You know where you are
What you are, when you are
But not really, you feel almost
           Detached

From the world
And all its people
From those closest to you
And those you have yet to meet

You read the words on the page
But not through your own eyes, no
As if you are merely a lonely
Thing floating through time and space

Not living, but breathing
Barely surviving, but existing
You walk, run, fall
But it doesn't feel like you

At all.

When your arms are too heavy for your shoulders
When your legs can't bear your own weight
When you don't know what to do
But then again, what's new?

i never thought
in a million years
would i sit there
under the blazing sun
still sea water
soft sound of crashing waves
in your arms,
thumb mindlessly strokes me
hand holding mine
leaning on you
my body fitting with yours so perfectly

never
*but it happened

You may not have someone to cuddle with
You may not have someone to give you sweet kisses
You may not have someone you can call yours
But you have someone you can confide with
But you have someone who will help you through anything
But you have someone who will love you no matter what
And I'm **** glad that's me

Aren't you sick of this game?
Every few weeks, another one
Playing us like we're toys
Broken, bored, next
'I'm thinking of you' he says

What *******, if you want
The attention you deserve
You shouldn't spread yourself out
Neither should you constantly
Switch, change, move

It's stupid and frankly,
You're an fboy in my book
Because of you, my walls are
Up, thank you so very much

And it's not even me you're asking for
You're asking for my opinion
On my friend, who does that?
You, that's who.

Instead of entertaining your
Conversations, I'm switching it up
Don't come back unless you want
To talk to me for me, and not my opinion

'let's find love to live for'

that's what you said.
and i thought you meant me
why was i how could i so stupid
didn't you know?

'you were what i lived for'

Familiar places
Unknown faces
Except the one you're next to
The one you love
But you can't have
You couldn't do that
Not to yourself
You want him
So
     So
          Bad
You think about him
You talk to him whenever you can
And you love it when he tells you
I love you
In his mind, it is merely
Platonic
You're walking around
Together
Arms around each other
He brings his head down to you
(He's a whole head taller than you)
Whispers in your ear
And his breath is enough
Chills down your spine
You love it
'You know I love you'
'You're first in my heart'
And you know the significance
Of why you're first
Your best friend is second
Previously first
And that's where it ends
You wake up
And
         everything
d is  a p  p  e a   r   s

The day you see a group picture
And he's there, but you don't get a heart attack
Is the day you can breathe

The day you receive a message from him
And you don't feel like squealing
Is the day you can breathe

The day you don't feel the urge to call him
And tell him you want him so bad it hurts
Is the day you can breathe

**Finally

And when the lights go out
We are forced to be with
None other than ourselves
Sheer silence tells all
About who we are
Who we were
And who we want to be

As the switch flips
Lights turn on
And sadly, we are nothing
But a blown bulb

you count the days
                                  no
                                       the hours
till you might get a chance to see him

you know he'll be in the room
so you keep your eyes extra peeled

                                                                                                           there
and now you're yearning, dying
just to speak to him
to see him close up
because that's how much you miss him

you time your routes
maybe, just maybe
he'll be there

and you'll see him, and your eyes
they'll light up like the night sky
and you won't be able to stop yourself from smiling

except, when he looks at you
it's dull, a blank slate
an attempt at a genuine smile perhaps

and then you'll part ways
and your heart
it continues to ache
oh so painfully

**until we meet again

As I act as a medium
For conversations between lovers
I watch them fall deeper
And deeper in love

I watch as everyone around me
Falls in love ever so sweetly
While I am here
With *no one

no matter how
stable
sturdy
stunning
a bridge may be

fires will always come
and burn
burn
burn
them to the ground

all that we've worked for
now in ashes, black soot
covering my fingers
can we rebuild it together?

or will we be trapped on either side
never meeting in the middle
caught at arms length
further than we ever were before

two people, both alike in so many ways
both broken a little, here and there
both with the thought that

no one could love them

everything changes in a day
24 hours is all anyone has
made use of to the fullest

too fast too soon too close
all happens at once
and they let it, they want it

maybe they were just lonely
maybe they were bored
maybe they had given up, but

they made a choice, one that continues
on into the uncertain future,
fraught with obstacles at every turn

but it's a choice
one that they have to make
every single day

that's what love is about isn't it?
it's about choosing them everyday
it's about not making promises but keeping them anyway
it's about a special kind of bond, unbreakable

maybe they've found it, maybe not
but for two people, broken a little
it's more than enough

Be strong for those who can't
Those who couldn't find a reason
Those who couldn't take it anymore
Those who left prematurely

Find that single reason
The most powerful one that will
Keep you going on and on and on
For that could be your success

Find joy
Take heart
Be happy
Live life

What hurts is not the leaving
No, no, I'll get over that
It's only a matter of days
What hurts is the return

Not seeing you for weeks
Just numbs me, but gives peace
All thoughts of you are almost neutral
That's not what hurts

It's when I see you again
When I see your cheeky smile
Hear everything you say
Laugh at your jokes

Roll my eyes at your quips
And then I see you and think
I'm back now, but why
Why does it hurt so much?

