As I sit and spread out what you spoke for the hundredth time,
I realize that I was not ready for this
For a once-off fling
And it's not the *** that ******* me over,
It's all the days spent laughing and listening to your stories,
Doing broke things and having unplanned sleep overs,
Watching movies while you play with my hair,
Having morning smokes and coffee while people-watching on the veranda.
I invested so much time
And I cared,
I still do
I've become used to you.
And I had hope
That you would eventually see me in the same light as I you,
That you would notice me in the way I notice every interesting detail about you.
But you wanted a fling
And I agreed.
And now I'm sad
Because I will probably wait for you to be ready
Knowing the time will never come.
And I cannot begin to fathom the ache I'll have when I have to see you with someone else, someone more interesting,
More open to new things.
And I'm angry that I told myself that, maybe just this once,
I should open myself up
And try to put myself out there despite the fear of getting hurt.
I am not ready to let you go,
But I need to protect myself
And I will mourn this loss
Because you are everything and so much more.
I hope you know I just wanted to hold you in my arms and sleep.
Maybe drift into your world as we slip into unconscious bliss
A grasp here, a touch there;
Lovely kisses everywhere
Your dark, smooth skin under this hazy glow
Vibrant waves of color as our spirits flow
You're tall and brooding but your eyes don't care
I'm love, I'm air, I'm barely even there
You search and finally find what you've been looking for
Is it too late? Your timing was poor
I can't say that we play the wait game well
Patience tested, every moment in your absence is comparable to hell
All I ask is for your rising chest that I claimed as my pillow
Dear, my beautiful boy, I'll jump without ever looking below
--"Maaf kar do yaar. Itna ghussa na karo." --
— The End —