I could say it to his face
all I felt like calling him
good or bad and he smiled
and immediatly I purred.
We even made a wtitten promise
of such enviable love
yet, we didn't put it in practice.

All stressed a Mom deceived battered threatened,
I parrot phrased to him his evil woman's cursing my MOM birthing me, and I lost him
He forgot his old love letter
free speech oath to me.

My ancient king of hearts continued brewing my twenty year old wine in a barrel of heartache and pain leaving me behind amnesic, and death calm.

My Angel ran brewing an older woman's wine
in his bed married to her
wedding band
and in cellar her wine next to mine.
Running from her many a time leaving her with a cold marriage contract handy
while his heart and brain remained ever ONE with mine.

As her personal lubricant got dryer and dryer it was harder for my beloved to be intimate with the ugliest lawliar twoface snake
surgically enhensed
drug user insignificant other called wife.
And as her hatred malice greed and jealousy blew, out of proportion so did her nasty brew on Outer Limits Twilight Zone
along with a breach of his trust
in her,
spoiling her own brewing wine to a nasty bitter moldy vinagar.
Yet to him all her potions remained ever secret
hidden behind smc sunflower smile, daughters and son used
to blindfold her selfish agenda.

Ever so covertly taunting cursing showing hate to me and my children was her banner.
Smc threatened us
by e-mails behind his back.

Blindfolded unoticed all went 
his alcoholic stuppor was foe.

No justice he could brew on either of us yet my wine remained gold fit for kings
but susy viper apropriated it as her own
killing our free will dreams and promises of old.
My wine brewing pure gold
and his other woman smc's covertly brewing hatred where he held her in high regard.
There can't be peace without justice! BEGIN HERE!
if you ask where!
No peace he bestowed upon
his death calm, silenced slandered beloved Karijinbba!
he left behind...Me

Assassination of character is a method lawliars use to
succeed treachery stealing my perfectly aged wine and man

fooling my weary king of hearts
Jpcrdd

I felt so distant and small so,
I let his black hole crooked seol stich anchored to his drunken down free will and bank accounts
JUST HAVE IT ALL!

My dearest beloved deserved that ugly viper for being such a low self esteem coward!
blind blndfolded drunk *****.

And I changed my name to
"Amazing Grace"
~~~~~~~~~~
Angelina San-Gutier..is my birth namefor short
(April, 16 10;30 AM.)
~ my Perupecha tribe, Mex~
and my wings Bba=Ginny
5-19 -legally given by a judge
as a witness protection's new identity (not that I was hiding any deceptions.)
~~~~~
By; Karijinbba
All R. R. a memoir excerpt.

I thank you all poets poetessess moderators this thanks giving.
To one or two foe serpents in my paradise writing uglily to me on HP, I am sorry I had to block you and your friends since I am highly intuitive.
One of you posing as female sent me to your page drawing a page full of scissors! without a word in it very cruel sadistic of her an old poisonous snake from my old paradise hanously destructive. Another a female wrote mocking a woman aborting her child!! Abortion is legal to me only if medically adviced.
Grow a brain write, don't mock or judge me. The only child I aborted was one whose heart had stoped due to massive antibiotic dose prescribed by a butcher because MD he was not. That was my missfortune and your oportunity.
What is it to you anyway to write to me derrogatorily so?. It happened in my teens! Long ago. ENOUGH!
I had to block you. I am highly intuitive and gifted first pure blood RHO negative.
I know it's you even when you hide masked behind this HP mirrors.
Please make peace with your ghosts, head voices or seek medical psychiatric help, many of you need it. Poetry isn't to mock hate assault the mind heart and soul of fellow men and women who communicate beautifully even in their distress but evil won't be rewarded or tolerated not by me, if you play your holier than me role.

Theres plenty malice where I am no need for me to pay monthly to be cursed on here.
Please spread love, live life forgive yourself be genuine, share your true life experiences, instead of looking who to dishonor and hate.
For the one or two females who created an account just to spread evil grow a heart a brain and then tell us how you did it.
we might even apreciate your courage to share!
My past love life with wealthiest elite true love, sweetheart soulmate, twin flame isn't any of your business.

G* d, and cause and effect in the universe are my only judges not a malignant infective fungus poor excuse, a human **** like yourselves who tried to defile me unprovoqued undeserved and unsolicited.
You are forgiven and loved still but I had to block you. I don't reward or ignore destructive behaviors.
To all genuine poets moderators and poetessess be well
Happy Thanks giving this November 2018.
All the best to you all

As for killing a turkey,
for six years now, I forgive the turkey and spared it's life but I still have fun eating all other delights of season's greetings.

also I love and pamper myself
I am my own best friend
so that loving, tolerating and understanding others becomes that much easier and enjoyable.

Unfathomable
You think?
Just a poet hidden in a rhyme?

