you carried me in your womb
for not 9 months but 5
i came early and
had you worried although
everyone told you i would
not survive here i am as your miracle

you remind me of a flower blooming
and blossoming once you are
showered with love and affection
but also wilting and dying
due to all the stress and hardships you have encountered in your life
and yet you still manage to
blossom again because
you are an amazing flower

you are the strongest woman
i know you have gone through
so much in your life as a
mother, daughter, and wife
and i admire you for that
you have always been there
for me through thick and thin
and i am blessed to call you my mother

1.) after high school, people really do change. your best friend is no longer your best friend, the girl who intimidated you is now one of your best friends, your old friends never really liked you they just kept you around long enough until they drop you.

2.) that girl or boy you’re crushing on isn’t worth it. yes they may be cute and have an amazing smile but it’s never going anywhere. they’ll never feel the same no matter how hard you try to put yourself out there and impress them.

3.) it’s okay to be single. you’re young and you don’t need to be tied down to a relationship right now. go out with your friends and have fun, meet different guys every night. the right one will come your way soon enough, just give it time.

4.) there’s no rush to grow up. you’ve already graduated so it seems like you have to have your whole life figured out right? wrong. You just need to have some sort of plan, and if you don’t have one right away that’s perfectly fine, there’s no rush to grow up.

5.) you will find your purpose in life eventually. you will find the thing you’re most passionate about, you will have a job you absolutely love, making a decent amount of pay, and be happy. it just takes time.

i want to wake up to the sound of an accordion playing on the quiet cobblestone streets and have the heat of the Mediterranean sun kiss my skin as i walk into a local coffee shop and order a chocolate biscotti i want to walk the cobblestone streets of Venice and visit little bakeries and as the night falls i want to sit under an olive tree outside under the moonlight and drink dry red wine with the love of my life

kissing you
is like
tasting the sun

i sighed and walked up to the counter
to order my food while i was finally
on my break after working for 2 hours
i told my manager what i wanted and he
handed me a number

“why’d you hand me a number?” i asked,
confused because usually we don’t do that

“i’m gonna have riley bring out your food to you” he said with a small smirk
i rolled my eyes
as if that’s going to happen
i thought and sat down at a nearby booth

as i was waiting for my food I glanced at my phone scrolling through social media

until i saw you walking towards me with my food you were smiling and laughing while i was a blushing embarrassed mess

“he really made you do it?!” i blushed as you chuckled

“here you go” you handed me my food with a huge smile on your face as i thanked you while you walked away i couldn’t believe it

i kept looking over at you and blushing
everyone knows now including my manager

your lips taste like sin
alcohol breath and
cigarette smoke mixed
with a hint of mint
baby, i’m addicted to you

often i picture us laying down together
under the stars on a chilly summer night
feeling the cold wet grass under our bodies
as we look at each other our eyes filled with
nothing but love and pure bliss with little soft
kisses in between placed on our lips while saying
“i never want this to end”

often i picture us holding hands walking down a busy
street in the winter morning with cars honking all around us and people walking back and forth
our hands intertwined as i look up at you softly
placing my lips on your cheek i feel your smile forming

i picture all of these scenarios with you almost everyday
playing over and over in my head but the sad reality is
i don’t know you all that well we barely exchange words only a “how are you” and “how was your day” every once in a while I sneak glances at you and i
can feel your eyes on me sometimes but other than
that we have nothing i just want to be with you is that
too much to ask?

sweaty bodies swarm the house
with a red solo cup in hand
filled with alcohol and bad decisions

others are outside sitting around a fire
passing the tobacco wrapped drug
talking about life and such

there’s a girl sitting on the couch
sipping her drink as she looks for the boy
she’s in love with

i never thought i would make it this far
i told my mother
what do you mean? she asked
in life I replied

