everything impermanent doesn't matter
                       everything is impermanent

*s.q.

Outliers, nomads, vagabonds of sorts
We have many names, us unsettled at heart
One city, one place will never be enough
We travel, not to find ourselves, but to discover higher truths
We travel to meet people like you

Without said journeys, blank pages fill your soul
You whither and dry and just plain crumble
Colors haven't touched your eyes,
Wonders, your mind
Read all the pages you can possibly come by

I, for one, can say this is truly true
I've found wonder and intrigue,
But I'll always be most interested in traveling with you

                                    *s.q.

We're still their,
in that world
we ****** each other into

That beautiful realm
where reality meets fantasy
and grass is luscious and warm

Where no matter the night,
the moon shines bright
and glows in radiating symphonies

And when the morning rolls in
we sink deeper in
finding wonders and pleasures, how?

Looking in those deep eyes
intensity petrifies my spine
I roll back my own in moaning sighs

You move
I move
Synced

Even this vast distance
is a meek, weak exposure
a classified holder

*******
this life,
no words to describe it
just feels

*s.q.

Earl Grey
the only man in my day
he soothes this **** pain away

*s.q.

at least you still have your heart
i'm molded glass and iron
things are ice and cold
metallic, lacking fire
no understanding, just being
waves floated and crashed
days lived and passed
stories told, forgotten
words spoken, promises broken
hermetics exposed, porcelain froze
perfection, a far distance
many planes, lands, wildernesses and visions
spirit awoken, undone and redone
sure to speak up or be forever a silenced pun


*s.q.

In these silences of utter loneliness I stop and reflect;
Is this really my life?
Have I actually spent all these years trying to find change when in reality I've been stuck in this round-about since I was born.
I can't escape it.
This is my reality.
Of course there are peaks
Of course I have moments of true happiness and bliss which seem enough to be alive for in the moment.
But those moments have passed, all of them that may have existed in my lifetime, it seems.
I feel as if tomorrow will be another black day on my calendar.
Another year full of shed tears
More fallen hope
My crumbling spirit..
How?
On this day, one of the happiest for Muslims, how has it been consistently marked for destruction?
How have I been running away from my family due to sheer pain and sadness on such a beautiful day of reuniting?
Not one, not two, but for the past six years it seems, peace has not entered this home.
Please Allah, let today be different.


                                                 *s.q.

Follow me. Where you ask?
Into the nest of me and he.
Lay your love. How strong you ask?
Like the depths of the ocean, and the strength of the sea.
Hold on. How tight you ask?
Like a meteor in the sky; fixed in space but free.


                                                 *s.q.

Silhouettes
Shadows
Sights, dancing before my eyes
Voices
Noise, grazing my ear canals
Touch
A subtle whisper
Breath on my neck
Shivers.
Inhale
Exhale
Eyes finding eyes
Gazes held
Hands
Feeling, always feeling
Too close
For comfort
Closer still
Perfect
-ly horrid.
Cause to
My demise

 *s.q.

How do I erase this Janwar
that's clawing, gnawing, destroying my insides
try to cease this current
this ebbing self-control
black-holed sanity of clear thought

Everywhere I go
every sight I see
incomplete without my completeness
you

Stupidity overwhelming judgement
blinding direction of constant withdrawal
an itch

How I wish things didn't happen for a reason
for now, I'd be whole
without a counterpart
missing

A puzzle piece
misleading me to believe
that he
and me
as a we
are meant to be

**** that idiocracy
for whole
I am,
complete,
and you are obsolete

*s.q.

I hope you know I just wanted to hold you in my arms and sleep.
Maybe drift into your world as we slip into unconscious bliss
A grasp here, a touch there;
Lovely kisses everywhere
Your dark, smooth skin under this hazy glow
Vibrant waves of color as our spirits flow
You're tall and brooding but your eyes don't care
I'm love, I'm air, I'm barely even there
You search and finally find what you've been looking for
Is it too late? Your timing was poor
I can't say that we play the wait game well
Patience tested, every moment in your absence is comparable to hell
All I ask is for your rising chest that I claimed as my pillow
Dear, my beautiful boy, I'll jump without ever looking below

                                                          ­            *s.q.

if love was recognized
for it's true, transcendental nature

if love was felt
in its deep, radiant vibrations

if love was seen
as its pure true self

if love was manifested
with all of ones righteous intentions


.



then we could say we were enlightened
no longer of this scattered, dysfunctional frequency
but of a higher vibration
grounded to the truth







s.q.





.

bewildered that this text
this forgotten scribe
uplifts the feelings
i try so hard to bury inside

this scribbled stanza
relieves pressure and pain
slowly allowing me to
stop reliving the shame

words once read
in black and white
submerged in emotions
high, light, and bright

letting your painted face
in my memory vault fade
ebbing in the distance
while these words continue to invade

funny is that our feelings exist
so playful and irrational
yet followed zealously
feels greater than feels, professional

*s.q.

The salty sweat of his chest
lingered on my lips,
so I tasted

pulled into the depths
of all his discovered
unknowns
my crevices of happy findings
warm tidings
delightful hidings

shut eyes, thoughtful, reliving
memories, flood of pleasure
losing control
I could smell his savage desire,
anticipation giving me chills

we find an everlasting truth
that even though
this distance will remain
we're bound through many domains
and no matter the end result
you and I
can't feel this real
from any other

*s.q.

I am
dry, high
slowly blinking
my mouth can't fathom
this whiplash of an after taste
experienced through experience
the taste of hatred wrapped in anguish
so masterfully disguised with sly
sarcasm rippling off that side
smirk creeping on angles
in darkness ebbing
into the noth-
ing-ness
I am


*s.q.

To write is to:
       let go?
       relive?
       understand from a new perspective?
       finally accept it?
       be in denial of reality?
       hope?
       move on?
       furrow your eyebrows and think?
       rethink?
       be broken?

Perfectly timed moments exist
And with their existence, my sadness persists
I walked out, and he walked in
Our eyes met, it was his win
Every cell in my being began to heat up
And all he could do was try not to **** up
Yet still I ignored my pleaing heart
I sat in my car and drove farther apart
He shrunk in my rearview mirror
I sighed in hopeless terror
What if love will never surpass this limit
What if he's the only man I could love so vivid
All that I hoped for, all that I dreamed
Slowly ripped and torn apart at the seam
How do I overcome this desire to cease life
How do I care about tomorrow's strife

*s.q.

Beautiful mind, you have succeeded
Expel all hate and accept all feelings
Time and time you have been beated
Life has now handed you more timid dealings

Play your cards right and the roads will be smoother
These ups and downs may wear you out
But these bruises and scrapes are battle scarrs
Each day set out to learn from their shouts

You've come a long way,
The progress is still endless
Clear troubles and exhale,
Inhale all that is painless

Of course you can conquer all that you've failed before
Walk away when hooded death's at your door
Sighs of relief released and begotten
Come, let's sit and drift to a world forgotten

                                    *s.q.

I don't know who I hate more:
          Myself, for loving him
          Or him, for making me

*s.q.