No Poet nor Poetess can
describe me re-invent create me
disintegrate or compare me
nor understand me
I am you I am him
I am even all of us
yet very unique as each one
of us is
only one of me on earth
interconnected to everything and everyone by nature
like we all really are!

I do sparkle in my birth chart
with an April's diamond
I am a mystic daisy
Aries is my Constelation
I was born to lead and the opportunity blossomed obscured by great pain and untimely loss.

only my old true love decided to get to know me behind my back using his strange methods as oposed to giving me a chance one on one face to face to
get to know me
impossible to know me through the slanderous affiliations of selfish jealous people who don't have my best interest!
if bad men and women who might envy me or feel rejected by me must help you decide where your heart is about me
you'll never know me at all!
you will be lost in the maze of your own ignorance and lose a chance to know me as a great lover great parent great wife greatest friend that you could ever have.
This isn't any wild thought of mine here. NO. It's my life how it has unfolded how I experienced  great fortune great love great loss rejection admiration
and how I had to heal all alone
because friends came not to me in this life time at all.
Most masculine gender saught only to use me and I got tired of them playing their nasty impersonal text photo **** games requested leading nowhere
Most married women envied me and were sickly unecessarily jealous of my unmarried non challant status and sincere platonic friendly disposition.

My dogs cats crows and raccoons
remained my better friends then any humans could ever be.

My few diamonds are forever though their sparkle never lied steal cheat nor deceive or commit treason,
OR DO THEY?
I tried singles adds for friendship but t.v's episodes of
"Mission Impossible" was
an easier task then finding even a friend much less a husband a best lover a good father
for my kids!
I tried chat lines most men seemed to be functioning through their ****** primarily and heartlessly offering to pay soliciting full trust so long as it was all between two strangers no strings attached, right unto instantly intimate chaotic
dangerous *** games
which I was never into any of it.

So I put my Kama-Zutra brain I inherited from my Mom and Dad inside a tini match box all to sleep.
A husband of my choice was forfeited
and a second one or third of my choice seldom materialized.
so I didn't settled never sold out.

My true love's diamond heart promised stayed in his coat pocket waiting for my
" jealous tears" now scintilates in another woman's finger.

I couldn't like her as a greedy drug user law liar manipulator much less be jealous of her answering your phone.
Much less be jealous of the *******'s calling photo card you showed me so I cry of jealousy and anger to earn your huge diamond ring!
You could have tried telling me
"I love you" then marry me,
filling my woumb with your beloved seed, and at last
stand by me;
  then I would be jealous only when and if, a real good reason to be jealous, existed!

Wasn't I ballanced in my emotions? beautiful in and out being self assured!?
Couldn't you reward that in me instead?
A beige yarn still wraps around my left ring finger today.
I guess in the end even my sparkling diamond betrayed me.

an ugly insecure jealous greedy woman won it.
what's left for me are my pets my grandkids and my 41 undeserved unprovoqued enemies to busy myself with praying for!
and to finish my books depicting my hell, my almost paradise
a new heaven on earth
painfully forfeited.
I never sold myself to men never sold out, no. I don't regret it

but I regret not playing one man's game to earn my man back at any cost because in the end I still
very much remain loving one man no matter what he put me through
his kind of love was all worth it .
~~~~~
Welcome to planet Earth
jump into life!
~~~~
By: Karijinibba/ASG
All rights reserved.

My old true love rdd=PC
wrote this poem to me on HP.
~~~~~
"I fall in love."
"Death would be liberating
but I wouldn't suggest jumping off a cliff"
                                               NO
"And for the life of me I hold on
to shaddy realities,
and an odd feeling of never being enough."

"I don't know what will happen"

IT IS ALL OUT OF MY HANDS

IT'S ALL OUT OF TIME"
~~~~
( my spontaniety of first thought)
my response 2018 is:

I fall in love too I choose life.
dearest true love of yore
from your holy hands
your love unto my heart falls
joining my spirit soul
precious twin flame
and here with me  love won't die

nor can unconditional love
into my hands ever perish

true love needs not be liberated
as no TREASON ever existed
you just got me ALL WRONG!

And since when orphanes
in protective custody hiding for their life after Feds and murderers buchered her family and loved ones in childhood

and throughout adolecence years  a faulty weak covert adoption witness protection program forcing victim to live as an exiled fugitive??
due to a horrendous loss of life

You simply didn't know me
for the task you and your brother assigned to me dearest ones
and isn't it treason on your part to abandon an amnesic loved one
only because it wasn't written in an old script?
some lovers being in love
feeling betrayed and hurting
do jump off a cliff
like you did It hurts do much to understand your pain physical and mental too
Still others jump into amnesic shocks becoming like I did
DEATH CALM! its very painful
i had no shell shick therapyst no councellings just hell left behind
I don't recomment either one
ways to hurt for living one another presence was needed!

