a heart is not a bone,
i suppose it can not be broken .

it's a muscle,
strained far beyond its proper use .

it does not work the same anymore,

honestly
i'd be surprised
if it wanted to work at all .

I offered you my poems,
my equivalent to
being naked .

I was bearing my full nakedness to you,
To you,
Who looked away at the sight .

I assume we are scared of death because we don’t want life to end

but Death wants to live too,

The sun has to go away
For the moon to be able to shine .

I think we call relate to drowning
even if you can swim ,
even if you love water,
even if you feel dry
even if you feel nothing but and endless ocean of nothingness.

if you’re human,
and even if you are not
You know what it is be surrounded .

you know what is to be consumed

to feel like a god
to feel like a mortal
to feel like prey
to feel like predator.

if you’re human,
And even if you are not
you know what it is to drown


and not want to come up for air .

the sky is crying so hard
these tears feel like bullets
and sound just the same .

i have to ask
who is she trying to **** ?

if its humanity
i admit,
i do not blame her .

i have tried every attempt to convince myself
im not in love with you.

despite the fact that you still curse my dreams night after night
and every idea I've ever had of love goes back to you.

despite that being around you
gives me a high no drug can compare.

despite that
im a liar.

a liar who can't
stop ******* being in love with you.

i admit
my life has become an
endless blur of days
and nights
conversation i never had
and poems i have yet the strength to write.

How easy it is,
To get lost in a universe
that is entirely your own.

believe me,
i've tried to sleep .

i long for that nothingness
i'm allowed to feel .

but every night
my mind betrays me .

the people
the.. bodies
the humans..
the faces,
too many
too many faces.

I thought maybe I would be okay,
that I can do this on my own,
but my mind betrays me once again,
my lungs and heart go faster than I can carry them.

there's no way out,
I'm in too deep
yes I'm drowning

but nothing
can save me .

many preach of being immortal as a cure,
but i see no greater curse
than living--
not even living;
simply existing
until the Earth itself
takes its' eternal rest .

i imagine the only time
these fingertips have nothing left to say,
is when a heartbeat no longer carries them .

no..
not even then .

you asked me why
I never sleep .

what I didn't tell you,
was that it was the only time
the voices weren't awake too .

and I took you out of my life
like a scab picked too soon ,
something once meant to heal me

made me bleed all over again .

and if the rules of the church
are the only way i'll get into
              "heaven"
well,
         to hell
                    with that .

I know my insignificant soul
and these poems
that are my lifeline
will melt into oblivion

but it just makes life so much easier
so much more
beautiful  

so much more
worth

living . .

and although I post them,

I only every write these poems

for me .

despite my parents beliefs,
I have always considered myself
a believer of everything .

with an endless universe,
surely there are endless possibilities .

but I knew there was a god
the first time
you smiled in my direction;
because how could humans create anything
of such beauty .

with each lonely night
I could feel the
cold of nothingness
ease its way into my bones .
and to be honest,
I don't think I have any strength left
to fight it ;
I don't think I want to .

days like these
I can't help but feel
as if
i'm just
existing ;

and that is all .

~ the girl who knows she has a purpose but doesn't see the purpose .

I learned at a young age,
that the only person that is ever going
to always be there for me,
is me .

~ the girl abandoned too often

once I come across a song I love
I stop listening to it,
I fear
I will get tired of it .

but I still melt whenever the melody that is your heartbeat plays
and your voice--
******* your voice,
still makes me want to dance.

I was told
I love too much
to the wrong things
too often .

I thought,
if I leave my heart the way you left it--
in pieces-
then maybe
just maybe
it can't be broken again . .

the way I repel the morning
and make love to the night,
I may just be becoming an
insomniac .

i used to think it was a pathetic thing,
to be scared of dying .
then the universe gave me you
and i never wished to be more alive .

i was so naïve as to think,
i would grow old
with my high school sweet heart
and grandchildren .

i have accepted,
in this day and age..
I may
not live long.

i just pray,
my parents
don't have to mourn
their daughter.

even today
I can't tell if the ocean
is raging war
on the shore,

or  every wave
is a desperate attempt
to get back to his lover.

a thunderstorm without
its thunder
a tornado without
its wind
a sandstorm without
sand
a story with
no plot
a house,
but not a home;
its now just a body..
without its soul.

~ the girl who hates funerals

I fell asleep
In front of my window
Talking with the moon.

This late, he is the only one
Who listens.

I woke up
In front of my window
The sun was kissing my face,
Goodmorning.

It seemed wrong
To always want both of them,
Knowing
They would always be there.

~ the girl who feels guilty for wanting them both