the worst is not knowing what was real
which "i love you"
which deep, longing gaze into my eyes
which last kiss with hopes of another
which caress that wasn't meant for another
i wish i could hold on to the good
but what was a lie
what was a dream
what was us
is to allow sorrow
scatter life's goals and aims to the wind
I don't know who I hate more:
Myself, for loving him
Or him, for making me
to me with every inhale
my lungs embrace the subtle
expansion and absorption of
earth, grown with delicate love
nourished to life with the ever
flowing fountain of the basic
element that connects and
creates all things that
this universe holds
big and small
The tides are in our veins. ~Robinson Jeffers
Outliers, nomads, vagabonds of sorts
We have many names, us unsettled at heart
One city, one place will never be enough
We travel, not to find ourselves, but to discover higher truths
We travel to meet people like you
Without said journeys, blank pages fill your soul
You whither and dry and just plain crumble
Colors haven't touched your eyes,
Wonders, your mind
Read all the pages you can possibly come by
I, for one, can say this is truly true
I've found wonder and intrigue,
But I'll always be most interested in traveling with you
please let me love you
let me taste your lips
get between your legs
**** the juice in sips
September 18, 2015
wish i never smoked
my lungs into the color
of my shadow soul
i guess i turned to find you in our world but we both got lost alone
at least you still have your heart
i'm molded glass and iron
things are ice and cold
metallic, lacking fire
no understanding, just being
waves floated and crashed
days lived and passed
stories told, forgotten
words spoken, promises broken
hermetics exposed, porcelain froze
perfection, a far distance
many planes, lands, wildernesses and visions
spirit awoken, undone and redone
sure to speak up or be forever a silenced pun
"Don't let me make the same mistakes in life"
each spectrum of space
each moment, each page
nothing seems to complete a being
nothing will but infinite introspection
to learn we must question
understanding is key
knowledge comes after effort
so continue to be
yeah it hurts
but so does birth
and look, you're here
that's not a first
moms and dads
work hard to make
people who help
make this world great
Tu ** Jungali
Tum ** Janwar
Tere dil mein hali kala raang
Tere dimakh mein sirf jung hi jung
Mera nam, mera chehra, meri avaz,
Sab ik khwab sumjo
Mar gayi mein teri liye
Aur tum mere ghuzre hua kal ka bhooth
"I see no future for me with her"
Sometimes I feel this one vessel can't contain all these experiences, all these emotions.
This one trip isn't enough
This one guy isn't enough
This one life isn't enough
A higher peace?
A believing remedy?
Blind blind apathy.
I try. I tried. I became. I become.
I'm a fool. A servant. I'm a slave to these emotions.
They turn on me like the light from the atoms in the night sky.
What are these?
What is their mount?
What is their worth.
I try to desert the hurt then thwart the pain..but of course it enters through the memorized corners of my gaping heart.
It swallows my pleasure, happiness, reason to be until there's just a silence. Desparate acceptance.
Yes. Yes. I'm a willing slave of this pain.
What else can you call a non-doer.
Cecelia was right.
Indecision is decision.
How happy is the blameless vestal's lot!
The world forgetting, by the world forgot.
Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!
Each pray'r accepted, and each wish resign'd;
Alexander Pope, "Eloisa to Abelard"
a step back from your eyes
and I'm finally recovering
no more blinded view
no reenactment of animals at the zoo
tamed moments fill my days
must admit, most times I'm lost in a haze
self-induced withdrawal, disconnect
still your haunting face has full effect
swoon, I would, if you came to see
what your Jungali has hollowed to be
sweep me up, but you'll just throw me down
how many times must we relive it to understand we'll drown
Are you happy where you are?
"No. I'm coming to you."
Blood at the base of my neck
The taste of mold
Cold, cold, cold surrounds my every cell
My tears freezing as they trickle down my face
My sight sees a sliver of smoke climbing the ladder of air
I dare to shift my gaze
Distant moans, screams, footsteps creeping on the cobblestone
Slowly understanding action is required, I roll over,
Spit a stream of red, secure my undone laces,
And close my eyes to prepare for the pain I heavily anticipated;
the distorted view
of your true nature has left
my soul untrusting
"I don't want to deal with the pendulum that are your emotions anymore."
I wish for a lot of things
But none more than you
Try and try to think again
But what I miss is I'm stuck in this loop
Thoughts repeat, scenes replay
Your hands on my chest
Your heart on display
Again I look into the windows of your soul
And find the love you so wish to share
The dripping gold of lust and tender care
All way too much for me to bare
Mixed in this purity is the liquor on your breath
Mixed with these emotions are moments of regret
Just stop now before all faith is lost
My souls broken enough to mend
But your cold heart's making me frost
Please my dear, find peace
And maybe down the line our hearts may meet
Then we may greet and flee and fly with thee
Close our eyes and drown with glee
"Saleha I'm sorry
I wish there was a way"
Strands of glowing hues
Tearing the infinite trance
That no longer serves
Life is more than enduring hardships
Follow me. Where you ask?
