Tere bina khushi ghabrahi
Tere liye zindagi bichaii
Teri bahoon mein sakoon paya
Tere dil mein ghar bhasaya
Haan, zindagi neh bohoot sataya
Bar, bar moor le ke dil bhujaya
Suraj dekha ke nazaar leli
Kyun itne pyare pyaar se sachai cheeni?
"I fell into a world with you. I'm there alone now. I'm just trying to find a way out. I hate this place."
Mein kya karoon?
Kisne usse meri zindagi meh ahne ki ijazath di?
Kisne usse muje itna darde, aur itna pyaar dekhane ki ijazath di thi?
Kehte hai ke zindagi tab moor lathi hai jab banda sooch bhi nah sakhe,
Aihse raang dekhthe hai joh banda bhool hi nah sakhe
Oonshi gherahi, khamooshi, thunhaee
In num aakhoon ko kisi ne nahi poonchna
Iis khamoosh pal ki khamooshi koi shabd kese bhol paye?
Muje jungali bulao,
Bas, aake mujme doob jao.
"Share like I share with you
It's called reciprocation."
everything impermanent doesn't matter
everything is impermanent
aur jab haath pakar ke tum bhole
"Jungali, muje patha hai tum kya **"
sab samaj mein aai
tumhe tub bhi, aab bhi,
matlab hi nahi koi
kabhibi saai aiya
ab kya se kya ker dala
waqt, demaq, aur pyaar sab kala
pyaar kiya tha mere se, hennah?
per tumne humko such, much ker dala fanaa
"You're my white buffalo"
so what do we do when all is left are figurines
gifted in the unholiest of manners
and the crusties in my eye when i awake
are no longer their
since sleep is a distant memory
and all the tides of highs and lows
simmer to a stagnant plateau
because days no longer carry weight
surmounting to popcorn on a string
--one just like the last--
suddenly a day
--popcorn with extra butter and just a pinch of salt--
comes and shakes the bland you into something recognizable
a sparkly-eyed realist with an unusually magnetic personality
drawn from absolutely nothing
but the reality that life goes on
and we just have to be aware of peoples polarity
"Running naked, cutting through the breeze"
Garden City Movement
Outliers, nomads, vagabonds of sorts
We have many names, us unsettled at heart
One city, one place will never be enough
We travel, not to find ourselves, but to discover higher truths
We travel to meet people like you
Without said journeys, blank pages fill your soul
You whither and dry and just plain crumble
Colors haven't touched your eyes,
Wonders, your mind
Read all the pages you can possibly come by
I, for one, can say this is truly true
I've found wonder and intrigue,
But I'll always be most interested in traveling with you
Tu ** Jungali
Tum ** Janwar
Tere dil mein hali kala raang
Tere dimakh mein sirf jung hi jung
Mera nam, mera chehra, meri avaz,
Sab ik khwab sumjo
Mar gayi mein teri liye
Aur tum mere ghuzre hua kal ka bhooth
"I see no future for me with her"
Raat meh jab aankh lage
Dil ka raang kaala
Khaboon mein tum aake
Apna ehsaas dilake
Hoonton ki pyaas bhujake
Ek lafs bole...."Kyun?"
Ab iis ek shabd ka jhawab nahi
Iis dil ki pyaas ka matlab nahi
Do jismoon ki batoon ki samaj nahi
Tho kab hum bas karen?
Kab iis kyun ko dafnaden?
Kab iss sawal ka jawab nah dhoonden?
Kab samje ke hum "hum" nahi ** sakthe?
"Can I book you ?
I meant like. Forever.
Just reserve you
For late dinners and early breakfasts"
We're still their,
in that world
we ****** each other into
That beautiful realm
where reality meets fantasy
and grass is luscious and warm
Where no matter the night,
the moon shines bright
and glows in radiating symphonies
And when the morning rolls in
we sink deeper in
finding wonders and pleasures, how?
Looking in those deep eyes
intensity petrifies my spine
I roll back my own in moaning sighs
Even this vast distance
is a meek, weak exposure
a classified holder
no words to describe it
Wish you knew of these nights
5 am. Cold sweats. Goodnight."
