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Aug 2023 · 450
smile, unreality
Ces Aug 2023
the depths of my longing
is sealed in silence
and a cheerful smile

a smile that feels real
and a rubbery fake
at the same time

and yet...

it is precious,
important

for a lying smile is a lifeline
and the truth is suicide

I envy those who have nothing to hide.
Aug 2023 · 512
...trapped
Ces Aug 2023
Thrashing, kicking
Struggling to break free.

From a barless prison
That's inside of me.
Aug 2023 · 759
Chaos; contradictions
Ces Aug 2023
desire and fear
passion and abomination
intertwined -- such is the chaos
smothering my mind

the throes of terror
and sickly melancholy
torment me...

haunting and creeping
the only reality
in this stillness

I am a goodness without its wings
I am evil without its fangs

To myself
I'm an enigma
Oct 2021 · 1.3k
Lonely Morning
Ces Oct 2021
Grayish skies of silent mourning
Clouds of regret, ennui, silence
Wandering aimlessly

A trickle, and another...

A raindrop

Then a tear...

The skies mirror
my loneliness.
Oct 2021 · 475
42
Ces Oct 2021
42
Life's meaning is a number: 42
For the universe won't care about me and you
It's up to us to seek out what's true
Or, remain in silent despair
Like some people do.

Deep Thought has proclaimed:
"Existence means the number 42"
Absurd, odd, unacceptable
Some might vehemently argue

But Deep Thought was right
And we still have no clue
For the reason why you're here
Is really up to you.
Deep Thought is a super-intelligent computer from the novel "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy."
Jun 2021 · 827
Making lemonades
Ces Jun 2021
Magic oftentimes
Come from the sickest minds

And poetry

Born from the aches
Of loneliness

Write...

And make some lemonades
Out of the aridity
Of this life.
Mar 2021 · 450
Note to Self #1
Ces Mar 2021
Commonality
The desire for belonging,
The need to run away from isolation
The origins of insensitivity

This is the mentality of the bully

What is normal is confused with
Desirability, goodness
Herein is the soul
Of the tyrant.
Dec 2020 · 144
Insignificance
Ces Dec 2020
A muffled scream
Threatens to break loose
Running away from this fear
Of not being good enough
Insignificance.
Dec 2020 · 156
Hunger
Ces Dec 2020
A stale and bitter saliva
Dried and cracked lips
And an aching stomach
Yearning for heavenly manna
Or even just the closest
Hamburger
Dec 2020 · 365
Beauty
Ces Dec 2020
Long, flowing black hair
Dyed strands glistening atop
A delicate scalp
Eyes that bewitch
Adorned with bristly eyelashes
Surgical precision had shaped
A perfectly chiseled nose
Lips that captivate:
Red as wine.

Such is the image
Of a soon-to-be corpse
Happily engaging
In an elaborate fakery.
Dec 2020 · 235
Workplace dread
Ces Dec 2020
Glum, chaotic musings
Dark clouds hovering in my mind
Torrential rains
Of pain
Anguish
My composure, weary floodgates
Ready to burst, crumble and fail
I'm lost inside the caverns
Of my soul.

And suddenly, a spark of deliverance!
As my fingers tap the keyboard
Nothing but clicking sounds.
Dec 2020 · 213
The Meaning
Ces Dec 2020
Like God, ever sought
Elusive, enigmatic
A puzzle of a million pieces
Or maybe, just maybe
A figment of imagination
Ah! The sorry plight of a human being
Always in constant need
Of meaning.
Dec 2020 · 455
Jogged
Ces Dec 2020
Sweaty armpits and rubbery legs
Labored breathing, one more step
My mind aching for a destination
There is none
Nothing but internal babblings
And an afternoon run.
Dec 2020 · 501
Godot
Ces Dec 2020
Life passes by
Moment by moment
Each minute a grain of sand
In a ceaseless flow inside
This biological hourglass

Time has this peculiarity:
This irreversible absurdity

That to crave for more time
Becomes one's slow undoing
Sagging skin, unsightly wrinkles
Bones turn brittle, breaking
Muscles ****** out of their strength
Atrophied
Eyes failing, perpetual darkness
And the self succumbs to the lull
Of oblivion
The mind: no longer, extinguished
What's left is a husk of what once was
A human being.

Hope then becomes a beacon, a torch
In the middle of a starless night
A burning, warm sense of certainty
Hope, or that stubborn illusion
That happiness is one's lot in life

But time silently persists
Eroding foundations, narratives
Dismantling falsity
Uprooting grand, elaborate conceits
Blind and merciless
Uncaring towards puny human desires
Hope's demise.

Life: a futile struggle against time.