Into the nest of me and he.
Lay your love. How strong you ask?
Like the depths of the ocean, and the strength of the sea.
Hold on. How tight you ask?
Like a meteor in the sky; fixed in space but free.
the pain of your name
no longer sits on my brain
i now freely reign
we can't be friends
i feel the energy of moments when they are tucked away in my memory
are we running in infinite circles?
is there no escape?
can we become greater from this experience?
or will this always be our shape?
i type away, emotionless, as there isn't much left
but wasn't the goal to numb oneself
protection from this worlds cold theft
we all find peace with things at our own pace
but what if we die before that day
there's nothing but a grim grin upon our face
i guess the point is
to move the **** on
before death comes near
giving you no room to mourn
and hope to find pleasures
in this temporary world
brush off the bad
close your eyes, feel the sunlight and twirl
"Can I disturb your peace"
Irrationally rationalize for my
exactly why it is
that you & I should
share these emotions, this
feeling, these overwhelming
that leave us petrified
lost in one another's
body? spirit? soul?
Just lost, no bounds,
no ropes or chains
to find our way
Just connected minds
of our aching bones
"How is it possible to feel all of this"
it was never you
it was my understanding
of this life we live
"Anarchy in an apocalyptic world."
i'm thankful for the
boy who befriended me first
and loved me second
How stiff curls undo
In waterfalls, so does my
Solitude free me
"I have forgotten you."
Mejuu kahan **?
Mere pas tho nahin, par
Mere pas raho
"I lost you what's not to get"
Take a sec and breath
Do you feel life pulsing through?
Never let that stray
though the past may live
in me, I can clearly see
what's now meant to be
"Yo how do I fix this"
Dark heart of pure art
With liquid blood of golden
Dive into abyss
Dive in dear, head on
There's no room to be afraid
Indeed, life awaits
Thoughts are incepted
Good or bad, we tend to them
Ignore them, they bite
No more will this go
We are here to thrive and glow
So scram with your hate
This world disgusts me
With its selfish desires
My love can be pure
Even if yours never was
Still, I'll let you go
"I've already replaced you, I told you"
I decided to block you
And discovered peace
"I've learned to accept it."
Gee, what kind of tea
Tickles your fancy like me?
Black tea? White tea? Red?
Dance can not be taught;
It's composed of syncing sound
Felt by your being
ode to the pain of
wisdom gained from broken chains
childhood blame game shame
And like the fluid
in this lighter we slowly
burn ourself away
Don't fret unhappy
Endings my dear, there may be
More left tomorrow
"You're my Jungali in life. We are animals."
In awe I splendor
at the reality of
the recurring need to be
more than what we are
but when i cry it
is not tears falling, instead,
tis drops of defeat
how you calm your tongue
blows my hasty mind away
i'll sway to your sway
you're my demon
the angel in me
ignite the flames in which i burn
blow the air to float my wings
what holds most stake in
the cosmic whole, is the soul,
where our power rests
You're an enigma.
accept the reality
the faith of humanity
lack of gains
blood struck tub
slowing lub dub
breath it out
in these unheard words
these sown letters
messages for him
who's eyes will never see
does it matter?
what's the latter
nothing will amount from this felt pain
nothing but shattered hopes and created chains
stop holding him so near
let go, he'll never only be here
this ***** has a climb but the top will come
stop hoping, just live and soon it'll be done
Mein kya karoon?
Kisne usse meri zindagi meh ahne ki ijazath di?
Kisne usse muje itna darde, aur itna pyaar dekhane ki ijazath di thi?
Kehte hai ke zindagi tab moor lathi hai jab banda sooch bhi nah sakhe,
Aihse raang dekhthe hai joh banda bhool hi nah sakhe
Oonshi gherahi, khamooshi, thunhaee
In num aakhoon ko kisi ne nahi poonchna
Iis khamoosh pal ki khamooshi koi shabd kese bhol paye?
Muje jungali bulao,
Bas, aake mujme doob jao.
"Share like I share with you
It's called reciprocation."
my mouth can't fathom
this whiplash of an after taste
experienced through experience
the taste of hatred wrapped in anguish
so masterfully disguised with sly
sarcasm rippling off that side
smirk creeping on angles
in darkness ebbing
into the noth-
"The difference between you and I is that I would still try for you."