Do you have any idea
What you have done to me?
Will you ever understand
That I'm no longer weak?

I'm the one you tossed aside
The one you didn't have time for
I needed help, but you were busy
How many times had this happened before?

You weren't the one I thought you were
And that makes a person change
I'm not the naive girl you knew
So stop treating me that way.

You don't make me cry or frown anymore
Frankly, I don't care
So stop getting all upset when we talk!
I'm fine, I solemnly swear!

But I am one to break promises
That's something I learned from you
No one is honest, no not one
But you don't have a clue.

Sure hope you write back
Because I have not a clue
Where you could be, Mom. =P

I woke up on the couch again.
I've been sleeping there each night that he's out of town without cell signal.
Not that he even lives with me.
But sleeping in my own bed still feels lonely if there aren't texts from him to look forward to.
No matter how many new friends I make, I can't fill the empty spot.
And it's okay.
"Distance" makes the heart grow "fonder", but all I can hope is that it'll make the heart grow.
So much on our minds.
Choices to make and places to go and work to be done.
And the desire to just drop it all for a week and be together is always there.
Patience, I say, there will be a week for that.
So I will wait.
As much as it hurts for the present, it's worth it.

I got up off the couch once I'd written him a good morning text.
I was playing some of my old music and getting lost in the atmospheric melodies, and just pouring water into the coffee machine instead of waiting for the Brita pitcher to filter it, and then use that, was my method for breaking through the anxiety barrier today.
From there, coffee was followed by a desire for food (because coffee alone is just asking for a stomachache) so I thought of my pancake mix.
Here goes. I'm not measuring this out, my measuring cups are all in the ***** dishes pile. I've washed a bunch of glasses and this one will fit enough pancake batter for two or three small flapjacks.
Here I go.

Cold on the inside,
Cold on the out;
How many blue fingers
Can you count?

Spikes of pain are going up my arm
And my head is aching with some kind of alarm
They're all trying to tell me the one thing I know:
The inside and the outside of my body are COLD!~

I don't want to get up,
And go out into the cold, hard world...
The new tile floor at this house just chills me to the bone.

Everything's just grey
And black, and dark, with no white;
A colorless world.

Some of my fears frighten me so badly
that I just wish I could find the right one and get married already.

You use your commas
The way a Southern woman
Puts sugar in tea.

Complicated things
Now seem commonplace somehow
When innocence fades.

So much commotion
Takes over my tired brain
Can I just sit still?

I never thought that
I could be competitive
Until I came here.

You make life complicated
You spill your words on me
Why can't you just speak plainly
With words we all can read?

Confusing poems
Are too hard to really read
So I stick with these.

Uncontrollable
Is how I describe feelings
But not my actions.

I didn't feel cool when I came here
Old jeans, and shirts were worse
But my one consolation
Was that I had my converse.

I came across something convicting the other day
Something extremely relevant to our lives today


Jesus wouldn't judge them for their typos and bad grammar and spelling mistakes, and neither should I.

My face is so hot
And my hands are just so cold
It's a nice problem.

I only wanted
To be free without the cost
But it wasn't easy.

They’re taking me over
I can’t back down now
They’re pushing back the line
I can’t give up now

So tell me, what’s a put-down,
When you’re hating on yourself?
Tell me: what’s another’s opinion mean,
When you don’t care about anyone else?

an outpour of you,
Creativity, the bird
who lives inside me
and sometimes devours me
but sometimes leaves me helpless.

They creep up the walls
Vines to trap some wild bird
And encroach on you.

This song has always been in my heart
But now it feels like it is creeping into my soul.
I don't know how long we'll last apart
But someday I'll be part of a whole.

When blood runs into your eyes
It doesn't turn your vision crimson,
It doesn't make you think of red and hate
It blurs your view to whatever comes next.

~Cross My Heart

You carved me an X 
Over my soul—as if it
Were buried treasure. 


Hope To Die

Who knew you'd be first
To leave me so high and dry
When all I was died.


I Couldn't Forget

Life tied my knot tight
Sick inside and so alone
Memory's virus.


If I Tried

Sometimes, I went back
My attempts all lost causes
But genuine hopes.

My fears crushed me
until
You crushed all my fears.

Please, hear my cry, Lord
I cannot hold this in
I feel the guilt of years and years
Can you overlook so much sin?

I'm lost and I can't keep going, Lord
But if you sent a voice from the sky
I feel that I would still disobey
And misunderstand, and lie.

I'm in desperate need of your mercy
For your grace to overflow
No matter how many times I come
The peace always seems to go.

I'm living in fear of messing up
And that's just part of life
I should not live in fear at all
You control the hardship and strife.

Am I losing my mind, or just out of it?
Nothing seems to make sense
But I know I can find my way
If I just focus on your presence.

Frick.


Don't feel bad for yourself.
You have it so good.
You have a house
to live in
You have clothes to wear
You have
a family
who loves you.

You have a boyfriend
who wants to spend the rest of his life with you.
Everything is going to be okay.


Bad things ****.
Good things are hard.
Life takes a long time to get right.

Curiosity killed the cat
And it was the ninth life, at that.

Da dana da da dana da,
Da dana da da da;
Dana da ddana da,
Da dana da dada.

He used to only dance
With a raggedy grey mop
And now when she's with him
She can't get him to stop.

If I stayed on
All the time
I'm sure I'd run
Out of decent rhymes

His dark mood was calm
And with a look in his eyes
That spoke of patience.

We escaped the night to find
That day was so much darker
For all our biggest fears and doubts
Were visible shapes much sharper.

I've got a big day,
A big day planned
But it wasn't planned by me,
Or written by my hand

First I get up at 6,
To get ready for the day
And then I drive myself to school
And go to Band to play.

Then school starts at 8,
The "long dark of Moria"
When I finally get a break after lunch
You'd think I'd sing hallelujah.

But the work really starts at 1,
When I help set up for the meet;
Knowledge Bowl competitions are
Meeting at my school this week.

Finally it'll start at 2,
And my brain will be drilled for answers;
At 5:30, when the meet is done,
I'd be happy enough to dance--or

There's something going on at 6,
That I almost forgot about--
Practice for our biggest show
Choir and band go all out.

At last, eyes closing at 9,
I'll get picked up, I think
Though I drove myself, I'm not sure
How my parents planned everything.

If I survive my day today,
Then I should be alright
Exhausted tomorrow, when I still have
Half of these assignments to cite.

Oh! the sun and
Oh! the moon
Dancing around the
Earth so soon.

Breathe, girl, just breathe,
You know that you're alright;
You're dealing with stuff you don't understand,
But it's not without your sight.

The Gift Of Mankind,
We toss aside earthly things
And depart this world.

Hide your disappointment
Lock it all away
Wait until it burns you down
Or sets in, here to stay.

Never show your weakness,
Tuck it deep inside
Keep it out of sight and mind
Until your thoughts collide.

Cloak your heart's desire
Don't let wishes in
The drive that takes you onward
Will never let you win.

These lies fire the defeated
They goad the aimless on
And if you listen to them
You'll soon be good as gone.

Sometimes you're so deep
That no one could possibly
Understand or know.

I will always be too deep to see
Too strong to be contained
My soul will always soar above
Where all others feel restrained.

I will never see the shores of reality
I may never feel a calm breeze
I can never be the shallow breath
That mortals like to breathe.

Punctuation delights me,
Spelling even more so!
Grammar—ah! Ecstasy;
Sloppy writing?....no.

You were a roped noose
I was a heart-shaped dagger
We were our demise.

When you think about wanting to give up,
Just remember so did your neighbor Fred
Fred's dead.