the worst is not knowing what was real
which "i love you"
which deep, longing gaze into my eyes
which last kiss with hopes of another
which caress that wasn't meant for another
i wish i could hold on to the good
but what was a lie
what was a dream
what was us


*s.q.

to want
is to allow sorrow
to enter


s.q.




.

I relive you everyday.

I don't know who I hate more:
          Myself, for loving him
          Or him, for making me

*s.q.

what's happening
to me with every inhale
my lungs embrace the subtle
expansion and absorption of
earth, grown with delicate love
nourished to life with the ever
flowing fountain of the basic
element that connects and
creates all things that
this universe holds
big and small

*s.q.

Outliers, nomads, vagabonds of sorts
We have many names, us unsettled at heart
One city, one place will never be enough
We travel, not to find ourselves, but to discover higher truths
We travel to meet people like you

Without said journeys, blank pages fill your soul
You whither and dry and just plain crumble
Colors haven't touched your eyes,
Wonders, your mind
Read all the pages you can possibly come by

I, for one, can say this is truly true
I've found wonder and intrigue,
But I'll always be most interested in traveling with you

                                    *s.q.

at least you still have your heart
i'm molded glass and iron
things are ice and cold
metallic, lacking fire
no understanding, just being
waves floated and crashed
days lived and passed
stories told, forgotten
words spoken, promises broken
hermetics exposed, porcelain froze
perfection, a far distance
many planes, lands, wildernesses and visions
spirit awoken, undone and redone
sure to speak up or be forever a silenced pun


*s.q.

each spectrum of space
each moment, each page
nothing seems to complete a being
nothing will but infinite introspection

to learn we must question
understanding is key
knowledge comes after effort
so continue to be

yeah it hurts
but so does birth
and look, you're here
that's not a first

moms and dads
work hard to make
people who help
make this world great


s.q.



.

Sometimes I feel this one vessel can't contain all these experiences, all these emotions.
This one trip isn't enough
This one guy isn't enough
This one life isn't enough

What then?
A higher peace?
A believing remedy?
Blind blind apathy.

I try. I tried. I became. I become.
I'm a fool. A servant. I'm a slave to these emotions.
They turn on me like the light from the atoms in the night sky.

What are these?
These experiences.
What is their mount?
What is their worth.

I try to desert the hurt then thwart the pain..but of course it enters through the memorized corners of my gaping heart.
It swallows my pleasure, happiness, reason to be until there's just a silence.  Desparate acceptance.
Yes. Yes. I'm a willing slave of this pain.
What else can you call a non-doer.

Cecelia was right.
Indecision is decision.

                                                      ­            *s.q.

Blood at the base of my neck
The taste of mold
Cold, cold, cold surrounds my every cell
My tears freezing as they trickle down my face

I breathe.

My sight sees a sliver of smoke climbing the ladder of air
I dare to shift my gaze
Distant moans, screams, footsteps creeping on the cobblestone
Slowly understanding action is required, I roll over,
Spit a stream of red, secure my undone laces,
And close my eyes to prepare for the pain I heavily anticipated;

First step....."ssss"
Second step....."hhhhaa"
Third step....."hooooo"
Run.

                                       ­                                *s.q.

Follow me. Where you ask?
Into the nest of me and he.
Lay your love. How strong you ask?
Like the depths of the ocean, and the strength of the sea.
Hold on. How tight you ask?
Like a meteor in the sky; fixed in space but free.


                                                 *s.q.

i feel the energy of moments when they are tucked away in my memory


*s.q.

are we running in infinite circles?
is there no escape?
can we become greater from this experience?
or will this always be our shape?

i type away, emotionless, as there isn't much left
but wasn't the goal to numb oneself
protection from this worlds cold theft

we all find peace with things at our own pace
but what if we die before that day
there's nothing but a grim grin upon our face

i guess the point is
to move the **** on
before death comes near
giving you no room to mourn

and hope to find pleasures
in this temporary world
brush off the bad
close your eyes, feel the sunlight and twirl

*s.q.

accept the reality
the faith of humanity
lack of gains
broken veins
blood struck tub
slowing lub dub

breath it out
in these unheard words
these sown letters
messages for him
who's eyes will never see

does it matter?
what's the latter
nothing will amount from this felt pain
nothing but shattered hopes and created chains
stop holding him so near
let go, he'll never only be here

this ***** has a climb but the top will come
stop hoping, just live and soon it'll be done


*s.q.

I am
dry, high
slowly blinking
my mouth can't fathom
this whiplash of an after taste
experienced through experience
the taste of hatred wrapped in anguish
so masterfully disguised with sly
sarcasm rippling off that side
smirk creeping on angles
in darkness ebbing
into the noth-
ing-ness
I am


*s.q.