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Leah Carr Mar 7
I know you know how it looks
But let me tell you how it feels...

It's like diving underwater
When you can't come up for air
It's like tearing off your ****** skin
But nobody seems to, or wants to care
It's like trying to fly away
But then
You're realise you're chained to the ground
It's like coming up to breathe
But
No.
They won't let you.
So you're left to drown

It's like trying to cut
When it just won't bleed
Trying to explain
That blood is what you need
To see blood
To see red
To explode
But
No.
They won't let you.
So you're trapped, trapped and alone.

It's like waking up from a dream
Being thrown back into the angry waters
of reality
It's like being trapped in a play, without the script
and the play is a tragedy
Trying to explain
That you need to escape
To come up for air
But
No.
They won't let you.
So you're sinking
sinking
sinking...
Leah Carr Feb 16
A is for anguish
B is for blood
C is for cutting
D is for dead

E is for evil
F is for fall
G is for gaining
Nothing at all

H is is for healing
though we both know that's untrue
I is for in the end
I dont know if we'll push through

J is for jesus
The one who wont come to save
K is for killing myself
The relief that I crave

L is for loss
M is for mine
N is for nobody
Ever is kind

O is for ocean
The one I am lost in
P is for possibly
I am still sinking

Q is for questions
Questions I ask
R is for running
Away from the mask

S is for stupid
Like my mind
Like me
T is for taking away
All i can see

U is for under
The monstrous waves
V is for violence
When the strength begins to cave

W is for wrong
X is for xtra pain
Y is for why
And Z is for
Inzane
I know the metre is a bit strange but I thought it would be good to share :)
Leah Carr Jan 16
Ever since I was young
I saw you
Hidden in corners
And under beds

Now I know
that wasn't you
That was just your shadow
Your child
A mere snapshot of the real you

I could sit here and rant on for hours
How you've stolen my friends lives
And my own
How you're killing us off, one by one
Mercilessly
I could scream and shout about the agony you cause

But that's useless
As you have so little remorse
For those you ****** away
Without a second thought

But I must ask...
Why do you do this?
What is your aim?

To get all to succumb to you
Until we're all vessels of empty pain?

To penetrate each one of us
Until all that's left is one constant
Pointless
Heartbeat?

I don't know

But I dont despise you, darkness.
I pity you

Sincerely,
One of your victims
Leah Carr Oct 2021
You said you'd never let me go
My trust grew from the seeds you'd sewn
I watched our friendship bloom and grow
Beautifully imperfect

You said you'd never watch me fall
I stumbled; you were standing tall
You came to my beckon call
Manufactured perfect

for your love was of a different kind
But so were the scars you left behind
Dear lord, I know I'll never find
A way to heal these scars of a different kind


When you left, the darkness began to close in
The unbearable weight of my confusion and sin
You were my stronghold, my family, my kin
Now broken, what once was perfect

for your love was of a different kind
But so were the scars you left behind
Dear lord, I know I'll never find
A way to heal these scars of a different kind


Now 5 months on, and I'm still in pain
As I look out at the pouring rain
Your lack of love has driven me insane
I have destroyed the perfect

for your love was of a different kind
But so were the scars you left behind
Dear lord, I know I'll never find
A way to heal these scars of a different kind


Dear lord, I beg you, let me find
A way to heal these scars, of
A different kind
Leah Carr Sep 2021
I can't see
I can't think
I can't even
breathe
Feeling nothing but the neverending
momentum, of
falling
   falling
      falling
into the abyss
Everything I've ever known
is getting smaller by the second
Until it
Vanishes
Completely

