You were an acid
Destroying others
Making them nothing
And hungry for more

I was a base
An innocent mind
Eager for adventure
Reactive to a select few

We were neutralised
With me, you were tamed and docile
With you, I was someone new
Our beaker fell off the counter top

And
                                                        ­  s ha  t  t   e   r  e      *d

I used to think
The only way to not be
Scared of monsters was to become one

So I *did

Please be different
            I'm begging you
           Down on my knees
Please be different

Please don't use me
            Just for other girls
           To practice talking to your ex
Please don't use me

Please don't ask me
           What girls like or want
           What to give your friends
Please, just don't

Please talk to me
            For who I am
            For being better friends with me
Please talk to me

Please don't ignore me
           Be the one who
           Starts our conversations
Please don't ignore me

Please be my friend
           One of my guy friends
           One of my best friends
Please be my friend

Please love me
           Not asking for a relationship
           Love me as a friend
Please love me

That's all I ask for

it's the little things that get you

when he answers your sarcasm with more sarcasm
when he continues your senseless banter
when he actually tries to continue your conversation
when you go to sleep with a smile on your face

that's when you know he's got you
in his orbit
under his spell
completely and utterly taken with him
and you know you're *******

I can't believe
I actually thought that

You liked talking to me
You liked having me around
You liked me being your friend

I fell for it
I fell for your tricks
I fell for your charm
I fell for you

And I'm an idiot.

Will you decompose me?
Take me apart piece by piece
Bring me back to my roots
Until I am
                     no
                              more

Your branches, they reach out
Scratchy and rough, but warm
In your embrace, I am vulnerable
But at the same time strong

Now flourish, the flowers
And fruits of our labour
Don't leave, I'll be powerless
I know you will, sooner or later

That's when I truly decompose
Not with you, not even close
I decompose to nothing
Exactly what I am to you

Just ten minutes was enough
To build up the longing
That would last, and definitely hurt
While I wait for you to return

It was so innocent, so gentle, so pure
Just a simple lean and I knew for sure
I needed, wanted, yearned for more
I wanted to see what life had in store

You asked me a question, just a mischievous thing
But it came out and I started thinking
Turning and looking at your face (I nearly wanted to run)
Elbowed you gently, smiled and said 'this one'

Perhaps one day I would look back
And see that was when it had just begun
Maybe one day I will turn to you and say
You are the one

the glint of an eye
a cheeky smile
the sunshine after a storm
a hug after a bad day

the reflection of metal
a handle of black
the sharpness of pain
a drop of blood falling from a wrist

out of my body
into my legs
my arms
the tips of my fingers

somewhere i won't feel it

You placed her within your jaws
You salivated and chewed
With each bite, you ground her
Smaller smaller smaller
Into fine pieces, into the very elements
She was composed of, then
You devoured her
One swift move, she was
Washed away down your
Long winding throat
But she fed on the acid
You used to burn her
She devoured that and grew
Grew grew, until she climbed
Out of your mouth, broke
Your teeth and she came back
Fighting, for failure is no match
For her.

life is one big exam
what are we studying for?

just two kids
riddled with anxiety and depression
finding comfort in each other
loving each other
stumbling through life
hoping to make it out
alive

My heart flips every time
You start with 'hey baby'

I know it's just friendly
But I can't help it

Oh the irony
When we're young and innocent
Find someone we like and filled with joy
Next, everything falls and crashes

Years later, we meet others
But this time we question
Not them, not others, but
We question ourselves

Can never trust our own minds
Is it nothing more than an infatuation?
We will never know
Oh, the irony

My knees creak when I stand
And it leaves me wondering
Is my sad body too heavy?
Or is it that my knees
Are tired of carrying
The weight of the world
Tired of carrying
Everything so much
That a rest
Is all it

Kneeds

For what we use as distractions
Are nothing more than just that
They won't stop a heart's contractions
Or aches when memories of past
Are resurfaced
Instead, they merely graze
The mental wound
Like a pack of hounds
Tearing you to pieces
And your temporary happiness *ceases

I just want the innocence
When people find our laughs have resemblance
When I grasp your hand so tight
When one single hug, might
Just cause us to look into each other's eyes
Even in daytime, we see the night skies
With the stars dotting the universe
All we can see, is us

Home is where the heart is
At least, that's what they say

But what if
Your heart has been
c  h  o  p  p  e  d
splintered     k
b                 o                             n
   r                            e
Into a million pieces