Jab jawab mein koi qami
Aur sawal hamesha galaat
Tab sumaj bhi aur ankhon ki nami
Tumse hamesha ke liye palaat
---When the answers are lacking
And the questions are all wrong
That's when I understand, and my tears arrive
Turning away from you forever---
Urdu to English
the only man in my day
he soothes this **** pain away
at least you still have your heart
i'm molded glass and iron
things are ice and cold
metallic, lacking fire
no understanding, just being
waves floated and crashed
days lived and passed
stories told, forgotten
words spoken, promises broken
hermetics exposed, porcelain froze
perfection, a far distance
many planes, lands, wildernesses and visions
spirit awoken, undone and redone
sure to speak up or be forever a silenced pun
"Don't let me make the same mistakes in life"
endorphins, sweat, forgetting to breathe
losing your mind while exploding with chi
energy spilt in a myriad of glimmering hues
lost in doubtful eyes, huge from ******* ooh's
Paint the black hole blacker. -The Strangers
How stiff curls undo
In waterfalls, so does my
Solitude free me
"I have forgotten you."
This world disgusts me
With its selfish desires
In awe I splendor
at the reality of
where i belong is
somewhere, submerged in your depths
lost with you, in you
"I want to show you I'm a man. I want to be your man."
Mejuu kahan **?
Mere pas tho nahin, par
Mere pas raho
"I lost you what's not to get"
Follow me. Where you ask?
Into the nest of me and he.
Lay your love. How strong you ask?
Like the depths of the ocean, and the strength of the sea.
Hold on. How tight you ask?
Like a meteor in the sky; fixed in space but free.
In these silences of utter loneliness I stop and reflect;
Is this really my life?
Have I actually spent all these years trying to find change when in reality I've been stuck in this round-about since I was born.
I can't escape it.
This is my reality.
Of course there are peaks
Of course I have moments of true happiness and bliss which seem enough to be alive for in the moment.
But those moments have passed, all of them that may have existed in my lifetime, it seems.
I feel as if tomorrow will be another black day on my calendar.
Another year full of shed tears
More fallen hope
My crumbling spirit..
On this day, one of the happiest for Muslims, how has it been consistently marked for destruction?
How have I been running away from my family due to sheer pain and sadness on such a beautiful day of reuniting?
Not one, not two, but for the past six years it seems, peace has not entered this home.
Please Allah, let today be different.
Sights, dancing before my eyes
Noise, grazing my ear canals
A subtle whisper
Breath on my neck
Eyes finding eyes
Feeling, always feeling
Thoughts are incepted
Good or bad, we tend to them
Ignore them, they bite
the pain of your name
no longer sits on my brain
i now freely reign
we can't be friends
Irrationally rationalize for my
exactly why it is
that you & I should
share these emotions, this
feeling, these overwhelming
that leave us petrified
lost in one another's
body? spirit? soul?
Just lost, no bounds,
no ropes or chains
to find our way
Just connected minds
of our aching bones
"How is it possible to feel all of this"
How do I erase this Janwar
that's clawing, gnawing, destroying my insides
try to cease this current
this ebbing self-control
black-holed sanity of clear thought
Everywhere I go
every sight I see
incomplete without my completeness
Stupidity overwhelming judgement
blinding direction of constant withdrawal
How I wish things didn't happen for a reason
for now, I'd be whole
without a counterpart
A puzzle piece
misleading me to believe
as a we
are meant to be
**** that idiocracy
and you are obsolete
Janwar (jaan-ver): Animal
Jungali (jang-lee): Wild human
My love can be pure
Even if yours never was
Still, I'll let you go
"I've already replaced you, I told you"
I hope you know I just wanted to hold you in my arms and sleep.
Maybe drift into your world as we slip into unconscious bliss
A grasp here, a touch there;
Lovely kisses everywhere
Your dark, smooth skin under this hazy glow
Vibrant waves of color as our spirits flow
You're tall and brooding but your eyes don't care
I'm love, I'm air, I'm barely even there
You search and finally find what you've been looking for
Is it too late? Your timing was poor
I can't say that we play the wait game well
Patience tested, every moment in your absence is comparable to hell
All I ask is for your rising chest that I claimed as my pillow
Dear, my beautiful boy, I'll jump without ever looking below
--"Maaf kar do yaar. Itna ghussa na karo." --
if love was recognized
for it's true, transcendental nature
if love was felt
in its deep, radiant vibrations
if love was seen
as its pure true self
if love was manifested
with all of ones righteous intentions
then we could say we were enlightened
no longer of this scattered, dysfunctional frequency
but of a higher vibration
grounded to the truth
"If love was real, this
blue light would have two shadows
colliding to one "
it's how we deal with
everyday life that makes us
who we really are
Dark heart of pure art
With liquid blood of golden
Dive into abyss
A ****** HI IS WHAT YOU GIVE ME?
The gains, the drops, the climb; struggle.
How can this calamity be my reality?
Pour me into a cup,
Drink me like liquor
Let the world smell me on your breath
Let them feel my mark
Breathe me and and swallow me whole
Lost inside your soul..
