Know that I didn’t leave because I wanted to. I let go, because you left me no other choice. I’m never the type to give up easily & leave you, I’m the type to give you chance after chance after chance, even if you do me wrong. I’ll do whatever it takes to keep you however toxic you may be. Even if it’s hurting me, breaking me, slowly killing me and my wants. I’m not the person who decides to give up on people or let go. But if I ever decide to, please understand it took all of the air in me, all of the energy in me, all of the strength and courage in me to do so. I don’t give up easily, I don’t let go easily, but if you ever give me a million small reasons to walk away, I’ll walk away after you choose to not give me the one smallest reason to stay. After that, I’ll walk away after my container full of chances run out, knowing I gave you my all, the best parts of me, i gave my fullest. Not giving me a good reason to stay, is a good enough reason for me to leave. A.
I thought the wounds had closed But they've merely been covered by scabs Scabs that needed no picking for the wounds to bleed again Bleeding with renewed pain
Pain that I had hoped would have disappeared like the passing of the years Yet the mere mention of your name Dredges up my most agonising memories Memories that I thought I had suppressed Memories that could never be repressed
Memories of you breaking my heart Of you healing it only for you to break it into even tinier pieces
Memories of claw shaped fingernails Scratching my neck, my face, my chest Of a razor tipped tongue that cut me to the bone with your insults Of your poison laden honeyed words that turned my own friends against me Of heavy hands that always left me bruised and battered
Memories of me walking away again and again only for you to reel me in with your promises and your declaration of love But your promises were as empty as your heart Your profession of love was as false as that smile on your face
I see that now
I see that the only reason why these wounds have never really healed Is because I have never truly let you go Somewhere deep inside me I had always wished you come back to me For you were my first love And for all the bad memories, we had some good ones too
And now with my heart slowly mending And light banishing the shadows in my cave I have to tell you this
*I am letting you go
Probably the most tumultuous time in my life was when I was with this girl. She was abusive both physically and mentally. And I never realised just how deep the wounds she left me with were. It's been 16 years.
I was so afraid to loose you that I lost myself someway in the middle of love and hate. So please don't look at me like this. Like I'd have ripped your heart out and left you bleeding on the street. That's just not what happened, okay. You might ask yourself why I tell you this... Maybe because you just have no right to act like this! Maybe because I've spent the entire last year crying and thinking over the same **** thing. Maybe because I can't and won't do this one more year. I wish I could tell you I'm sorry for how things went. But I'm not. Seriously. I shouldn't have to feel guilty because I walked away from something that made me sick. Yes, I was the one who left but we both know why. So I'll ask you again, why sould I feel guity about this? Huh? Why is it a shane to walk away from someone who makes you feel sick and worthless? Why nobody ever asked hy I walked away? Because you're the poor little kid that was left behind? I teel you this because I want you to know that I don't miss you anymore or even hate you. I can't. I've spend so much time thinking about you and everything that has gone wrong between us that my whole body is sick of you. Of your voice. Of your face. Of your whole existence. But there was a time when you used to be the most important person in my life. To be true, that's the only reason why I'm even writing this down. I let you go along time ago betwenn tears and loneliness. And whatever what, I'd never wanna go back to the past.
The day after I had to let you go, It was windier than I've ever seen before. It was as if Mother Nature thought If she blew hard enough, Your windy city and mine might just collide So that you and I could be one Once again.