I should be happy, joyous, grateful
But it only reminds me that
After today you'll go home and
I'll go back to mine

And see, that's what hurts

im sorry, i dont usually do this
especially not for friends
so it's a little hard, but
i miss you

it's only been a day but i do

i miss the way
  your eyes sparkle in the morning sun
  your eyes meet mine when we talk

i miss the way
  you smell, that's so uniquely you
  your tongue curls when you laugh in your special way

i miss the way
  your hand brushes mine when we walk, and it's okay
  you tease me, joke with me, banter with me

i treasure you, i value you,
you're my friend and i miss you

She's queueing up for a drink

Warm hands hug her from behind
Diagonally across her front
They feel safe
They feel like home

She grasps the arms
Turns her head
Ever
So
Slightly

Stares into his eyes
They smirk as they move
Closer till their breaths mix
And's light, smooth, nothing
Like she had ever imagined

Oh, it's so much better

just when i thought i was over you
you re-enter, in my dreams
doing the same  **** thing
that made me fall in love

in the first place

Mechanically scanning her brain
For a sliver of inspiration
Where are you now
Sheltering deep inside?

Making up words and rhymes
Occasionally aesthetically appealing
Something to please the masses
Or maybe just herself

Holds onto the end
Of that thin thread
Cautiously tugs on it
Hoping it leads somewhere

Connecting her brain to her fingers,
The thread weaves a tapestry
Of words, carefully crafted
Bringing satisfaction

Isn't it sad
How some of us
Need others to
Define who exactly we are?

I can't stop thinking about it
It's not what you said to me
More that you said it to me
You made me feel
Like I could do it
Like you believed in me
Like someone cared
You listened
And you understood

You looked me in the eyes when I told you
Even when my brain told me to look away
Your eyes told me more than what your mouth did
That being unconfident is the worst thing to be
That I should never change myself for others
No one has ever said that to me

Thank you

Do you think we could go
                               back      
                         to
                    a
         time
when life was simpler?

But why would you want to?
Simple is boring
If you do, what's the point in living?
Instead, please
                            keep
                                        moving
                                                        forward

A l m o s t
Is that all we are meant to be
To come so far, get so close
Whoever said love is free?
Open your eyes, really look
Look at the way I see you
Like you're all I've ever wanted
I wish to be that for you
Not just an almost

I've touched your hand
And you've touched mine
I've been in your arms
Every single time
We've danced and sung
Laughed and loved
Looked in your eyes, smiled
I'm so much more than an almost
P l e a s e

Dear March me,

Stop it. He's not worth it. He's going to make your head spin round and round and round and round, but in the end, all you will be is confused. He will make you feel like something special, and you'll love it. But you'll remember, he doesn't want you. He's just using your links, your opinions. He only wants your friends, only compliments you so you are nice to him, only for him to ask for your opinion, nothing about your life or how you're doing, at all. And when one day, you ask him how he is, he will push you away, like you are an ant on his desk, like you are a fly in his way. And then you'll be hurt. So stop it. Keep an open mind to everyone, don't fall so fast. In fact, learn a few tips from him. Make them like you, and see if it's the same. Test all grounds before going too deep, or backing away too fast. Be neutral. That's safest. And safe is the way to go.