- I never thought I'd make it to eighteen

it’s 9:30pm on a
chilly autumn night
i step into the
passengers seat
of your car as you
start the engine

music blaring from
the speakers as the
thundering bass
vibrates through
the entire car
i couldn’t get a word
out because it was so loud

we stop at a red light
I turn to look at you
as the red light
hits your face
i wanted to take a picture
it looked so aesthetically
pleasing with your side profile
as the red light shined in your face
making your face bright red like
the blush on my face when people
ask me about you

your grip on the steering
is so strong that i can see
your veins popping out
you look so focused
when you drive
it’s ****
with only one hand
on the wheel
the other i wish
was gripping my thigh

late night drives
with you are
my favorite

- night drives

does that kind of love exist anymore? that kind where two people and their souls become one, that kind where you don’t have eyes for anyone else, eyes that don’t wonder, where the connection and love is so strong that an eternity together isn’t enough to express the feelings you have for someone so perfect, i crave that kind of love

you picked love
over friendship

your lose,
babygirl

- ex friend

how can i avoid you
when you’re in my thoughts
24/7

how can i avoid you
when i see you everywhere
i look

how can i avoid you
when i’m in love with
you

dear future self,

you are not your past
you are not your problems
you are not your enemy.

you are a bright shining star
who deserves nothing but
love and happiness.

after all you've been through,
you deserve to be happy.

you are strong.
you are worth it.
you are a warrior.

love,
your 18 year old self

- a letter to my future self

your harsh words pierce
through my flesh as if a
needle were going through
my heart

your light blonde hair
resembles the sun
so bright and beautiful

my dark black hair
resembles the moon
so ominous and lonely

together we are infinite
in this cruel universe

you, my love
are a killer
ripping hearts
apart with just
your words and actions
only to have achieved
the tears of your victims

going back to
the person who
made your life
toxic is like
re-watching your favorite movie
in hope of a different
ending each time

i know i can’t have you
that’s why i console my heart 
with my own mental scenarios
sometimes we cuddle
the bed soft and comfy 
you wrap me in your sweet embrace
and kiss me tenderly


your lips are soft

i can feel your breath

steady, warm, calm
it awakens my senses
my body
 shivers crawls
down my spine
 it felt so real 


except, sadly it wasn’t the reality 
i suffer for you are not mine
let me hope
let me wish
let me imagine you were mine

“why do you write
about him so much?”
my friends ask me

“because this way
I’m his forever”
i reply

he took a drag
of his cigarette
inhaling the truth
exhaling the lies
smoking the answers
she wanted to hear

anyone can write poetry you just have to be poetic. if you find the way the light falls through your window and onto your bedroom wall pretty, write about it. call it soft and golden like the sweet taste of honey. if it makes you glad to be alive then it’s not silly. you look for the beauty of things, be proud of that. always look for beauty in the little things in life. if you’re feeling sad, describe how you’re feeling with writing. use your sadness to create something. say the heavy rain is kissing you. write about the glow of the moon, the dancing of flowers. make your world magical. collect your metaphors and treasure them forever.

i crave your touch
like a drug addict
craves their drug

I remember being just able to fall asleep. until i received the worst news a 12-year old girl could ever receive in her life. my brother had woken me up. “dad’s dead.” he said. i shook my head “no you’re lying he’s coming home tonight. stop lying.” then my mom came in my room with tears streaming down her face. “it’s true, sweetheart. daddy died.” her voice, breaking with every word. i went into the bathroom and broke down. i screamed and sobbed, dropping to the bathroom floor. this can’t be happening. he was supposed to be coming home. he was on a cruise ship about to come home. he can’t be dead. i was only 12 years old. ever since that night i found out, my life has never been the same.

confidence flows through
my body like a river as i
press my foot on the gas
going faster and faster

i take a deep breath as i
feel the wind in my hair
as the music blares through
the speakers

i am doing it
i am a good driver
everything is okay
i finally feel free

the cold wind
whispers through
the autumn night sky
“its getting colder”
i say as i shiver a little