Each part belonging
To a different
Person, place, time

Not always when things exactly how you'd like
Sometimes just a time
When the most embarrassing things happen
But if you could plan,

You wouldn't have it any other way

Maybe if I tell myself
I don't need you
Enough times
You will disappear
From my trapped mind

And that will be my down

                                                 fall

dear younger me,

congratulations! you made it to the end of formal schooling
you probably have tons of questions for me,
but i have a few for you
dear me, what's it like to play everyday
what's it like to play computer games
what's it like to go to the playground
dear me, what's it like to be able to handle school
to be able to actually be ahead of work
and spend most of the time not studying
dear me, what's it like to be happy everyday
to be able to smile at the smallest thing
to always love your life
dear me, what's it like
to not care about what others think
of how you look, what you say
dear me, what's it like
to not have the expectations of everyone
burden your shoulders
dear me, what's it like
to not have (almost) daily thoughts
of not wanting to be alive
dear me, what's it like
to run away from an approaching car
instead of wanting to walk in front of it
dear me, what's it like
to always sleep happily
and not have to hide your tears
when everyone's asleep
dear me, what's it like to live?
to want to live, to love being alive
dear me, please be strong
there will be days when
you don't want to live (yes, appalling)
you don't want to smile (how)
you don't want anything
please hang in there
there will be days when
there's only one thing
stopping you from ending it all
please, please be strong

sincerely,
me

she's slipping
she knows it
and she doesn't know if anyone else does
if anyone else can see it in her eyes

it's not that she's going to
do anything to herself
she has a more passive approach
and that scares her more

what if, one day,
she's on the verge of death
but she doesn't take that one step
that one safe step to safety

what if she lets herself go
not because she took the step of death
but because she didn't save herself
would anyone care?

she tries, she's trying
to pull herself back together
but it's difficult when no one cares
when no one sees, in the very first place

when you tell people your biggest fear
does that make them easier to conquer
or all the more realistic and impossible

when you tell people your biggest dreams
does that make them more real
or does it only jinx your future

What we had was good


I'll find one that's *better

you know what
if you have the nerve
to reply me with
one
word
texts
after 2 weeks of
not texting then
i've got a message:
*****
you

plot twist:
they like you back
they do enjoy texting you
your mind is wrong

i always thought drowning
had to do with bodies of water
water filling your lungs
until you can't breathe

i would've never thought drowning
meant being so empty
that nothing thrives there
and you feel dead inside

Sure*, at first it's easy
Suppress the feelings
Drown the world out with
Music, but soon
It gets harder and harder
And harder and you need
To voice it out, to tell someone
That's alright, tolerable
But what worries me is
In the end, how will I cope?
When not even music can
Drown my own thoughts out?
What will I resort to?

I don't want to say it
I don't want to think it
I don't want to show it

But I do
I love you

Who will teach me how
To love again, when? Now?

Hunger fills me, the worst kind
It doesn't go away.

Difficult to be filled, but impossible?
I sure hope not

Come to me, embrace me
Love me, like never before

you're haunting me
filling my thoughts
everything i read
everything i imagine
everything
it all goes back to you
and why?
when all you do
is haunt me in my dreams
but never in reality

respect: earned through suffering
no food no sleep no rest
worth: deemed by usefulness
idleness is useless is worthless

a cart of ideologies
hurtling down an infinite hill
pushing on to the next poor fools
who receive and continue

maybe I need to slow it down
throw myself in front and
bump
did that work

is one made a martyr
or just a conman, the easy way out
refusing to play the game
opt out of self sacrifice with self sacrifice

she wonders why
she goes for the type of guy
who is too far from her
too far out of her reach
she: actually loves the thrill

she thinks that
it's just bad luck that all the guys
she likes rarely reply
take way too long
she: loves the suspense

she waits patiently
for the day that some guy, anyone
will want her as much
as she wants them
she: scares them

she's passionate
she dives in deep
and she needs someone
a thrill-seeker just like her

Just when you think life is happy and swell,
Well, what if nobody  ever falls in love with me?

Maybe friends aren't the ones
Who we spend 200 days with in school

Maybe friends are the ones
Who we still talk to
Despite not seeing each other
For months

And that frightens me

i know you care
deep inside
you redirect the topic
but you do
i know it
in my bones
in my veins
in my blood
each cell of me knows
you pretend not to
but you do
i know you do

The moment dreams
Become nightmares
Is when you wake up
And you can't remember
If it really happened
Or if it will ever happen
And you pray and pray
And pray that oh please,
If anything bad were to happen
Let it not be that dream