To what end?
Dec 2020 · 1.0k
15 Minutes of Fame
Ces Dec 2020
A tyrannical itch
That is never satisfied
The skin, broken
Smudges of blood
The rugged epidermis
Swelling.

A need that isn't supposed to be there
A soul-crushing phantom
An obsession with the computer screen
For the likes, the applause
For significance.

Like a drug-induced falsity
False euphoria
The itch grows unbearable
But mind-numbingly pleasant.

Such is the nature of attention-seeking
And toxic social media.
Dec 2020 · 73
Nothing
Ces Dec 2020
An empty blank
Trapped in a limbo
Black and white

Perplexed within
A nameless, static mood
My mind grasps a contradiction

Nothing...
Oct 2020 · 63
Time
Ces Oct 2020
Always in the rush
Always pressured to comply
Always expected to perform well.

This is the problem with humans
They are not immortals
They always lack

Time.
Sep 2020 · 119
Tender loneliness
Ces Sep 2020
Forlornness that wraps the core of my being
Still, relished by a heart that aches to write
Alone, in subdued pain, but accepting
I feel my body and all its agonies
Never wanting this moment to end
In spite of it all, a gentle smile
I find solace in every breath
And in this tender loneliness.
Sep 2020 · 161
A Poem
Ces Sep 2020
Why bother?

It can be longer or shorter.

It doesn't matter.

A poem is a mirror
Reflecting someone's heart.
Sep 2020 · 520
Wife's magic
Ces Sep 2020
And suddenly, the bed was made!
The windows, gleaming with cleanliness
The clothes hanged well
All in their proper places.

How I wonder how she does it
Keeping things in order as if it's magic
This finesse of orderliness
I cannot seem to mimic.

Our marriage is like that:
Between a pretty damsel and an ogre
She makes a home out of a house
It's hard to imitate her.
Sep 2020 · 140
I lack sleep
Ces Sep 2020
A jumble of words I cannot utter
For their incoherence
I consciously mumble to myself
Struggling to put into writing
The garbled mess of my mind:

Filled with images
Of discarded tires and umbrellas
Of sandwiches and old socks
Withered flowers I bought
For no one in particular
The street where I live
The unbearable sadness of
Losing a dime
My self-referential musings
Of time loops and black holes

All nonsense...

Reality is now this gooey
And icky, unrecognizable
Substance.
Sep 2020 · 165
Midnight read
Ces Sep 2020
I am a frozen brick
In this cold, dark room
Hunched and aching
As I flip the virtual pages
Of an e-book.

I am in full defiance of sleep
Waging a bitter war against somnolence
For just one more page.
Sep 2020 · 268
Ambient Music
Ces Sep 2020
An ethereal and spiritual atmosphere
A presence that cannot be seen
but felt by a heart full of yearning
Music devoid of rhythm and consonance
That seeps into the deepest crevices
of a mind that longs for the infinite
Such an enchanting melody that permeates
the room. A dreamworld opened up
by nothing but the artful arrangement
of sound.
Sep 2020 · 278
Procrastinator
Ces Sep 2020
The deadline monsters
Kept pounding on the door of my consciousness
Their frantic, banging fists
Threaten to reduce me
to a paralytic heap
of nothing but flesh and bones
I can hear the horrible noises
of splintering wood
Fractured humerus
The unnerving thwack
of a body
As it flung itself against
my defenses.

And yet I sit here
Serene, unperturbed
A posture of sheer pretentiousness
Ignoring the violent growls
of the monsters
In my head.

With glazed eyes
And absent-minded numbness
I watch Neflix.
Sep 2020 · 302
The Facebook Zombie
Ces Sep 2020
The Facebook zombie
Distorts its face:
Contorted, convulsing
A spasmodic smile.

Ignoring internal scars
Emotional wretchedness
Faking with gusto
What the good life is.

The Facebook zombie
Hunkers not for brains
But drools for likes
And virtual applause.

Like dazzling neon lights
Its ego shines bright
"I am the best"
"I am number one"
Says the connoisseur
Of filters and fakes!

The Facebook zombie lumbers
Towards the next bite
The next hit
Mindlessly raising its
Bony hands
As the camera sways
Finding the perfect angle.
Sep 2020 · 784
The Red Ant
Ces Sep 2020
The tiny red ant scampers
In a forest of greenish mold
Its bristly legs carrying
Biological modules:
A head with pincers
An imperceptible thorax
A swelling abdomen.

It has nothing but a laborious drive
A pheromone-induced servility
For the queen: the lazy, bloated tyrant!
The sole purpose being
The laying of eggs.

The noble red ant
Moves on to scavenge
Blind and dumb
Oblivious.