both ways of hsndling pain
are equally distructive unfruitful look at me now!
you have support family bank
structure how do I win from here  I healed living in denial.
my ignorsnt ways ended in heartbreaking tragedy more for me than for you
You were my hero my knight
I loved you always will i was in love with you I hurt too
We were so identical twin flames from the inside thinking modes
both feeling so small
and never enough for each other!
because we were apart!
And both so brightly colored in the outside with Gs light
very rare occurance
a triumph for the finding
worth the fame intended
worth the pain of defeat endured
for the best can only be bought at the cost of great pain and sacrifice!!
my pain went to sleep in an amnesic transformative shock
I have always loved you
and as you see I did jump!
Right into 'death' and 'knife'
i transformed to survive
Read my birth chart both Death and Knife remain a blessing and a curse to me such mystery
but both protecting me just the same!
two protective mechanisms
per the Mayan calendar.
such a mystery we both are.
Death saving me from 'death'
and knife'cutting' through my pain a cold ice blade
there transforming me
Death Calm and silent!
I am not insensitive I feel love
death needs not be liberating
my soul knowing true love
will rest in peace with some regrets
I promised our unborn childten that no love fame nor great fortune would be greater then the love I feel for them all
and I kept my painful promise
but it was the end of me
In your eyes
I must have shrank smallest yet
misunderstood I go unless you read me here on HP the final fronteer unless you read
my memoir but we are both running out of time
lovers die in more ways than jumping off cliffs

precious love thank you for loving me
it hurt me very deeply to let you go so long ago
I am the woman who loves you the most in this whole wide world
I could have given my life for just one day though to have understood you grabbed you!
to have known what to do
what not to do,
where to go, where not to go,
what to say, what not to say.
what to think and what not to think!
i didn't understand you!
so I feared you
I couldn't fight every greedy jealous woman for your love as the left behind gap how?
forgive me please beloved
I felt too small and worthless

I had no idea anyone on earth would love me too back!
much less enough as to jump of a cliff to hurt that much for my life to benefit as new Eve
even changing earth with you
a worlds new adam Back then

I sincerely did not understand what you had planed to do after my impatient ignorant fall

Life had only taught me
to feel insignificantly tini especially when being taunted
mistreated and challenged
abandonement syndrome
was my demise dince childhood
your mind games and head riddles smothered my dreams
of you me for us.

loving you more than
I loved myself was understood
very well that's what life
had taught me to do
to let go of everything I ever loved the most
when all life did was take chunks of my family and my life.
You were life's reward to me
without you by my side
I became speechless Dead Calm
stump like on Mothers day.

'sorry' can't depict the black hole
that has swallowed you
and me apart
nor pain depict the bottomless pit that living without you is

I too fell into my death
heartbroken as you announced
a JaneHilton freeway driving
in oposite directions was agony when in your letter
you wrote you had a wife!

I fell into the abyss and I died
I was only nineteen then

Then came hell getting me stranded at the fork road
all the way to hell Greece

smily kind penpal demons helped me up a plane ticket

two in all even married me not to avert authorities of my impending death with their treacherous agendas
IT WAS ALL STAGED
as was much of my life on earth.

I am glad we met
glad we loved each other
near or far
in Gs hands we both are.
~~~
By:Karijinbba-Copy Rights
2017 revised 03/ 29/2020.

I couldn't realize my greatness
much less your fascination in me depicted in your own eyes
and much less see yours
and a lot less understand then that I could have helped change earth.
I had no idea I could change my life debating if changing it between my real identity and the one the world gave me would even be a wise thing to do
naturally I was a small enchanted frog with a Queen of the forest stolen crown left in some small macabre pound
Impossible to hap across your huge ocean to be kissed and reign as a new Queen of Kemah
much less know
I had the power of love to help me govern your heart your spirit soul but I knew I was your
twin flame and I loved you at first sight.
Until I believed in myself I realized my greatness and yours plus the dreams you described
while alls gone to worp speeds
and black hole law witches
all beauty remained vissible
tangible neverending!
thats the magic of knowing
true love. It never dies.
I just never found anyone able to love me with the same passion ever again.
The many times I tried to move on even you and women you trusted played the authors of malice and treachery setting me up with your contacts to be used betrayed deceived and trashed,
so I live unmarried and free
knowing good and evil
deep in my core intuitive.
I am just a woman of substance,
AWAKENED! Aware!
to my here and now, that's me
and dear it hurt long and bad at times wishing I was never born but I preffer solitude from humans!
I still wish to thank you my precious true love,
you too universe for the rides!
the good and the bad
I am so eternaly grateful
just a woman of substance.

"Yesterday, love was such an easy game to play."
sang Paul McCartney in his song
and my first lover to me a long long time ago in the Atlantic mystery by the golf of Mexico.
I believe it's better that,
"when we love someone,
we do so un conditionally- without any expectations no riddles or fill in the blank games or cold computer screen mirror- button- pushing disaster!
Like my wealthy elite did to me just to show me how troubled he really was. Even though hurting to test a woman's heart is acceptable if worthy material.compensation exists.
Nothing really beats the face to face dialogue
embracing his lady with a hug and a passionate smiling kiss
an adorable " I love you"
from a true love lover
who was Lost and~~~~?
~~~~~~