August me

sometimes holidays give you a break
from all the troubles of the physical world
and other times, they just remind you
of how much you don't matter to some people

sometimes it's more than
just saying what if
he likes her more than me
what if he gets together with her
what if they love each other

sometimes it's about going beyond
and saying
i'll wait
for when you come back to me
i'll wait for when it's our time
i'll wait for you

and that's the trap
we might get so caught up
in waiting for that one person
that we don't see everyone else
but what if it's worth it?
what if it's a test?
what if he's the one?

some nights anxiety wins
and i'm left a
withering, melting mess

of holding back tears and
an aching in my heart
and sheer helplessness

do i want the night to end
or perhaps a reset, a redo
so i can claim it back for myself

but tonight i've lost

burns through my body
setting me on fire, wild
needing to show on my skin
an etch a scratch a scar
anywhere but inside, please

love tells me no, don't
a scar hurts him more than yourself
but hate tells me to keep
going, don't stop, it's what
i deserve, all this pain

half wants it to stop
be happy, love me, but
half wants it to continue
loves the way it burns, how
it gets me the attention i crave

make it stop
please
i cant do it alone

facade stays up for
a week? a month? maybe two?
but how long before she slips
she hates she cracks
she hates she crumbles
she hates she
b        r  e         a     k  s

No this is not a poem
About the saddest people in the world
Or my own saddest experience
It's about words

Words we use so often in our daily life
If only, almost, could have
Do we not realise their true meaning?
Only blinded by exaggeration

If only. If only it had happened
If only I had smiled
If only I had said yes
Just a bit earlier - would it be different?

Almost there now, but not quite
Almost did it, but not really
Almost happened, but didn't
So close, yet so far, right at your fingertips

Could have, had the ability to, but didn't
Too fast?
Too slow?
Didn't think it was worth it?

See now how such simple words
Can give a person so much more
Like the migrating of birds
Will you give your all and soar?

used to be a comfort for her
but now it's - what?
a house with a bed with little joys
but it's not the same as it used to be
is it?

someone once told her
'i can tell you're suffocating a bit'
and that phrase has stuck with her
come back to her every now and then

the more things happen the more
she realises they're right, she is
suffocating, stuck, struggling
to hold on and be who she is, who she wants to be

now she sits up in bed
they're still there, they're happy
but she isn't, she's uncomfortable in
her own skin, it just doesn't fit

she doesn't like who she is
when she's there, she feels like
it's the old her and she doesn't want that
not anymore

but isn't it ungrateful to
not appreciate everything she has
why want more, people would ****
for what she has

and yet, she wants to write her
own story, own beginning, start
her chapter, her legacy,
her family

Which is worse?
To be the one who leaves
Or the one who sees others leave
That is the question

The latter, in my opinion
To see the people you love, leave
And you continue doing the things
You always did, except

This time, there are holes
Holes where the people used to be
Holes where there could be new memories
Holes in your heart, for friends turned family

The hardest is to let go
Move on with your life
But the weekly reminder does not help me so
Only prompts me who isn't there

and i'm so
afraid to lose you
i find myself
pushing you away
refusing your help
when you try
telling me again
to sit up
straight, and drink
more water, and
do my work
but i'm just
ignoring you again
hurting myself before
time gets a
chance to, or
i somehow break
your beautiful heart

you're the best
thing that's ever
happened to me
so why am
i stopping it
why can't i
control my actions
my ****** up
late night thoughts

What if it doesn't go the
Way I want it to?
What if it becomes a big
Flop?

Excitement and fear
Battle it out in my heart
As the hour draws near
So close yet so far

And then it hits me
Like a cannon freshly fired
This matter, simply trivial
Just the way my brain is wired

Why should I worry?
Let it go the way it does
All these fears, bury
Because think about this

If I can worry about that
Equal fear then goes to:
What if the sun doesn't rise?
What if I never wake up?

All equally scary
Once you take a moment
To
        *think

It's odd how we have
No problem saying
I love you
To those we only consider
Strictly just friends
But find it hard to say
I love you
To those we really truly love
And just don't have the courage
To say it

is it never enough
yes, i know
you mean it as a joke
poke fun at me, sure
but you will never
ever know the state of
my mind
how broken i am
how badly i'm affected, that
your joke is why
i cry myself to sleep (three times now)
your joke is why
i force myself not to cry in school (several times today)
your joke is why
i can't say another word (five times)

is my life too easy in your eyes
do i not have enough to deal with
must you add more, maybe
you want to push me, see how
much it takes until i break

oh you have no idea
i'm already dying

You asked me
If I liked your best friend
How would we know
You would end up as mine?

A year since we started talking
You were just another extra
Now you're a fellow protagonist
Even a possible love interest

Sure, we could have
Been something more, but
I enjoy what we had, what we are
Just please don't go away completely

The 4 of us, I want
No, I know
We're going to be together
For a long long time

Get out
Getoutgetoutgetout
You're running through my head
A little birdie told me
You liked me
And I once did
Maybe I still do getoutgetoutgetout
Part of me wants to believe it
Another wants to spare myself
From all the pain
So either stay there
Give me love
Or get out