sometimes it *****
what life turns out to be
he was the perfect him
i was the perfect me
those hushed moments
in the world we found
no goodbyes were needed around
awoke with the ****** of the pelvis
sleeping the same
synergistic in this plague
what vanity we famed


*s.q.

I don't want you
Any part of your noxious soul
You *******, obliterate, destroy
Like venom in veins
Slowly eat away
Look at the pain
You caused so much
Broken hearts, twisted remarks
Undone, redone to undo again
Your ways make absolutely no ******* sense
****** sensations
My only limitation
But insanity comes with a heavy price
Now nothing ever seems to suffice
Normal conversation is all that was required
Of course, too much to ask, from a lowly squire
Everything you touch turns to ash
If it weren't for compassion I would've never acted so rash
But now that's all trash
You've proven your worth
Correct, none
I want all my doings to be undone
**** your tainted mind
How do I leave this **** behind


                                                 *s.q.

Sometimes I feel this one vessel can't contain all these experiences, all these emotions.
This one trip isn't enough
This one guy isn't enough
This one life isn't enough

What then?
A higher peace?
A believing remedy?
Blind blind apathy.

I try. I tried. I became. I become.
I'm a fool. A servant. I'm a slave to these emotions.
They turn on me like the light from the atoms in the night sky.

What are these?
These experiences.
What is their mount?
What is their worth.

I try to desert the hurt then thwart the pain..but of course it enters through the memorized corners of my gaping heart.
It swallows my pleasure, happiness, reason to be until there's just a silence.  Desparate acceptance.
Yes. Yes. I'm a willing slave of this pain.
What else can you call a non-doer.

Cecelia was right.
Indecision is decision.

                                                      ­            *s.q.

"Did you ever love me?"

I really hope the answer is no
If this is how you treat the one you love
I'd rather stay solo




*s.q.

accept the reality
the faith of humanity
lack of gains
broken veins
blood struck tub
slowing lub dub

breath it out
in these unheard words
these sown letters
messages for him
who's eyes will never see

does it matter?
what's the latter
nothing will amount from this felt pain
nothing but shattered hopes and created chains
stop holding him so near
let go, he'll never only be here

this ***** has a climb but the top will come
stop hoping, just live and soon it'll be done


*s.q.

I hate these memories
These ****** up realities
Past tragedies
**** humanity

*s.q.

i can't believe
for a moment in time
you were mine





*s.q.

I once wept in your presence and you judged me.
You were right, I'm weak.
In all my solitude I grasped a hand,
In all my suffering I leaned on many shoulders,
Through highs and lows I was held with love.

So now I face the world alone,
You dare call me weak?
Climb and sore with no hand to hold,
You dare call me weak?
Man my own battles and slit my own throats,
You dare call me weak?
Look you in the eyes and say "I don't need you anymore",
You dare weep in front of me?

                                                       *s.q.

are we running in infinite circles?
is there no escape?
can we become greater from this experience?
or will this always be our shape?

i type away, emotionless, as there isn't much left
but wasn't the goal to numb oneself
protection from this worlds cold theft

we all find peace with things at our own pace
but what if we die before that day
there's nothing but a grim grin upon our face

i guess the point is
to move the **** on
before death comes near
giving you no room to mourn

and hope to find pleasures
in this temporary world
brush off the bad
close your eyes, feel the sunlight and twirl

*s.q.

I'm disgusted by my capacity to feel.

each spectrum of space
each moment, each page
nothing seems to complete a being
nothing will but infinite introspection

to learn we must question
understanding is key
knowledge comes after effort
so continue to be

I keep waiting for that moment
That full gasp of fresh air
Where I'm no longer dancing
With the noose of your despair


*s.q.