Lost~~~~~~~~
passion~~~~~
change~~~~~
earth~~~~~­~
(Fill in the blanks  please.)
~~~~~~
Revised:03/30/19
By: Karijinbba.
(Asg/Bba)

Let's take a deep breath in this pine filled rain forest
of magical poetically watered trees
huddled root to root.
say, can you find the answer to my ridgle below?
~~~~
"I come once in a minute
in your arms!"
"You come twice in a moment...
in mine.!"
But never can we come in a
THOUSAND YEARS!" Why?
You'll never guess
that I hide in plain view!
nor what my simple name
really is; or can you?
~~~~~
By: Karijinbba
Revised 02-2019
All rights reserved.

I Rose Again and Again

Nor dread nor hope attend
A dying animal;
A man awaits his end
Dreading and hoping all;
Many times he died,
Many times rose again.
A great man in his pride
Confronting murderous men
Casts derision upon
Supersession of breath;
He knows death to the bone
Man has created death.

By: W.B.Yeats, for Karijinbba
~~
The malice of thiefs injured me nearly killing me st only age five;
Men (beasts) in uniform Greedy Feds killed my father five brothers and all grown man and boy in my Purhepetcha Indigenous tribe for the greed of my father's land
Man created death repaing evil for my good from the riches of my forest land they ate and lived as kings while I barely survived, but take heed I did rise.

On my father's shoulders my seahorse kind of dad beloved
he carried and adored me
my future he could read perfectly in our starry night sky and love for me happened exactly as dad had predicted it would be
from my fathers heart I thrived and I rose
and men I did love despite treason by few
~~~~~
By:Karijinbba/AA.

To increase good fortune
like a tree of life.
A
AB
ABR
ABRA
ABRAC
ABRACA
 ABRACAD
 ABRACADA
  ABRACADAB
   ABRACADABR
     ABRACADABRA.
I changed!
got Wiser!
I didn't share my Knight
his destiny cursed Mom
birthing me! unprovoqued
playing us both
lover against lover
by chicanery deceit duplicity
backfiring deadly on me!
for his destiny to appear
wholly good being
more evil then good.
~~~SO NOW~
I create as I speak!
I won't disappear like the word
I was wholly good long ago
now I am more good than evil
ballanced rising beauty
Take heed though!
this really happened to me
not remembering this magic prescripted incantation
nor understanding it
a temporary memory loss
due to brain blood loss
Oh! many years ago
missing the mark
this timeless riddle
My loss was imeasurable!
I lost my true love.
Understanding it would have boomeranged me
joy happily ever after
Great fortune fame
True love priceless
along with saying
just TEN to fifty two
magic words
bellow:
I AM SORRY
I never meant to hurt you.
me fierce unborn protector
twas wrong medical advice
I love you, I will marry you
I will sing for you
No birthing task will ever be too hard for me to show love
love of my life
I surrender to you
do with me as you please
if your LOVE is my prise!
~~~~~
I demeanish misfortune
ABRACADABRA
in reverse below.
~~
why fail to question
my exasperated response to
ur e-mail why not ask about
original offender e-mailer!
the poisoner coiled
to your bed waiting
was your breach of trust!
irate culprit setting up discord
your destiny wrote saying
"I was unhappy because I didn't like the WAY my mother's p...y looked when I was born!"
all out of jealousy!
malice greed evile way of
deceiving a man to see
an ugly deceiver
in more favourable light
it hurts doesnt it?
I returned fireball to smc
thinking viper still on to me
but it was you who got it!
uran back to wine-reward!
original offender dragging
you into her collapsing
black hole where
not even urlight escapes
your capricorn's revenge!
victims aren't fools!
foe is now exposed
youmemeuwins
ABRACADABRA
ABRACADABR
ABRACADAB
ABRACADA
ABRACA
ABRACA
ABRAC
AB­RA
ABR
AB
A.
~~~~~
By;Karijinbba
~All copy rights reserved~
~pc=rc=jpt-asg=aa=bba~

Love Story byAndy Williams
'Unforgetable"
"I'll Be Seeing You."
"Can't get enough of your love"
"Are You Lonesome Tonight."
I'll Make Love To You"
"What a wonderful world"
Red red Wine
At Last.
"Yesterday" J.Lenon
~~~~
[ Nathan, Joseph-Pat-Rick ]
Close your eyes, make a wish
And blow out the candlelight
For tonight is just your night
We're gonna celebrate,
all thru the night

[Shawn Pat.Rick, J Paul Taylor ]
Pour the wine, light the fire
Guinevere your wish is my command
I submit to your demands
I will do anything, Karijinbba, you need only ask