To the ruthless cycle
Of its existence.
Sep 2020 · 426
Maiden
Ces Sep 2020
Those bewitching eyes
Glinting like stars
In a world of dreams
Those plump cheeks that invite
The gentlest of kisses
And your lips seem to me
As little fountains
Of perpetual euphoria

You say you lack beauty
And your worth is nil
Oh! How I prayed to the gods
That they take away my eyes
And give them to you.

That you may behold
Such magnificence
That roused in me
This intense longing
For your caresses
Your touch.

Such burning desire
That can only be quenched
By your comforting
Presence.
Sep 2020 · 73
Night Owl
Ces Sep 2020
Eyes drooping as the battle
Against somnolence
Rages on
Like a bloodied
And battered swordsman
I stand and resist
I keep myself awake
Fighting an unceasing lull
From a tireless foe
Ever sly and persistent
Eager to drag me in a world
Of dreams and phantasms.

But as the night goes on
My resolve dissolves
Like melting chocolate
Under a merciless sun
Thus, I slowly drift
In a tranquilizing
Defeat.

As I close my eyes
I am no more.
Sep 2020 · 280
Life
Ces Sep 2020
A ceaseless motion
hither and yonder
like the jumbling of blind ants
in a narrow path
of wet pheromones.

Backbreaking labor
A cruel slaver
lashing his whip
that cracks painfully
drawing blood from the back
of the hapless wretch.

A joke that amuses no one
An insufferable itch
demanding to be scratched
so hard that it bleeds

Then in a moment
snuffed.

Asphyxiated and forgotten.
Sep 2020 · 372
Comparison
Ces Sep 2020
A tight, hot knot
strangles my insides
Constricting my chest
crushing my heart
until it shatters...

"Not good enough"

Such thought, accursed!
A loop of torment
Placed by the devil
Inside my head.

When will this self-flagellation
come to a halt?
Sep 2020 · 41
Why Am I Not an Optimist
Ces Sep 2020
Is life this glass half full
Or half-empty?
Can we surmise from this riddle
An outlook that faithfully
represents reality?

To this, I say:
The glass and the water in it:
Both of them, matter
This we scientifically intuit
As composed of swirling particles
fleeting seemingly forever
In a dazzling quantum dance
It welcomes randomness,
enigma and chance

Mere objects subject
to rigid physical laws
Simplicity: the primary rule
From which we base
theoretical understanding
or risk becoming the fool.

And from this knowledge
beauty reveals itself
And agony and happiness
Both complicit to this
wonderful strangeness
For such is the magic that flows
from Chaos and Order
A blatant mistake it is
to reject one for the other.

Thus everything comes full circle
Positive appreciation cannot
exist without its negation.

Life is indeed a glass
half-full and half-empty
The world is truly a cruel place
Abounding with beauty.
glass chaos order happiness agony riddle knowledge strangeness
Sep 2020 · 53
Being free
Ces Sep 2020
The shape of a smile emerges
and the heart grows light
There is no need for applause
Nor praises
In this moment
I'm alive.

Such is the power of art
Its ability to set free
The long-suppressed yearnings
Of the grieving heart
In this melodious
Poetry.
Free art poetry moment
Sep 2020 · 232
Cruel and Beautiful
Ces Sep 2020
The optimist's naivete
is his fuel for living
I dare say relinquish such notions
of fairylands and Peter Pans
For the negative has truth
in itself
and there is beauty still
in a world of cruelty.
Sep 2020 · 221
I am Getting Old
Ces Sep 2020
I stare into the painted walls
and toys encased in glass
this room: a nest for
my existence
of 30 years

I take a deep breath
this merciless pungency
assaults my olfaction
the smell of growing molds
the ceaseless battering of time
I've breathed my existence
for 30 years
in this room

And in a snap
My delirium stopped!
The haze cleared
to this thought:
I am getting old.
Sep 2020 · 104
Just
Ces Sep 2020
Leave

me

alone.
Sep 2020 · 136
Inside
Ces Sep 2020
Thoughts buzzing
like mad gnats...
My head: a battlefield
A swordfight of words
from people living
and dead.

The carnage
is contained and hidden
in this pretentious smile
a demeanor perfected
by repetition...
practice

Yet, inside
Peace gasps for air
for another moment of life
dying from a thousand wounds
from self-doubt
Sep 2020 · 262
Earth
Ces Sep 2020
Oblate spheroidal
Mass of rock
A being that sprang
From the void, with others
A dull speck in the blackness
Of space.

A lone island of azure skies
Verdant plains and mountains
An atmosphere dominated
By nitrogen
A haven of self-organizing
Critters, bacteria
And its oceans: the primal womb.

So precious, yet so fragile
A mote suspended
In a starry backdrop
Rotating its way towards
Its predestined fate.