You aren't good for me, not one bit
This itch, it's just an itch
Fight it, will it to shrink and wither
Let it timber
Drown no longer with your white whale
Abandon ship; don't---------fail.
"Allah hafiz meri Jaan"
The salty sweat of his chest
lingered on my lips,
so I tasted
pulled into the depths
of all his discovered
my crevices of happy findings
shut eyes, thoughtful, reliving
memories, flood of pleasure
I could smell his savage desire,
anticipation giving me chills
we find an everlasting truth
that even though
this distance will remain
we're bound through many domains
and no matter the end result
you and I
can't feel this real
from any other
"I just want to chill with you sometimes
And sometimes I am ***** and I think of you
And sometimes I'm feeling nothing and I think of you
I can't explain why I do"
my mouth can't fathom
this whiplash of an after taste
experienced through experience
the taste of hatred wrapped in anguish
so masterfully disguised with sly
sarcasm rippling off that side
smirk creeping on angles
in darkness ebbing
into the noth-
"The difference between you and I is that I would still try for you."
No more will this go
We are here to thrive and glow
So scram with your hate
bewildered that this text
this forgotten scribe
uplifts the feelings
i try so hard to bury inside
this scribbled stanza
relieves pressure and pain
slowly allowing me to
stop reliving the shame
words once read
in black and white
submerged in emotions
high, light, and bright
letting your painted face
in my memory vault fade
ebbing in the distance
while these words continue to invade
funny is that our feelings exist
so playful and irrational
yet followed zealously
feels greater than feels, professional
these words give my soul
no refuge, no rest, from the
waiting to be free from the hurt of your actions
To write is to:
understand from a new perspective?
finally accept it?
be in denial of reality?
furrow your eyebrows and think?
"To write is to put words to truth...and lies if you think about it!"
a step back from your eyes
and I'm finally recovering
no more blinded view
no reenactment of animals at the zoo
tamed moments fill my days
must admit, most times I'm lost in a haze
self-induced withdrawal, disconnect
still your haunting face has full effect
swoon, I would, if you came to see
what your Jungali has hollowed to be
sweep me up, but you'll just throw me down
how many times must we relive it to understand we'll drown
Are you happy where you are?
"No. I'm coming to you."
but when i cry it
is not tears falling, instead,
tis drops of defeat
Perfectly timed moments exist
And with their existence, my sadness persists
I walked out, and he walked in
Our eyes met, it was his win
Every cell in my being began to heat up
And all he could do was try not to **** up
Yet still I ignored my pleaing heart
I sat in my car and drove farther apart
He shrunk in my rearview mirror
I sighed in hopeless terror
What if love will never surpass this limit
What if he's the only man I could love so vivid
All that I hoped for, all that I dreamed
Slowly ripped and torn apart at the seam
How do I overcome this desire to cease life
How do I care about tomorrow's strife
you're my demon
the angel in me
ignite the flames in which i burn
blow the air to float my wings
please let me love you
let me taste your lips
get between your legs
**** the juice in sips
September 18, 2015
wish i never smoked
my lungs into the color
of my shadow soul
i guess i turned to find you in our world but we both got lost alone
Take a sec and breath
Do you feel life pulsing through?
Never let that stray
how you calm your tongue
blows my hasty mind away
i'll sway to your sway
Beautiful mind, you have succeeded
Expel all hate and accept all feelings
Time and time you have been beated
Life has now handed you more timid dealings
Play your cards right and the roads will be smoother
These ups and downs may wear you out
But these bruises and scrapes are battle scarrs
Each day set out to learn from their shouts
You've come a long way,
The progress is still endless
Clear troubles and exhale,
Inhale all that is painless
Of course you can conquer all that you've failed before
Walk away when hooded death's at your door
Sighs of relief released and begotten
Come, let's sit and drift to a world forgotten
it was never you
it was my understanding
of this life we live
"Anarchy in an apocalyptic world."
If love was real, this
blue light would have two shadows
colliding to one
"I don't care how hard it may be to get to a stable ground with us, but if we don't work toward that goal, all other achievements have next to no importance anymore. "
I've never been less loved.
accept the reality
the faith of humanity
lack of gains
blood struck tub
slowing lub dub
breath it out
in these unheard words
these sown letters
messages for him
who's eyes will never see
does it matter?
what's the latter
nothing will amount from this felt pain
nothing but shattered hopes and created chains
stop holding him so near
let go, he'll never only be here
this ***** has a climb but the top will come
stop hoping, just live and soon it'll be done