Infuriating voices echo around me
"I know you don't like change"
It's far deeper than that
Change is loss
It's losing a part of yourself
you once took for granted
but not now
Now it's gone
You'd give anything to be back
in the warm and familiar
But you're not.
You're left
falling
   falling
      falling
through the cold and the dark
Never knowing
when you'll
Hit.
The ground
Leah Carr Jul 2021
falling on you
when I can't stand
any longer

running to you
without doing
my part

holding onto you
amongst a crowd
of my demons

thinking you
cared, about my
fragile heart


can't last
a single day
without hearing your voice

you hurt me
but I push it aside
and ignore it

for my everything,
my reason to live
is you

each sacrifice
I make, to make sure
we never split


but then
you reach
your breaking point

and your volcano erupts
with your viewpoint
of me

I'm abusive, manipulative
exploitative,
toxic

now your opinions
are my facts
they're all I see


and you tell me
that
you have to go

you're walking
away
without a care

leaving me, lost
in the wastelands of
confusion

leaving me to drown
in the seas
of despair


"but it was hurting you too"
I know, but I can't feel
any anger

so please,
walk away
and take with you the apathy

that leaves you
without
a care

but that broke
every part
of me
I have writen about this friendship a lot in my poems, especially recently. This is an overall summary, as that friendship has now broken down. I don't know if this might be my last poem, but if it is, thank you for being my safe space, HePo.
Lily Priest May 2021
She wanted to travel
Unravel the world
Like famous explorers
Who's wandering was all the will to ask
If there was anything beyond the horizon
That they could see.

Now shes everywhere -

Frozen stare, pigtails and grey red uniform,
Tie needling south with the straightness of a compass
And shes lost.

Where is she?
Everywhere anyone turns
Trapped in the undergrowth
Where cans and cat **** go to pasture
Her wrinkled smile
Is caked onto the branches
Paper machet - ed and as brittle
As an old map.
She breaks apart like bread crumbs
That will never lead her home.

Have you seen her?
Not tumble weeding her news
Across the m2
Or pinned to a lamppost
Weeping her ink into the missing
like a watercolour.

Have you spied her?
Not tied with weak ribbon
to brown stalks who's little
Notes speak of hope
And other things, like Angel's and innocence,
The innocence shes frozen in.

Can you find her?
Not hopefully
Flying her flag of the forgotten
On the tv
Budget crew
Remaking her last seen
With shaking cameras
And discount queens of the smaller screen
Hoping for Hollywood.

Is there a tangible
Left to her name
Thrown as it has been across
State lines, and small places
That only the locals know.
She has Columbus - ed the globe
And she only left home
Walked down her drive
And disappeared.
Leah Carr Mar 2021
I can't remember how to breathe
I can't remember how it feels

I can't remember how to breathe
What is it that breathing conceals?

I can't remember how to breathe
I can't remember relaxation

I can't remember how to breathe
Is survival no longer my body's fixation?

I can't remember how to breathe
I can't remember rest

I can't remember how to breathe
No life, is existence best?

I can't remember how to breathe
I can't remember that relief

I can't remember how to breathe
What took it from me? Grief?

I can't remember how to breathe
I can't remember how to live

I can't remember how to breathe
Have I nothing left to give?

I can't remember how to breathe
I can't remember the rush of fresh air

I can't remember how to breathe
But does anybody care?
Leah Carr Jan 2021
You're broken and bruised
Been hurt and abused
Never have you known such pain
You're tired and confused
Been exploited and used
And you just can't go through that again

But there's something inside you
A growing flame
That from the ashes will rise
A tiny voice
that gets back up
and says "we will survive"

So break free of the guards
Look up to the stars
And run like there's no tomorrow
Enter into the light
Shout up to the night
And leave behind the sorrow


You're exhausted and drained
Been pushed and strained
Never have you needed rest so much
You're damaged and pained
Been scarred and stained
And you're in agony with every touch

But there's something inside you
A growing flame
That from the ashes will rise
A tiny voice
That gets back up
And says "we will survive"

So break free of the guards
Look up to the stars
And run like there's no tomorrow
Enter into the light
Shout up to the night
And leave behind the sorrow


You've pushed and tried
Laughed and cried
It's time to leave behind the sorrow
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