Such beauty is our home
A lonely traveler
Lost in the wastelands
Of space and time.
Sep 2020 · 268
What is Reality?
Ces Sep 2020
Reality is an empty blank (?)
Expanding, quivering
With its unimaginable scale
in light-years!
Gradually quickening its cosmic throbbing
Peppered with everything that dies
Galaxies
Stars
Planets
People

Obeying a thermodynamic process --
That tyrant among physical laws!
From which nothing is exempt
Even you and I.

Thus, human vanity:
A cosmic joke that fades to nothingness
All aspirations, ambitions
******* by entropy
Quashed to oblivion
All is dust.

And yet, humans toil to fulfill
a delusion
Their hope lies in their work
Their progress, their successes
Salvation!

Still, the universe expands...
Uncaring, disinterested
cold

Not minding the plight
of the human microbe.
Sep 2020 · 306
Dark Musings
Ces Sep 2020
I force a smile to
Regain a sense of normality
Curled lips that
Mask the rawness
Of this aching
Emptiness.

No longer am I enamored
With lovely, naive fantasies:
This blank stare into the abyss
Born out of revolt
Against the lie
That happiness is everyone's
Lot in life.

Fortune is a whimsical god
And living is an unpredictable
Farce between birth and death
Such randomness,  brutality
Victimizes those born
Of sound body
But with a fragile mind
And a crumbling sanity.

Reflections of gloom
Are all that keeps me company
This unbearable pessimism
In this tiny room
Yet I cannot stop my inquiries:
My explorations of truth
No matter how wretched it might be
At its very root.
Aug 2020 · 130
The Skeptic
Ces Aug 2020
My words are born
Of self-absorption
This eagerness for
Transmogrification of
A self that constantly fails
At this project of conception...

To understand the world --
This grand undertaking
Nothing but motions of futility
Yet I can't comply
I cannot submit
For I am the personification
Of incredulity.
Aug 2020 · 211
Sleepless
Ces Aug 2020
Sleep has fled me
As I sink in this monotonous
Flow of thoughts
The quiet night, a witness
To this perpetual
Sadness...

What is it that I must do?
What is it that I must be?
Confusion morphs
To this mysterious
Exhaustion

And my soul finds no rest

in silence...
Aug 2020 · 685
Just be...
Ces Aug 2020
The sensation of one's vitality
is the doorway to a deeper understanding
of exquisite inner joys
and the tranquility of being.
Jul 2020 · 220
The Internet
Ces Jul 2020
Arched back
aching knees
pinpricks in my right leg
a thousand questions
running in my head
as I navigate this vast
spaciousness
of the Internet

A world where ideas
meet

and where people lose
themselves.
Jul 2020 · 573
The Return
Ces Jul 2020
A relapse into forgetfulness
Time never loses its deceptiveness

The tragic seeking of something
that is not lost
I found myself again through
words

My heart smiles
as I write.
Jul 2020 · 623
Mood #1
Ces Jul 2020
A sensation of bubbling excitement
washes over my body
emanating from this tightness
in my chest:
a feeling of gentle happiness
butterflies inside me...

A mood born from a good breakfast.
Jul 2020 · 210
Describing sadness
Ces Jul 2020
Inside me is
a quiet murmur
a steady mental rut
an unceasing
pain...

Continuously permeating
filling empty cavities
with tension,
worry
anxiety

This is a vague description
of this qualia:
my consciousness
in the present
Jul 2020 · 155
Aware
Ces Jul 2020
The brightness
of the morning sky
pierces my eyes
birds gladly chirping
in merry exultation
a distant radio blabbers
hunkering for someone's
valuable attention...

The leaves appear to me
as lovely emeralds --
a beautiful, greenish hue
the trees sway monotonously
as if compelled
in a steady dance
absentee music:
silence.

I am aware.
Jul 2020 · 603
Hemlock
Ces Jul 2020
Socrates drunk the hemlock
And for once, death has lost its power
to intimidate, enslave
mortality transcended...

Admiration for the brave
the courageous amongst us
Truly, there is more to life
than food
work
***

and *****

Those who live earnestly
are the ones who look inside themselves
proclaiming with great ferocity:

The unexamined life is not worth living!
Jul 2020 · 269
Online poetry
Ces Jul 2020
I am a poet
And the ether is my pen
A digitized mind.
Jul 2020 · 168
There is no hope
Ces Jul 2020
But, there is truth.

the whisper of a thousand years
of searching
inquiring
about what reality is
what living really means.

There is courage
the audacity of the human spirit
all the losses and triumphs
the sheer strength of the human character
born from time's passage.

There is freedom
gained by embracing the challenge
of living
the simple choice of
existence over nonexistence
Such freedom is indeed sweet
if it is an act of conscience.

So choose to live
without hope

But with pride.
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