I'm still hurting
that I lost you
all of you
because I was worried
to see how you were
I wish I never sent that text
how I miss you so much
the worst is
i worry that you
already moved on
already forgot me
that you don't feel
the same as I do
marking every day
since I lost you
Do you miss me?
Do you cry for me?
Do you wake up &
wish for my body
Have you moved past?
Have you got a new lover?
Have you found
fuck i miss you
when i was little my dad used to
call himself God, used to tell me
airplanes were bumblebees, told
me "bored" was just a plank of wood
so that was impossible--
never mumble, use an inside voice
but there's an outside voice, but
i never learned to speak with
conviction from him--
lately i've been calling my brothers
the weeds back there are taking over,
the spiders are everywhere,
god, zak, my heart is breaking
god, little sister I wish I was there, but
I'm not girly.
people used to tell me to howl at the moon
but i've always been afraid of my own voice
always wanted to scream but replaced the urge
with a smile
be blameless and innocent? Lord, I've been trying
but you can't force what you ain't,
tryin' doesn't seem to be enough for you either
but i've come to find i don't know you as well as
i thought, so bear with me while
I am, while I am
I think I'm ready to surrender,
to raise my white banner,
done with pushing you away,
open up to you once more.
You already know my wounds,
the deep scars I carry,
I'll let you touch them tenderly,
I won't lock you out.
See, I only felt love; I forgot to show,
Love is also an action, sacrifice,
I let go of you and held onto myself,
But I miss you and long for you.
I don't care how ugly you say you are,
you're fucking beautiful in my eyes,
and if you're messed up, so am I,
I'm with you always.
~Your best friend