[ Joseph-Paul-Patrick-Richard]
I'll make love to you
Like you want me to
And I'll hold you tight
Angelina-babe
all through the night
I'll make love to you
When you want me to
And I will not let go
'Till you tell me to

[Wanya, Shawn, Pat-Rick]
my true love AnKarijin,
relax let's go slow!
I ain't got nowhere to go
I'm just gonna concentrate on you the whole night through
My Kariginny are you ready?
it's gonna be a long night.
Throw your clothes (Throw your clothes) on the floor (on the floor)

[Shawn Wanja, Nathan, Pat-Rick]
I'm gonna take my clothes off too
I made plans to be with you queen bee mine Karin whatever you ask me, you know, I could do

[Angel'Q Karijinbba Chinny Chin]
I'll make love to you too
Like you want me to Rickie babe
And I'll hold you tight
My baby Pat
all through the night
I'll make love to you
When you want me to
And I will not let go
'Till you tell me to!

[Wanya,Shawn,PatRick, Nathan:]
Angeli'q Babychin
tonight is your night
And I will do you right
Just make a wish on your night
Anything that you ask
I will give you the love of your life, your life, your life
love of my life.
~~~~
Boys To Men: For:Karijinbba.
start 54-(74-95)-05.end.

Nor dread nor hope attend
A dying animal;
A man awaits his end
Dreading and hoping all;
Many times he died,
Many times rose again.
A great man in his pride
Confronting murderous men
Casts derision upon
Supersession of breath;
He knows death to the bone
Man has created death.

- W.B.Yeats
For:Karijinbba

Speak
When you speak I see cascades of life.
Life and light tend to look the same.
Your light is turquoise and the color of jade sitting just beneath the surface of choppy water.
When you speak I feel heat.
You have yet to burn me.
You are the steady warmth of new born embers of a fire
yet to blaze. When you speak I smell salt water.
Even with a sting, you’re the most refreshing thing.
The ocean is not as paradoxical as your passionately
calm surface. When you speak I taste loneliness.
Bitter sweet like underripe tangerines.
I cannot know this beautiful mind of yours without encountering  cold, rusty, metal walls
When you speak I hear midnight.
You know how to play the silences.
I hold my breath waiting for the next sentence you’re carefully, mysteriously orchestrating. Whisper or shout
speak to me againHole in my heart
Speak Karijinbba Beloved!

My compass points to you
You are My True North
Love of my life
King of Prussia PA
Your photo and your Rose touching my lips is daily joy
keeping me company
  a tiny mirror here besides my bed my love giver of life
When I feel lost, I look into it
To know where I am
and who I am
My old True lover of life
you are my orienting point
my fixed point in a spinning world that helps me stay on track as an Aries leader woman.
It is derived from my most deeply held beliefs values and the principles I lead by.
It is my internal compass, unique to me,
representing who I am at my deepest level.
It's the best I can do while you are here with me in spirit
because I lost you in person
so you can't be here in person
To care for me you wrote
dearly beloved rddjpc
I love you so near and far
~~~~~~~~~
By: Karijinbba
All rights reserved
Revised 10-28-19

