Sometimes I feel the darkness
as it draws itself yet oh so near.
Shrouds of blackest pitch,
Like a shiver of the spine,
caused by a scream I feel but do not hear.
All pervasive gloom
that shrouds my world to never ending black.
Dragging down both soul and sense,
Like a craven remorseless killer
intent on demonic inhuman attack.
I feel it in my body and I sense it
as it encroaches on my mind.
Taking both warmth and light,
Leaving never ending blackness,
devoid of hope of any kind.
At times the will to fight
has been totally taken away.
Rational mind and tired limbs,
Made to give up all reason
to stand and fight for one more day.
I sense an endless wave that drowns me
in utter dark despair.
Kicking through all defence,
Until all will to live yet one more moment,
evaporates into thin air.
The fight is ever daily
and the waves they come and go.
Random depths to which I fall,
How I survive amidst the darkest waves,
I really do not know.
In days gone by the waves have compelled me
to physically react.
More than one failed attempt,
Still I yet remain by fluke,
compounded by the lessons that I lacked.
I know that I have learned
and can push all normal fears aside.
In life we learn from failures,
And it is chance and not hope,
keeps me safe where I now hide.
How can you unlearn such a thing? It is always known... hiding... waiting.