The Feather floats on it's own breeze
Down to many sleeping lover's papers.
Gliding across each page so swiftly,
Feather penned every affection
Each lover felt for the other.

Bodies and personalities,
Actions and words.
All were described
In detail like a bribe.

The last letter being finished,
Feather fluttered around the room,
Waking each lover from snooze,
So their love would blossom and bloom.

As the sun dawned in the east,
Feather returned to the sky.
Seeking out the voice again,
Chasing it to it's joyful cries.

"You have done well, Feather! Return to your wandering ways."

The Feather returns;
Following its winds.

So the next feather you see on the ground
Pick it up, and let your lover not frown. :)

In silence I hold on to you and I,
Dying just a little more everyday,
Suffering away, dwindling down,
Love never running dry from me,
Love unrequited, flowing with my blood.

Every scar on my back carved from your name,
Every letter sharper than an assassin's dagger,
Eternal torture from your barbed heart,
Each moment given to you, a waste.

When I stare at mirrors
My eyes disrobe the lies
And shadows of my mind
Til I'm left with emotions
Creaking on worn floorboards
Stepping into a noose
Kicking the insecurity out
And waiting to find out
If I died
Or was set free

If the tears are what wash my heart,
Then every night spent crying
Has been worth all tears.
So one more night spent
With pillow wrapped my face,
Let these salty tears flow and I'm clean.

Dear Abba,
    
      To spiritually photoshop, or not to spiritually photoshop: that is a recurring question. I’ve gotten pretty good at cropping and resizing to keep an impressive façade, but the emptiness behind it is the telling thing, telling me that something about the life I’m living is off the tracks. I’m not the biggest fan of mirrors but I realize they do serve a purpose: showing me the reality, the real me. I’m a ragamuffin, always have been, and yet You love me, the real me. Amazing.