I should be combating
no one else but you
for who can tolerate an
arrogant tyrant man like you
sea and sky eyed
love of my life is what you are
your many defects
all your flaws are way so many
you hurt me precious love
not even you can count
them anymore
You are just like Jack for Rose in Titanic, worse then Rhett for Scarlett in Gone With the Wind
at least Rhett asked that blind, past life beauty me,
to marry him with passion in kiss
You wanted me to cry of jealousy to earn my diamond ring and beg you to marry me
like treating me like garbage
leaving me behind in need
would earn you me
for submissive wife all yours
You act more like a spoiled brat capricious child than a grown up man day in and day out
You must always all the time
Be the great conquistador
you always want to be
the winner one
You are the most selfish
and bully man
I have ever known to adore
But one fantastic thing about you
Erases all your selfish arrogances
all at once I want no other lover no other man but you you
When at the right moment
You are able to become this other outworldly other gentleman!
and I fall love with you
mad passionate ever lover mine
You transform you are the best  
crazy lover in the world
And In an instant dear beloved
You mature you get tall
an all grown-up handsome man
You get biger then larger is
and just so huge in my arms
There you see there is
this other you I adore
you make me madly
jealous
so madly in love with you I am
You make me crazy and a fool for you over and over
again
You make me sweat you make me sing and in your arms
i drip i do I do
I get drenched in sweat by you
I cry through every pore with exstasy's joy under you Ruby ivory mine that you are
some often times
you shatter me with one look
and I am put together back instantly as one, and hole again
with just one kiss
a whole new me work of art
in your arms I become
impossible to remember any sorrows past or troubles new
you have ever put me through
eons back twin soul love true
I see how all my friends are loved they seem placid and
calmer with content with their mates than I am in public view
They do not argue or constantly disagree nor fight like you
force me so often to do
They receive gifts and red roses
For their anniversary
and birthdays are a gathering
of simple bliss and joy
Their man always say "yes" to them pleasing them in All
so I tell them I am gold to you
That no favours are denied
no birthing task ever too hard
to grant my man still I cry
They never have constant disagrements convinced
every couple enjoys simple pleasures like they do
and honored by their man
They just seem to ever thrive
Instead take good look at us always fighting through it all
a clown circus event our life is
the life you give me and yet anchored to my heart forever
you remain sweety pie
While you you come and go
faithfully pounding you wave
you give me hope you are my star I drown in tears
with jealousy for you in another
womans arms
you tos me up your wildest ancient waves rip me apart
you are life to me and you are death
All our days wild days of war
I wouldn't change them though
For I am as you want me to be
Alive in your arms only I am
I survive a neglected pet
tasting only crumbs your
passionate love I do forever miss
I am dead in every other place
I hate you, then I love you,
I hate you love you I adore you
Don't ever leave me to die
Transform my grown up man
get big larger and huge
like only you can do!
You make me feel so alife
then I love you, then I hate you, then I love you all over again,
Don't ever leave me behind
I want no other man but you
You are in my arms such
giant ever green that I adore
As only you can transform
in an instant from big to large
to huge
Be grande grande grande
mi amor lay with me I love you
Take my breath away
only you I want I adore only you
I bridge the gap wailing I wait?
Be my grande grande amor
my huge ever
my sad reality.
~~~~~~~~
By:Karijinbba
Revised 07-03-19

This bumerang effect
I thought it was a dream, I thought it wasn't real
But pain really hurts and it's really how I feel
Memories keep coming back, and so do all of the tears
I hear your voice, and as quick as the smile came, it quickly disappears
I don't know what is happening, because you always held my hand
You said you would never let go, that is what I don't understand
So many promises you made, and more of them broken
Lost and confused, feels like I'm choking
A lot of things I did not say
Now I can't find my way
I feel like a boomerang, you throw me but not only that
Every time you throw me, I always seem to come back
Back to you, back to pain
Nothing has changed, you're still the same
I cannot start over because I don't know where to start
I guess that is what happens when someone breaks your heart
If we are supposed to follow our dreams, why can't I follow you
Because now I am so lost, I wish you were lost without me too

"Chin chin chinny
Chinny is in love
in love
with whom?
one might ask!
In love with life it's plain to see
also in love with me!*
~~~~~
~unto forever"
across the miles time and space mind soul heart
belly, thighs
and in the midst
spirit breaths of life
yours and mine joined live.
~~~
~All rights reserved.~

His Angel came flying downand landed right in front of me
He put his arms around me he looked DEEP into
my eyes and he said "I am leaving you,
I hope the lessons of our past lives can sustain you"
through the coming tough times.And just with that my Angel
flew up up above and he disapeared.
~
~All Rights Reserved.~

For the WIN! Heed to this facts
be aware of your thoughts your surroundings
discearn golden silence choose kind speech
practice patience understand self and others
practice good deeds enforce free will
confront defeat don't fear the unknown,
Change is good for the soul
these alone will mold
your heart and spirit soulto guide your life
to success triumph avoiding most calamities

revised: 8/01/18

Where is my poem
you might
ask?,
everyone tells me
I write too long
and too much
So here is it
LESS
IS MORE!.

There was a very cautious man
Who never laughed or played
He never risked, he never tried,
He never sang or prayed.
And when he on day passed away,
His insurance was denied,
