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stillhuman Jul 2021
How do we clash
so harsh
and yet sparse
but it lasts
anger blush
as we laugh
I guess love has its price
Ashley Feb 2021
you say my full name like you've been there my whole life
yet you haven't.
ever since i was little you haven't been there
you were with some other man
crashing my dads car
hurting me and my father
i was little maybe 3
i didn't know anything
now i think about it all.
no good memories i have are with you in them
you left me and let me get abused
i had a horrible childhood because you couldn't put down your ******* ****
you couldn't think about your own ******* kids.
at age 12 you just show up like its nothing. you show up and speak to me like you've always been there but you HAVEN'T
you missed 10 years of my ******* life
10. *******. years.
and you act like its nothing.
you gave me all your horrible mental issues
you gave me your depression
i got your disorders
i only got the bad things
everyone ******* hated me for every ******* problem i got from YOU
to my mother..she'll never see this
You were the first man to leave,
Sometimes I feel anger and confusion,
Knowing you had far more important things to do than to stay for the birth of your daughter.
You came around again, spent time with me, but you acted like I was a burden so you left again. You have a habit of leaving and this 9 year old little girl didn’t know why, all she wanted was her Daddy, someone that’s supposed to protect and love her.
Yeah, you had your issues and another mans family is paying the price for that, but now you’re paying the price for it all.
You’ve become a better man, keeping in touch, but often I ask myself if you’re just bored or lonely or when you get out, are you going to run back to your old ways or are you running back to your daughter, only you know that, but I’ll always love you.
Cas Jun 2020
when he scares you
never expect an apology

after all, he didn't mean it
you're the one who's fragile
Why not be blamed
For something I did not do?
A crime is not a crime
Unless it has been committed
But this my friends,
It was an accident,
And I am afraid I did not do it

Why not be blamed
For a victimless crime
When it happened right before my eyes
We take the time and time again
And it starts to get real
The happenings begin

Why not be a motherless child
In a world that makes that okay
I am a victim of a crime
A crime that can't be faked

Why not leave
Mother dearest
When I need you most
To work my way through this
I'm starting to hear voices in my head
Help me, mother,
I just want this to end
I am not crazy
The voices haven't pushed me over the edge
Find me, mother
Even though I know you're dead
I am writing this for a friend who is having issues at her home right now. I hope you like it, dear friend.
Grace May 2019
You’ve given me life
And raised me on your own
Because my father’s in jail
And you always felt alone

When I was young,
You paid attention
You gave me love,
And so much affection

As I grow older older
You only grow colder
Brush me off your shoulder
Then blame me as our lives molder

You tell me I’m selfish
And call me a liar
Your love is my one wish
My deepest desire

I crave your approval
But I’m never enough
All I get is reproval
And I can’t take it

I truly believed
You’d be relieved
And you wouldn’t grieve
If you lost me

Because my whole life
You’ve shown little respect
All I did was hurt
And all you did was neglect

You saw what was happening
As the man you married put his hands on me
And yet, you just stood there
You watched as I was beat

When you had found out
That I was harming myself
All you did was shout
And said all I wanted was attention

When in reality, I did it to feel
Because your neglect numbed me
I wanted to know I was real
And you told me you hated me

You said there must be something wrong with me
To need that much attention
So you agreed to take me to therapy
Where I was diagnosed with depression

You stormed out of there
Saying “you have no reason to be depressed”
But you didn’t know me at all
All the feelings I’d repressed

How could you not see
What you were doing to me
All I wanted was to flee
I wanted to be free

I sunk into a hole
Of darkness and pain and anguish
It swallowed me whole
And you left me alone

Then one day you said
“Why don’t you talk to me?”
And I said “Because every time I try
You never listen, just scream.”

“That’s *******, Grace!”
You screamed in my face
I said, “This is my point.”
All I did was disappoint

No matter what I did
I wasn’t good enough
No matter how hard I worked
You made everything rough

“Mother knows best”
I don’t know about that
It took me so long to be happy
And this is a fact

You didn’t try
You made me say goodbye
To the few people who cared
You made me feel scared

I didn’t feel safe
You’re my biggest fear
At night I’d lay awake
Wondering “Why am I here?”

I reached rock bottom
And once I was there
I knew how to dig myself out
It made me aware

I stopped trying so hard for you, Mother
And I instead tried for me
And since then I’ve been thriving
I’m finally on my feet

Because after years of falling
And nobody calling
I knew what I needed
And that I wasn’t conceited

I wish I could say
My mother helped in some way
But she just dragged me down
At the end of the day

So I believe
That I know best
What’s best for me
Now I can get some rest

I can now be happy
With those who stand by me
And for them I’m so grateful
I don’t have to feel shameful
mal monson Dec 2018
my mom doesn't want me. she'd rather no daughter at all than one who is "sick". she says i make her life harder and that she is embarrassed by me. she says she is jealous of "normal kids". i dont blame her, i am too. i hate being "sick". but she didn't phrase it as if she wished i didn't suffer, oh no, she phrased it as if she wished she didnt have me.
mal monson Dec 2018
Mother, Father, where are your heads?
Swimming with ignorance and memories that don’t exist,
Engulfed by your self-delusions, so remiss
Could you tell me: do you know your kids?
Did you know they’re busy avoiding their eyelids;
Scavenging wretchedness for momentary bliss,
Scouring for a second of relief in a static abyss?
But you’re too busy using the methods you forbid

Mother, Father, we scream in silence:
Do you know mercy, or are we to live in blind compliance?
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