Skip, forward, chapter anew
So many wonders to go undo
Live tomorrows with sorrows forgotten
No yesterday's fruits, spoiled and rotten
Splendors to stumble and tumble upon
No longer  living in the futures once dawned

*s.q.

please
let me live in ignorance
this blissful unknowing
silence wrapped in darkness

this blindfold is better
than the truth you bare
the truth covered in
death and despair

take your double-edged
sword
keep your love
keep your hate

leave me be
be me leave

let me breathe
with this heavy chest
weighted by the ache
of my abused best

*s.q.

in this rigid space
neck deep in thundering fumes
that flame my veins
invade my insides
and in between the realms of existence
we see
past reflected in raindrops of light
tainted with eager
jets of hues
black and blue
again forefronted with the unbreakable
hold existing deep within

*s.q.

the fantastic phantasm
of a troubled mind
can haunt away
the delightful shine
emanating from
your glowing chi
until you're numb
'til it's hard to breathe



s.q.




.

Gasp*
That feeling you get when can't hold your breath under water anymore,
Yea, that's what my whole life feels like
Tied in between strings, knotted tight
How can this existence be right?

Living for others,
That's what I was taught to do
Selfish *******
All they do is take and take from you

My routine is set from the moment my eyes open
No flutter of hope, happiness,
My hearts all vacant

A vault, a cage, a trap of some sort
A book, a page, skip to the core

Can I wiggle out this rabbit hole?
Can I find a higher truth?
Can you escape this world with me?
Can it be just me and you?

                              *s.q.

Blood at the base of my neck
The taste of mold
Cold, cold, cold surrounds my every cell
My tears freezing as they trickle down my face

I breathe.

My sight sees a sliver of smoke climbing the ladder of air
I dare to shift my gaze
Distant moans, screams, footsteps creeping on the cobblestone
Slowly understanding action is required, I roll over,
Spit a stream of red, secure my undone laces,
And close my eyes to prepare for the pain I heavily anticipated;

First step....."ssss"
Second step....."hhhhaa"
Third step....."hooooo"
Run.

                                       ­                                *s.q.

yeah it hurts
but so does birth
and look, you're here
that's not a first

moms and dads
work hard to make
people who help
make this world great


s.q.



.

and when his compelling compunction took him over
he no longer saw the ones that loved him
lost were the days of affectionate splendor
all because he couldn't dare to spare a limb

now a pressure greater than gravity seems to hover
holding back floods of emotional struggle
why can't we redo the past once lessons are learned
breaking bad from all the memories churned


*s.q.

what's happening
to me with every inhale
my lungs embrace the subtle
expansion and absorption of
earth, grown with delicate love
nourished to life with the ever
flowing fountain of the basic
element that connects and
creates all things that
this universe holds
big and small

*s.q.

The dark curves of his towering structure-----home.
Arms reach in the shadows to grasp me in a hold of immeasurable calm;
His head, nestling in the crevice of my neck, gently stroaking me with his nose;
Kisses, baby kisses, sprinkled along the silhouette of my jaw;
Legs wrapped around one another, tighter as to feel the warmth of his skin;
Hands finding each other's touch, the familiar sensation.
Snake like arm grip, tightening, and tightening still----never close enough,
Perfection Reached.

                                                       ­           *s.q.

it's not something in my power
a force all its own
i look you in the eyes
and i'm no longer grown

a child, it feels, has awoken within
only one thing it needs
only one end to win
if need be i'll plead
give me your love, love


*s.q.

to want
is to allow sorrow
to enter


s.q.




.

I don't get it
I just don't know
Why people chase trouble
Why they have no soul
Seek and you shall find
A missing piece of you
But lost it will stay
If you don't love it too

strange
how strangers
fill our lives with
endless, heaping love


then walk away



s.q.



.

I relive you everyday.

there's some sunshine left on the grass
i pick it up and hope it lasts

keep it in my pocket, tight
look at it late in the night

it never loses a glimmer of shine
never stops being divine

reminds me of a child's laughs
the innocence we continue to lose in shafts

we, ourselves are meant to be
a heaping mound of ecstasy

experiencing the world through observing eyes
helping the weak, growing so wise

yet we let the darkness come
and take us over in dooming hums

still i hold onto this shimmer
in hopes one day i'll add the glimmer

and let the light escape to earth
to a spiritual age, i hope we give birth



s.q.





.

there is no answer
no statement recorded
no such truth
that answers the souls yearning
...
other than
what is found within
-
we too often feel lost
stranded, abandoned
by the cosmic whole
without direction

but we were given everything
EVERYTHING
we need to find peace
within the being we animate

stop being a victim to life



s.q.



.