For since he never really lived,
They claimed he never died.

I STILL EXIST- I STILL EXIST
My pen writes
I still Exist

and an empty feeling engulfs me
I am painting a purple tree
I tell my family counselor
That the paint reminds me
Of arsenic Greek cheese dust
That a human predator
two faced fiancee
placed on my green salad in 1976
He said he would teach me how Greeks killed with love at sea
Then kindly offered
To bring
breakfast and lunch
for me in bed
(Ladden with poison)
While I ate it he danced Zorba the Greek!
His jealous raicist medeas mistresses knew his past crimes
I didn't I was very naive
his superstitious ignorant parents twelve people  asked him to Get rid of me baby and all

Overdosed with pitocin for a cow
giving birth was a torture
then blood thinners
were added to slowly
end my life
A hate crime because I a sub human born in Mexico not Greece
The poisons caused
a chest malformation of my daughter requiring surgery
later in life was mis-diagnosed
as pectus scavatum
but I knew better it was
attempted ******
a chilling secret I was so ashamed to reveal

I did escape my kids and me
we survived  the memory
of my true love's loving ways
In America saved me from certain death there I was 75 lbs
When I escaped Hell
Greece
But salads gave me
Nausea through the years
I could never recall why

Painting gets my mind
Off painful memories
resurficing examining my life understanding me and others

I have many regrets unwittingly
my loving innermost feelings
remained trapped inside
and I lost my true love
in my dead calm silence of pain
Foolish online Ink
One involuntary bad deed
In Veracruz
Two SAD songs

My shrink says I have a beautiful
Soul a relentles spirit
That I managed to do better then
Most despite hellish adversity
A childhood marred with
heartbreak a trail of
Graves tree stumps
Coffin and treassures
Spirit breath of life and death
  
My hybrid race was secret
Poverty lack of Rhogam
My father the Apocalyto
Hero killed by MEX Feds
Who stole my Land
We are indigenous
Purhepecha tribe
The enemy of the Aztecs
So me my father's little queen of the forest his STAR could
Fly high and zoar
He was the love of my life
My dad David

A few days of effexor RX can bring about amnesia to block old kidnapping memories of turture resurficing unsolicited
Effexor to stop tears
regulating serotonin disrupted
After a car accident with traumatic head injury concoussion brain swelling so much that falling asleep for three months was impossible

MD prescribed just a trial
few warp eight mind bending Effexsors serotonin reuptakers
For only fifteen days
Half of thirty seven mg
Tears stopped immediatly a calmnesss
self assured old me demeanor
re-emerged I remember the arsenic and blood thiner injections the faces of sadistic jealous women but it didn't hurt

But soon my heart began to speed up so fast I could hear it beating in my ears at lowest dose

so the higher dose was not allowed.
Side effects if used longer than six months could make the
face to twich! who needs that!

So therapy ended slowly redusing small to smallest dosages for fifteen days
treatment ended
Don't like messing with my brain

Today I enjoy simple pleasures
echos born like me in
In the atlantic mystery

family time my lifetime best
best lover best Mother
nest friend to me myself
Remembering those few
Souls
Who deared greatly
their wisdom and foresigh to bet
On my future my light myself!
my father's little
Queen of the forest tribute to
My Once Upon A Time
True love his love songs
His poems quickening me
Awaking me
He was the love
Of my life my true love JPC/RC

He showed me he loved me
But he never could "tell me"
He loved me all my fault
Thinking back not ever
any other man told me
he loved me one or two boys wanted something from me freely given or taken by force from me
I didn't want them at all
No person growing up
Ever
Told me they loved me and most showed me my life didn't matter
many of my civil rights were violated throughout my life by thugs hainas had more charm
Only my father David San chez
and later my adoptive Mother mommy dearest told me once she loved me showed me she cared.
My children tell me and show me
They love me
Sometimes they hate me too
sadly they are under the spell of deadly sterile drug user enemies who assassinate my character lie and slander me to my grown daughters and I have now become estranged until they figure all out on their own so they learn to fight woolves in sheeps clothing and understand treason
and ungratefulness towards their own mother
There was only one man I loved
The MOST on this whole wide world
His ink scripted love remained the good intermigled with evil
Forever a part of me
My Lord Shiva my first teacher
My sage my guru
My Lancelott
Me  first love my last love
my tree of life he was
The only man I ever loved
and lost
Looking back
I thank G** King Jesus
King Arthur
And few other men who
Traveled in and out my door
Only one had my lock's key
I am glad you came along
I sing this last song
In memory of all the good
The bad and very bad
The few nefarious vipers I kissed
I forgive you all forgive you me for NOT
Understanding you
For loving those fellowmen
Who didn't know how to love me back
I wave my last
Good bye
I
Will
In your light and my own
Pray for you and me

As for the love of my life
"You are like a prayer
In church to God"
"I remembet you,
as someone something
VERY DEAR and precious"
You were the Best
You touched my STAR
And my starry skies sparkle
With your light remember me
in the same light my love
Look me up with your telescope
When you watch the stars
From your sun roof
In your bedroom

Find my Aries Constelation
For there is
My home
Without
You
I've taken with me a piece
Of Veracruz
A Mothers Day surprise
at the Hilton
raised in your arms on a warm June at a  bar
Where i felt like a bride
your bride

I almost asked you then and there to throw a big party
for you and me
But the monastery's dead silence
Growing up isolated
Silenced the spontaniety
Of thought you required of me
yet again!You regressed me you
tried in so many ways for me to
tell you  "I love you I am sorry
I'll marry you!"
All over again
I adored you remember this
Always.