“I was just thinking
the same thing”
you say as we walk
towards your car

loud music blaring through
the speakers once again as
the bass vibrates through my
body although this time was
different you had turned it down

i took a hit of my electronic cigarette
you instantly knew what flavor it was

“crème?”
you said with a smirk
i felt a blush creep
upon my cheeks

“yeah”
i replied and took another hit
letting the smoke enter my lungs

“can i hit it?”
i nodded and handed it to you

watching you take a hit
was mesmerizing
the way you inhaled
a perfect cloud of
white smoke into your
lungs then ever so
slowly exhaling
gave me shivers
down my spine

our night drives had turned
into something more
slowly but surely

we talked about other things
just simply getting to know
each other

i look forward to our
small talk conversations
every time you take me
home

the beautiful shadow of a golden goddess
dreaming of the earth so radiant and full of beauty
her sun-kissed skin is always smooth and soft
he honey colored eyes glistened in the sunlight
rose water tears cascade down her face as she remembers what the universe used to be like

music blaring through
the speakers as you
speed down the road
while taking a hit

smoke enters our lungs
as we look as each other
both exhaling at the same time

the nicotine taking over our
bodies as we feel relaxed
and calm letting the buzz
take over us

the smoke filled the car
making it foggy everywhere
the sweet crisp smell of mint
enters my nose

the street lights hit your face
ever so perfectly that you
illuminate the car with your
beauty making your side profile
ever so irresistible

i’d never thought you driving
me home would be so special

GREEN: older than me, very very sweet, looked at me as if i were your sister. you were my neighbor and you babysat my brother. 4 years older than me. you had green eyes and played guitar. I chose green for you because you went into the military and fought for our country. i still think about you all the time. you were my first real crush. you were a sweet genuine guy who only saw me as a friend.

BLUE: a year older than me, kind of shy. cannabis took over your mind and soul. we never really spoke it was more of an admire from afar type thing. you had these breathtaking blue eyes it was like someone put the ocean in them. you had the bad boy vibe which i fell for.

YELLOW: ah, yellow. one of my favorite. we had classes together all throughout high school except senior year. you are a gorgeous human with your tanned sun kissed skin and your curly golden locks. a foreign beauty. half spanish and half german. i have wanted to be with you ever since i laid eyes on you. now that we are somewhat talking i long to experience your body in it’s full effect. i dream of us living in italy together.

RED: my favorite color. specifically burgundy. you were a dream. you looked exactly like my dream boy i had pictured in my head. with your perfectly sculpted jawline as if you were a greek god, your gorgeous eyes as they twinkled in the sunlight, the way you dress with such a sense of fashion made me swoon. you were a dream that never came true.

BLACK: my most recent color. i am completely infatuated with the idea of you. i first noticed you in the hallway with your black headphones and sweatpants on. i knew immediately that you would be my next victim. ever since we got high together my world has gone upside down. those nights we spent working together as i admired how good you looked in your black apron. those nights we spent in your car at 10pm as you drove me home. you made my world black

she admires him from afar

sneaking glances every now
and then hoping he doesn’t
catch her staring at the boy
she’s in love with

“when will it be him?”
my girlhood cries

“sadly, never”
my heart responds

she was a rose
a near dead one
her petals are wilting

she’s out of water
she needs to be protected
for she is a rose

a rose who needs love
a rose who has been
stepped on again
and again and again

this poor flower
has been through
so much that it’s
nearly dead after
only living a sad
short life

“yeah sure i don’t see why not” he says with a small smirk on his face looking at the petite girl standing before him when she asked for a ride home the next time they work.

she blushes and replies “alright cool”
little does the boy know that the girl is infatuated with him.

she asks him for rides home all the time. she stares at him all the time. she’s in love with him and he has no idea.

if you cut
open my veins
ink will pour out

his dark black hair
reminded her of
the beautiful night sky

his large pink lips
reminded her of
freshly picked roses

she is so in love with him
and he has absolutely
no idea at all