I have been shy with you
because in secret I SIN
THINKING OF YOU
until I melt in your arms
like a candle all night
shy I will be
Unrequieted I've become
LOVE OF MY LIFE!
in secret I remained loving you
all of my life since we met
when I've been all alone
mad passionate love
I made to you
all the night long
but mostly
I  missed you that much more
when I wasn't all alone
and that was my misfortune  
in secret I learned how to
be loving to you
after you left me p/r
just like Rhett
left Scarlett
I wasn't greedy in this life time
I've seen what
jealousy and greed
can do to lost souls
hating me for the absence
of what they had in excess
ignorance and superstition
many a time they did hurt me
unprovoqued
some bid to take my life
and I did weep
I did CRY for your love
for many other reasons
too painful to mention
my lover of life you
I MISSED YOU SO
knowing me was loving me
had you given me a chance
it got harder not to miss you
as each desolate year flew by
cruel Mr time added penance
to my treacherous path
another queen
took your heart
reading into my soul's
inscripted scarler "A"
my heart resigned in a void
when despair plunged  
your daggar on me
many times I promised myself  
to show you love if you ever
returned
I planed to blindfold me  
or meet you in the dark
that you may see my secret
stars sparkling in full array
to earn your love back
I planed to blindfold you too
  to break the
nefarious silence and gap
so you could feel how identical
from every angle we were
interchangeable twin flames
what a rare occurance
that is
the sun light of God
in you face did blind me
the look in your grassy eyes
burned me up
blew me or re-arranged me
froze numb me
only you had that power on me!
you too the light of God
in my face you could see
all sumissive to you
the years now passed
its Winter love
my old lovers, silence, grief martirdum & regret
refused to leave me alone
how I hated them!
and then some
the bad with the well intentioned ones I also refused
my inner core loved only you

please thaw me slowly now
don't dig your knifes in me
can't you see
I've put everything to sleep
who can live in your love without you
in every life time you left me
for another woman
and
each time I took my life
in jealousy I drowned
in silence I died
WHO AM I?
  the woman who loves you
the MOST
in this whole wide world
THAT'S WHO
Karijin! Jump in my pool
now all my lovers have
finally given up and left me
if you still wish to see me cry
USE honey HUG me
kiss me with your Rhett kiss
spirit breath of life
and if you can't
look at your STAR
in your bed
remember my
constellation is Aries
Gods love bid we should
have married
once upon a time
to change the world.
no more class rich could
marry  poor
You changed my life, love
you Rocked my world
I love you forevermore
LOVE OF MY LIFE.

There is a legend
about a bird
which sings just once in its life. more sweetly than any other creature on the face of the earth,
From the moment it leaves
the nest it searches for
a thorn tree,and it does not rest
until it has found one.
Then singing, among the savage branches, it pales itself upon the sharpest spine. And dying, it rises above its own agony
to outcarol the larkand the nightingale.
One superlative song,existence the price.
But the whole world stills to listen, and God in His heaven smiles.
for the best is only bought at the cost of great pain....Or
so says the legend.This resonates deeply within me
because being an RHO negativeMother every Gyno MD advised
termination of my unborn a malicious prejudice
even called me hybrid race! the medical database is WRONG  
I SAVED three of my children they were born
they live the loves of my life

The night under the mirror
went through a revolving door.
~~~~
Eventually I did put a face
to  your loving cues your emails
It had been so long since your destiny had asked you my King
to marry her
that hunting jealous day that began much earlier under a 1975 degree celcious and did burn us to a crisp
Nothing would have given me more assurance more pleasure  such a gracious challenge to a  mysterious
proposition to dig my heart
for the final blow
one queen for his other
prior queen bee me
Karijinbba
and a winner I would have been
all night with my King
under the mirror!
to obliterate her wedding band
from his hand
how loving of you cupid of mine
always digging at my heart
for my heart of gold
then came cause and effect of karma blowing up our plans
another King Brad appeared with roses and diamond ring
in hand he had no mask just an hidden agenda
he took my children to his Mom
to make his other queenjealous and I took the bate
for just one hour both my King and Brad
had chosen he same photo E-mailed among several
to both single men seeking bride at Kiss com.
my lovely picture was the same summer dress I wore with the king I loved
as someone something from above and beyond
mirrored the scene in my life a kind of cause and effect
it showed my
old beloved a simple approach to a woman's heart
and me that the woman he married giving her a diamond ring taking her and son to his Mom was more to make
me jealous too fight for his love
an invisible revolving door had opened up
both to win my lover back
or to lose both Knights
fate life karma G**
had bid the greatest game
of love and twin souls
remained split bleeding
both men found a way to another
woman playing their game  

I was sent to worship my Lord Jesus Christ mocking me
beware of Karma
or THINK and get rich and happy
to catch a true king FOCUS
don't take bates, don't settle for new when the heart is taken 
by a true love not followed.

My king was found by his mate
and I returned Brads diamond
lesson played leasson learned

Then came the clock ticking
tax collector King Mr Time
he took my hand
paper INK and pen
to script a new
poem
its Winter he said,
HOW DO YOU
WANT ME TO KISS YOU?
and a new revolving door
appeared here at H.P.
~~~~~~
By: Karijinbba
Copy Rights
ASG/BBA -revised 6/2020.

You are invited to come
to dine with me
From now through all Eternity, Believe in the father, Son, and the Holy Ghost
And dine with the Lord
as your host
To live in Heaven Eternally,
All you must do is.? 

R.S.V.P
~~
Kariinbba: Inspired by bible.